


Sign and Initial

by TheseusInTheMaze



Category: Game Grumps, jacksepticeye
Genre: Alcohol, Cunnilingus, Divorce, Emotional neglect, F/M, Face Sitting, Love Confession, M/M, Marriage, Menstruation, Mind Link, Multiple Orgasms, Mutual Masturbation, POV Multiple, Panic Attack, Period Sex, Pining, Polyamory, Post-Break Up, Rimming, Sex Toys, Soul Bond, Soul Mate AU, Unrequited Crush, Vomit, Webcam/Video Chat Sex, gender talk, soul mark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2017-12-01
Packaged: 2019-02-09 08:11:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 122,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12883695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/pseuds/TheseusInTheMaze
Summary: Having a soulmate is never as simple as the romance novels make it out to be, as Sean, Holly, and Dan discover.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my NaNoWriMo project!
> 
> Hopefully y'all would enjoy it!

Holly Conrad was tired of people saying "sorry" to her.

She and Ross had exchanged a "sorry" when his name hadn't bloomed on her skin, the same way hers hadn't bloomed on his, the first time they'd touched each and every inch of each other.

There had been a "sorry" when he'd _met_ his soul mate, that nice woman who was Dan's assistant, and her name had showed up on his arm.

There had been a lot of "sorry" in the year that had followed - "Sorry, I missed our date," "Sorry, I forgot that you were waiting," "Sorry, I haven't touched you in months," "sorry, she just wants to live with me now." 

And now he was standing in front of her, holding a stack of papers, which she had just initialed. 

And he had said sorry.

"Are you sure -"

"I'm sure," Holly said shortly. "Is that everything?"

"Are you sure you don't want to -" 

"I'm sure," Holly said shortly, and she took her copy of the papers, shoving them into the bag she'd brought with her

"Can we talk?"

Ross was looking at her, his eyes wide and bright. 

"I'm sure we can," Holly said, "but I'm not going to."

He was wearing a button down shirt - Tamar had probably gotten it for him.

When the three of them had tried to do the poly thing, in the beginning of all of this mess, Tamar had gushed about how nice Ross's shoulders were in the button downs. 

And now he wore them all the time, because of course he did. 

Her name - Tamar Lynn- was traced across his forearm, like someone had written it out on his skin with a fancy fountain pen. 

It had shown up when Tamar had grabbed his arm, while the two of them were noodling around in the office.

And how many times had Holly touched him, without any delicate traceries spreading across his skin? 

But who cared.

"Hols... please...."

He put his hand on her arm, and there was no apparent "tingle" like all the romance novels described it, and no name traced itself across her skin.

The only marks on her skin came from tattoo needles, or the marks she had been born with or earned in one way or another. 

"What?" 

She hated him, a little bit.

She still loved him.

She needed to not be around him, until she could feel in one direction or the other. 

She was a walking wound right now - leaving bloody footprints wherever she went, any passing breeze setting the nerves tingling in some new, painful way.

"We... I still love you," he told her, and his voice was shaking. 

"I still love you too," she told him, and she hated him for it, and she hated herself for it. 

"So... why are we doing this? Why are we... why are we splitting up?"

"Because... because...." 

Something in her chest was cracking like an eggshell under the heel of a boot - if she wasn't careful, it would shatter, obliterated to nothing but a fine dust.

No.

"I can't do this," Holly said, and she shook his hand off, walking out of the coffee shop, back to her car.

He was walking behind her - his footsteps were desperate, almost stumbling, and a little bit of her wanted to look over her shoulder at him, reassure him. 

But no.

No, this was the end.

Or at least, an end. 

She was going to get in her car, and she was going to drive away, and sure, she'd be alone, but at least she wouldn't be alone with someone else.

She saw his face in her rear view mirror - their eyes met - but then he looked away, his expression pained. 

* * * 

She pulled into a McDonald's parking lot, half a mile away, and she cried, clinging to herself, wailing like she had when she was too small to be self conscious about her pain.

If anyone saw her, they didn't say anything, and she was eternally grateful for the small kindnesses of strangers.

* * * 

The house was already half empty - he'd taken his stuff with him, when he'd moved in with Tamar.

Well, more accurately, when they'd agreed that she would get the house, since he had a place to move into, and anyway, all of her animals were here, and he wasn't going to be taking any of them with him. 

It wasn't like he needed a house with a pigeon loft anyway, right?

Her mind was chasing itself in circles, as she sat on her couch. 

She was officially divorced

She was divorced, and the blanket that had lived on the back of the couch wasn't there anymore, because it was Ross's, and he'd taken it with him when he'd moved out, and she couldn't wrap herself in anything except her own embrace, as she cried and cried, so hard that she was hiccuping, her own arms clutching herself so hard that they were going to be sore. 

* * * 

But even the greatest crying jag - spurred on by the biggest devastation - can't last forever, and eventually she was snuffling, her nose stuffed up, her head throbbing from all of the dramatics. 

Orph climbed onto the couch with her, and she wrapped her arms around him, pressing her hot face into his soft fur.

He rubbed against her, purring, and she scratched him, at the base of his tail, then on the eyebrows, as he rubbed his chin against her own, purring louder.

"I love you, Orph," she told him. 

Of course, now she needed to go talk to all of the other animals - Paco and Honeybun, the Feathers, Pancake, Mo, even the pigeons in the loft.

By the time she'd tended to everyone - given them treats, fresh water, attention - she was calm. 

Or some facsimile thereof. 

She sat on the couch, staring at the ceiling, and she sighed gustily, forcing her hair up around her face.

"Well," she said to the empty room, "at least not too much is different."

And then she gave a bitter laugh, because... well... things had changed.

* * * 

She had text messages - from Arin, from Barry, from Suzy, from Dan.

She sighed, scrolling through them listlessly.

Offers of sympathy, of comfort, of company.

When she and Ross had agreed to split up, they'd agreed to keep their friends out of this. 

The whole divorce was... well, it was a mess.

It was a mess and a complication and had been brewing for at least six months, but now... now it was real, and she didn't have it in her to make nice to people who saw him every day, who would probably be comforting him while he cried.

... she was being unfair.

She knew she was being unfair, to him, to herself, to her friends.

She didn't have it in her to care right now.

She'd been very fair, since Tamar had entered the picture - she'd been going along to get along, she'd been good, giving, and game, she'd done all the things that you're supposed to do, said all the things that you're supposed to say.

She was still sitting here in an empty house, surrounded by her animals.

She didn't want to go to bed - his scent was almost entirely gone from their bed, and there would be yawning gaps in the closet, where his clothes had been.

He'd probably been here with Tamar, loading it into a truck.

She tried not to think about it. 

Fuck it. 

She sighed again, and she picked up Orph, draping him over her shoulder like a fancy scarf. 

"Take out," she told him. "Let's get take out. Covered in tomatoes and garlic and onions and spicy stuff. And... and let's watch a scary movie. How's that sound, Orph?"

He headbutted her temple.

"Right," she said, making her way towards her computer, to wrangle up some delivery.

* * *

She ate her dinner - Mexican - by herself, and she put on the dumbest, goriest horror movie she could find on Netflix. 

She banished the cats from the living room, and she kept Feathers on her chest, lavishing him with attention, scritching his head and wittering at him in her birb voice.

"You had the right idea," she told him, and her voice was rough from all the crying - she kept crying at random, even when she kept trying to be productive, but nothing doing. 

She was stuck being... well, stuck being this waterlogged. 

As it were.

She gave a sigh, and her phone buzzed again. 

She opened it, on a whim, and saw a text from Dan. 

He had sent her a picture of a trail of ducklings.

 _I figure you need your space_ , the text read, _but I had to show you these baby ducks._

 _Good on you for showing a duck pic instead of a dick pic,_ Holly sent back to him, and she was smiling a bit in spite of herself.

He sent her a thumbs up emoji, and she rolled her eyes, snickering. 

* * *

She woke up on the couch, sore, by herself.

She'd had the forethought to put Feathers to bed, but she was still in yesterday's clothes, and she hadn't brushed her teeth or showered. 

She also had three more text messages.

* * *

She ended up sending a mass text - 

_While I appreciate the support, right now what I need the most is time to myself. I will reach out, when I have it in me to be a human being._

Polite, to the point, not too hurt.

That would work, right?

Right.

She stood up, a little bit wobbly, and she went to take a shower. 

* * * 

Dan glanced at his phone, his expression worried. 

He'd gotten Holly's text, and he... understood it, to a certain extent.

He'd been dumped before - he'd been the dumper and the dumpee, and he'd never even been in a relationship as serious as the one Holly and Ross had been in.

And okay, so it was... kind of his fault that all of this was happening.

In an indirect way.

He sighed, flopping back on his bed, and he rolled onto his stomach.

All of this mess left a knot in his stomach, and all he wanted to do was fix it, however he could.

At least he was enough of an adult to realize that there was no easy fix.

Right?

Right. 

He went to sleep with something like a resolution building in the back of his mind, solidifying into an actual plan.

* * *

Dan woke up, rubbed his eyes, and stretched, his arms behind his head.

He had a text message blinking at him - it was from Ross, and there was a voicemail as well. 

Huh.

With a sigh, he dialed his voicemail, and he listened, as he slowly woke up.

"Hey man. It's, uh... it's Ross. Listen, I'm... I'm really sorry to be calling you this late, it's, like, three in the morning, I know you're asleep, or if you're not, you should be, fuck, I should be asleep...." Ross's voice was raw. "I just... I need to talk to someone. Someone who isn't... like, who doesn't have a soulmate or something like that. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be calling you, I know Holly is your friend...." 

The line clicked, and then the pre-recorded voice was talking to him.

Okay.

Breathe.

Dan had done this before.

It had never been this... dramatic, admittedly, but this was part of being an adult, wasn't it?

As you got older, your friend's break ups got more dramatic. 

But fuck it.

He cared about both of them.

He could be reasonable about it.

"Hello?"

Ross's voice was thick with sleep, rough, and his accent was coming thicker.

"Hey man," said Dan. "I just got your call."

"Oh, geez," said Ross. "Shit. I'm sorry about that. I, uh... I shouldn't have called."

"Nah, it's fine," said Dan. "I was just, uh, I was worried about you."

"Babe?"

There was a quiet voice in the background, that Dan recognized, that he knew pretty intimately. 

Until she'd resigned from her position, to pursue Ross, since she said it’d be “weird” to be working for Dan while dating one of his coworkers.

Dan had suspected that she had wanted to resign for a while, and just hadn’t found a reason to do it. 

And now a stab of guilt hit him in the gut, right above his stomach, and he bit back his groan. 

"It's fine," said Ross. "Go back to sleep."

There was the sound of kissing, and Dan resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"Are you, uh... I know you don't have a lot of free time, but I was wondering if you'd be willing to, uh, to maybe get coffee with me? If that's okay? I mean, today. Since it’s late enough that it’d be today."

"Yeah, sure," said Dan. "I'd be up for that. Before heading to the office?"

"We've got a plan," said Ross, and there was palpable relief in his voice. "Right. I'll talk to you then."

"Of course. See ya then," said Dan, and he hung up. 

... right.

He knew, logically, that there wasn't really a "right" or "wrong" party in this whole mess.

So why did he still feel like a jerk, for talking to Ross in the first place?

* * * 

“Hi,” said Ross, when Dan walked into the coffee shop.

His nose was red, and his eyes looked swollen, as if he’d been crying.

“Hi,” said Dan. “How are you, uh, doing?”

“Horribly,” said Ross, flopping onto his chair and taking a slug of the coffee that Dan had ordered for him. “How are you?”

“Better than you, admittedly,” said Dan. 

“That doesn’t take much doing, does it?” 

Ross’s expression was sardonic. 

“But really, how are you?”

“I moved out of my house and divorced my wife this week,” said Ross, his tone flat. 

“You also moved in with your soulmate,” Dan pointed out. 

Ross flushed, looking down at his coffee, and even when he was this emotionally distressed, mentioning Tamar still made him smile.

“I did, didn’t I?”

“Yeah,” said Dan. “How’s that going?”

“It’s… it’s amazing,” Ross said, and he was grinning a bit in spite of himself. “She’s just… I didn’t know… there’s….”

“Yeah,” said Dan, and he resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

People who found their soulmates - their _official_ soulmates, whose names were spelled out on their skin - were downright boorish, for the first few years, until the butterflies died down.

Sometimes the butterflies never died down, and those were the most annoying.

Or maybe Dan was bitter, in his own loneliness.

But that was besides the point.

“So why did you want to hang out?”

“I can’t want to hang out with my friend right after experiencing a traumatic break up?”

“I wouldn’t exactly call it a traumatic break up,” Dan said, before his brain had a chance to catch up with his mouth.

Ross shot him a Look.

“You weren’t in it,” he said flatly.

“I know,” said Dan. “I’m sorry.”

Ross sighed again, and he slumped back, covering his face with one hand.

“I’m gonna get a lot of that, aren’t I?”

“Probably,” Dan said, surprising himself with his own candor.

But fuck it.

“And I guess I kinda deserve it,” Ross admittedly.

“Yeah,” said Dan. “You kinda do.”

“... she was the one who asked for a divorce,” said Ross. “Well, uh, more accurately… more accurately, she told me we were getting a divorce.” 

“You didn’t argue?”

“I tried to,” said Ross. “I said we could talk about it later. But then I was… I was talking about it, with Tamar, and she said… she said….” He took a deep breath, and it was shaky. “She asked me if a relationship could even work, if one person wanted out of it.”

“She’s a smart woman,” said Dan.

She was, too - she’d been an excellent assistant. 

“She’s amazing,” said Ross. “But… I had hoped I could have her in my life, _and_ have Holly.”

“Holly didn’t agree with that,” Dan said,his tone gentle. “I’m sorry.”

“Can you keep an eye on her?”

“Who, Tamar?”

“No, Tamar is gonna be… fine.”

Dan had a few doubts about that - some social shunning had already begun, although he was doing his best to be as open and friendly as possible. 

“So you want me to watch Holly?”

“Yeah,” said Ross. “I know she can get lost in her own head sometimes, and she tends to, um… to isolate, if she’s by herself.”

“She’s my friend,” Dan said. “I can promise you that I’ll watch out for her. Although… why are you asking me?”

“Because, um… because Tamar said you would do it,” said Ross, and he looked embarrassed. 

“She does know me pretty well,” said Dan. “Okay.”

“We’re okay?”

“We’re okay,” said Dan.

That wasn’t… entirely true, but it would be, soon.

“Okay, good,” said Ross. “So you wanna hear about the new place?”

 _Not really_.

“Sure,” said Dan, and he put a smile on his face, resting his elbows on the table, as Ross began to talk.

He let it wash over him, nodding at the right moments, mainly just trying to be here for his friend.

* * *

Holly was on her computer, noodling around, when her Skype beeped at her.

She glanced up, as Paco screeched at it. 

“Yeah, Paco, we’ve got someone talking to us!” 

She kept her voice cheery, giving him scritches.

It was quiet in here, without the sound of Ross streaming, or his drawing.

It had been quiet in here for a while, honestly. 

It had been at least six months since the last time they’d worked here together, unselfconscious, comfortable. 

Because even when he was with her, she could feel him… yearning. 

Something in his heart called out for Tamar, and Holly was tired of hoping for the scraps.

But now she wasn’t waiting for anyone to come home, she wasn’t tensing up to put on a fake smile.

She was just… here.

And… Jack was messaging her?  
The heck?

 _Hi, Hols,_ the message read. _I saw Ross mentioning that he had just moved, so hoping you guys are settling in well!_

… oh.

Maybe he hadn’t been paying attention to social media - it had been a fairly subdued little message.

Maybe he’d gotten one of Ross’s snapchats about his new place, or something.

She realized, suddenly, inexplicably, that she hadn’t talked to another human being in almost a week. 

She’d bought her own groceries and said three words to the cashier, she’d been texting Dan and Suzy and Arin lackadaisically... but she hadn’t talked to anyone in a while. 

Well, there had also been Waffle Crew, but that was all for an audience, and she put on a brave face for that. Her friends had made sympathetic noises, but she had shut that down pretty quickly. 

She didn’t have it in her to deal with pity right now. 

There hadn’t been much one on one human connection as of late.

To the point that she was actually missing it.

And she _hated_ talking on the phone.

 _Are you free right now?_ She typed out. _Would you wanna have a Skype call?_

 _Sure,_ typed Jack. _Just give me a sec._

Holly, her headphones in, just nodded, as Paco settled onto her shoulder, preening her hair. 

_Ready,_ typed Jack, and the little “blip” noise made her jump again.

* * * 

Jack (or Sean - even he mixed them up, these days) smiled when Holly’s face filled his computer screen.

He couldn’t help himself.

She was just such a… bright person.

Not in terms of intelligence, although fuck knew she was super intelligent as well.

But no, something about her made him fill airy, like whatever room she was in was brighter.

Made the whole _world_ brighter.

“Hi, Hols!”

“Hey, Jack,” said Holly, and she smiled at him.

Truth be told, she looked a little worse for wear - her smile was wan, and there were bags under her eyes.

“How are you doin’? How’s the new place?”

“I don’t have a new place,” Holly said tiredly. “Ross moved in with his girlfriend.”

“His - oh.”

Sean’s heart fell into his stomach, and his face heated up.

Well. 

He’d stepped in it.

“Yeah,” said Holly, and she laughed, a little unsteadily. “Her, uh… her name is on his arm now. Not because he tattooed it, I mean. Because they’re soulmates.”

She snuffled wetly, and Sean panicked. 

“Where’s his name?”

“Hm?”  
“Well, uh, if they’re soulmates, his name would be on her, right? Unless it’s one of those one sided things…?”

“It’s on her lower back,” said Holly, her voice flat. 

“So you’ve seen it then.”

… shit. 

Shit shit shit, his foot was so far into his mouth he was chewing on his own kneecap.

“I’ve seen her naked a few times,” said Holly, and then she was laughing. 

It was ugly laughing - borderline hysterical laughing, like something out of a horror movie.

He was reminded, inexplicably, of the scene at the very end of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, where the girl was on the back of the truck, screaming and cackling in the Texas heat.

Although if anyone was ever going to survive a chainsaw wielding cannibalistic behemoth, it’d be Holly.

“That’s, uh… unusual.” 

“Nothing about this has been usual,” said Holly, and she was snuffling still.

She was crying.

Oh god.

“So, uh… when I was a teenager I shit myself,” said Sean.

“... what?”

Holly paused, wiping her streaming eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he told her. “I’ve honestly got no idea what to say, and I’ve already made myself look like a fuckin’ idiot, so I figure that I might as well share the time that i looked the dumbest.” 

“... why’d you shit yourself as a teenager?”

“I mean,” Sean said, “there was a lot of alcohol involved.”

“I feel like a lot of stories like that involve alcohol,” said Holly.

“I also threw up on myself,” Sean added. “Because, you know, it’s not really truly humiliating unless you’ve got _all_ the effluvia on you.” 

“That’s a nice five dollar word you got there,” Holly said, and she was groping off camera, and then she was blowing her nose.

The bird on her shoulder whistled in sympathy. 

“I don’t get to use it that often,” said Sean. “I gotta break it out when I have the chance.”

“I feel like, if it was _all_ the effluvia, it’d have, like, blood, maybe some pus mixed in as well,” Holly said, and her voice had taken on a thoughtful tone.

“... ew,” said Sean, and he wrinkled his nose. 

“Well, I mean,” Holly said, and she gave another laugh, “if you’re gonna go for all of it… you should go for all of it.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind, the next time I get stupid drunk,” said Sean.

“I haven’t gotten drunk in a while,” said Holly. “It’d probably be a bad idea.”

“I could believe that,” Sean said carefully. “Are you, uh… are you holding up okay?”

Holly shrugged, and there was an uncomfortable twist to her face.

“I only just ended a years long relationship after about six months worth of emotional and physical neglect,” she said, and holy fuck, you could have used her tone to keep kids from eating pills, it was that bitter. “So, you know, the usual.” 

“I have no idea how to respond to that,” said Sean. “I’m sorry. I’m super sympathetic, though.”

“Just… don’t badmouth Ross to me,” Holly said, and her tone was tired.

“I wouldn’t do that,” said Sean. “And, uh… I’ve… I’ve broken up with people. And been broken up with. I know how much it can suck. Although never to that extent. In terms of commitment, i mean. Not in terms of… suckiness.”

“I think every break up is sucky in its own way,” said Holly, and then she was giving that same, slightly hysterical laugh, leaning back into her chair and wiping her eyes.

“Well… I know I’m all the way here, but if you, uh, if you need some company… I’m always here.”

That had been… heartfelt.

Unexpectedly so.

“I do need an excuse to go back to Ireland,” said Holly. “I always liked it. I mean, um, an excuse that’s not… Ross’s family.”

“You can always sleep on my couch,” said Sean. “It’s got a pull out bed, even!”

“That’s a fancy couch.”

“Only the fanciest,” said Sean. 

He glanced at the clock on the side of the monitor, and he frowned.

“I’m really sorry,” he told Holly, “but I should go. Do you wanna talk again later?”

“Maybe tomorrow,” said Holly. “If you’re up for it, I mean.”

“I’ll let you know,” Sean said. “And, uh, Hols?”

“Yeah?”  
“You can do it. You’re gonna be fucking amazing.” 

She smiled at him, crookedly, her lower lip trembling.

“Thanks,” she said, and then she hung up.

He stared at his screen for a minute, and then he sighed, shifting in his seat.

He was going to go take a piss, and then start on the next game. 

It had been nice to talk to Holly, though, even if he hated seeing her so unhappy.

* * * 

Holly lay on the couch, a cat on her stomach, and she mulled over the conversation with Jack.

He was a nice guy - his earnestness could be a tad overwhelming at times, his energy was enough to power a small town.

There was still a bit of a pep in her step, as she cleaned the pigeon loft and fed everyone. 

It was hard not to be cheerful after talking to him. 

But now she was alone again, sitting on her couch, petting the cat.

She sighed, and she sat up, reaching for her sketch book and the remote control.

If nothing else, she could use her personal heartbreak to be productive, right?

* * * 

Holly didn’t really go to the Grump office these days. 

Ross was there a lot of the time, and she just… was not dealing with him.

Maybe it was immature, but right now, whenever she saw his face, she kind of wanted to punch his smug mouth in, and she kind of wanted to kiss him.

Not exactly conducive towards productivity.

She slunk in one night, after midnight, and she recorded a whole bunch of episodes with Suzy, who had been willing to team up with her for a series. 

At least Suzy was being a good sport about all of this.

“Hi,” said Suzy, and she smiled. “How you holding up?”

She was getting tired of people asking her that, but she made herself smile. “I’ll be fine,” she reassured Suzy. 

Arin’s name - Suzy’s soulmate’s name, of course - was written elegantly across her collarbone, and the collar of her shirt cut it off in the middle of the “Joseph.” 

Holly tried not to stare at it too hard.

What would it be like, to have someone else’s name just bloom on your skin like a flower?

It was needling at her, to the point that she had to excuse herself midway through, to run to the bathroom.

* * * 

Holly cried in the bathroom. 

She shoved her fist into her mouth to keep from making any noise, but her nose was running like a smear campaign, dripping down her lips, onto her hand, and she sobbed and sobbed, until she could breathe again.

When she pulled the door open, her eyes were still swollen, her nose red.

Suzy wouldn’t say anything.

Hopefully.

And she ran straight into Dan.

“Oh,” said Holly, and she looked up at him. 

“Hi,” said Dan, and he looked startled, a little bit sheepish. 

“Hi,” Holly said, and her voice was still stuffed and rough from all of the crying. 

“You, uh… you okay?”

“No, Dan,” Holly said. “No, I’m not okay.”

Was she… angry?

She was, wasn’t she? 

“I’m not okay, I’m not gonna be okay, the guy I was gonna spend my life with left me for someone else, and she’s prettier than me!” 

… that was petty of her, admittedly, but she had apparently lost all of her filter, along with who knew how many tears. 

“She’s not,” Dan said. 

“What?” 

“She’s not prettier than you,” said Dan. “And… she talked him into getting a stupid haircut.”

“A stupid haircut?”

“Yeah,” said Dan, and he looked sheepish, fishing around in the pocket of his leather jacket. He handed her a crumpled up paper napkin, and she blew her nose inelegantly. 

“How stupid?”

“... he buzzed it.”

Holly laughed, an ugly, snorting sound, and she covered her mouth with both hands. 

“Oh my god.”

“I know, right? He looks really dumb. I wasn’t even aware that his ears were that big!”

“ _Why_ did he do it?!”

“Tamar suggested it,” said Dan. “She, uh… she’s bad at hair. She’s the one who kept flat ironing mine.”

“... huh,” said Holly, and she wiped her eyes.

“Okay... this is gonna come off as kinda weird,” said Dan, “but are you doing anything after this?”

“I’ve got at least two hours of LP left to do with Suzy,” said Holly, frowning. 

“When, would you be willing to accompany me to the local twenty four hour diner for some kind of sustenance?”

“... what?”

She blinked at him, reeling.

“Do you want to go to get food with me, when you’re done?”

“Why?”

“Because I’m hungry, I can’t sleep, and I’d like company.”

“Oh,” said Holly. “Are you… are you hitting on me?”

Dan looked genuinely perplexed, and she was torn between relief, and, well… a bit of an ego blow.

“You’re my friend’s ex wife, and my friend,” said Dan. “Not that you’re not beautiful, but you’re, like… there’s a time and a place for that shit. If I was actually hitting on you, you’d have to, like, check that I wasn’t a pod person.”

“I was checking,” Holly said, and she sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” said Dan. “I know how… discombobulated you’ve been. Or at least, I can assume.”

“That’s a nice word you got there,” said Holly, and she grinned a bit in spite of herself. “You and Jack get new Word a Day calendars or something?”

“Jack?” 

“Jack? Um. Septiceye.”

“Oh! Ha, no, actually.” 

“I should go back, before Suzy starts to worry,” said Holly. 

“I’ll be here,” said Dan, flopping onto one of the bean bag chairs. 

* * * 

Holly was in the Grump Room, and Dan was on his laptop.

His Skype was bouncing, and Jack of all people was online.

 _Hi dude,_ typed out Dan. _Holly said you’ve got some big words._

 _I feel like I’m being hit on,_ Jack sent back. _You know, some kind of cock measuring thing. Only it’s words. And you’re complimenting me._

_Do people who like dicks compliment each others dicks to get to see dicks?_

_I know if I wanted to see more of something, I’d talk about it to them, at least._

_What other kinds of things would that work with?_

_... I have no idea,_ Jack told him.

_So what kinda big words were you using?_

_I think it was effluvia._

_What’s effluvia?_

_All the icky stuff that’s on the inside._

Dan paused.

_Do I even want to know how that came up?_

_I think I was telling Holly the story about how I once ended up throwing up on myself and shitting myself at the same time._

_... how did that come about?_

Dan could imagine Jack’s face - the way his eyes squeezed shut when he laughed, the way his face turned red - and he smiled in spite of himself. 

_I kinda stuck my foot in my mouth._

_I’ve seen how bendy you are. You could totally put your foot in your mouth._

_It’s not that hard to put your foot in your mouth. I bet even you could put your foot in your mouth._

_What do you mean, even me?_

Dan paused, then added a dumb little emoji, a smiley sticking its tongue out.

He didn’t want Jack to think that he was mad.

 _You’ve got such long legs,_ typed Jack, _and your feet are so big. I’d worry about watching you do that - I’d want to spring into action, give you the Heimlich in case you choked!_

_Would it be possible to choke that way?_

_I once saw a porno where a guy shoved his foot into a girl’s mouth and she choked on it._

Dan paused, just staring at his computer screen.

_What kinda pornos are you watching, Jack?_

_Like you don’t get bored late at night and go wandering._

_Not to that extent, no!_

_It’s because you’re old,_ Jack typed back at him. _Your first porno was probably Am Amend_!

_... what?_

Dan googled the title, and his eyebrows went up. 

_You had to look that up,_ typed Dan. _Unless you’ve got a secret hobby of jerking off to porn that’s older than the internet itself?_

 _Well… a guy’s got to have a hobby,_ typed Jack, and he added a silly emoticon. 

Dan snorted. 

_There are weirder hobbies,_ he typed. 

_You’ve told some weird stories on Game Grumps,_ typed Jack. _I’ve never been invited to an orgy!_

 _That’s all about knowing the right people,_ typed Dan. 

_I’ll send you some weird stuff,_  typed Jack, and Dan had to cover his mouth to keep from snickering. 

_Looking forward to it,_ Dan typed out.

_I gotta go._

_Yeah? It was good talking to you, dude._

_Good talking to you,_ typed out Jack. _Say hi to Hols for me!_

_Will do._

* * * 

Dan was woken up by a foot nudging him gently in the side.

“Hi,” said Holly, and she was looking down at him her expression almost tender.

“HI,” said Dan. “How was your game?”

“Lots of cute scoots,” said Holly. “So you still want to get food with me?”

“Oh yeah,” said Dan, and he stood up - he’d put his laptop down to rest his eyes for a few minutes, and apparently it had turned into longer than that. 

Oops.

Suzy was there as well, looking as adorable as always.

Dan tried not to stare at her soul mark - there was something like jealousy in the pit of his stomach, although that wasn’t it, exactly.

He shot Holly a look, and he saw that she was wearing the same look.

It was nice, in a weird way, to not be the only lonely, bitter person in the room.

“You wanna come along, Scuze?”

“Nah,” said Suzy, and she was rubbing her eyes.

She wasn’t wearing any makeup, and she looked very tired.

“Thanks,” said Holly, and she hugged Suzy, tight enough that Suzy squeaked.

“Of course,” said Suzy. “Any time.”

“Well, obviously, any time,” said Holly, and she laughed. “You were willing to do this video with me!”

Suzy smiled at Holly, then gave Dan a hug as well.

“Be safe, guys,” she told them. 

“Aw, now I can’t go skydiving,” Dan said, shoving his laptop into his bag and turning off a few lights. 

“I thought you decided not to do that anyway,” said Holly, her tone teasing.

She wasn’t crying on him anymore, thank god.

“Well, I did, but still,” said Dan.

“I’ll see you guys soon,” said Suzy. “We should get coffee soon.”

“Why don’t I get offers to get coffee?” 

Dan put on a fake pout, as he made his way towards his car.

“Because I see you all the time anyway,” said Suzy, and she hugged him tightly. “Enjoy your late night diner adventures.”

“Late night diner adventures sounds like a weird kind of porno,” Dan said, his expression thoughtful.

Holly gave him a sidelong look.

“What kind of pornos are you watching?”

“... you know, I just had this conversation with Jack,” said Dan. 

“Why were you talking about porn with Jack?”

“He says hi, by the way,” said Dan. 

“Hi back,” said Holly. “Why were you talking about porn with Jack?”

“... it came up,” said Dan, and he grinned ruefully. “So… french fries?”

“French friiiiiiiiiiies,” Holly said, and she pulled a ridiculous face, which got Dan snickering. 

“You wanna follow my car?”

“Sounds like a good plan.” 

* * * 

Holly sighed, blew her nose, and got out of her car.

It was an old diner, like something out of a movie.

It looked a bit like it was made out of an old shipping container, or maybe a disused train car.

Dan was leaning against his van, looking like a nogoodnik out of some kind of movie from the fifties. 

He looked as exhausted as she felt. 

There was something cheering about it - everyone else seemed to be so put together, and here was Dan, looking like he had been dragged out of the grave by his hair.

“You look like shit,” Holly told him as she got out of the car.

“Gee, thanks,” Dan said, his voice deadpan. 

“I mean, like….” Holly sighed. “There’s no way to salvage that, is there?”

“Not really,” Dan said, his tone cheerful. “Although I won’t lie, I kinda look forward to seeing you try to salvage it.”

“I feel like… like I’m falling apart. I’m barely keeping it together,” Holly said, looking down at her own feet as they made their ways into the diner.

It was quiet, with a few itinerant travelers with cups of coffee, or slices of pie.

“It’s like Twin Peaks,” Holly murmured. 

“The fact that everyone else seems to know what they’re doing is like Twin Peaks?”

“I mean,” Holly said, sliding into the booth, “it could kinda be argued that it is a bit… surreal that everyone else seems so put together.” 

“But I don’t?”

“I mean,” Holly said, “I know you’re super successful and whatnot, but -”

“I’m also up at three in the morning eating French fries in a diner,” Dan supplied.

Holly shrugged.

“I am too,” she pointed out. 

“You’re pretty successful as well, you know,” Dan said.

His knobbly elbows were resting on the table, the cuffs of his leather jacket pulled back to reveal his bony wrists. 

“I don’t know if that’ll… last,” she said. “How much of it is me being popular for me, and how much of it is me being popular for who I was married to?”

“Your fans like you,” said Dan. “Remember all those nice letters you got, after you made the official announcement?”

“Yeah, but there were a bunch of people saying I’m an evil bitch for breaking his heart,” she said.

“Oh, well, I mean,” said Dan. “It’s the internet. You’ll never make everyone happy. Especially when it’s about your personal life.” 

“How could I have forgotten that my personal life is there for the entertainment of the masses,” Holly said, equally deadpan.

They made eye contact, and Holly started to giggle, then to laugh. 

It was the first real laugh she’d had since she’d signed those papers, and she was practically _wooping_ with it, her chest heaving, her face turning red.

Dan was laughing along with her at first, although his expression went a little worried, as she continued to laugh and laugh, laugh so hard that her head hurt and she was possibly going to throw up.

Or was she crying?

There were tears dripping down her face, and she didn’t know if she was crying or laughing, except that something was spilling out of her, and it wouldn’t stop.

She finally - finally - caught her breath, and the waiter was looking at her, his expression worried.

He couldn’t have been more than nineteen.

“Would you like to hear our specials?”

“Sure,” said Holly, more to get her breath back then any interest.

She was going to get coffee and french fries. 

She hadn’t done anything like this since… like… well, since she and Ross had opened their marriage.

And then her face fell - her entire self… slumped forward, her smile dying like a shoot under snowfall.

She stared at the salt shakers as the waiter talked on.

“Can we get a few minutes, please?”

Dan’s voice cut through the fog, and then his hand was in her field of view again, and he was handing her another paper napkin, scrunched up and practically solid from being shoved in the pocket of his jacket.

“Sure,” said the waiter, and he was walking off.

Holly blew her nose, trying to be discrete about it, but, well… it’s hard to be discrete. 

And really, if there was any place to have a breakdown, it was a diner at three in the morning.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Dan’s voice was nervous, and his hands were flat on the table - he was drumming them, gently, and his huge thumbs looked like someone had done a photoshop blur on them. 

“No, but I probably should,” said Holly, and she wiped her eyes.

“If you don’t want to, it’s okay,” said Dan. “I’m sure I’ve got enough irrelevant shit to go on about, if that’s what you’d like.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

“You’re my friend,” Dan said. “Ross asked me to look out for you, but -”

“Ross asked you?”

Her stomach dropped, and she could almost see it - the pink, meaty organ, descending down from her abdominal cavity, to flop onto the floor.

Maybe it would squish its way out of the diner, to find greener pastures.

The mental image of that got her cackling, and she was laughing again, crying and laughing - it was loud and whooping, like something coming out of a hyena, and she knew that people were staring at her from around the room, but she just couldn’t stop. 

She didn’t entirely want to.

“It’s not just because he asked me to,” said Dan. One of his big hands was coming out, resting on her wrist. “I promise.” 

She gave him a Look, and he withdrew his hand. 

“I would have… listen, Hols, you’re my friend. I care about you, a lot. And I don’t think you’re the most evil heinous bitch or whatever just for  breaking up with him, and I’d be doing stuff and hanging out with you even if Ross hadn’t said anything.” 

“I didn’t think you thought that,” Holly panted, finally coming down.

She wiped her face with the napkins, making a face - it really was a good thing that she wasn’t one for makeup, or she would have gone through a lot of it by now.

“I just… wanted to make sure,” said Dan. “That you knew that I care about you, not just because Ross was telling me to do something.” 

“You must think I’m pretty fuckin’ ridiculous,” Holly said, her voice croaking from all the crying. “I dumped the guy, and here I am crying over it.”

“I… kinda got the sense that stuff wasn’t as… well, it wasn’t going the way you wanted it to,” said Dan. He sounded like he was trying to be diplomatic.

“Was I that obviously miserable?”

She didn’t know if she could stand that.

Part of what had made the whole mess of it some flavor of bearable was knowing that she was the one who was in charge of her own image. 

But if other people could tell….

“Holly,” Dan said, and his voice was surprisingly gentle, “I’m not blind. And Ross isn’t exactly… subtle at the best of times, let alone when he’s….”

“Fallen in love with someone?” 

Holly’s voice was flat.

“I wasn’t going to put it like that, but, uh… yeah. And I don’t know much. I just knew that you were unhappy.”

“You wanna know the most screwed up part?” 

Holly wiped her eyes again.

“Mmm?”

“I didn’t… I didn’t realize that something was wrong. That he was being crummy about it. It took me a while. I was… I figured we were having growing pains, because it was such an unorthodox arrangement in the first place, and then I just….” She sighed. “It was something dumb.”

“What was something dumb?”

“Me realizing that I just… couldn’t anymore.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” said Holly. “He forgot to clean the cat box.”

Dan made a “go on” motion with one long finger.

“Because we had a big fight the night before, and this was when Tamar’s medication was messing with her, so she was constantly wanting Ross to be with her, and I was planning a D&D game, sort of a three way date, although even then I could kinda tell that it was going to be them plus me, but I figured, hey, I’d be the DM, so that’s not too bad, right?”

She snuffled loudly, and cleared her throat.

Dan nodded.

He was a surprisingly good listener. 

“So he had spent the night at her place, and I’d made food for them for when they came over. I made… goddamn spaghetti bolognese, complete with the actual meat, and I cleaned and everything. And then, half an hour before they were due, Ross texted me to tell me that Tamar was tired, and they’d be staying over at her place, and maybe we could reschedule for another night. And then I sat down in my kitchen with the food I can’t even eat and I could see the cat boxes from there, and Ross hadn’t even bothered to clean it the last time he had been home, which was one of the only animal chores he did, and he hadn’t been home in three days, and I just….”

She cleared her throat.

“It was a bad night,” she finished. 

“Yeah?” 

“I put everything away, and I went to bed, and then I realized that our bed didn’t smell like him anymore, and it hadn’t in a while, and I cried so hard that I threw up and had to wash the sheets, and I didn’t even want to call him to come keep me company, because I knew the whole time he’d want to be with Tamar, and I knew he’d be able to feel her heart beating, and he’d miss her scent and her eyes and her… everything. And I just… I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be on the sidelines for them, and I thought that if I was going to basically live alone, I might as well just live alone, period. And two days later, when he came home, I told him that I wanted a divorce. And, uh, he moved out… officially, two weeks later, and a month later I signed the papers.”

She sighed.

“That makes sense,” said Dan. “I’m sorry.”

“I know I overreacted.”

Dan shrugged.

“I don’t know,” he said. “I think he was being a dick. But… I’ve heard his side of stuff too. And I think that, frankly, I didn’t live it, so I don’t really get to say who was right or wrong.”

“That’s a pretty mature take on it,” said Holly, and she leaned back into the booth. 

The vinyl of it squeaked. 

“There are advantages to being as old as I am,” Dan said.

Holly snorted.

“You’re not that old,” she told him.

“I’m gonna be out of my thirties soon!”

“Soon, but not yet,” she shot back.

“... well, yes, but still.”

“Alright, alright! You win!”

“I usually do.” She grinned. Then she paused, and she cleared her throat. “Can, um… can I also thank you for not bad mouthing Ross?”

“He’s my friend too,” Dan pointed out. “If you were bad mouthing him, I’d have told you to quit it.”

“Still.”

“Yeah,” said Dan. “I understand.”

Their waiter returned.

“Ready to order?”

“Oh yeah,” said Holly. 

* * * 

Sean rubbed his eyes, draining the honeyed dregs of his tea. 

It was nearly lunch time, and he was having a break - his voice was starting to go, and he had to be careful with that - his job was based almost entirely on his voice, and losing it would be a problem.

His skype made a noise at him, and he glanced at it.

Huh.

It was so late it was early in the US, so what was Holly doing up?

 _You should be in bed,_ he typed at her.

 _What makes you think I’m not?_ She typed back, then, fuck it, can I call you?

 _Sure,_ typed Sean, although he didn’t know he was going to actually say it until he did. 

His Skype beeped at him again, and then he was opening it up, and... there was Holly.

She was balancing her tablet on her knees, it looked like, and she was wearing a tank top, her skin glowing, almost luminous, in the dimness of the room, reflected by the tablet.

She was wearing her glasses as well, and she looked… well, to be honest, she looked adorable.

“Why are you up so early?”

“I could ask you the same question,” Holly said, and she yawned. 

“Early, nothing,” said Sean. “It’s nearly noon here!”

“Oh,” said Holly, and she giggled, then yawned. “No, I was out late.”

“Having a fun time?” 

“I had french fries,” said Holly, “so I can’t complain too hard.”

“That sounds like a good life philosophy,” said Sean. “French fries are a good thing in life.”

“When’s the next time you’re gonna be to America?” She paused, yawning wider. “Coming to America, I mean.”

“Probably for PAX or VidCon,” said Sean. “Unless something else comes up.”

“Sorry, that was random.”

“Nah,” said Sean. “I, uh… I like talking to you. Looking forward to sharing some coffee!”

Truth be told, he was beginning to suspect he more than liked talking to her.

He was already beginning to catch himself looking at his list of Skype contacts with something like hope in his heart, and... well, that was how it started.

But there is a time and a place for crushes, and “hey, you just left your marriage” really isn’t one of them.

So he’d be the best friend he could.

Holly yawned again, and that sent him off, which made her giggle.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m, like, the worst right now.”

“Nah,” said Sean. “Far from it. But go to sleep! You’re makin’ me sleepy!”

“I’m sorry,’ she said again.

“It’s always great to talk to you, Hols,” he said. “Sleep well! Have some good dreams!”

“I’ll do my best,” she said, and she hung up.

Sean stared at his computer screen for a little bit longer than he needed to, blushing.

Then he groaned, putting his face in his hands.

Oh yeah.

He had it. 

Now to figure out how to deal with it.

* * * 

Holly kept on.

That was really the only way to describe it. 

She made costumes, she played D&D, she filmed. 

She still cried, four days out of seven. 

Hopefully that would sort itself out. 

Eventually.

Three months passed. 

Three grey, nondescript months that she plodded through, drinking a bit too much coffee, too much wine. 

She threw herself into her job, her animals. 

Maybe she was exuding grief, but everyone seemed to be avoiding any of the deeper conversations with her.

She wasn't going to complain too hard. 

It was better to be busy than to be sitting at home by herself, or sitting out in some kind of establishment by herself. 

* * *

“I mean this in the nicest way possible,” said Jack, “but you look horrible.” 

“Gee, thanks,” grumbled Holly, adjusting her webcam. 

Maybe it was because of the distance, but he seemed to be one of the few people not keeping her at arms length. They talked to each other on Skype at least twice a week.

Maybe he was feeling lonely, too. 

“You getting sick?”

“I think so, yeah,” said Holly. “I was due to get sick soon.”

“That's a dire way of looking at it.”

“I dunno,” said Holly, stroking Orph, who was sprawled across her shoulder like a fur stole. “I would rather just get sick and get it over with.”

“I would rather not just get sick,” said Jack. 

“Yeah, well,” said Holly, “I would rather a lot of things.”

There was a pause, the way there always was whenever she was particularly bitter. 

His personality was not the type that held bitterness for very long. 

Different set of metaphorical taste buds or something. 

“Are you doing okay?”

She shrugged. 

At least he was just asking her, instead of looking at her like she was going to explode or start crying, the way everyone else seemed to be. 

“Can I tell you something weird?”

“Go for it.”

“It really reminds me of when people die.”

“Mmm?”

“Everyone is so… nice to you, but they also don't really say much.” She laughed hollowly. “Honestly, I think some people just wish they could give me a casserole and call it done with.”

“A casserole?” Jack looked confused.

“It’s a thing in America. Or at least, this particular bit of America. When someone dies, you bring them a casserole so that they don’t have to worry about cooking or whatever.” She smiled, and there was more bitterness in her tone. “Maybe I should have held a wedding funeral or something.”

“A wedding funeral?”

“I dunno,” said Holly, and she leaned back in her chair, watching Jack’s face.

He was fiddling with something while he was talking to her, the way he alway did - maybe he was using a fidget spinner, or playing with his bracelet.

He was never still, and there was something achingly familiar about it - Ross had been a fidgeter.

Presumably was still a fidgeter.

Just not fidgeting around her now.

“Like… a funeral for the wedding?”

“For the marriage.”

“It was good?”

Jack’s face was… kind, and it was poking some button in her head. 

She wanted to punch him, and she wanted him to stop looking at her like that.

“It had its good parts,” she said. “Like any other relationship.”

“That was kinda bone headed to say, I’m sorry,” said Jack, and he looked genuinely remorseful.

“It’s okay,” said Holly, and she sighed, balancing her tablet on her lap. 

“You should make sure to drink some soup,” he told her. “Nice veggie soup. I’ve got a good recipe, if you’d like it?”

“I dunno if I’ve got it in me to make soup right now,” said Holly. “Might just order in a lot of vegetarian pho.” 

“It’s hard to get that kind of food around here,” said Jack, and he looked wistful. “Mexican, too. I’m super envious.”

“What kinda… ethnic food do you guys have?”

“Cheese,” Jack said, deadpan.

Holly burst out laughing, and then she started coughing, which made Jack wince.

“Oh, honey,” he said, his tone sympathetic.

She winced at the pet name, but didn’t say anything. 

“I’m gonna stop keeping you,” said Jack. “Sleep well, okay?”

“I’ll do my best,” Holly croaked, taking a slug of water from the bottle that had been waiting on the end table. 

“I’ll send you the recipe,” Jack promised. “But go to sleep!”

“Okay, okay!” 

She stuck her tongue out at him, and he grinned. 

“Night, Hols.”

“Good… whatever time of day it is for you, Jack,” she said, and then she hung up on him.

* * * 

Dan leaned back into the couch cushions, stretching, his back cracking. 

“That… can’t be healthy,” said Arin, and he was giggling, watching Dan out of the corner of his eye.

“It feels good, though,” said Dan. 

“Plenty of things that feel good aren’t really good for you,” said Arin. 

“Yeah, which is, like, the ultimate unfairness.”

“Imagine if doctors come out next week or something saying that jerking off will cause… I dunno, memory loss, or makes you go bald or something?”

“Well,” said Dan, deadpan, “I think that the world will shortly become full of forgetful, bald men.”

“Women can jerk it too,” Arin pointed out. ‘

“Well, yeah, but that’s not necessarily jerking off. It’s flicking the bean, or rubbing one out….”

“Does it count as rubbing one out when we do it?”

“When we do it?” Dan was trying not to start giggling. 

“Us, specifically? During our mutual masturbation sessions, right here on the Grump couch?”

Dan burst out laughing, curling forward and nearly hitting his head on the mic, laughing so hard that he was snorting, and that set Arin off into his honking, braying laughter, and he couldn’t breathe, but it was fine, because neither could Arin, and they were both red faced and gasping by the time they had both calmed down.

“There is gonna be _so much_ fanfic about that,” said Dan. 

“I’m counting on it,” said Arin. “How else do you think I get my motor running on cold mornings?”

He made an obvious jerk off motion, which got Dan giggling again.

Suzy’s full name was traced across the inside of his arm, up to the elbow, and the dark letters caught the light.

“We live in California, Arin,” said Dan. “We don’t exactly _have_ cold mornings.”

“It can get cold! Sometimes!” 

“Well, yeah, but not, like… cold-cold.”

“You’re just weird because you’re from Jersey, where it turns into a frozen wasteland.”

“Versus…?”

“When it’s a smog infested wasteland,” Arin said, as if that was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Dude,” said Dan, “we live in LA. We’re not allowed to judge _any_ place for being smoggy.”

“... yeah, fair,” said Arin. 

There was a knocking on the glass of their window, and Arin turned towards it.

The light gilded him, from his forehead to his chin, catching in his hair, and something in Dan’s chest got very, very tight.

Arin was smiling, and Dan glanced up - it was Suzy, standing in the window.

She had Holly with her, and they were waving. 

“My beautiful wife Suzy and our dear friend Holly are outside,” said Arin. 

“I love how you’re talking about how we’re apparently having mutual jerk off sessions, then mention your wife in the same damn… sentence,” said Dan. 

“First off - that wasn’t the same sentence,” said Arin. “Same paragraph, maybe, but not the same sentence.”

“Sorry, mister grammarian,” said Dan, sticking his tongue out. 

“I thought you were gonna call me a grammar nazi,” said Arin.

“I’d rather not get yelled at by, like… everyone,” said Dan, keeping his tone light.

Suzy’s name was very dark, on the inside of Arin’s arm.

Dan had touched it a few times - never on purpose, because… well, how would you even explain that? 

He’d never really been intimate with someone who had a soul mark on them.

It was just a reminder that everything was gonna be short term, and what was the point of investing any energy in something that was going to end anyway?

He’d told Arin that once - Arin had said that was a pretty cynical way of looking at stuff, but, well… it was easy for him to say.

He’d had a soul mate since he was a teenager.

Dan was on his way to forty, still on his own.

“Dan?”

“Mmm?”

“You okay in there?”

“What? Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Just zoning out?”

“Yeah, something like that,” said Dan, and he smiled at Arin wanly.

“Next time on Game Grumps, maybe we make some actual progress,” said Arin, and he turned the timer off. 

“You think people will actually think we jerk off together?”

“It’s the internet, people take everything we say seriously,” said Arin, making a shooing motion with his hand. “The Tumblr fans will squee a ton, the rest of the internet will call us gross, our fans will think it’s funny.”

“Well, that’s good,” Dan said, aware of how wishy washy he sounded, not really sure how to fix that.

“I mean, if it really bothers you -”

“No, no, it doesn’t bother me,” Dan said, and was surprised to find it to be true. 

He was okay with the idea of people thinking that he was intimate with Arin.

Huh.

That was weird to think about.

Not too long ago, he would have run gibbering out the door, suffused in gay panic. 

Now… meh?

Who fucking cared.

He sighed, huffing his hair out of his eyes, and he watched Arin out of the corner of his eye. 

The other man was stretching, his shirt riding up along his sides, and Dan could see the padding of flesh around Arin’s ribs, the softness of his belly.

He wanted to put his hand on it, inexplicably, and he crossed his arms, tucking his hands under his armpits, as if he was cold. 

“I dunno how you can go around in fuckin’ tank tops, man,” said Dan, and he made a show of hugging himself. “It’s _cold_.”

“I think you just have no body fat,” said Arin, and he wrapped his arms around Dan, resting his chin on Dan’s shoulder and cuddling him like they were on the cover of a magazine.

His beard and mustache were ticklish against Dan’s neck, and his voice was rumbling through Dan’s back, making his skin buzz.

“You’re so bony, dude! It’s like hugging a pile of sticks!”

“Gee, thanks,” said Dan, and he tried to wriggle free.

Arin gave him a last squeeze, then let him go.

Dan immediately mourned the loss of the big, warm body pressed against his own, and his heart was beating very fast.

He needed… he needed to possibly not be here. 

“Be right back,” he told Arin, getting up. “I gotta pee.”

“I’ll be here,” said Arin.

“Well, yeah,” said Dan, and he was giggling. “Where else would you go?”

“You’d be surprised what I can get up to,” said Arin, and he waggled his eyebrows.

Dan rolled his eyes, leaving the Grump room and making his way towards the bathroom.

* * * 

Holly bumped into Dan, as he opened the door to leave the bathroom.

“We have got to stop meeting like this,” Holly said, her voice husky, slightly teasing.

There were dark circles under her eyes, and she looked exhausted.

“You mean you don’t find the aroma of industrial soap alluring?”

Dan made a show of fluttering his eyelashes.

Holly snickered, which turned into a coughing fit. 

“You sound horrible,” Dan said. 

“Gee, thanks,” said Holly, and she made a face. “I think I’ve caught the plague. I don’t know _how_ , it’s not like I’m really around people.”

“Probably while you were out grocery shopping or something like that,” said Dan, making sympathetic noises. 

“Urgh,” said Holly, and she indicated the bathroom. “‘Scuse me.”

“Right, right,” said Dan, and he stepped aside. “Have, uh… have a good pee.”

She gave him a funny look, but she was grinning as she closed the door.

He covered his face with his own hands, once the door closed.

“Have a good pee”?! Really?!

* * * 

Holly was grinning a bit in spite of herself as she washed her hands.

Dan was such a dork sometimes.

Another round of coughing hit her, and thank god she’d already taken a piss, because… well, there are certain indignities that can come from being sick.

The stupid cough was getting worse, though.

She hated to admit it, but she missed having someone who lived with her.

Missed having someone to make her soup, missed having someone to keep her company, missed having someone who loved her and wanted to take care of her.

But then again….

She sighed, and found Dan staring pensively at the electric kettle as it boiled.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing,” said Dan. “You just, you know, you don’t sound good.”

She gave him a Look.

“Not like that,” Dan said quickly. “Just, uh… I know you’re a little… new to living on your own. Sort of.” He cleared his throat.

Holly bit back whatever it was she was going to say, because it would probably be kind of mean.

The anger was beginning to rise up in her throat, choking her.

Or maybe it was the cough that was building - she was bending over, coughing, a deep, rumbling cough that built in her diaphragm and expelled out of her.

There were tears dripping out of her eyes, and she was turning red in the face, starting to choke and gasp.

“Oh, Hols,” Dan said, and his hand was on her waist, forcing her upwards.

She was still trying to curl, but the upright position made it easier to breathe, and Dan was slapping her on the back, hard enough that she was coughing up whatever gunk it was that was in her chest, and he was handing her yet another paper napkin to spit into.

“I”m s-sorry,” Holly mumbled, and she was… oh fuck, she was crying again.

Why was she fucking crying again?

What the fuck?!

But it wouldn’t _stop_ \- tears streaming out of her face, as she wheezed and coughed, her nose running.

She was disgusting right now, and she was aware of it, but Dan was still holding her, making soothing noises. 

“I’m sorry, this sucks a lot. I’m sorry, Hols. C’mon, just breathe. Let it out. You’ll be okay. It’ll be okay….”

She turned around, and she cried into his chest, ugly, loud crying, choked off by coughing, and she’d have to give him a new sweater or something like that, because this one was going to be all germy and she knew how he felt about germs.

She could hear noises behind her - doors opening? - and then Dan’s long arms were wrapping around her, his chin on her head, and he was making some kind of hand motion, his wrists moving, before he was holding her.

“Hey, Hols?”

Suzy’s voice was soft.

Holly disentangled herself from Dan, trying to wipe her nose on the napkin, still snuffling.

“Sorry I know we’ve got a video….”

Now her voice was rasping.

“How about instead you go home, and we can do a video another night?”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. You look pretty sick.”

“I’m sorry,” said Holly, which brought on more crying.

And then Suzy was next to her as well, and Suzy’s arms were wrapped around her waist, and she was hugging Suzy, Suzy’s warm, soft body against her front, Dan’s boniness at her back.

“It’s okay,” said Suzy. “How about I take you home?”

“You don’t have to,” said Holly. 

“I’d just be waiting for Arin to finish Grumping anyway,” said Suzy. 

“I should get back to that,” Dan said, and he sounded apologetic. 

“Sorry,” Holly mumbled, and the shame was already crashing down on her like a wave.

She was being a nuisance, she was making life hard on her friends. 

She was a horrible friend.

Which brought on a fresh wave of tears. 

“Shh….” Suzy made soothing noises. “C’mon. I’ll make you some soup.”

“Feel better,” Dan said, and he gave her a last squeeze, then made his way back to the Grump room.

The kettle boiled when the door closed, and Holly looked at it, confused. 

“Sorry about this,” Holly mumbled.

“Shush,” said Suzy. “C’mon. Let’s get you home.”

* * * 

“Sorry about that,” said Dan. “Holly kinda… had some feelings.” 

He looked down at his sweater, and he made a face.

It was damp with tears and... who even knew what else. 

He sighed, pulling it off, but now he was gonna be cold.

Goddamn it.

“Hold on a sec,” said Arin, and then he was getting off, padding towards the next room, then coming back with a hoodie. 

“Hm?”

“It’s not gonna fit you at all,” said Arin, holding the hoodie out, “but it’ll keep you warm, at least until your sweater dries out.”

“Oh, geez,” said Dan, and he was blushing. “Thank you!”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Arin, and the both of them sat back down on the couch. “Where were we?”

“That bullshit obstacle course.”

“Right. Mic is on, and... welcome back to Game Grumps!”

* * * 

“You really don’t have to stay with me,” said Holly, as Suzy bustled around.

“Don’t worry about it,” said Suzy. “Otherwise I’d probably be at home poking at a project that I need to leave alone, or bothering my cats.”

“So instead you’re bothering my cats?”

“No, I’d say that right now I’m bothering you,” said Suzy, leaning against Holly’s counter. “So. What would you like?”

“Hm?” 

Holly, sitting at her own kitchen table, a steaming mug of tea in front of her, blinked blearily at Suzy. 

“You look….” Suzy looked like she was trying to gather her thoughts. “You look like you’d like some company, and maybe someone to do something for you.”

“I’ll be fine,” Holly insisted. 

“If you’re absolutely sure?”

“I am,” Holly assured her. “I probably just need to drink a lot of tea and then go to sleep.” 

“Well… alright,” said Suzy. 

She bent down, wrapping her arms around Holly, squeezing her.

Holly squeezed her back, and it took self control not to cling like a sloth.

Just how touch starved had she become?

“Call me and Arin if anything comes up, okay? If you need some company, or need some help with the birds….”

“I will, I promise,” said Holly, as she walked Suzy to the door.

* * * 

It was quiet and dark in the house, apart from the animal’s noises.

She had fed everyone before she left to go do the video with Suzy, and now was a bit at odds, unsure with what to do.

She should probably follow her own advice, curl up and go to bed.

Instead, she flopped onto the couch, pulling her tablet towards her. 

Jack was on Skype.

* * * 

“Hi Hols!” 

He looked so happy to see her, and that made her smile back in spite of herself. 

“Hi,” she said. “I’m sorry to be bothering you at this time of… day. Why are you up to early, anyway?”

“Neighbors,” said Jack, and he leaned back from the mic, so that she could hear the noises.

“What are they doing?!”

“Sounds like they’re putting in new cabinets,” said Jack, in a resigned tone of voice. 

“I’m sorry,” said Holly. “That really sucks.”

“Eh, I can get some stuff done. I’m actually ahead of my schedule, for a change!” He was smiling, and his face was sleepy, but he looked so… happy. 

“I feel like you’re always ahead of schedule,” said Holly. 

“I like to keep ahead,” Jack said. “Keeps me humble.”

“... humble?”

“I don’t know, man. I’m tired.” He yawned theatrically.

Holly burst out laughing, which set of a coughing fit, and that was… unpleasant - she ended up spitting out something chunky, and she had to take a long swig of tea.

“That would explain why your voice sounds like ten miles of bad road,” said Jack, his expression sympathetic.

“Ten miles, specifically? Not more than that?”

“Once you get past ten miles, it’s… excessive,” said Jack. “I feel like at that point you end up sounding like a debarked dog.”

“You have debarking in Ireland?” Holly made a face.

“I mean, we’re not in the dark ages here,” said Jack. “Although debarking is fucking… dark ages as hell.”

Holly made a face.

“But yeah,” said Jack. “You’ve got a voice, still.”

“Yeah,” said Holly. “Just feeling lonely.” 

That… well, that was true, but what was the point of saying it?

Yes, she was lonely. She was always lonely. It was like saying that water was wet, or lemons were sour. 

It was just a fact of the universe right now.

Maybe, someday, it wouldn’t be, but it was for now.

“I’m sorry,” said Jack, and he looked sad. “If I was, you know, nearby I’d totally keep you company.”

“What, really?” 

That was unexpected.

“Totally!”

“Even to the point of catching what I’ve got?”

“I’m made of strong stuff. Eats my spinach!” Jack slapped his chest like Popeye, which got Holly laughing all over again, and spitting out more gunk.

“You’re ridiculous,” she told him, her expression fond.

“I do my best,” he said.

* * * 

They talked for another two hours. 

He rambled about his family, about the games he was playing, or planning on playing. 

She talked about her own projects, about the animals. 

They devolved into sending each other excerpts from the weird kid’s cartoons from their childhood - strange public access television seemed to be a universal uniter. 

“You’re gonna need toothpicks to hold your eyes open,” said Jack, after she’d nearly drifted off for the third time. “Go to bed, pidge.”

“Pidge?”

“Sorry,” said Jack, looking abashed. “I, uh, I give nicknames sometimes.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” said Holly. “I don’t mind.”

“Still. It was presumptuous of me.”

“Nah,” said Holly. “I just need to give you your own weird nickname.” 

“I hardly think calling you “Pidge” is a weird nickname,” said Jack. “You’re the pigeon lady!”

“I’m also a trash witch,” Holly pointed out. “You could call me “trashy” or something like that.”

“I’d feel weird calling you trashy,” said Jack. “I like you. You’re totally the epitome of class.”

She snorted, hard enough that she started coughing again, and Jack made sympathetic noises, but kept his tone firm.

“Go to sleep!”

“Okay, okay,” she said, and she smiled at him. “Night, Jack.”

“Night, Pidge.”

He ended the call, and she looked at her own reflection in the tablet for almost a minute, zoning out, before she jolted back to herself and made her way towards her bedroom, to get ready for bed.

* * * 

Dan’s phone buzzed at four in the afternoon the next day, and he glanced at it, then blinked.

Why was Holly texting him?

Hopefully nobody was dead.

_I really hate to do this, but would it be possible for you to do me a favor?_

_What kind of favor are we talking about here? Body burying favor, or lending you a few bucks favor?_

_Neither. I’m too woozy to go grocery shopping, and I need some stuff. I was going to do it today, but I didn’t count on being this sick_

_You’d like me to go out for you?_

_Yeah, if that’s not too much trouble. You won’t even have to touch me, I’ll leave the money in a ziplock baggy by the door_

Dan snorted, grinning in spite of himself.

_Holly, you’ve got a bad chest cold, not the bubonic plague_

_Still. I know that your voice is how you make your money_

_I’ll load up on my vitamin C. When can I come over?_

_Any time, really_

_Let me get my keys, and I’ll be right over_

_Thank you so much! I’ll make it up to you!_

* * * 

When Holly answered the door, Dan was standing there, looking cool (both in terms of style, and in terms of not being sweaty) and relaxed, and it was enough to make her want to burst with envy.

“Hi,” she croaked, letting him in. 

“Wow,” said Dan, his expression sympathetic. “That is a really bad cold!”

“It’s gonna be gone soon,” she said. “It’s just being a pain right now.”

“You sure? I could give you a lift to the doctor.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’ll be fine.” 

“Well… if you’re sure,” said Dan, his expression doubtful. 

“I am,” said Holly. 

“Well, alright,” said Dan. “But can you keep me posted?”

“I will, dad,” said Holly, giving him a Look.

He smiled at her sunnily, and she grinned back, then sneezed.

Paco and Honeybun both voiced their displeasure, and Holly sighed, going to placate them.

“Hi, guys,” she said, speaking to the birds. “Hiiiiii.”

“So you’ve got a list for me?”

“Oh! Right!”

And then she was digging through the notepad that was by the side door, and she was handing him a piece of paper with various things written on it. 

“I’ll be right back,” he promised her. 

“Thank you again,” Holly said, 

“Think nothing of it,” he said. “Just get some rest!”

She rolled her eyes, but she smiled a bit in spite of herself.

Dan was so well meaning. 

It was cute.

* * *

Dan stood in the grocery store, staring at the list in front of him.

Holly had nice handwriting - a little angular, a little scratchy, but still clear enough to read. 

There was some kind of doodle on the other side of it - it looked like a dragon, or maybe a dinosaur.

Had she doodled it while she was playing with the Waffle crew?

He smiled, beginning to wander around the store. 

It was bright, as grocery stores often are, and the music of his rebellious youth was playing in the background as Muzac, which he was never going to get used to. 

This was the stuff that used to be played to annoy the stuffed shirts of the world.

Now it was being piped into grocery stores.

Go figure.

Then again, a lot of the popular music these days wouldn’t go well with grocery shopping, would it?

Dan bit back a grin, imagining someone comparing yogurt brands as dubstep blared in the background.

… the future was going to be weird, but he looked forward to being there for it.

He would, admittedly, probably complain the whole way, but still. 

* * * 

Holly was woken up from her nap on the couch by a loud knocking on the door.

For a split second, her brain forgot everything.

The divorce, the last few months, all of it.

_Ross is home from his date._

Then reality came crashing down on her head like the metaphorical faulty bookshelf.

She had about the same amount of headache as if it had been a real one.

She sighed, wrapped in a blanket, and she made her way to the door, opening it up.

To find Dan standing there, his arms full of groceries.

“Hi,” he said. “I’m sorry, did I wake you up?”

“It’s fine,” said Holly, “I needed to get up anyway. The cats need to be fed. And so do the pigeons.”

“Would you like me to feed the cats?”

Holly stood there, blinking at him.

“Um, Hols?”

“Mmm?”

Her head was stuffed with cotton. 

Everything was coming from a long way off. 

“Can I come in, please?”

“What? Oh! Sorry!”

Holly stood back, and Dan walked in, kicking his shoes out.

“How about, um… how about you go feed the pigeons, and before you do that you can show me where you keep the cat food, and I can feed the cats?” 

“You don’t mind?”

“I wouldn’t have offered it if I minded,” said Dan, and his expression was… almost unsettlingly patient.

“Oh. Right.” 

She smiled, self conscious.

“How about you go feed the pigeons?”

“Right,” said Holly.

* * * 

The birds were cooing at each other, and all the usual dramas were taking place.

There were four eggs, because of course there were, and she sighed, gathering them up and talking to the pigeons as she did so.

“You guys are so determined to be parents, I swear.”

She was mumbling to herself, to everyone, her voice still hoarse.

She’d have to make some more fake eggs soon - the ones she was putting under particular pigeons were starting to look a little worse for wear.

* * * 

She came back to find Dan with a cat twining around his ankles, putting vegetables in her crisper.

“Oh gosh,” said Holly, and she hurried over.

And then a cool gust of air passed across her bare belly, and she was aware, acutely, just how skimpily she was dressed.

Her pajama pants were old enough and thin enough that he could probably see the lines of her underwear, or straight down her tank top, which had already shrunk in the wash a few times, but was still loose enough around the chest that he could probably see everything, should she lean down at the wrong moment. 

At least her nipples weren’t sticking out.

That would have made it perfect.

“Do you need any more help?”

“I think I’ll be okay,” said Holly. “Thank you for all the help, though.”

“Of course,” said Dan. 

He cleared his throat, looking embarrassed.

“If, uh… if you need any more help… like, even if it’s just some company to watch bad movies with, or a lightbulb changed, or whatever… you can call me up.”

“Thank you,” said Holly, and she smiled at him.

He was a very busy man, and she was pretty sure that he was doing it because Ross was asking him to, but still.

It was nice.

“I got the special cough syrup,” he told her. “The kind my mom used to get, i mean. It’s disgusting, but it’ll clear everything up in no time.”

“I feel like you’re giving me a drug deal,” said Holly, and she was laughing, which set off another coughing fit.

“I’m not the one with drugs,” said Dan, and he was grinning. “That would be… Ross.”

He seemed to have caught himself, because he froze.

But too late.

There was a lump in her throat, unrelated to all of the mucus that she was _swimming_ in, and she needed to be alone, before she started to cry again.

“Thanks for the help, Dan,” she said. “I’ll see you later.”

She was leading him by the arm - not so gently, either - towards the door.

“‘I’m really sorry about that,” said Dan. “It just popped out.”

“It’s fine,” said Holly.

It wasn’t, but it wasn’t his fault. 

She hugged him tightly after he’d pulled his shoes on, and she smiled at him before she closed the door.

She waited until she was back on the couch by herself to wrap her arms around herself and cry. 

* * * 

“That was fucking stupid,” Dan grumbled to himself, as he made his way back towards home in his car, leaning back into his seat. 

Holly had looked horrible.

He had wanted to sleep on her couch and make her soup and keep her company.

Stupid protective instincts.

He was trying very hard not to think about the fact that he had been able to look straight down her shirt when she had been standing in front of him. 

Holly was… well, Holly was a very beautiful woman, but she was also his friend’s ex wife, and she was very obviously not in a place to be pursued by anyone.

Let alone aforementioned ex-husband’s friend.

Who was also his friend.

Still.

Dan groaned, 

He had an erection - had gotten it when he’d opened the door with his arms full of groceries, and she had smiled at him - and it was being annoying.

At least she hadn’t noticed it, right? 

… hopefully.

Would she have said anything?

Holly wasn’t really the type.

Arin, on the other hand….

If it had been Arin - well, things would have to be very different.

The scenario was playing out in Dan’s head already, as he drove back to the Grump office.  
Going to Arin’s house, bringing him groceries, helping him with… something. 

Comforting the guy, hugging him. 

Kissing him.

Dan, in the midst of unbuckling his seatbelt, froze.

He tried to think about something else, but it kept playing out in the theater of his mind.

Holding Arin, kissing his face, his neck, his mouth. 

Dan pressed his forehead into the top of steering wheel, and he groaned.

He didn’t need this.

It was too fucking weird.

And he had a long session of Grumping to look forward to, sitting next to Arin, close enough to touch him….

Fuck.

Dan slumped down in his seat, covering his face with both hands, and he groaned again.

Of course.

Of fucking course.

At least the emotional torment was making his dick go down. 

Slowly.

* * * 

Sean was out shopping when he saw the little box of cookies.

He was out looking for other things - tea, oranges, cheese, and all the other things you need in day to day life.

But there was a little box of cookies, embossed with pictures of birds, and the little mascot was an owl. 

It was adorable, and he thought of Holly immediately, and he didn’t even realize he was smiling until a random woman with a baby in her cart smiled back at him.

He blushed, looking down, and he dropped two boxes of the cookies in his basket before he had a chance to think.

Wait. 

Holly didn’t eat animal products.

He scanned the ingredients carefully, then googled the things he didn’t recognize.

Right.

She could eat these.

He smiled again, broader this time.

He could… send her a little care package.

Gifts from Ireland, things to make her cheer up a bit.

Okay, so she’d _been_ to Ireland before, and for all he knew she’d had these before… which meant that she’d associated them with Ross.

Which would probably upset her.

Which meant they were probably a bad idea to send as a care package.

Goddamn it.

With a sigh, Sean returned the package to the shelf.

Well, it had been a good impulse.

Maybe.

Sean sighed, and he grabbed a box of cookies for himself.

At least he could think of Holly the next time he saw them. 

* * * 

“Hi, Hols!” 

Jack’s face was filling the screen of her tablet, and he was smiling at her.

His hair was screamingly green.

“Did you get it redone? Your hair, I mean.”

“Yeah!” He shifted in his chair, turning his head this way and that, and she admired just how vibrant the green was.

He had a lovely profile - his nose was straight, upturned at the end. 

His face was newly shaved, and his skin looked soft.

 _He’s handsome_ , she thought, and then she blushed. 

Of course he was handsome.

He had fans who squealed if he looked in their direction, and entire Tumblrs devoted to pictures of him under various types of filters.

So why did it feel like such a revelation?

And why hadn’t she noticed, the whole time she’d talked to him?

“Hols? You okay?”

“What? Oh, yeah, I’m fine.” She cleared her throat. “Finally getting over that stupid cold.” 

“You sound a lot better,” he agreed. “Less like you’re gonna hack up a lung, or you’ve been smoking ten packs a day.”

“Gee, thanks,” Holly said. “Next time you’re sick, see if I’m sympathetic!” 

“I never get sick,” said Jack, and he thumped himself on the chest. “Strong as an oxe, I am!” Then he rubbed the spot where he had thumped himself. “Ow.”

“I don’t know if that proves your point or not,” said Holly, but she was grinning. “You’re such a dork, Jack. And you need to stop hitting yourself in the chest. That can’t be good for you.” 

“I do my best,” he said. Then: “Can I ask an awkward question?”

Holly, shifting to get more comfortable with the tablet in her lap, bit back a sigh.

He hadn’t asked her about the divorce in a while. 

He was going to ask her if she was holding up okay. 

It had been nice.

“What’s up?” 

“So you know how there’s a halal symbol?” 

“... yeah?”

This wasn’t going where she had expected it to. 

“And there’s a Kosher symbol too, right?”

“Yeah?”

“Is there a vegetarian symbol? Or, like, a vegan symbol?”

“Usually there’s just something that says that it’s vegan or vegetarian. Or gluten free.” 

“Huh,” said Jack. “I wonder why.”

“I think because there isn’t really an… authority on whether something is vegetarian or vegan? Usually it just is or it isn’t.” She paused. “Unless it’s something controversial, like honey or certain kinds of apple cider.”

“Is honey -” 

“I’m not opening that discussion,” Holly said quickly. “I’ve had it a few too many times already.” 

“No worries, not gonna debate,” Jack said quickly. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Still,” said Holly, staring thoughtfully up at the ceiling, “It would be handy if we could just look at a package and know that it was vegetarian or vegan or whatnot.”

“It would be handy,” Jack agreed.

“I didn’t know you were vegetarian,” Holly said, her brain catching up with what she had heard.

“Oh, I’m not,” said Jack. “I’ve, uh, I’ve got a friend who’s a vegetarian. I was thinking of getting him something. He’s not from Ireland, I thought I’d send him something nice.”

“I remember going to Ireland,” Holly said, and for a moment she was suffused in the warm glow of nostalgia. “You guys put bacon on everything.” 

“Not everything-everything,” said Jack. 

“There’s meat in your baked beans!”

“Don’t you have that in the USA too?”

“Well, sometimes,” said Holly. “I’ll freely admit that I live in my weird little bubble of artists and internet people, a chunk of whom are also vegetarian.”

“Fair enough,” said Jack. 

“At least the universal symbol for nut allergies is the same,” said Holly. “I… assume?”

“I think so, yeah,” said Jack. “I wonder why there are so many nut allergies these days?”

“I’ve honestly got no idea,” said Holly, and rested the tablet on her knees.

And then she was aware that the neck of her sweater had fallen over one shoulder, and her skin was pale enough that it glowed in the low resolution of the webcam, catching in the glow of her tablet.

She was aware of Jack’s eye passing over it, focusing for a sec, and then he was looking in the other direction, and he was blushing. 

There was a moment of silence, and he cleared his throat.

“I should, uh… I should be getting my lunch,” he said, and he was shifting in his seat.

“Right,” said Holly, and she was blushing as well. “Talk later?”

“Oh, definitely,” said Jack, and then he laughed, blushing harder. “Sleep well!” 

“You too,” said Holly. “When you do, I mean.”

“Oh, I shall,” said Jack, and then he laughed again, a little harder. “Night!”

“Night!”

She hung up.

Well.

At least his eyes were a different shade of blue than Ross’s.

And it was nice to know that… someone was looking. 

When Ross had been wrapped up in Tamar, she’d tried to go on a few dates. 

Except it didn’t work - none of the people she’d dated had interested her. She had wanted her husband. 

And now there was no husband, and the idea of going through the whole rigamarole was just… too exhausting to think about.

But some small part of her… appreciated Jack’s eyes on her. 

Even if she didn’t want to think about it too hard. 

She was only human.

A very lonely human. 

* * * 

_Hey Jack,_ Dan typed, when he saw the little icon bounce on his desktop, _you never did send me that weird porn._

 _I’ll be honest and say it kinda slipped right out of my mind,_ Jack typed back. 

_Really? I’ve found that once i start thinking about weird porn, I can’t stop._

_I feel like that says a lot about you,_ typed Jack.

Dan snorted.

Then he sent a silly emoticon, because it’s hard to send a facial expression without sending pictures. 

_In fairness, I do spend a lot of time with Arin,_ typed Dan.

 _I can’t argue with that,_ Jack typed back. _Guy has a talent for finding the unusual._

_He didn’t even show you the weird stuff._

_How do you guys get anything done? I’d just be sitting there with a boner the whole time, instead of making jokes about video games._

_Are you saying you don’t do all your videos with a raging hard on?_

If only there was a way to convey he was being silly.

Minus the obvious emojis.

_Well, I don’t have to sit next to a looker like Arin - it’s usually just my own sorry mug staring back at me._

… huh.

Dan didn’t know what he was feeling at this moment.

 _You’ve got a nice mug,_ Dan ventured.

_Oh, you’re just saying that._

_Far from it,_ typed Dan. _Ten outta ten. Would drink tea from._

 _I just laughed so hard that I knocked my face into my mic, and it’s your fault_ , typed Jack, and Dan was grinning, pleased in spite of himself. 

The image of Jack curled up laughing was enough to make him chuckle. 

_I should go to bed_ , typed Jack. _Take care!_

_You too, man. And don’t forget the weird porn!_

_I won’t. Trust me. I won’t._

_That sounded downright ominous._

_It’s not, I promise. Only the finest weird shit I can find._

_Go sleep, Jack. It’s late as fuck._

_It totally is. Sleep well, when ya do!_

* * * 

“Dude,” said Arin, leaning over Dan’s shoulder, “what the fuck are you looking at?”

“Nothing,” Dan said quickly, trying to shove his phone away and also hide his burgeoning hard on.

He didn’t really succeed in either, and Arin grabbed the phone from him.

“What the _fuck_ , man?!” 

Arin was laughing, and then Dan was chuckling as well, his face pink with embarrassment.

“You were supposed to be off having lunch with Suzy!”

“I was,” said Arin, “but I finished early, so I thought I’d get started setting up. But apparently you decided that you wanted to jerk off first!” 

“I was not gonna jerk off to that!”

“Then why do you have a boner?” 

“I can’t help it,” Dan said, and he pulled a pillow into his lap in hopes of preserving the last dregs of dignity. “I see boobs, I get a boner.”

“Is he… choking her with his foot?”

“Seems to be, yeah,” Dan said, keeping his responses noncommittal.

His skin was tingling, and he wanted to kiss Arin so badly that he could almost feel the pressure against his lips, the tickle of Arin’s mustache.

“Where the fuck did you _find_ this stuff?!” 

Dan was blushing harder, but… soldier on, motherfucker.

“Jack sent it to me.”

“Our intern Jack?”

“No, the other one. The other Irish one. Septiceye. Sean.”

“Why is Sean sending you porn?”

“Because we’re buddies, duh,” said Dan, as if that was the most reasonable answer in the world. “We watch weird porn together.”

“Well, yeah, but… you know, I thought that was our thing. Not just a thing you did with other people.”

Arin looked… genuinely sad, which was unexpected.

“I mean, it’s not like we’re dating or anything,” said Dan, and why was his heart beating  a little faster now? 

Arin already had a soulmate. 

He was also pretty straight, or at least - straight until it came to certain celebrities.

More importantly, _Dan_ was straight.

Right?

“‘Scuse me,” Dan said, and he stood up, grabbing his phone and shoving it into his pocket. 

“Are you mad at me?”

Arin’s expression was worried. 

“What? No!” Dan put his hands on Arin’s shoulders, giving him an intense look. “You’re my best friend, big cat.”

“I was kidding about the porn thing,” said Arin. “You wanna go look at porn with Sean, you… have fun with that, man.” He grinned. “Invite me alone next time.”

“Totally,” Dan said. “But I gotta piss like a racehorse. I’ll be right back.” 

“We’re cool?”

At this angle, if Arin looked straight forward, he’d be able to see Dan’s boner.

If he took his dick out, Arin would have been at the perfect height to suck it.

… okay, no, he wasn’t having this internal conversation. 

“We’re totally cool,” Dan said, and he all but ran out the door. “Just gotta pee,” he called over his shoulder.

“Thanks for sharing that,” Barry said, deadpan, as Dan rushed past him.

Dan gave him the finger, and slammed the bathroom door behind him.

* * *

Dan sat back on the toilet, leaning back against the tank, his eyes sliding shut.

The bathroom was dim, apart from the neon from the Portal mirrors, and he sighed, reaching between his legs to squeeze his cock.

He could jerk off - he could let himself cum, clear his head, maybe he’d finally calm down about this weird… attachment to Arin. 

Or he could count backwards in French until his boner went down. 

If he waited, he could jerk off when he got home, with lube and even that special pocket pussy he’d gotten on a lark a few months ago.

But he’d be blushing every time Arin looked at him, and while he knew he’d never actually... do anything that he’d regret (at least, in this scenario), he didn’t want the spectre of it hanging over his head.

So Dan unfastened his belt, shoved his pants down around his ankles with his boxers, and he wrapped his hand around his hard cock, squeezing the head in that special way that always made his back arch. 

He closed his eyes tighter, furrowing his brow, and he leaned his head back, letting his imagination roam.

Arin.

That’s what he wanted to think about, he wanted to think about kissing Arin, he wanted to think about sliding his dick into Arin’s mouth the way he had been thinking about when he had been standing over Arin. 

But no.

He was going to get over this stupid crush. 

He wasn’t going to ruin one of the best friendships of his life, just because he was lonely enough that his brain was latching on to any kind of affection that was thrown in his general direction.

So he searched his mind for someone else.

At first it was just generic images - a pair of tits, a plump, round ass, soft, red lips.

Then it solidified - someone smaller than him, someone kissing him, and he began to pump his cock, two fingers pressed against his lips, simulating the pressure of another pair of lips against his own. 

Someone with dyed hair, and he tangled his fingers in it, as the color stayed vague- he could feel the texture, slightly crunchy under his fingers, and there was a soft chest against his own.

And there was facial hair against his own, but he was too lost in his fantasy by now. 

Maybe if it wasn’t kissing? 

If it was just oral sex, he could stick his dick in a mouth, and in his head, that’s what it became - someone on their knees in front of them, his hands tangled in hair, and he was fucking their face, and maybe there was facial hair against his groin, and maybe there wasn’t, but there was definitely a hot, greedy throat squeezing him tightly. 

He came, and the eyes staring up in his fantasy might have been green, might have been blue, might have been brown.

He realized, somewhat belatedly, that he’d forgotten to aim his cock towards the toilet, and now he had a mess to clean up.

Unbidden, the mental image of Holly with cum on her face snuck into his mind, like a thief in the night.

… wait, Holly?

Dan groaned, covering his face with his clean hand.

No.

That was… that would be too damn complicated.

Even though he knew what her breasts  looked like under those shapeless tops she liked to wear, and what she smelled like when she was hugging him.

… at least he hadn’t had a fantasy about Jack. 

That would have been a bit too damn complicated. 

He grabbed a wad of toilet paper, bending forward to begin wiping the floor off.

At least now he’d be able to concentrate without going into who even knew what kind of fantasies while talking to Arin.

* * * 

“So then I sent Dan some weird porn, and Arin was sending me messages on Twitter about it,” said Jack, “but I was kinda in the middle of dealing with eating all that spicy food -”

“You send Dan _weird porn_?!” 

Holly covered her mouth with both hands, rocking in place, aware that it was rocking the tablet, but not particularly caring, because she was laughing so hard that her glasses were falling off of her nose. 

“Well, yeah, he asked me to,” said Jack, “so anyway - I’m sitting on the shitter, cursing my entire existence and my choice to eat the habanero sriracha mayo on my sandwich, and Arin is sending me messages about the porno with the guy choking the girl with his foot -”

“Like, he was stepping on her neck?”

“No, he has his whole foot in her mouth,” said Jack.

“Where the heck did you even find that?!”

Orph, tired of being jostled by Holly’s rocking, made an irritated noise and jumped off of the bed. 

“I… have my ways,” Jack said, his eyes shifting from side to side.

He was blushing, and it made her smile so hard that her face was going to start hurting. 

“Do you mean your reasons?” 

“That too!” 

“So why did you… how did you… can I see it?”

Holly wasn’t normally one to look at porn, but screw it - she was a grown ass woman. 

It wasn’t like there was anyone around here to judge her, apart from Jack, and Jack was all the way on the other side of the ocean. 

Anyway, it would be more embarrassing to him, since he was the one who found the porn in the first place. 

“You didn’t strike me as the porn watching type,” said Jack. 

“I can have layers,” Holly said, indignant. 

“Oh, I don’t doubt you having layers,” Jack said quickly. “Just… I assumed that your layers would involve things like knowing how to whistle backwards, not… getting enjoyment out of weird porn.”

“I’m not gonna, like, jerk off to it,’ Holly said. ‘I just want to look at it. To see how weird it is.” 

“I mean,” said Jack, “even if you just wanted to jerk off to it, I wouldn’t judge you. It’s not like you’d be hurting anyone.”

“Send me the link first, so I can determine if this is even worth being jerked off to,” Holly said, only aware of the… implications of what she’d said after she’d said it. “I mean….” 

“I fully believe that anything that you jerk off to is only of the highest quality,” said Jack.

“... right,’ said Holly. “So, uh, link?”

“Right,” said Jack. 

He was blushing pink through his slightly grainy webcam. 

“You’re cute,” said Holly, as Jack tapped away at his keyboard, still pink.

“Well… you’re cute, so ha!”

“I’m not sure what we’re arguing about,” said Holly. 

“We’re not arguing,” said Jack. 

“We’re not?”

“No,” said Jack. “We’re both agreeing that you’re cute.”

“If we’re agreeing that I’m cute, then we’re also agreeing that you’re cute,” Holly countered.

“I guess you got me there,” said Jack, and then his mouth clicked as he sent the link to Holly. “Voila! Weird porn!”

“Right,” said Holly, and she clicked the link.

“What, you’re gonna watch it right now?”

“Sure,” said Holly. “I mean, if you don’t mind? It’s not like I’m watching it to get off or anything, but I know how….” The words died in her throat, then pushed herself through it. “I know how Ross and Arin do the whole weird porn thing. Half the fun is watching reactions or something.”

“I wish I could have seen Dan watching that,” said Jack, and he was grinning. “It’s, uh… it sure is something.”

Holly grinned.

“Would he do that thing where his eyes bug out and his eyebrows go up and his whole face turns red?”

“Probably,” Jack said. “I’ve never seen him really shocked before.”

“It’s… amazing.”

The video started, and Holly’s jaw dropped.

“She’s tiny!” 

“I know,” said Jack. “That’s part of what makes it so _weird_.” 

“And… he’s… not. Holy wow.”

Holly’s eyebrows were going up.

“That can’t be a real penis,” said Holly. 

“I’ve seen a knob that big,” said Jack. 

“When are you looking at penises?” 

“I go to locker rooms!” 

“And look at other - holy crap.”

“Yeah, that’s… yeah.”

Jack was starting to laugh, as Holly kept staring. 

“Your face right now,’ said Jack, and he was laughing harder. 

“How does he stay conscious, when he’s got a boner that big?!”

“Maybe it’s a stunt penis.”

“A stunt penis.” 

Holly’s voice was flat.

“Sure,” said Jack. “Totally a thing.”

“You watch too much porn,” Holly said. 

Her eyes were still glued to the screen, as the man’s foot made its way towards the girl’s face. 

“I don’t watch that much porn,” Jack said defensively. “I mean, not for fun.”

“Why else would you watch porn, if not for fun?”

“Well, there’s… “fun” and there’s fun, if ya follow,” said Jack.

“I don’t,” said Holly, blinking at him.

“Like, watching porn because it’s bad and funny, versus watching it for, you know, jerking off.” 

“So porn should be watched for comedy purposes only?”

“No, I’m all for porn when you jerk off. But there’s a big difference between porn for jerking off versus porn for laughing at.”

“Such as…?”

Jack turned pink, and looked a little embarrassed.

“I think it all comes down to… individual taste,” Jack said, and he cleared his throat.

“There aren’t any things I should look into? Universal truths?”

Holly closed the tab with the weird porn - the guy’s foot was shoved into the girl’s mouth, and she was making unpleasant gagging noises.

She was, admittedly, mainly doing this to make him squirm.

He was cute when he squirmed.

… huh.

There was another flash of… something. 

Something or someone that she could be. 

Or maybe she couldn’t?

It was all complicated, confusing. 

“I think that… I think that it varies by taste,” Jack said, in an authoritative tone. “But also the badly dubbed hentai is the funniest.”

“... I can’t really argue with you on that one,” sid Holly. 

“I should get going,” Jack said, and he was clearly glancing to the side of his screen. “It’s way too late for you to be up.”

“I live on my own schedule,” said Holly. “Theoretically, I could sleep until three in the afternoon!”

“You could sleep until three in the afternoon?”

“Well, no, the cats would wake me up before nine thirty, and I know the pigeons would be sad if I didn’t feed them when it was time for their food, so I’d get out of bed anyway.”

“Yeah, I get twitchy if I stay in bed past about ten,” said Jack. “So much shit to do!” He paused. “But I’m keeping you from sleep. Good night!”

“Night, Jack,” Holly said, and she was laughing as she hung up the call.

* * * 

Sean sat back in his computer chair, and he glared at his lap.

“You’re no end of trouble,” he told his erection, which was pressing against the front of his jeans. 

It didn’t say anything.

Of course it didn’t say anything, it was a penis.

He sighed, flopping back into his chair, and he tried to think of unsexy things.

Feet. 

Elbows.

Toes.

No, wait, he’d already thought of feet.

And all feet couldn’t be unsexy - he’d seen Holly’s feet, and they were cute. 

He wasn’t one to really jerk off over a pair of feet, but the idea of having them tucked into the backs of his knees, or maybe her heels digging into his lower back….

Sean groaned. 

“Not helping.”

He sighed, sticking his leg out, flexing his calf muscle.

He’d read that doing that could kill a boner.

He’d have blue balls later, but at least he could deal with it then.

His erection went down, although the image of Holly clinging to him wouldn’t.

He was going to have to do something about this crush soon.

Maybe try to find his own girlfriend, someone a bit local.

He was probably latching on to someone who was lonely - he tended to get protective of his friends, especially if they were hurting. 

It wasn’t the first time he’d latched on to a newly dumped female friend, although usually things usually a bit less… fraught. 

Did it make him some kind of vulture?

Sean made a face, leaning back into his chair, his hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. 

He wasn’t going to worry about this right now.

He needed to be in top form for his fans.

Right.

“I’ll deal with you later,” Sean said, and then he sat upright, loading up the game he needed.

“Top of the mornin’ to ya, laddies!”

* * * 

Holly lay back in her bed, staring up at her own ceiling.

When was the last time she had really watched porn?

… she hadn’t, not really. 

Porn had never been a thing for her.

Attraction was a fickle beast at the best of times, and she’d come to accept the fact that she needed to know someone, before she was really interested in seeing them naked.

Not to say that she couldn’t… aesthetically enjoy someone being naked, far from it, but she only really became interested in them like that when she had some kind of investment.

Hence all the fanfic she had read.

Jack had been awfully pink when she’d asked him about porn, though. 

Jack was cute.

Although it still felt… almost like a betrayal, feeling any kind of attraction.

Who she was betraying she didn’t even know.

The ghost of her marriage?

It hadn’t been like she had been bothered by Ross boffing Tamar.

… well, not really.

Eventually. 

She’d been pretty bothered, but she had done her best to get over it. 

She hadn’t had a say in it, really - was she going to be the shrewish harpy telling her husband that he couldn’t be with his soulmate?

But she had gone over this a million times - how to fix the past, how she could have done better, how she could have stood up for herself more….

No.

She wasn’t going to do it like that tonight.

She rolled onto her stomach, pressing her face into her pillow, and she imagined Jack.

Jack, lying in bed next to her, no shirt on.

What did he look like, with no shirt? 

She sighed, leaning over to pull out her long neglected vibrator, and she rolled onto her back, spreading her legs and shoving the vibrator between them, the plastic smooth against her overheated skin.

She wasn’t even horny. 

Okay.

Think horny thoughts.

Jack. 

Jack, no shirt on - he’d be hairy. He’d said on multiple occasions that he was really hairy, so he’d have hair on his chest, and she knew he had hair on his stomach - his shirt had ridden up enough for her to see it in the past.

It would be warm against her, rough.

The vibrator wasn’t very fancy - literally just a shaft of plastic with a knob at the end to turn it on.

It ran on Double-A batteries.

She turned it on, and it began to hum, buzzing against her.

She nestled it between her labia, trying to get it at the proper angle, and she closed her eyes, tilting her head back into the pillow. 

Jack on top of her, Jack holding on to her, Jack kissing her with his whiskery mouth, his big hands in her hair, moving to her breasts.

She slid her hand into her shirt, and she squeezed her breast, then gave her nipple a tug.

The way Ross used to.

Then she groaned, covering her face with both hands, squeezing her thighs together to keep the vibrator in place.

How was she supposed to get off, when all she could think of was sex with Ross?

But no. 

Jack. 

Jack, with his green hair, his blue eyes, Jack with his explosive energy, Jack with his loud voice.

He’d moan as he fucked her, probably - what kind of cock would he have? 

Something on the thick side, but longer, and it would fill her perfectly.

His breath would be steamy on her neck.

She sobbed, spreading her legs wider, planting her feet and hunching her hips forward into the vibrations, grinding it against her clit.

Maybe he’d eat her out.

He looked like he liked oral.

She’d always been kinda… neutral on oral sex, but grinding on a face with that much facial hair would feel different and she was curious.

She could grind against him like she was grinding against the vibrator, she would… she would… she’d….

She came, the pressure in her belly breaking, and she shuddered, the throbbing washing over her like a wave, leaving tingling warmth in its wake.

It had been too long since she’d had an orgasm. 

She needed to get back into the habit of doing that more often. 

She untangled her fingers from her hair, and she turned the vibrator off. 

“Shit,” she said quietly, and her hips were flat on the bed - when had she arched them off of it?

… and she landed in the wet spot. 

Urgh. 

Now she just needed to get up to wash the toy, and pee.

… in a minute.

She lay there in the darkness, panting, and she kept her mind clear, just inhabiting her body. 

* * * 

Sean glanced at his phone as it dinged at him, then opened it.

The girl he had messaged on that one dating site was contacting him, asking him out to go to the movies. 

Hmm…. 

He had planned a call with Holly that night, but she’d be understanding about it, right? 

As much as she clearly enjoyed their phone calls, both of them made a point of prioritizing their real world interactions.

Anyway, since their porn talk two weeks earlier, they were talking almost every other day. 

It’d do both of them some good to take a little space, not become too codependent. 

So why did he feel like such a jerk, typing up the  message to send her in DM?

* * *

“Oh,” said Holly, staring down at her phone. “Huh.”

Hopefully her face was neutral.

It didn’t feel neutral, but she wasn’t always as easy to read as she thought she was.

“What’s up?”

Barry looked up from his sandwich.

“I, uh, I had plans with someone tonight. Sort of. And they just backed out of them.” 

“That sucks,” said Barry, and he made a sympathetic face. 

“They’ve got a date,” said Holly, and maybe her voice was a little bit hollow, but nobody would be able to tell, right?

Apparently it was pretty hard to tell when she was well and truly upset about something, unless she outright said it.

She’d had exes say that. 

Ross had always been able to read her like an open book, but, well… Ross wasn’t here anymore.

And even if he was, it wasn’t like she’d like him to do it.

“You could go out and have fun,”  Barry suggested. 

“Do you have any plans for tonight? There’s, um, there’s a bar near my house that has a pretty fun trivia night.”

“I’ve got shit I gotta do, unfortunately,” said Barry. “But maybe you could try going solo? See if you can meet anyone. I mean, worst case scenario, you could just bring your sketchbook and sit at the bar and draw?”

“That does sound like it could be fun,” said Holly, her tone thoughtful. 

She’d never really been one for bars, but she was getting a little… stir crazy.

It would do her some good to be around new people for a little bit.

“Go have fun,” said Barry. “You’ve been working hard. You totally deserve it.”

“You really think so?”

“Oh, totally,” said Barry. “Especially since you’ve been having so much trouble lately.”

She let that sentence float on by, because… she wasn’t going to poke it.

She hadn’t been having trouble lately - she’d been presenting a pretty good face to the world at large, as far as she was concerned.

She’d told Jack about how horrible she had been feeling, but apparently that wasn’t enough to keep him from canceling on her. 

… no, that wasn’t fair. 

He was allowed to have a life. 

He was allowed to go out with people and have fun.

Hell, it would probably do him some good.

Some small part of her wished that she was going out with him, instead of by herself.

She was really loving spending time with him these days - soon she was going to ask him if she could visit, although it was taking a lot of self control not to chicken out.

Then again, a big convention he wanted to go to was coming up and then he’d be in LA. 

Maybe she’d just ask him to come stay with her, instead of at the hotel.

Or maybe she’d share a room with him at the convention, although the thought of that was enough to make her blush, staring down at her sandwich.

Bless Barry, he didn’t say anything about her sudden silence, or the fact that she was blushing quite so hard. 

Maybe he was considering his own romantic prospects.

Although… huh. 

“Hey Bar, can I ask an invasive question?”

“Go for it,” Barry said, his voice deadpan. 

“Do you… have a soulmate? Or a soul mark?”

“I assume I’ve got a soulmate somewhere,” said Barry. “Although for all I know I’m one of those people who doesn’t.” 

“I think I’m one of those,” said Holly, her tone morose. “But I think I want to keep it that way.” 

“Keep it that way?”

“All that soulmate business seems to do is make people stupid,” Holly grumbled, aware that she was being unreasonable. 

“I’m sure there are nice parts of it,” said Barry, and he patted her on the shoulder.

She gave him a Look.

Barry made a sympathetic noise.

“Maybe you should go out tonight,” Barry suggested. “It’s a Friday, lots of folks out looking to meet other folks. Like I said.”

“I don’t know how I feel about meeting people at the bar scene,” said Holly.

“At least you wouldn’t be sitting at home thinking about the fact that someone stood you up?” 

“... fair,” said Holly, and she sighed. “Thanks, Bar.”

“Of course,” said Barry. “It’s what I’m here for. Well, that and being devilishly handsome.” 

Holly snickered.

“I hope you’re not laughing at the idea of me being handsome,” Barry said. “Because you know that it’s true.” 

“Oh, definitely,” said Holly. “Absolutely. I’m laughing that anyone would ever think otherwise.”

“And you know it.” 

* * * 

Holly stared at herself in her bedroom mirror, and she made a face.

She had said she’d go out tonight.

She’d promised herself - even though Jack was probably free right now, and she could squeeze some one on one time with him.

She was out of sorts because he was on a date.

Which wasn’t fair, because it wasn’t like they were dating in the first place.

This all felt too much like the bullshit when Ross and Tamar had started dating.

Possessiveness over something or someone that she didn’t have a right to be possessive of.

Did people ever have a right to be possessive of other people? 

This was getting too damn philosophical, considering how sober she was.

She was going to go to a bar.

Maybe she’d get drunk.

Maybe she’d go home with someone. 

More likely, she’d be miserable at all the noise and the jostling, and end up spending the whole time hating everything and especially herself.

But at least coming home would be nicer after that, right?

She surveyed herself in the mirror.

Long, low riding olive green skirt, baring the curve of her hips, longer in the back than in the front. 

Crop top, showing off her belly, because fuck it, and it was hot anyway. 

“Satan is my Daddy” emblazoned across it. 

Maybe it’d scare off the wrong sort of person. 

She also had mace, in case the wrong sort of person took interest anyway.

Holly stared at herself in the mirror, and she sighed.

She still looked like herself.

But hey, maybe the bar would be friendly.

Maybe she’d be left alone.

Although didn’t that contradict her original plan?

Goddamn it. 

Had she always been so bad at this?

* * * 

And then she was sitting at the bar, on her third cocktail, and she remembered a lot of things.

She remembered why she hated going to these kinds of places by herself.

She remembered why she usually didn’t order these kinds of cocktails.

She even remembered why she didn’t wear this skirt - it was trying to slide down - had she lost that much weight?

She sighed loudly, and she took out her phone, beginning to fiddle with it.

She ended up on Twitter, and she was staring at the little green eyeball in Jack’s icon.

She just stared at it. 

* * * 

It took her another two drinks to break her resolve.

_I know you’re at your date thing, I hope you’re having fun._

That didn’t come off as too passive aggressive, did it?

She groaned.

This was as bad as it was when Ross first started going out on dates.

She sighed, and she ordered another drink. 

* * * 

Two more drinks in, and she was wobbling.

She was also DMing.

_I still want to visit you, you know. A lot. You’re neat._

_Although i sound like an untter dink when I say shit like that. I’m a dink._

Her phone buzzed, and she glanced at it. 

_You okay, Hols?_

_Doesn’t matter. How was yuor date?_

_Gay, I suspect._

Holly snorted.

 _How could you tell?_

_She said “I think I’m gay and I’m just trying this out to see if I can have real chemistry with a guy” when we met outside the movie theater._

_That is a good sign ofit, yeah._

_You okay? You don’t usually typo like this._

_At a bar. Bartender gave me a free shot cuz he lieked my shirt._

_How you getting home?_

_Don’t worry about me._

_I can’t help it. I like you._

_Well, I like you too. A lot._

“Another shot?”

Holly looked up the bartender.

She had a nice face, albeit with more metal than anyone face usual had. 

“Sure,” said Holly. 

“Boyfriend?”

“What? No. Who?”

“The person on your phone,” said the bartender. “You’re smiling at them.” 

“Oh no, not my boyfriend.”

“Enbyfriend? Girlfriend?”

“No, no, just a friend of mine.”

“I need more friends to smile at me like that,” said the bartender, setting the shot glass in front of Holly.

At least the shouting from the trivia night had quieted down. 

“Maybe they do, and you just can’t see them,” said Holly.

“You know what? That is a _lovely_ way of thinking about it.” 

The bartender smiled at Holly, and she had lovely white teeth, with a gap in the middle. 

Holly wanted to kiss her. 

Maybe she was very drunk. 

She took the shot, and she smiled at the bartender even wider.

“Thank you,” she told the bartender, and she got off of the stool, wobbling her way towards the door. 

She was going to call… someone. 

She needed to talk to someone before she ended up going home with someone.

Even if that had been her original plan.

But no, that… that wasn’t who she was.

But she also couldn’t go home to her empty bed, not when everything was reeling around her.

Maybe it would become who she was. 

If she had another drink. 

But she took out her phone, and she called a number at random.

At least it wasn’t Ross - she’d deleted his number from her phone.

* * * 

Dan was sitting on the couch, his feet up on the coffee table. 

He was watching a movie - some nameless action bullshit that had been recommended to him by Netflix, and who was he to argue with those algorithms? 

He almost didn't answer his phone when it rang - everyone who he talked to knew not to call him this late.

But no, someone might be dying or in the hospital. 

But no.

It was Holly.

Holly who was... very drunk.

“Dan? Izzat you?”

“Holly?” 

“I know it’s me,” Holly said. “I’m pretty sure it’s me. I haven’t had enough to argue with that yet.”

“You’d argue with me over who you were?”

“In this state of mind, I’d argue with anyone about anything, I think.”

“How much have you had, Holly?”

Dan sat up.

There was something… dangerous in her voice.

Something that reminded him of the bad old days, when he used to be around a certain type of character.

The type of character who tended to self medicate with alcohol.

Although Holly had never struck him as the type to do that. 

But she had hidden depths, like everyone else did, and it was pretty obvious that all of this was draining her. 

“Not nearly enough,” she said, and she was laughing, although maybe she was crying.

She’d never been like this before, at least not around him. 

“You know, I ate her pussy.” 

“... what?”

“Her pussy. Tamar’s pussy. I ate it. I… like to eat pussy. Girls like it when you do that, and i wanted her to like me.” 

“So you… had sex with her?”

“I wanted to have sex with her. I mean… like, in a threeway kinda sense. I liked the idea of sharing something - or someone - important with him. With me.”

“Ah.”

“And then she… she had his name. At the base of her back. Where you’d get a tramp stamp. It’d be a fucking tramp stamp. But I hate that term. Or the… idea of it. The fact that having a tattoo in a certain place says something about your sexual mores.”

“Hols, are you okay?”

“Probably not,” said Holly. “I’m not okay. I haven’t been for a while.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Didja know they’re gonna have to get married?”

“Hmm?”

“Tamar. Tamar and Ross. They’re gonna have to get married. For his Green Card. I think. Since we’re divorced and shit.”

“Ah,” said Dan. 

“Did they not say anything to you?”

“Not really,” said Dan. “But I’ve been busy, and Ross has been keeping stuff with her… under wraps.”

“He’s ashamed,” said Holly, and she was laughing again, that unsettling laugh that gave him the heebie jeebies. “I feel like there’s something satisfying about that. Because, like… he broke my fucking heart, but… now he is barely being invited to anything.” 

Dan didn’t say anything.

This was the kind of ranting that didn’t really need a response, just a listening ear.

Although he was beginning to think it was time to interrupt just to find out where she was and come pick her up. 

“That’s not fair. It’s not their fault. That they fell in love, I mean. If the soulmate thing even makes you fall in love.” 

“I always thought it might.”

“But, like, we know people who are aromantic who have soulmates and soul marks and all of that.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Well… it’s complicated,” said Dan. “Where are you? Do you need to be picked up?”

“And, like… in order for her to have his name on her, he’d have to… he’d have had to touch her there. Like, before they knew each other to that point. To that degree. Before they weren’t soulmates. They were soulmates. But he didn’t tell me about where his mouth was. Not his mouth. His name. Although what if it was his mouth that put it there?”

“I think you’re hurting yourself with that,” Dan said, and his voice was gentle. “Hols, where are you?”

She rattled off the name of the bar.

“I’m gonna come pick you up,” he told her. “If you don’t mind.”

“I feel like you’ll do it even if I don’t want you to,” Holly said.

“I’d be more apologetic about it,” said Dan.

“Well, I don’t need to be rescued,” said Holly. “But I don’t think I’m in my right mind right now. So you might… I’m not gonna wait outside of the bar for you. You can come wade in with the rabble.”

And then she hung up.

“Huh.”

Dan sighed, and he stood up.

Now he was going to have to put his shoes on.

* * * 

Holly sat back down at the bar. 

“My friend is gonna pick me up,” she told the bartender.

“That’s good.”  
“You’re sad to be losing a customer?”

“I’m not gonna lose a customer,” said the bartender. “Have another shot.”

Holly took it. 

“Didn’t you used to come in here with a blond dude?”

“Yeah,” said Holly. “More fireball, please.”

“Right,” said the bartender.

And she took another shot.

* * * 

Dan waded through the crowd - it seemed like a friendly enough bar. 

A little more crowded than he usually went for, but a crowded bar could be a good thing.

It took a little time to find her, though.

She was sitting at the bar, her elbows on it, and she was leaning forward. 

Her skirt was falling down around her waist, and the long expanse of her back was visible, where her shirt was riding up. 

“Hols,” Dan called.

“Dan?” 

She turned around, and her skirt drooped down lower - he could see the lacy waistband of her underwear. 

She staggered, and Dan cautiously put his hands on her hips, to keep her from falling over.

Her skin was warm, and very soft. 

“Dan,” Holly surred. “Dan, you’re so _warm_!”

Her skin was breaking out in goosebumps, and he grabbed the waist of her skirt, pulling it up just enough to keep her underwear out of view. 

He wouldn’t normally be quite so… handsy, but she didn’t seem to be all here. 

She shoved a hand under his shirt, and Dan made a surprised noise - her hands were like ice. 

His skin tingled where she touched him, the very tips of her fingers barely ghosting over his nipples. 

“You’re freezing,” he told her. “I think you’ve had enough.” 

“I’d agree with you” the bartender said. “So… you ready to pay your tab, babe?” 

“Right.” 

She shoved her purse at Dan, leaning heavily against him. 

“Can you sort that out?” 

“Of course,” said Dan. “How about you go meet me outside?” 

“Okay,” Holly said. 

He paused, watching her walk off. 

His skin was still tingling, his heart racing, all the hairs on his body standing on end. 

It had been a very long time since someone had touched him intimately, it seemed. 

He hadn't thought  about it, but he was more skin hungry than he had thought. 

And damn, but her hands had been cold. 

* * * 

Holly stood in front of the bar, and she breathed. 

Her heart was going a million miles an hour and her skin was tingling. 

She could barely think, and everything was spinning. 

How much alcohol had she had? 

For that matter, when was the last time that she had that much alcohol? 

She was panting, and she was so cold that she was hugging herself. 

A couple of folks having a smoke nearby gave her a worried glance. 

She smiled back at them. 

She was going to hate everything in the morning - including herself - but this moment in time, everything was calm. 

The… whatever it was that was normally simmering under her collarbone had disappeared, for a little while, at least. 

It would be back. 

It was always going to be back. 

But for now, she was going to float, trying to ignore how queasy she was, and enjoy the sweet tingles going up and down her spine. 

She hadn’t been this pleasantly drunk in a long time. 

Since before Tamar and her stupid soul mark had come along. 

* * * 

“Hey,” said Dan, and he wrapped an arm around Holly’s shoulders. 

She listed against him, her head on his chest. 

She wasn’t usually this… touchy feely, but then again, neither was he. 

She  seemed to be in need of the affection. 

For that matter, so was he. 

He rested his chin on top of her head, holding on tightly to her as she shook against him. 

“Hey,” Dan said quietly. “Hey.” 

She was making some kind of noise - sobbing? Snuffling?” 

She couldn’t entirely tell what her own body was doing. 

He was so much taller than her, and her ear was right up against his heartbeat. 

Her hands slid under his shirt again, to get warm, and he shuddered against her. 

“You’re… you’re not usually this handsy,” he said. 

“You’re not usually this warm,” she countered. 

“I can’t exactly change my body heat at will,” he said. 

They were standing in front of his van. 

“I haven’t touched anyone else’s skin in months,” she mumbled. “Like… seriously. Like this.” 

“That could be a really creepy sentence if you’re not careful,” said Dan into the top of her head. 

“God forbid we do anything creepy.” 

She didn’t move. 

“Hols, I need to drive the car." 

“Don’t let go of me.” 

“I’ll hold on to you when we get back,” he promised. 

“Where’s back?” 

“Where do you want to go?” 

“... home,” she said. 

“Do you want me to take you to your home?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Do you want me to stay with you?” 

"Yeah.” 

“Okay.” 

He kissed her forehead, and he let go of her, although she clung to him, before releasing. 

* * * 

“Do you miss Tamar?” 

“Hmm?” 

Holly’s head lolled back on the seat, as she watched the scenery go by. 

__“Tamar. She was your assistant.”_ _

__“Since I decided to slow down, I haven’t really needed an assistant,” said Dan, which was true._ _

__He didn’t mention that he’d carried a bit of a torch for her, both because she was hot as hell & used to men hitting on her, and because he had been her boss, thus making the whole business a bit… sordid._ _

__Also, he doubted Holly wanted to hear about someone else lusting after Tamar._ _

__“I know you liked her,” said Holly. “Like her.”_ _

__“I do,” Dan said, keeping his tone neutral._ _

__“Hell,” Holly said, “before we got swept up in… well, everything, I liked her.”_ _

__“Yeah?”_ _

__“Yeah. She’s likeable.” Holly sighed, and her voice was rough. “I can see why Ross chose her over me.”_ _

__Dan was at a loss for words - he didn’t want to badmouth his friends, but he also didn’t want to upset Holly, and she was definitely just… not in a headspace for this._ _

__“How about I make you some tea when we get back? Maybe a cup of coffee?”_ _

__“You’re avoiding the subject,” Holly said._ _

__“I don’t really know what to say,” said Dan._ _

__“Talk to me about something,” said Holly. “I can’t exactly call up Jack right now. And he’s the only person I’ve been talking to… consistently.”_ _

__“Jack? Jack Septiceye?”_ _

__“Yeah. He’s good people.”_ _

__“He is,” said Dan. “He sent me this weirdo porn.”_ _

__“With the foot?”_ _

__“Yeah,” said Dan, and he grinned. “The… you know, the foot in the -”_ _

__“Yeah,” said Holly._ _

__“Arin caught me watching that,” said Dan, and he laughed, self conscious._ _

__Holly was looking at him through the corner of her eye._ _

__“Hey Dan, can I ask a super invasive question?”_ _

__“Go for it,” said Dan._ _

__Everything was more… open right now._ _

__More intense._ _

__More… something._ _

__The air between them had a heavy feeling to it, thin but almost smothering._ _

__Like a silk sheet pressed over the face, or being trapped in the world’s largest soap bubble._ _

__But how to deal with it?_ _

__“Actually,” Holly said, “never mind.”_ _

__“No, it’s fine. You can ask it.”_ _

__“If I keep talking I’m gonna barf,” Holly said, her tone so matter of fact that it took a second for his brain to register the words._ _

__He pulled over - they were on a side street, thank god - and he unlocked the door, just in time for her to unbuckle her seatbelt, lean out the door, and throw up._ _

__He unbuckled himself, and he leaned over, holding her hair back as she gagged._ _

__“Just let it out,” he said, making reassuring noises._ _

__Her skin glowed eerily in the orange light of the street lamps, her tattoos stark against her skin._ _

__He’d never noticed that she had a tattoo on her hip before, but… well, everything was a bit of a blur right now._ _

__He was surprised he’d missed it in the bar, but the place hadn’t exactly been well lit._ _

__Her skirt was falling down, and he pulled it up in the back and he rubbed her back._ _

__“Shhh,” he said, making soothing noises. “It’s okay.”_ _

__“Could this get any more embarrassing?” Holly’s tone was surprisingly mellow, for someone who had just thrown up to the degree that she had_ _

__“I dunno,” said Dan. “You could’ve shit yourself too.”_ _

__Holly looked at him, vomit dripping down her chin, and she grinned._ _

__“That’s disgusting.”_ _

__“But also worse!”_ _

__“... I can’t argue with that, but I feel like I should.”_ _

__Dan handed her a napkin._ _

__“... can I ask a favor?” She looked nervous._ _

__“What’s up?”_ _

__Dan handed her a bottle of water._ _

__Holly took a slug of it, and made a face - it must have been uncomfortable on her burning throat._ _

__“Can you not tell anyone about this?”_ _

__Dan shot her a look, genuinely confused._ _

__“Why would I tell anyone about this? Although I’m not sure what you mean by “this” either.”_ _

__“You know. Me getting stupid drunk, going out to a bar by myself, you rescuing me….”_ _

__“If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t think of it as a rescue mission,” said Dan._ _

__He wanted to put his hand on her leg._ _

__“No?”_ _

__“No,” said Dan. “More like… recon.”_ _

__“Recon.”_ _

__Holly’s voice was flat._ _

__“Yeah. Recon.”_ _

__“Oh my god,” Holly groaned. “How was that recon?”_ _

__“... I have no idea,” said Dan, as they pulled out in front of the house. “Shut up. I’m tired.”_ _

__“I’m drunk and I’m making more sense than you are,” Holly teased._ _

__“That may be the case,” seid Dan, “but I also didn’t throw up off the side of the van.”_ _

__“You’ve totally thrown up off the side of this van,” said Holly._ _

__“What makes you so sure?”_ _

__“Dan,” said Holly, “I know you.”_ _

__“I haven’t indulged in things that would cause me to throw up over the side of the van since I moved to California.”_ _

__“Not even oysters?”_ _

__And then she seemed to find this hilarious, because she was cackling as he opened her door, offering her a hand._ _

__She unbuckled her seatbelt, and more or less fell on him._ _

__He caught her - she was sturdy, warm and solid against him._ _

__“We’re gonna get you some water,” Dan told her. “And maybe you should sleep with a bucket.”_ _

__“Oh, shush,” said Holly, and she clung to him._ _

__He kissed the top of her head, impulsively, and she froze for a moment, then stood up straighter, disengaging from him._ _

__Welp._ _

__This was awkward._ _

__“Don’t let go of me,” she told him._ _

__“I won’t,” he promised._ _

__She sighed, leaning heavily against him._ _

__“You’re warm,” she told him._ _

__“I’m warmer than you are,” he corrected._ _

__“You’re so skinny,” she said._ _

__“That I can’t really contradict,” said Dan, aware of the stiffness that was entering his speech._ _

__She wasn’t trying to be mean about it or anything._ _

__She was just… really drunk._ _

__He sighed, keeping his arm around her shoulder, then handing her purse to her.  
“The cats probably missed me,” said Holly. “And Feathers.”_ _

__“That bird hates me.”_ _

__“That bird hates everyone,” said Holly, as she dug through her purse, trying to find her keys._ _

__“So I’m merely a part of the great unwashed?”_ _

__“Unpreened,” Holly suggested._ _

__“No, pigeons wash. I’ve seen those videos, where they’re taking baths” said Dan, and he kept his hand on her shoulder to keep her from tipping too far in one direction or the other._ _

__She was wobbling a lot._ _

__“Which videos?”_ _

__She blinked up at him, owlish in the automatic light of her porch, and he wanted to kiss her._ _

__Welp._ _

__Wow._ _

__Okay._ _

__He needed to… look into a girlfriend, or hit up some of his old friends with benefits or… something, because on the list of people it would be unwise to have a crush on… Holly was near the top of the list._ _

__Right under Arin._ _

__Which was another thing that he wasn’t going to touch with a ten foot pole, because… no._ _

__Having a crush on his best male friend- his _married_ best male friend - was the kind of shit they made movies about._ _

__He sighed, heartfelt, and she glanced at him._ _

__“What’s eating you?”_ _

__“I feel like the pigeons would eat me,” Dan said, trying to make a joke out of it and diffuse the situation._ _

__“Pigeons wouldn’t eat you,” said Holly. “You’re not cooked.”_ _

__“... what?”_ _

__This was taking a grisly turn._ _

__“Pigeons… they eat grains, right?”_ _

__“Right.”_ _

__He watched her unlock the door, as she wobbled into the front room._ _

__He hadn’t really been here since Ross had left._ _

__His art was conspicuously missing from the walls, but things didn’t look too different._ _

__Mojo and Orph were both on shelves, watching the two humans, their eyes glittering in the porch light filtering through the open front door._ _

__“So their beaks aren’t aren’t made to get at things like meat. Like… they can’t get through the skin. They need something that’s been cooked, because it’s soft enough for them to get it.”_ _

__“... so if I fell into a fire, then maybe the pigeons would eat me?”_ _

__“I mean, maybe,” said Holly, “but what are the chances of that happening?”_ _

__“You don’t know how many open bonfires I like to chill next to,” Dan said, his tone mock defensive._ _

__Holly snorted._ _

__“Maybe you’ll just have to learn to take two steps back,” she told him._ _

__“With legs as long as mine are, that might result in me being outside of the circle of light,” said Dan._ _

__“That’s a you problem, not a me problem,” said Holly._ _

__She sighed._ _

__“You mind if I go change into my pajamas?”_ _

__“Go for it,” said Dan. “I’ll make you some tea.”_ _

__* * *_ _

__The room was still spinning, and Holly had to sit on the bed with her head between her legs._ _

__She got up, carefully, and she shed her clothes, then pulled her pajamas on, wrapping herself up in her warm robe._ _

__She found Dan in her kitchen, looking like a moose in a storage cupboard._ _

__He was leaning against the counter, his arms across his chest, staring at the kettle._ _

__“A watched pot never boils,” Holly said, and she leaned against the other cupboard._ _

__Orph was rubbing against Dan’s ankles, stating his opinions about something or other, and Dan leaned down, picking him up._ _

__“You’re hard done by, aren’t you?” Dan bounced Orph, gently, and he stroked the cat’s ears. “And it’s not a pot, it’s a kettle.”_ _

__Orph rubbed his head under Dan’s chin, and he was purring._ _

__“A kettle is just a funny shaped pot,” said Holly, and she scratched Orph’s head as well._ _

__“Everything is a funny shaped pot, if you look at it like that,” said Dan._ _

__He was very warm._ _

__She wanted to crowd closer to him - what would happen if she put her cold hands up the back of his shirt, onto his bare skin?_ _

__He was surprisingly warm, and he made funny noises when she did it._ _

__Still._ _

__It might send the wrong message._ _

__Whatever that message was._ _

__Everything was still just… weird._ _

__The air was thick with… something, and judging by the way he shifted from foot to foot, he was feeling it too._ _

__Or maybe she was drunk, and just imagining all of it._ _

__Who fucking knew._ _

__She leaned against the cabinet, her eyes half shut, just watching him._ _

__She never paid much attention to Dan - he was the mess out of the corner of her eye, with his torn jeans and flyaway hair._ _

__He was cute, in a rawboned kinda way - all long bones and sharp angles._ _

__His huge hands were cradling a mug._ _

__He was… he was just there._ _

__He was Dan, and Dan was as constant as the sky or the sun._ _

__Sure, he wasn’t always in the same location, but he was off to the side, somewhere - whether it was the fans asking after him (constantly), or the fact that some plan or another was constantly being delayed, so that Dan could be around._ _

__Hopefully, now that he’d reduced his workload, he might be less of a ghost._ _

__Although he’d be a horrible ghost._ _

__He was too timid to do a proper haunting._ _

__“What are you grinning about?”_ _

__“Hm?”_ _

__“You look pretty pleased with yourself,” said Dan, and then they both jumped, as the electric kettle clicked at them._ _

__“Oh. Just, uh, thinking about some stuff,” she said._ _

__What would kissing him be like?_ _

__… she needed some company, of some kind._ _

__Maybe she’d broach the topic with Jack._ _

__Sure, she couldn’t kiss Jack here and now, but plans for future kisses were always a thing._ _

__“What kinda stuff?”_ _

__Dan’s hands were sure as he took out a tea bag, placing it in the cup, then filling it with water for her._ _

__“Do you want honey? Milk?”_ _

__“Honey and lemon juice,” said Holly._ _

__“Gotcha,” said Dan, and he rummaged through the cabinets, then the fridge, added them, handing her cup to her._ _

__She took a swig of it, and nearly choked - it was hot enough to be almost scalding on her tender throat, and she coughed, setting the cup down and coughing._ _

__Dan gave her a whack on the back, hard enough that her teeth rattled, and she made an annoyed noise, giving him a Look._ _

__“Sorry,” said Dan, giving her a sheepish look._ _

__“It’s fine,” said Holly, although it wasn’t entirely._ _

__She wanted him to touch her._ _

__She wanted _anyone_ to touch her at this point._ _

__And she never wanted to be touched again - she remembered the look on Ross’s face, balls deep inside of her, his mind clearly elsewhere, and something like rage and something like sorrow rose up in her throat._ _

__It turned out to be vomit, and she aimed right this time, throwing up into the sink, hard enough that it was coming out of her nose, and she was crying the tears you cry when you’re sick._ _

__Dan was holding her hair back for her, and he wordlessly turned the sink on, cleaning it out, filling a glass of water for her and handing it to her._ _

__“I don’t feel comfortable leaving you alone right now,” Dan told her._ _

__“I can handle myself,” she told him. “I’ve been doing fine flying solo for the last year.”_ _

__“I thought Ross only moved out a few months ago,” Dan said, his expression confused._ _

__“He… wasn’t here for a long time before that,” said Holly. She cleared her throat. “He was… well, you know what being soulmates with someone does to you. He only had time for her.”_ _

__“I’m sorry,” said Dan, and he sounded it._ _

__“What can ya do? I’ll never hold up to her.”_ _

__“I like you better,” Dan said._ _

__“What, really?”_ _

__She blinked at him, taking another glug of her water._ _

__Her throat was still burning and acid burned._ _

__“Oh yeah.”_ _

__“... why?”_ _

__“Well, for one,” said Dan, “you’re a lot closer in age to me. And you’re not so….” He stared at the ceiling, clearly trying to collect his thoughts._ _

__Holly sighed._ _

__“No, that’s not fair,” she said. “It’s not her fault that she and Ross are soulmates. And they’re both at fault for being boneheads, but I was kind of a bonehead too.”_ _

__“You think?”_ _

__“I know.”_ _

__“I wouldn’t be half as reasonable as you’re being right now, if I was you,” said Dan._ _

__“I’ve got practice being reasonable in unreasonable circumstances,” said Holly, and she made a face._ _

__“You wanna watch a movie?”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__“Well,” said Dan, “I think that maybe you could use some… calming down before you go to bed, and if you fall asleep on the couch sitting up, I won’t be sitting up worrying about you choking to death on your own vomit.”_ _

__“You were… worried about me choking to death on my own death?”_ _

__“You mean on your own vomit?”_ _

__“That too.”_ _

__Alcohol induced aphasia._ _

__Who knew?_ _

__“If you died of your death, that would be… wait.”_ _

__Dan put a hand to his forehead theatrically._ _

__“I’m getting mixed up.”_ _

__“Now you know how I feel,” said Holly, sticking her tongue out at him and wobbling towards the couch._ _

__She sat on it heavily, bringing her legs up to curl them around her, heels against the backs of her thighs, her head on the cushions._ _

__Thank god for their ridiculous velvet sofa._ _

__She sighed, cuddling into it, and she closed her eyes, letting the spinning overtake her, as she clung to the couch._ _

__The cushions bent in, and then there was denim against the soles of her feet._ _

__She cracked an eye open, to find Dan looking at her with a worried expression._ _

__“Hi,” Holly said._ _

__Her voice was rough._ _

__“Hi,” said Dan._ _

__“What are we watching?”_ _

__“You don’t want to choose?”_ _

__She shrugged._ _

__His hand was an inch away from her ankle, and she could feel the heat of it radiating against her own skin._ _

__Her robe was leaving her overheated, and she shrugged out of it._ _

__So Dan would see her in an old tank top and ratty pajama pants printed with penguins._ _

__He’d held her hair back while she was vomiting._ _

__Who cared if he saw her hips, or possibly had a nip slip?_ _

__Heh._ _

__“Has anyone made slippers with boobs on them?”_ _

__“... what?” Dan twisted his whole body so that he was looking her full in the face with his whole body._ _

__“They’d be nip slippers!”_ _

__She began to cackle at that, and Mojo, who had been making her way towards Holly, made an affronted noise and ran off._ _

__“Fickle,” Holly called after the cat, and then she flopped her head back, because that was enough movement for now._ _

__“You are _really_ drunk,” Dan told her._ _

__Holly stretched her legs, resting her heels on his thigh._ _

__He was Dan._ _

__He’d never try any funny business, and she could blame all of her touch desperation on being drunk._ _

__And maybe she missed the warmth of another human being._ _

__Or something._ _

__She closed her eyes._ _

__“So movie?”_ _

__“What movie would you like?”_ _

__“Something scary.”_ _

__“I don’t like scary movies,” Dan said, and there was a hint of a whine in his voice._ _

__Holly opened one eye._ _

__“So you choose what kind of movie you want to watch,” she told him._ _

__“We can compromise,” he told her. “Some nice action horror.”_ _

__“It stops being horror once you put the action in,” Holly informed him. “If you can fight off the monster, the monster stops being scary. It just becomes some monster you’re gonna fight. Like… the difference between Mortal Kombat and... I dunno, Five Nights at Freddy’s.”_ _

__“One of them isn’t meant to be scary,” Dan pointed out._ _

__“Well, maybe not, but Five Nights still scares the shit outta me every time,” said Holly, and then she was laughing again, laughing so hard that her eyeballs were vibrating._ _

__“You’re funny,” Dan said, his tone deadpan._ _

__He rested his hand on her shin - she’d shaved, out of some vague hope of having someone to keep her company tonight._ _

__And in a sense, she had, so go figure._ _

__And now she was at home, with Dan, and she leaned back with her eyes shut, letting the sounds of the movie wash over her like a wave._ _

__“Hey Dan?”_ _

__“Mmm?”_ _

__“Did you like my outfit?”_ _

__“Oh, totally,” said Dan. “You looked great.”_ _

__He was beginning to rub her leg._ _

__It seemed to be more out of habit than any desire to touch her._ _

__She wasn’t sure how she felt about that._ _

__Did he even see her as a woman?_ _

__At least she didn’t have to worry about him trying anything… untoward._ _

__Both because she could break him in half if she sat on him too hard, and because well… he wasn’t like that._ _

__Although nobody was like that until they were like that._ _

__Goddamn it._ _

__“Dan, why are you rubbing my leg?”_ _

__“Sorry,” said Dan. “You, uh… you look lonely.”_ _

__Holly raised an eyebrow._ _

__“I know what it’s like… I know what it’s like to be used to being touched,” Dan said slowly, “and then you’re not being touched anymore. It can feel like there’s a hole in your heart, or your skin is dying. And… I know it can be easy to just, you know, shrink into yourself. Turn into something that doesn’t need touch, or… something.”_ _

__She kept looking at him._ _

__He shrugged, holding his hands out defensively._ _

__“Also, you put your foot on me.”_ _

__“I guess that does send a bit of a signal,” said Holly, but she brought her leg back._ _

__It had been nice to be touched by someone else, but… it was weird, if it was Dan._ _

__Dan was, among other things, her ex’s friend._ _

__So now she curled up in a ball on her couch, as the whole room bounced and roiled around her._ _

__* * *_ _

__Dan watched Holly’s face._ _

__He watched it out of the corner of his eye, as she mulled over his motives, and she brought her leg back, so that she was curled in a ball again, her knees pressed into her chest._ _

__She was very beautiful._ _

__Although maybe this was his brain making some last ditch effort so that he wasn’t convinced that he was into guys, or… something._ _

__Was he into guys?_ _

__Dan sighed, and he slumped down, his feet up on the coffee table._ _

__His own eyes slid shut, as Orph came over to curl up on his lap._ _

__“Hi,” Dan said quietly. “Hi, Orph I’m glad you’re here.”_ _

__“He likes you,” Holly murmured, still half asleep._ _

__“He likes everyone.”_ _

__Dan stroked the cat from the top of his head to the base of his tail, scratching him gently, and then he went to Orph’s chin, as Orph kneaded at his belly._ _

__There was a calmness to this, even if it was more awkward than it had any right to be._ _

__The’d never been this close before - her nearly naked in her pajamas, him still fully dressed._ _

__The tension of… whatever it was filling the room up like a guitar string being pulled tighter and tighter._ _

__There was going to be music, or it was going to snap, but either way… it would be something._ _

__Dan’s thoughts went sluggish, as sleep stole over him, like a silk scarf gently landing on his face._ _

__* * *_ _

__Holly was woken up in the morning by Dan gently shaking her._ _

__“Holly?”_ _

__“Mmm?”_ _

__“Can I borrow your shower?”_ _

__“Just put it back,” Holly mumbled, and she curled back into a ball, pulling the afghan back over her - her shirt had ridden up in the back, exposing her to the cold air._ _

__“Thanks,” said Dan. “Where are the towels?”_ _

__“Closet by the bathroom,” she said into a pillow._ _

__“Thanks,” said Dan, and he patted the top of her head._ _

__She vaguely batted at him, then fell back asleep, her face in the pillow._ _

__It was a good thing she’d remembered to take her makeup off at some point last night, or she’d need to wash the pillow._ _

__She went back to sleep, snoring quietly, wrapped in the fuzzy pink blanket._ _

__* * *_ _

__Dan was two thirds asleep as he made his way to the bathroom._ _

__Orph was meowing at him, twining around his ankles._ _

__“You want your breakfast, don’t you? Your mom usually more prompt about bringing it out?”_ _

__Another yowl._ _

__“At least Mojo is pretty quiet.”_ _

__Orph looked mildly affronted as Dan closed the door in his pointy, furry face, but Dan wasn’t a fan of having someone staring at him while he was taking a shower._ _

__At least, unless it was some kind of mutually beneficial kinky funtimes, which this didn’t seem to be._ _

__The guest bathroom was disused - Holly obviously hadn’t had anyone over for a while._ _

__There was the peppermint soap that everyone seemed to have, and some conditioner, which was handy._ _

__It looked like a woman’s, and when Dan popped it open to sniff, he paused._ _

__Yeah, that was Tamar’s._ _

__It must have been from when they were doing the poly thing, before Ross got lost in the giddiness of finding his soulmate._ _

__Dan remembered Holly and Tamar and Ross going on dates together - he’d bumped into them at least once, and Tamar had told him about it._ _

__He was… he was calm._ _

__There was a beat in the back of his head, almost in his chest, and it was a new one, but maybe a new song was starting to form._ _

__He was still sleepy, and his body was oddly heavy, as if some part of him was still sleeping on the couch._ _

__He shucked his clothes off quickly, making his way towards the shower._ _

__He had a meeting with Brian today, at the local coffee shop._ _

__They’d probably end up going back to Dan’s to record some demo tracks, but, well… coffee first was good._ _

__He might go in wearing yesterday’s clothes, but at least he’d smell nice._ _

__He turned the water on, and he stepped under the stream of it, as it blasted the water down his back, flattening his hair._ _

__He tilted his head back into it, and it was fucking heavenly._ _

__He didn’t realize how stiff he’d been from sleeping on the sofa, he turned around, letting the jet work on the knots of his back._ _

__He closed his eyes, washing his face, putting conditioner in his hair, then beginning to wash._ _

__He was on autopilot as he did his arms, his belly, his legs, his junk._ _

__He had a bit of morning wood, but he ignored it._ _

__It would be weird to jerk off in someone else’s shower._ _

__Then he paused, looking down the line of his body._ _

__And he froze._ _

__* * *_ _

___Holly Anne Conrad_ was written across his ribs in an elegant line, the “H” just under his right nipple, the “D’ level with his navel._ _

__He pressed on it, rubbing, but nothing changed._ _

__It was still his skin._ _

__There was no difference in the texture, it was just… skin._ _

__His skin._ _

__With Holly’s name on it._ _

__His heart was beating very fast, and now he was aware of the other heartbeat that was in the very back of his mind, and the lazy heaviness suffusing his whole body._ _

__It was a soul mark._ _

__She was his soulmate._ _

__Did that mean that his name was on her somewhere?_ _

__Where would it be?_ _

__Wouldn’t he have seen it?_ _

__What if it was covered by one of her tattoos?_ _

__What if it wasn’t there, but it was _supposed_ to be there, and he was supposed to touch her all over, just to find it?_ _

__Holly didn't seem too fond of the whole soulmate idea - how was she going to react to all of this?_ _

__It really was an impressive array of thoughts, considering they took place in the minute or so it took him to jump out of the shower (conditioner still in his hair) and run into the living room._ _

__He didn’t really come to the realization that he was naked until he was shaking her awake, at which point she was screaming._ _

__* * *_ _

__Dan was dripping water on her._ _

__He was dripping water everywhere, and she was making a point of not looking down, because he was very naked, and she’d already gotten a glimpse of his penis, and that was more than she needed right now._ _

__“What’s going on?!”_ _

__“You’re on me,” Dan said, and his tone was frantic. “I mean… your name. Is on me. My soul mark, it’s your name. Or, I guess it’s you. You’re my soulmate.”_ _

__“What.”_ _

__She stared at his face, with his wide brown eyes and his trouble expression._ _

__There was conditioner dripping down his face, leaving a snail trail of goo behind it._ _

__He smelled like… he smelled like Tamar, like Ross smelled when he’d come home at two in the morning and pass out next to her._ _

__At least it was more or less drowned out by all the peppermint, although now and again she’d get a little whiff of it._ _

__Her heart was going very fast, and there was a second beat there, and she realized with horror that it was Dan’s heart, she could _feel_ his heart, that was too weird, this was all too weird…._ _

__At least she couldn’t throw up anymore._ _

__“Is my… is my name on you?”_ _

__“I have no idea,” Holly said flatly._ _

__“Are you going to check?”_ _

__“Can you just go?”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__“Go. Can you go. Leave. Get out of my house.”_ _

__Holly was speaking very stiffly, but it was obvious that she was shaking._ _

__He wanted to put his arms around her._ _

__“Can I just… wash the conditioner out of my hair?”_ _

__“Fine,” said Holly. “Just… I’m going to my room. Please be gone when I come out.”_ _

__She was being unfair._ _

__She was being mean, she was being unfair, she was being a total jerk, and she couldn’t stop, because something inside of her was cracking like a plate, and she needed to be by herself before she broke entirely._ _

__“Right,” said Dan. “Can I… can I hug you?”_ _

__“Dan,” Holly said, in a voice was thin as bone china, “you’re naked.”_ _

__“Oh. Right.”_ _

__He covered his penis with one hand, and his other hand was on his side, covering up the “lly conr” of her name._ _

__Her name, written across his ribs in melanin._ _

__She didn’t know how to deal with this._ _

__She wasn’t supposed to be someone’s soulmate - at least, not for a while yet._ _

__Maybe when she’d healed the wound in the middle of her chest, but… not yet._ _

__But she was._ _

__Maybe he wasn’t her soulmate._ _

__But that would make it worse, wouldn’t it?_ _

__She locked her bedroom door, curling up in a ball in the middle of her bed, and she cried, as if her heart was breaking all over again._ _

__* * *_ _

__Dan was numb as he rinsed off, then stepped out, toweling dry._ _

__He pulled his clothes on, and he paused outside of Holly’s bedroom door._ _

__“I’m sorry,” he told her, through the door._ _

__No response._ _

__“I’ll text you later,” he told her._ _

__Still no response._ _

__“Feel better,” he finished, aware of how dumb he sounded, not sure how to fix it._ _

__No response._ _

__Welp._ _

__* * *_ _

__Holly left her bedroom after she heard the front door close._ _

__“I’m never getting drunk again,” she said to the room at large, although even as she said it she knew it wasn’t true._ _

__She needed to check if she had some kind of soul mark on her._ _

__Had Dan even touched her bare skin?_ _

__Could soul marks be transferred through fabric?_ _

__She had read about all of it when she was still young and had hopes for finding her soulmate some day._ _

__Fucked if she remembered it - most of it had been supplanted by Dungeons and Dragons facts, or memories of people she’d met since then._ _

__She was going to go out and feed the pigeons, then feed Pancake, feed the cats, feed Paco and Honeybun._ _

__She was going to do all the things that needed doing, without worrying about new marks appearing on her body._ _

__She would investigate it._ _

__But later._ _

__Not yet._ _

__Not now._ _

__* * *_ _

__She existed in some kind of limbo for almost three hours - first feeding all the animals, then cleaning the pigeon loft, then brushing the cats, cleaning the catboxes._ _

__She was about to get on her knees and scrub the kitchen floor when she came to the realization that she was stalling._ _

__She was dealing with Schrodinger’s soul mark - she both was and was not marked._ _

__It could be argued that she’d had the soulmate the whole time, since that didn’t just… pop into existence, but at the moment she didn’t have one._ _

__Sort of._ _

__She didn’t know about it, so it wasn’t real._ _

__Maybe she didn’t have Dan’s name written on her own skin._ _

__But that was worse, in a way - she was his soulmate, but he wasn’t hers._ _

__How would that even work?_ _

__Some kind of pathetic platonic… something or other?_ _

__She sighed gustily, and she went into her bedroom, standing in front of the full length mirror at the closet door._ _

__First she took her shirt off._ _

__She stood there, staring at herself, squinting._ _

__The name would be visible, right?_ _

__Sometimes soul marks were surprisingly small, or unclear._ _

__Some folks had apparently dismissed their own soul marks as freckles, or oddly shaped birthmarks._ _

__But there was nothing new, on her breasts, on her belly._ _

__When she twisted, she could just see her back, and nothing different there either._ _

__It couldn’t be under one of her tattoos - it would shine through that._ _

__Soul marks couldn’t be covered, couldn’t be cut out, couldn’t be scarred off._ _

__They were part of the skin, but also more than that._ _

__She’d have to read up on it again._ _

__There was a bit of a dark mark on her hip, peeking up over the waistband of her sleep shorts._ _

__It could have been an “L”, tilted on its side._ _

__Oh god._ _

__With a trembling hand, she shoved her pajama shorts down._ _

___Leigh Daniel Avidan_ , written in a flowing script, from her hip, looping down to wrap around her thigh. _ _

__Oh gods._ _

__She sat down on the floor, very hard, and she closed her eyes._ _

__Her heart was beating very fast, and so was the heartbeat in the back of her mind - was that Dan?_ _

__She could hear his heartbeat now._ _

__Oh god._ _

__She was going to have to call Suzy and ask her about all of this._ _

__She was going to have to call Jack and tell him… what?_ _

__She shuddered, and then she gave a sob, pressing her face into her drawn up knees, her arms wrapped around them._ _

__Oh god._ _

__Did this mean she had to be with Dan for the rest of her life?_ _

__Did she _want_ to be with Dan for the rest of her life?_ _

__She liked the guy, sure, but… he was Dan._ _

__Long, skinny Dan, the rock star, the guy who had any woman he’d be interested in._ _

__Neurotic Dan, who constantly worried that he was doing it wrong, that he was sending the wrong message, that there was some almighty being out there taking notes on who was succeeding, who wasn’t._ _

__A soul mark didn’t necessarily mean a relationship - some folks continued their wild ways, as they had an assured partner in old age._ _

__Some people took their soulmates for granted, since they would always be there, and the soulmate didn’t really have a choice in it either._ _

__Would that happen to her?_ _

__She stared at the name curling on her hip, and she sighed._ _

__She needed… she needed to get away._ _

__But where?_ _

__* * *_ _

__“Hi, Hols!”_ _

__Sean smiled into his webcam, aware that he probably looked daft, not particularly caring right at that moment._ _

__Holly was _right there_ and he loved talking to her._ _

__Especially after the… disastrous date the night before._ _

__He was totally sympathetic of people trying to figure out their sexuality._ _

__He just didn’t want to be used as the catalyst for that._ _

__Ah well._ _

__At least the movie was fun, and he had enjoyed the company._ _

__But Holly had said she liked him!_ _

__Although her face… she looked like she was going to start crying._ _

__“I’ve… I like you a lot. I like you a lot, and you’re amazing and I wanted to know if you were interested in maybe… getting together, but we can’t now, because I’ve got someone else’s name on me, and now I don’t know what to do!”_ _

__She was crying now._ _

__“Hols, slow down. What’s up, sweetheart?”_ _

__The random bit of endearment just… slipped out._ _

__Holly stood up, and she dropped her pants._ _

__Sean tried not to stare too goggle eyed - wow, but those were… her panties were old and thin, and he could see the shape of her labia, and some of her pubic hair._ _

__Um._ _

__He resisted the urge to shove his hand between his legs and give himself a squeeze._ _

__But there was Dan’s name, written out in a gorgeous, flowing script._ _

__“Oh,” said Sean._ _

__There was a block of ice in his chest, and it just… plummeted, landing in his stomach, freezing it._ _

__“Oh,” Sean said again._ _

__He shouldn't have been this disappointed._ _

__He didn’t want to do long distance, she was newly heartbroken…._ _

__But the fact that nothing would come of all of this... warmth, the brightness that was flowering in his chest…._ _

__He put on a smile._ _

__“I’m sure you guys will be happy together,” he said._ _

__He’d have his own feelings about it later._ _

__He was going to be supportive to his friend._ _

__… and try not to think about the fact that he now knew the shape of her labia._ _

__Oh god._ _

__His cock, ignoring the turmoil his heart was going through, twitched in his pants, as he remembered that glimpse he’d seen._ _

__Not was _not_ the time for that. _ _

__Holly was still crying._ _

__“I don’t _want_ to be happy with him. Or at least… I don’t want to not have a say in it.” _ _

__“Hmm?”_ _

__“I don’t want to be with Dan because his fucking… name is on my skin, or whatever. I want… I want to be with someone because I want to be with them. And I don’t even know if I’m ready to be with anyone, now or ever.”_ _

__“You don’t have to be,” said Jack, trying to keep his tone soothing._ _

__She looked like she was on the verge of a panic attack._ _

__“I want to… please, I….”_ _

__She ran her hands over her face, grabbing at her hair, and she sat on the floor with a “flumph” and made a face._ _

__“I’m not going anywhere. No matter what, if… a zillion names showed up on your skin and blotted out your tattoos I’d still be here. I promise.”_ _

__“Even if I never wanted to be intimate?”_ _

__“You’re my friend, Hols,” Sean said. “I’ve… I’m interested in you. Like that. But there’s a time and a place for that shit, And… if it’s never time for you to… want me like that, then it’ll never be time for that. I’m not going anywhere.”_ _

__She smiled at him, a watery smile, and she looked at him with her big green eyes._ _

__“Can I still crash on your couch?”_ _

__“Of course.”_ _

__“Can I crash on your couch in the near future?”_ _

__“Sure, if you’re in Ireland!”_ _

__He grinned._ _

__“... what if I’m in Ireland… soon?”_ _

__He raised an eyebrow._ _

__“How soon is soon?”_ _

__“As soon as possible.”_ _

__“... right,” said Sean.”Well, uh, I can’t guarantee that I’ll be able to pick you up from the airport, but but other than that, you’re always welcome here.”_ _

__“I’m gonna hold you to that,” said Holly, and her lower lip was wobbling, but she was smiling at him._ _

__“If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”_ _

__Holly burst out laughing._ _

__“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” she told him._ _

__“But it is at the top of the list, isn’t it?”_ _

__“Top of the list of dumbness? Yes.”_ _

__“It’s good to be the top of the list at something,” said Sean._ _

__Holly was still grinning._ _

__“Versus being top of the morning?”_ _

__“That was bad,” Sean told her._ _

__“Maybe I’m just learning from example,” she fired back._ _

__“I suppose I’ll have to be a better example,” he said lightly._ _

__“Shouldn’t you be looking up to me? Since I’m older than you and all that.”_ _

__“You’re not _that_ much older than me.”_ _

__“If we started dating, people would probably call me a cougar,” said Holly._ _

__“Well, if we start dating, I’ll tell them to fuck off,” said Sean. “Alternately, I can tell everyone you’re my sugar mommy and you’re making me roll in the Benjamins.”_ _

__“They’re not Benjamins where you are,” she said. “You’d have to be your own currency.”_ _

__“Well, yes,” said Sean. “I’m just translating it for your American ears.”_ _

__“Translating it to American?”_ _

__“You lot are pretty damn single minded, about what counts as real English,” said Sean, and he was grinning._ _

__“Coming from an Irish dude, I don’t know how I feel about that.”_ _

__“Are you complaining about my English?”_ _

__“I’m just saying… you guys have your own take on it. As it were.”_ _

__“I feel like that was the most diplomatic version of “you no talk good” that I’ve ever heard.”_ _

__“You hear that a lot?”_ _

__Holly was smiling at him._ _

__Hopefully he hadn’t upset her with the joke about dating her._ _

__“I did when I first got into YouTube,” said Sean. “These days I’m too much of a big shot for people to complain about the way I talk.”_ _

__“You’re never too much of a big shot for people to complain about the way you talk,” said Holly, with some authority. “I think they just like your accent.”_ _

__“It is a pretty sexy accent,” Jack agreed. “Although you lot have it wrong - _you’re_ the ones with the accents, not me!” _ _

__Holly was snickering, even if her eyes were still red from the crying she’d done._ _

__She did a lot of crying._ _

__Maybe she’d done a lot of crying before she’d broken up with Ross - he didn’t know her that well in those days._ _

__“But yeah,” Sean said, aware of how awkward he sounded. “If you want to, uh, if you want to come visit me last minute, just give me the heads up. I can’t promise to be a good tour guide, but I can at the very least give you a place to crash and recommendations on good places to go.”_ _

__“Thanks,” said Holly. “I’ll… I’ll keep you updated with my schedule.”_ _

__She sounded like she was arranging some kind of business meeting._ _

__“Thanks,” said Sean._ _

__“So tell me about your latest project,” said Holly, in what was possibly the most transparent attempt at changing the subject, short of just saying “let’s change the subject.”_ _

__“Well,” said Sean, letting the river of talk flow out of him, “It’s kinda….”_ _

__* * *_ _

__Holly let Jack’s voice wash over her, until she could barely keep her eyes open._ _

__It had been an exhausting day._ _

__She needed to go to sleep - she’d done all the stuff she needed to do, and now it was just her, by herself, talking to a voice on the computer from the other side of the world._ _

__“I gotta go,” she told Jack. “I’ll keep you updated on plans and stuff.”_ _

__“Right,” said Jack, and was she imagining it, or did he look… hopeful?_ _

__Huh._ _

__“Night, Hols. Sleep well!”_ _

__“You too,” said Holly. “When ya do, I mean.”_ _

__She hung up, and she sprawled out on the bed._ _

__Visiting Jack would be nice._ _

__Staying at his house, away from all of… this._ _

__Although she’d need to get someone to watch the animals._ _

__And she’d need to talk to Dan at some point._ _

__Some point._ _

__Some point, which was not now._ _

__* * *_ _

__“Hey Arin, you busy?”_ _

__“I mean, we’re literally filming in episode in two hours, so I need to do things like shower,” said Arin._ _

__His tiredness could be felt all the way down the phone, bouncing off of the satellites, to settle in Dan’s ear._ _

__Not that it was doing much to Dan._ _

__Dan was full of too much energy, buzzing under his skin, making his nerves twitch._ _

__He kept tracing his fingers over the name written on his ribs - the skin felt exactly the same, but he was never going to have bare skin there again._ _

__He was going to have Holly’s name on him for the rest of his life._ _

__Unless he was horribly burned, or maybe if he tried to get surgery to get it taken off, although those surgeries almost never worked, unless it was a skin graft, and even those sometimes didn’t work._ _

__He was thinking about this too much._ _

__“Can I meet you at your place, we could go to work together?”_ _

__“Are you sure this can’t wait until we’re at the office?”_ _

__“... I want to talk about deep shit in private.”_ _

__“Oh,” said Arin. “Right. How about… how about I pick you up, we can get food before we go to the office?”_ _

__“Okay,” said Dan. “Thank you. So much. I”m sorry.”_ _

__“You don’t have to apologize,” said Arin, and his voice was sweet and soft. “You haven’t done anything to apologize for.”_ _

__“Still.”_ _

__“I’ll call you when I’m about to leave the house, okay?”_ _

__“Okay,” said Dan. “I’ll see ya then.”  
* * * _ _

__Dan paced, after he’d changed into some clean clothes._ _

__He had his hands shoved in his pockets, and he was trying not to crack his knuckles, or run his hands through his hair._ _

__Tried not to lift his shirt up, so that he could feel his new soul mark._ _

__He had an actual soul mark._ _

__He was a person with a soul mark._ _

__What would it be like, to live in a world where whoever you’re destined to be with for the rest of your life _wasn’t_ written across your skin?_ _

__How would people even be able to tell if someone was the one you were supposed to be with?_ _

__But that wasn’t the world he lived in - he lived in this one._ _

__And then there was a knock at his door._ _

__* * *_ _

__Dan tried not to grin too broadly when Arin walked into his house, kicking his sandals off._ _

__“What was so important that you had to have me over here right now?”_ _

__Arin looked mildly annoyed._ _

__“I found my soulmate,” said Dan._ _

__“Holy fuck!” Arin’s whole face transformed as he smiled - it was enough to make Dan’s heart seize in his chest._ _

__He wanted Arin to look at him like that all the time, as often as he could._ _

__It was unfair that it wasn’t _Arin’s_ name on his ribs._ _

__And that realization was enough to make Dan a little weak in the knees, and he had to sit down._ _

__Holly's heart beat desperately in his head - she was freaking out, and it was feeding into his own anxiety, making him more jittery._ _

__“So… who is it? Do I know them? Why did you want to talk in private?”_ _

__Arin was looking confused, but still thrilled._ _

__“It’s Holly.”_ _

__“Holly?”_ _

__“Yeah. Holly. Holly Conrad.”_ _

__“ _Holly_ is your soulmate?!”_ _

__“... yeah.”_ _

__“Oh,” said Arin, and now he sat down across from Dan. “Okay, yeah, I can see why you’re a bit worried.”_ _

__“You don’t say,” Dan said, and he laughed, his anxiety bubbling out of him like seltzer water in a shook up bottle._ _

__“Well… does she have… you know, your name?”_ _

__“Yeah,” said Dan, “but she told me to leave.”_ _

__“... you wanna tell me what happened?”_ _

__“Well, I picked her up from this bar, because she sounded, like… worryingly drunk, and like she needed comforting. And at some point I must have touched her soul spot, because now she’s got my name on her - I saw it that night and I didn’t register, I must have! -, and when she saw that she did she just… kicked me out._ _

__“Kicked you out?”_ _

__“Yeah. She didn’t want to even let me finish washing my hair. Just… wanted me out.”_ _

__“Geez.” Arin made a sympathetic face. “I’m sorry.”_ _

__“You… I don’t think she likes me,” Dan said, ware of how vaguely pathetic that sounded._ _

__He and Holly were soulmates._ _

__It was written on their skin._ _

__But now she seemed to just… hate him._ _

__If not hate him, at least didn’t want to spend any time with him._ _

__“No?”_ _

__“She literally just kicked me out of the house,” Dan pointed out._ _

__“She did just kinda have her heart broken,” said Arin. “She might not be able to have that kind of intensity with _anyone_.”_ _

__“Yeah, but….” Dan sighed. “I dunno. What if I fall in love with someone else? What if I want to be with someone who isn’t her?”_ _

__“I mean,” said Arin, “I don’t know?”_ _

__“Didn’t you break up with Suzy at one point?”_ _

__“... sort of,” said Arin. “It was kinda… complicated. Because we knew we’d find each other, and I just wanted to have a chance to try out people. Try something new, you know?”_ _

__“You’re making people sound like wine,” said Dan. “Wanting to try new ones.”_ _

__Arin made a face._ _

__“You know what I mean,” he said. “I was a kid, basically, and I could see forever in her eyes whenever we looked at each other, or when I saw my name on her chest, and I thought maybe I had another soulmate out there -”_ _

__“What, two soulmates?”_ _

__“It’s a thing,” Arin said defensively. “You hear about people having multiple soulmates, and it goes from there….”_ _

__“Yeah, yeah,” said Dan, and he made a dismissive hand motion. “But you knew that you could have her forever. You _would_ have her forever, since your name is right there, and her name is there….”_ _

__“Yeah,” said Arin, “but forever is a lot scarier when you’re not even twenty five.”_ _

__“I guess,” said Dan. “I feel like you had a built in… safety net. You knew that, worst case scenario, you had someone who would care about you.”_ _

__Arin shrugged._ _

__“She could have decided that she’d rather be by herself, even if we were made to be together by destiny or whatever. She could have decided to live her life as her life, and only come find me when she was old and grey and was ready to not do stuff with her life anymore. She could have kept us platonic, and we’d still have each other, but obviously… not like we do.”_ _

__Arin’s expression turned wistful, and Dan looked away._ _

__There was an intimacy to his face, and Dan knew that he wasn’t part of it, no matter how much he might want it._ _

__“So… for all I know Holly is gonna run off to the ends of the earth and only come find me when she’s on her deathbed.”_ _

__“Possibly not even then,” Arin said, his tone as if he was talking about something perfectly calm and reasonable. “She may say the whole thing is bunk, and just leave for good.”_ _

__“Great,” Dan said, his voice flat._ _

__“It’ll all work out,” Arin said, and he patted Dan on the arm. “Worst case scenario, you’ll….”_ _

__“Die alone?”_ _

__Dan’s voice was flat._ _

__Was it possible for his heart to break?_ _

__Was his heart breaking?_ _

__Or just his stomach sinking?_ _

__“You’ll never die alone, as long as we’re friends,” Arin said, and Arin’s hand was on his shoulder, then holding his hand, squeezing his fingers._ _

__Dan smiled at Arin, abnormally grateful._ _

__He wished he could kiss Arin._ _

__He settled on squeezing Arin’s fingers._ _

__“I’m here for you, okay?”_ _

__“Okay.”_ _

__“You wanna head to the office?”_ _

__“Sounds like a plan.”_ _

__* * *_ _

__Holly stared down into her mug of tea, then looked back at Suzy, who was giving her a sympathetic look._ _

__“So you and Dan?”_ _

__“Yeah.”_ _

__“And… you’re not happy about it?”_ _

__“I mean….” Holly made a vague hand motion, then let her arm drop onto the table._ _

__The sound was loud enough that the cats ran out, looking affronted._ _

__“Mmm?”_ _

__“I… I’m not ready for a soulmate. I’m not ready for someone else in my life like that. Hell, I don’t know if I’ll ever be. And… I had someone else I was… I mean, I don’t know.”_ _

__“It must be kinda scary,” Suzy said, her tone sympathetic. “I kinda freaked out, when I got mine.”_ _

__Her fingers brushed across the graceful, looping letters of Arin’s name, writ large across her collarbone._ _

__“Yeah? You guys are… perfect for each other,” said Holly._ _

__Then again, she and Ross had been perfect for each other, and now look where she was._ _

__“Well, yeah, now,” said Suzy. “We had to work really hard for it. Arin was a jerk when we met each other, and I was kind of a pushover.”_ _

__“Yeah?” Holly’s eyebrow went up. “I can’t imagine you as a pushover.”_ _

__“People change,” said Suzy._ _

__“I dunno if Dan ever could change,” said Holly. “Hell, I don’t know if I’d want him to.”_ _

__“No?”_ _

__“He’s… he’s a good person, he’s a nice person, he seems pretty happy being who he is. I just don’t think that who he is meshes well with who I am, at least in terms of romance. Or… lifestyle, I guess.”_ _

__Suzy shrugged._ _

__“So what are you going to do?”_ _

__Holly sighed, her elbows on the table, her face in her hands._ _

__“... honestly? I’m kind of embarrassed about this.”_ _

__“Honestly. Tell me, I promise I won’t judge.”_ _

__“I want to go visit a friend in Ireland. I should have enough money in… maybe three months? And I can ask friends to watch the animals.”_ _

__“What are you gonna do until then?”_ _

__Holly groaned into her hands._ _

__Dan's heart was pulsing in her head, gently._ _

__He was calm right now - she could tell when he was panicking, his anxiety bleeding into her own, becoming this big amalgamation of nothing but a gross mush of horrible feelings._ _

__But she wasn't going to worry about that._ _

__She was going to pay attention to Suzy, who was right in front of her._ _

__“I have no idea,” she told Suzy. “Probably just avoid Dan, to the best of my ability.”_ _

__“Would you want to go to Ireland right away?”_ _

__“If I could, yeah,” Holly said, surprised at her own candor._ _

__She imagined not being in LA - being away from all the reminders that she and Ross had once been together, all the people who knew her as Ross’s wife, now Ross’s ex._ _

__How soon until she just became Dan’s soulmate?_ _

__Because her name was someplace pretty visible - people would notice it, the first time Dan disrobed at a concert._ _

__Oh god, she hadn’t even thought about that._ _

__Suzy was taking out her phone, and she was fiddling around with it._ _

__“I’m going to buy you a plane ticket for the day after tomorrow,” she told Holly._ _

__“What,” said Holly, because she must have heard that wrong._ _

__“A plane ticket. I’m buying you a plane ticket. Where in Ireland are you going?”_ _

__“I need to… I need to ask him,” Holly said, through numb lips. “You can’t be serious.”_ _

__“Of course I’m serious,” Suzy said, in a tone that brooked no argument. “You look like you’re going to drown. I know that you can do your streaming and your writing from elsewhere, and I’m sure your patrons would be understanding. You’ve got a backlog, anyway, you were talking about that the other day.”_ _

__“Well, yes,” said Holly, her tongue still heavy. “But -”_ _

__“I know what it’s like to feel trapped,” said Suzy, and there was something wistful on her face. “Consider this a Christmas present.”_ _

__“It’s the wrong season for it,” Holly said._ _

__“An early one. Or a late one. Whatever.”_ _

__“I can’t accept this,” Holly said._ _

__Her voice was rough - there were tears, perched on the back of her throat._ _

__“Of course you can,” said Suzy. “C’mon, message your friend so we can get details.”_ _

__“Right,” said Holly._ _

__She was too shocked to think, as she DMed Jack._ _

__Would he even be awake?_ _

__* * *_ _

__Sean wasn’t expecting his phone to buzz at him, but he was having trouble sleeping, so why not answer it?_ _

__It was from Holly._ _

He sat up fully, grinning in spite of himself. 

She didn’t usually message him at this hour. 

Then his eyebrows went up. 

_Is the offer for couch crashing still open?_

_Of course it is!_

_What if I were to theoretically show up… two days from today. Technically three._

Sean glanced at the date on his phone. 

_What, like… that soon?_

_Yeah. This is gonna sound crazy, but Suzy is offering to pay for tickets for me to visit you._

_She knows we’ve been talking?_

There was a rush of… something in Sean’s stomach. He wasn’t sure what it was. 

Nerves? 

Excitement? 

_I just said my friend._

Disappointment? 

Or… something. 

He’d have to interrogate it at a later date. 

_Well, you’re welcome whenever. Just keep me in the loop so I can come pick you up._

_Can you give me details as to which airport?_

_Oh, sure._

And then he was sending her his address, the nearest airport. 

His heart was beating very hard. 

His cock was swelling up between his legs, making a tent in his pajama pants. 

“Really?” He glared down at it. 

__It didn’t respond - thank god, he’d worry he’d gone over the deep end if it did._ _

__But being close to Holly - being able to smell her skin, look into her eyes…._ _

__His dick twitched._ _

__“None of that.”_ _

__It ignored him._ _

__Of course it did._ _

__He sighed, flopping back down into the bed, and he slid a hand down into his pants, his other hand holding his phone._ _

__Well… maybe he could try thinking about something while he jerked off, just to take his mind off of all of this._ _

__Unbidden, the mental image of Holly in his lap came up._ _

__And his phone buzzed._ _

___Thank you, Jack. I don’t know what I’d do without you. <3 _ _ _

__His heart sped up, and he moaned, squeezing his cock._ _

__He let go of it, quick enough to fire off a quick message._ _

___Can’t wait to see ya! I’ll have to start hiding all the porn and clean the place up for ya!_ _ _

__He got a smiley in response to that._ _

__He tilted his head back, staring up at the ceiling, and he squeezed his cock again, stroking it from root to tip, then pushing his foreskin back, exposing the sensitive head to the open air._ _

__He moaned, humping his hand, and in his head, Holly was in his lap, Holly with her laba spread open, his cock going into her as she wriggled on top of him._ _

__Holly without Dan’s name written on her hip - maybe with his own name instead, in that same graceful, looping script that Jack had seen referred to as the handwriting of God._ _

__But no, that was too intense._ _

__Think about the sex._ _

__That was a safer place to go right now._ _

__She’d be hot inside, so hot, and she’d be soft against him - how wet would she be?_ _

__He licked his hand, drooling along his fingers, and he began to stroke faster, moaning._ _

__He’d bounce her, he’d put his face in her tits, god, he had put more thought into her tits than he’d care to admit - he’d seen her nipple once, when she’d worn a tank top and had leaned over to get something, and he’d seen a dusky pink nipple - it would have been perfect for him to put in his mouth, or to pinch between his fingers._ _

__Was she that sweet and trilling when she was moaning?_ _

__Did she warble, the tone rising up and down?_ _

__He pictured pinching her nipple, and the noise she would make, and then he was cumming across his chest, thrusting into his hand._ _

__He groaned, gasping, sobbing, and he shuddered, his other hand in his hair, yanking his head back._ _

__His cock was still pulsing, shooting cum up between his nipples, and he was in sweet, blissful agony, his whole body on edge, then mercifully relaxing, leaving him a puddle in the middle of the bed._ _

__There was a puddle of jizz on his stomach and his chest as well, which was… less nice._ _

__He was going to have to wash off._ _

__In a minute._ _

__He yawned, letting his eyes drift shut._ _

__Maybe there was sleep on the horizon after all._ _

__* * *_ _

__The next day was a flurry of activity._ _

__She had to arrange for someone to take care of the animals, she had to sort out her streaming schedule, sort out her costumes._ _

__She alerted people, she did laundry, she lavished affection on the cats, on Feathers._ _

__She did a lot of questioning._ _

__What was she looking for?_ _

__What did she actually want?_ _

__What was she hoping for?_ _

__The thrum of Dan’s heart was in her head at all times, and she didn't know if she was comforted by it or annoyed._ _

__She tried to drown it out with music sometimes, but… well, it was inside of her head._ _

__There’s only so much you can do to drown out the inside of your own head._ _

__Scientists had studied these types of things before, testing the soulmate bound, testing what happened._ _

__They could feel each other’s pain, each other’s pleasure._ _

__It was… it was all complicated._ _

__She bought a few books, took a few more out from the library and she sat up the night before her trip, reading about the soul bond._ _

__About how there was proof of it existing even before writing._ _

__About the ways it showed up before writing, about the ways it showed up when languages were a lot more separate._ _

__That was something to think about - what made someone’s name their name, in a pre-written language society?_ _

__Emotions were shared back and forth across the bond as well - she’d felt a spike of irritation, or a wash of joy at something or other._ _

__It was alien in her head, almost sickening, and so utterly… not of her own mind that it terrified her._ _

__Holly groaned, flopping back into her chair, staring at the ceiling._ _

__There were no ways to get rid of the soul bond, and it was generally accepted that one part of a soul bond died, the other one wasn’t too far behind._ _

__Survivors spoke of the “endless silence” that ate them alive._ _

__What Holly wouldn’t do for some endless silence._ _

__A rush of pleasure washed over her, late in the evening, and she shuddered, arousal coursing through her, leaving her wet between the legs, her heart beating faster in her breast._ _

__His heart was beating faster, in her head, and she made a face._ _

__So Dan was jerking off._ _

__Or possibly having sex with someone else._ _

__… was she okay with that?_ _

__Was she not okay with that?_ _

__She groaned again, rubbing her thighs together, and her arousal was sticky on her skin._ _

__She could do something about it, but then… then Dan would know that she was masturbating, and that would be… weird._ _

__Could he feel how aroused she was already? The way her clit was pulsing its desperate morse code messages through her clit, her nipples hard and desperate to be touched._ _

__She shivered, her toes curling, and she took a deep breath._ _

__No._ _

__No matter how tempting it was, this was all too weird to even consider._ _

__So she dug her nails into her palm, and recited pigeon facts, until her blood wasn’t running quite that hot in her veins._ _

__She took a deep breath, and she sighed._ _

__Then she reached for her phone._ _

_So you’ll be able to pick me up?_ she sent to Jack. 

_You bet your booter!_

_... booter?_

_I don’t know. I’ve been playing a really stupid game, my brain is dribbling out of my fucking ears._

_That can’t be healthy._

_Neither is playing this game, so we’re even._

_I can’t wait to see you._

__She was blushing._ _

_Neither can I! I’ve even managed to get some fun stuff planned!_

_Yeah?_

_Oh yeah! But you should sleep - it’s late._

_Yeah, yeah._

* * * 

>Dan, his own cum drying on his chest, stared at his phone. 

__Holly hadn’t called him._ _

__She hadn’t texted him._ _

__There was a dribble of cum across the “n” in “Anne”, and he rubbed it into his skin, still marveling at the contrast of the letters against his skin._ _

__It still surprised him sometimes - the moment of _wait, there’s something… oh_._ _

__Suzy had mentioned that happening with her tattoo._ _

__Did Holly feel when he jerked off?_ _

__Oh god, that would be awkward._ _

__He could feel her emotions, faintly, if he tried._ _

__Occasionally there would be a wash of something - a moment of tenderness, or a little flash of anger._ _

__There had been a wave of astonishment the day before, and that had been a shock - he’d have to ask her about that, when they were talking to each other again._ _

__Which would be soon._ _

__It had to be soon, if only so they could sort out… all of it._ _

__What was expected of each other._ _

__He rolled onto his stomach, not even bothering to clean the cum off - he just needed to sleep._ _

__He’d have a nice long talk to her the next day._ _

__* * *_ _

__Holly stood in line at the airport, shifting from foot to foot, waiting to go through security._ _

__She was tired._ _

__She was tired, and Dan was still sleeping, which left her feeling half asleep._ _

__It was hard to function, when the drowsiness was wafting through her own head._ _

__She’d said goodbye to all of her animals - kisses for anyone who’d take them, pets and scritches for everyone else._ _

__And now she was in the glass monstrosity that was LAX._ _

__She’d been with Ross, the last time she’d been here._ _

__It had been late - they had been on their way to Australia._ _

__She needed to go to Australia again, at some point._ _

__She needed to go to Australia, without Ross, so that it could be a place for her again, not just a place for her and Ross._ _

__That was the hard part about being newly divorced, wasn’t it?_ _

__Having to create places that were just for you._ _

__But at least she was on her way someplace else._ _

__On her way to making Ireland a place for her again, not  place for her and Ross._ _

__She sighed, and she began to empty out her pockets._ _

__* * *_ _

__“Rats.” Suzy made a face. “I forgot to ask Holly about that prop she was making me. Oh well.”_ _

__Dan’s ears perked up when he heard Holly’s name, although he tried to stay casual, leaning with his elbows on the table in the Grump space._ _

__“Which prop?”_ _

__“The big sword. For my Dragons in Places thing, for ComiCon.”_ _

__“Just ask her when she gets back,” said Arin._ _

__“Wait, gets back?”_ _

__Dan gave up on appearing nonchalant._ _

__“Yeah,” said Suzy. “She’s going to Ireland for a week.”_ _

__“A week?! Ireland?!”_ _

__Dan’s heart was dropping into his stomach, and it was going very fast._ _

__The spike of anxiety would probably hit her._ _

__Would she be able to feel it? Would she be able to hear his heart going faster?_ _

__Her heart was beating calmly, steadily._ _

__She was okay._ _

__Okay._ _

__So that was the important part._ _

__But… still._ _

__“Did she not tell you?”_ _

__Arin shot Dan a concerned look._ _

__“No! She didn’t!”_ _

__“Well… she’ll be back soon,” Suzy said._ _

__“Right,” said Dan, and he grabbed his phone. “I’ll, uh… I’ll be right back.”_ _

__“Are you going to call Holly?”_ _

__“Maybe,” said Dan._ _

__“Give her a chance to do her own thing,” Arin called after him._ _

__Dan ignored it._ _

__His goddamn soulmate was running off to _Ireland_ and she hadn’t even said anything!_ _

__He didn’t need her to ask him, but she could have at least given him a heads up?!_ _

__He called her._ _

__* * *_ _

__Holly glared at her phone as it rang._ _

__Goddamn it._ _

__She answered it, leaning back into the booth at the airport._ _

__Because what was the point of traveling by air, if not to get an airport cocktail?_ _

__Even if it was about eleven in the morning._ _

__And now her phone was ringing._ _

__And it was Dan._ _

__Of course it was Dan._ _

__He was already getting on her nerves._ _

__So why wouldn’t he find another way to piss her off?_ _

__“What?”_ _

__Not the nicest way to answer the phone, but she was out of patience right now._ _

__“... what?”_ _

__Dan sounded nonplussed._ _

__“Why are you calling me?”_ _

__“Because… you’re going to Ireland?! What’s in Ireland?”_ _

__“I’m visiting Jack,” said Holly._ _

__“Why are you visiting Jack?”_ _

__“Jack is my friend,” Holly said frostily._ _

__“He’s my friend too, but you don’t see me running off to Ireland!”_ _

__“Well, you aren’t coming off of a divorce, then finding out that you’re apparently soulmates with someone like… fucking you! And yeah, your name is on me. I… I saw it.”_ _

__“What’s wrong with me?!”_ _

__“I can’t have this conversation right now,” Holly said flatly._ _

__“We’re gonna have it at some point,” Dan snapped back._ _

__“Well, we’ll have it another time,” said Holly. “But I’m going to Ireland, to see Jack.”_ _

__“Are you guys just friends? Are you more than friends?”_ _

__Something like shame flushed through her, and why was she feeling shame?_ _

__It wasn’t like she owed Dan a single thing._ _

__“Why do you care?”_ _

__“Because you’re my soulmate.”_ _

__“That doesn’t give you a right to demand I stay with you, unless you and me actually sit down and talk about us having something like a relationship. And I’m not ready for a soulmate. I’m not ready for a romantic partner.”_ _

__“You’ve got a soulmate. There’s nothing you can do about it.”_ _

__“Well, leave me alone. I’ll talk to you about shit when I get back. I promise. But… not right now.”_ _

__“Fine.”_ _

__“Fine.”_ _

__And then she hung up._ _

__She was being a jerk._ _

__But fuck it, so was he._ _

__* * *_ _

Sean was woken up by his phone buzzing at him. 

Usually, he could sleep through a few buzzes. 

This wasn’t a few. 

There were at least twelve DMs from Dan, increasingly frantic. 

The last one just had “Please Skype me as soon as possible!!!!” in the main body. 

Dan must have meant business, if he was sending that many exclamation points. 

Sean groaned, sat up, and trekked to his computer. 

He’d cleaned the whole house, filmed a whole bunch of episodes (including one telling everyone he was going to be a bit busy), and then he’d fallen asleep on his couch, his phone on his chest. 

It was almost eight in the evening, and his head was full of fog. 

His skype icon was jumping at him, with more messages from Dan. 

_What’s up?_ Sean typed. 

_Are you and Holly dating?_

Sean blushed. 

_We’re not dating_ , he typed carefully, _but I think that there might be some interest._

_On whose side?_

Sean paused. 

_Um._

Might as well go for honesty. 

_I know there’s interest on mine_ , he typed. _I don’t know if it’s on her end, but I think it might be there._

_Right_ , typed Dan. _Okay. Thank you._

_Are you okay?_

_Not really, but I’ll get there._

_Is there anything I can do to help?_

There was a pause, and Sean held his breath. 

Was Dan going to hate him? 

That would suck, on so many different levels. 

_I can’t be mad at you. It’s not your fault that all of this mess is going on._

Sean smiled a bit. 

Dan was being Dan. 

_Still. I probably should have said something to you._

_I feel like there isn’t really an etiquette guide for this kind of thing. Also, Holly would kill both of us if she thought we were telling her what to do._

_Maybe we should write to an advice columnist?_

_I don’t even know how to begin that letter._

_But are we okay?_

Jack’s heart was in his throat as he saw the little ellipses at the bottom of the screen start up. 

Goddamn it.

He was really invested in Dan liking him. 

Admittedly, how could he not be? 

Dan was such a nice guy, such a cool guy…. 

_We’re great, man. I promise._

_Awesome!_

There was a pause, and then the little Skype icon bounced again. 

_Can you watch out for her?_

_Of course._

* * * 

__Dan closed his laptop, scowling at it._ _

__He couldn’t even be mad at Jack - the guy was just too… nice. It wasn’t his fault._ _

__It made it harder to be rightfully pissed about this shit._ _

__“What’s up with you?”_ _

__Arin was sitting on the couch next to him,_ _

__Close enough that Dan could feel the warmth of Arin’s skin, through the thin cotton of Arin’s pajama pants and the thin denim of Dan’s jeans._ _

__Dan wanted to reach out, reach out and touch Arin._ _

__Hold Arin’s hand._ _

__Kiss Arin’s knuckles._ _

__… kiss Arin’s mouth._ _

__And now his heart was beating faster, and Holly would be able to feel it._ _

__How would she react to knowing that he had a crush on Arin?_ _

__Was she even allowed to judge her for having a… something or other with Jack?_ _

__What would happen if she ended up romantically involved with Jack?_ _

__Did he want to be romantically involved with her?_ _

__Dan groaned, and he covered his face with both hands._ _

__“Are you okay?”_ _

__“How did you know that you and Suzy were gonna be, like… not platonic?”_ _

__“You mean romantic?”_ _

__“Yeah, that.”_ _

__“Your vocabulary isn’t doing much today, is it?”_ _

__“My soulmate kicked me out of her house and is now going to Ireland, where she’s probably gonna be fucking that adorable green haired energizer bunny.”_ _

__“You think he’s adorable?”_ _

__“... well, yeah, he’s cute.”_ _

__Arin was grinning._ _

__“So you’re not even bothered by him possibly fucking your soulmate.”_ _

__Dan’s face fell._ _

__“... I don’t know yet,” said Dan._ _

__“I mean,” said Arin, “did you guys talk about what it meant to you?”_ _

__“Not really,” said Dan. “She hasn’t talked to me since… you know.”_ _

__“Ah,” said Arin. “I see.”_ _

__“How was it with you guys?”_ _

__“We were young as hell,” said Arin. “And we… we were romantic for a while, then we stopped, then we started up.”_ _

__“Did she run away?”_ _

__“She didn’t kick me out of the house and then ignore me for a week, if that’s what you mean,” Arin said. “I’ve never heard of that before.”_ _

__“Great,” Dan said, flopping back against the couch, covering his face with both hands. “I fucked up. I’m the biggest fuck up ever.”_ _

__“You didn’t kill her,” Arin pointed out._ _

__“ _What?!_ ”_ _

__“I mean,” Arin said, “fucking… Shakespeare, that shit happened all the time.”_ _

__“Yeah, but it’s Shakespeare. Everyone is always dying.”_ _

__“Not everyone. Sometimes they’re crossdressing.”_ _

__“Or talking to their friend’s skulls?”_ _

__“That too.”_ _

__“But yeah,” said Dan. “Barring Shakespeare… I’ve fucked up pretty badly.”_ _

__“It’s  not as bad as it feels,” said Arin, and he patted Dan on the leg._ _

__Pretty high on his leg, honestly._ _

__Dan froze._ _

__He had a boner._ _

__Hopefully Arin wouldn’t notice, or maybe he’d make a joke out of it._ _

__“... can I ask an awkward question?”_ _

__Dan cleared his throat, trying to figure out how he was going to ask this._ _

__“What’s up?”_ _

__“Like… do you always feel… each other’s emotions?”_ _

__“It kinda depends?” Arin was wearing a thinking face. “Sometimes I can almost tell what she’s thinking. And sometimes it’s just… very broad. Like….” He squinted. “She’s calm. She’s hungry.”_ _

__“Hungry? You can tell that?”_ _

__“I mean,” Arin said, “It’s been years.”_ _

__“... fair,” said Dan. “You think I’ll ever be like that with Holly.”_ _

__“I have no fucking idea,” said Arin. “But you’ll be okay. And worst case scenario, I can come over and we can curse the whole “soulmate” thing and eat a lot of cookie dough.”_ _

__“I thought you liked having a soulmate,” Dan said, trying not to imagine sitting on his couch with Arin while being emotionally compromised._ _

__As if he wasn’t emotionally compromised._ _

__And on a couch._ _

__Oh god._ _

__“I, uh, I gotta… go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”_ _

__“No worries,” said Arin, getting up and walking towards Suzy._ _

__Dan went into the bathroom, and he shut the door, leaning back against it and closing his eyes.  
Okay._ _

__Could he feel Holly?_ _

__Did they have some kind of connection?_ _

__He could hear her heartbeat, and her emotions were an oil slick, shimmering over his own emotions, part and yet not part._ _

__She was… she was calm?_ _

__He was still horny, and... hmm._ _

__Maybe he could jerk off?_ _

__With a sigh, he shoved a hand down his pants._ _

__At least he’d stop getting hard when he was sitting next to Arin, right?_ _

__* * *_ _

Holly was sitting at the restaurant on her second drink when another wave of arousal crashed down on her head. 

She gasped, and she put her drink on the table, to keep herself from knocking it over. 

How often did Dan jerk off in a day?! 

She was typing out a text message before she had a chance to think, sending Dan an annoyed message. 

She got a response back a minute later. 

_Listen; I can sit here with a boner or I can do something about it._

_Why do you have a boner in the first place?!_

_I literally wrote a whole song about it._

_Just… give me a heads up or something, so I can brace myself._

_I thought you wanted me to leave you alone._

Holly glared at her phone. 

_Fine. Just… give me a heads up._

_Jerk off heads up. Got it._

She didn’t respond to that one. 

Because screw it. 

They were both being immature about it, but at least _he_ didn’t have to sit in cold, wet underwear for twelve hours. 

She could, theoretically, dash into the nearest restroom and rub out out…. 

__No._ _

__Among other things, this just wasn’t an atmosphere that was conductive towards masturbation._ _

__And maybe Dan would see it the wrong way._ _

__But her blood was still running hot in her veins, and she took a deeper drink of her cocktail, in hopes of… quenching the fire, as it were._ _

__All it really did was leave her kind of… loopy, but hey, she didn’t need to be that awake in order to ride in a plane._ _

__* * *_ _

__Dan flopped back on the Grump couch, and he giggled._ _

__HIs head was swimming._ _

__His feelings were all over the place._ _

__“You okay, dude?”_ _

__“Yeah, everything is just… funny,” said Dan, and then he was giggling again, his eyes drooping._ _

__“What’s wrong?”_ _

__“I think I’m drunk,” said Dan._ _

__“Why are you drunk?”_ _

__“Well, if Holly is drunk….”_ _

__“I wouldn’t know,” Arin admitted. “Suzy doesn’t drink.”_ _

__“Oh yeah…,” said Dan._ _

__“Why would Holly be drunk? It’s, like… one in the afternoon.”_ _

__“She always drinks when she flies,” said Dan._ _

__“How do you remember this?”_ _

__Dan shrugged._ _

__“It’s… memorable. You know?”_ _

__Arin gave him a Look._ _

__“... what?”_ _

__“Nothin’,” said Arin, and he was grinning._ _

__“What?” Dan prodded Arin in the side._ _

__“You just… know a lot about her is all.”_ _

__“I know that you always have eggs first thing in the morning,” Dan said, “and I know what you order when you’re at McDonald's, and which character you’re gonna choose whenever we’re playing Mortal Kombat. Being friends with people is just knowing stuff about them. That’s all.”_ _

__“Maybe it means that _we’re_ secretly soulmates as well, and we won’t find out until I’ve put my hand on every inch of your body!”_ _

__Dan’s heart beat very fast, very hard._ _

__“What if you had a soulmark on, like, your dick,” said Arin, his expression thoughtful. “Like… someone getting a handjob, and then they find out that you’ve got their name on their dick.”_ _

__“Welcome back to Game Grumps,” Arin said, “where we’re talking about soul marks on dicks!”_ _

__“What if some poor person never actually found out about their soulmate, because then you’d have to take your dick out and have it touched by someone.”_ _

__“Maybe that’s the real reason why doctors have to wear gloves. So that their name doesn’t appear inside of someone’s asshole.”_ _

__“I mean, personally,” Dan said, “if I’m gonna have someone’s finger up my butt, when they’ve had their finger up a bunch of other butts, I’d like there to be a glove between me and that finger.”_ _

__“I love how you’re instantly thinking of yourself being the one getting the finger stuck up your butt and some name is showing up on the inside of your butt. Or, like, the rim of your asshole.”_ _

__“What if you were, like, a lipstick tester or something, and you ended up with a name on your face, but you don’t know who it actually _is_.” _ _

__“Oh god, imagine in the days before the internet. Or maybe, like, the days of phone books.”_ _

__“Having to stand there with a mirror on your ass, so you can see what you’re writing, while paging through a fucking… phone book.”_ _

__“I think the last time I saw a phone book, my nephew was sitting on it,” Dan said, his expression thoughtful._ _

__“They still make those?”_ _

__“They seem to only work as a thing for little kids to sit on these days.”_ _

__‘What did little kids sit on, before phone books were a thing?”_ _

__“... I have no fucking idea," said Dan, and the two of them burst out laughing._ _

__Dan’s leg was pressed against Arin’s, and his heart was singing like a bird._ _

__Like one of Holly’s birds._ _

__Oh god._ _

__She was already in his head._ _

__* * *_ _

__Sean was trying not to pace._ _

__He always paced when he was nervous._ _

__Why was he so damn nervous?_ _

__It was Holly._ _

__He’d met Holly before._ _

__And they’d been talking to each other - actually talking, face to face via webcam._ _

__But she was very beautiful._ _

__And her flight was disembarking._ _

__And then there she was._ _

__He saw the pink hair first, and then he saw her face - her beautiful face._ _

__She was wearing her glasses, and when she saw him, her whole face lit up, even though she was walking slowly, dragging a suitcase behind her._ _

__“Jack!” She paused. “Or Sean. Or would you prefer to be Sean?”_ _

__“Whichever one you prefer,” he said. “Would you like a hug?”_ _

__She nodded, and she opened her arms up, her shoulder bag falling down her arm, onto her elbow._ _

__He hugged her, and he was tall enough that, if he tilted his head back a little bit, he could put his chin on her head._ _

__She wrapped her arms around him, and she squeezed him._ _

__She was shaking, ever so lightly._ _

__“Hi,” said Holly, right in his ear._ _

__“Hi,” said Sean._ _

__She smelled like plane._ _

__She was so warm._ _

__“So how do you feel?”_ _

__“Hungover,” she said. “I think I drank too much at the airport, and then I was on the plane, and, well….”_ _

__He grinned._ _

__“I can take you to get some food,” he said. “What kinda food would you like?”_ _

__“Something that isn’t airplane food,” said Holly, making a face._ _

__She was walking next to him, and he wanted to hold her hand._ _

__But Holly’s whole body language seemed to say “don’t touch me.”_ _

__He could respect that, even if some part of him ached to be touched, to hold someone._ _

__He hadn’t realized how lonely he was._ _

__But she was _here_ , she was real, and she was closer to him, almost hip to hip, as she pulled her suitcase behind him._ _

__“Do you want me to help you with that?”_ _

__“Sure, if you don’t mind,” she said, and she offered the handle._ _

__“Do you want me to take the shoulder bag as well?”_ _

__“Nah,” said Holly. “I can handle it.”_ _

__She smiled at him, sidelong, and his heart opened up like a flower in the sun._ _

__“Thanks for coming to stay with me,” he blurted out._ _

__“... what?” She looked at him, genuinely baffled._ _

__“Thank you. For staying with me. I appreciate it.”_ _

__“Hey,” said Holly, “you’re letting me stay with you! I appreciate it so much!”_ _

__“Well,” said Jack, “it’s a pleasure to see you! It’s always a pleasure to see you!”_ _

__There was a pause, and they made eye contact._ _

__It was intense._ _

__Intense enough that it was almost like being hit in the face with a brick._ _

__Only nicer than that._ _

__He cleared his throat, and maybe he was imagining things, but she looked like she was blushing._ _

__“So. Food.”_ _

__“Right,” said Holly. “Food.”_ _

__* * *_ _

__Holly was two thirds asleep when a sandwich was thrust under her nose._ _

__She jerked upright, nearly hitting her head on the ceiling of the car._ _

__“Hi,” Jack said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up like that.”_ _

__“It’s okay,” said Holly, and she rubbed her eyes. “I should probably try to stay awake. Get accustomed to the time difference and whatnot.”_ _

__“The time difference isn’t too bad,” said Jack, as he slid back into his seat. “We’re gonna have a bit of a drive, if you want to fall asleep, that’s fine.”_ _

__“Nah,” said Holly. “The scenery is so nice around here, I should at least try to stay awake to see it.”_ _

__Jack laughed._ _

__“If you say so,” said Jack. “I’m just used to it. It all just kinda looks… like scenery.”_ _

__“We don’t get this much green in California,” said Holly. “We haven’t in a very long time.”_ _

__“I need to come visit you, to see someplace that’s not green,” Jack said, and then he blushed._ _

__“I’d like that,” said Holly. “You can meet all the pigeons!”_ _

__“What about Dan? Will he be okay with that?”_ _

__Holly’s cheeks turned red, and she bit back many snarky comments._ _

__Okay._ _

__Time to be diplomatic, because Jack was trying to be thoughtful._ _

__“Dan and I may be… linked, but my personal life is _mine_ , and who I do or don’t invite to stay with me is _my_ business.” _ _

__“Right,” said Jack. “Sorry. That was presumptuous.”_ _

__“It’s okay,’ said Holly. “I know you’re not trying to step on someone’s foot. Metaphorically.”_ _

__“Considering how big that guy’s feet are, it’d be pretty easy to step on them in the first place.”_ _

__Holly snickered._ _

__“He does have huge feet,” she agreed._ _

__“You know, we had a conversation about that. Me and him, I mean.”_ _

__“Really?”_ _

__Holly didn’t want to talk about Dan._ _

__But now she was curious._ _

__“It’s why I ended up digging up that one weird porno. ‘Cause of that conversation.”_ _

__“Which weird porno?”_ _

__“The one I sent you. With the guy with the girl with the foot in her mouth.” Jack paused. “Sorry, I don’t think that sentence made sense.”_ _

__“It’s fine,” said Holly. “I got what you meant. And yeah, I remember that one.”_ _

__“So you sent him that one too?”_ _

__“Yeah. The two of you are now… like, porn buddies.”_ _

__“So not only are we eternal soulmates,” Holly said, her tone deadpan, “we’re now also linked forever as porn buddies.”_ _

__“Puddies, as it were,” said Jack._ _

__“That sounds like the bad guys from Power Rangers,” said Holly._ _

__“They weren’t really the bad guys,” said Jack. “Technically, they were just the minions of the actual bad guys.”_ _

__“I wouldn’t call them minions,” said Holly._ _

__“I thought you were gonna say that Rita Repulsa and all of them weren’t really bad guys,” said Jack._ _

__“They tried,” Holly said. “That has to count for something, right?”_ _

__“I suppose.”_ _

__“No, I meant more that now, when someone hears the term “minion” they think of those annoying little yellow things.”_ _

__“I dunno,” said Jack. “I think they’re kinda cute.”_ _

__“Urgh,” Holly said, and she stuck her tongue out. “You’re too nice, Jack.”_ _

__“I can be mean,” Jack said. “I’m a total jerk, and you know it.”_ _

__“Mhm,” Holly said, unimpressed._ _

__“... I can’t think of any jerky things to do or say that are actually jerky,” said Jack, “which I feel kinda ruins my argument.”_ _

__Holly burst out laughing, watching out the window as the trees and the pastures went by._ _

__Everything was so… pretty._ _

__It was almost offensive._ _

__There were cows in fields, and there were old castles that were just… sitting there, like that was just a thing that old castles did._ _

__… well, it was a thing that old castles do, but usually there was more fuss around them._ _

__Holly yawned, and she looked down at her sandwich._ _

__“What’s in it?”_ _

__“Cream cheese and cucumbers,” said Jack. “You eat dairy, right?”_ _

__“Yeah, I eat dairy,” she said. “Thanks for remembering the whole vegetarian thing.”_ _

__“You don’t have to thank me,” Jack said, as they began to drive up the mountain. “It’s a pretty basic thing to remember.”_ _

__“Still,” said Holly, “I appreciate it.”_ _

__“Any time,” said Jack, and he smiled at her._ _

__She smiled back, and for the first time since Dan’s name had appeared on her hip, she relaxed, the tension draining out of her shoulders, leaving her completely boneless._ _

__She leaned back into the seat of the car, and she unwrapped her sandwich, taking a bite out of it, as the rolling green hills went by._ _

__* * *_ _

__Sean tried not to stare at Holly as she drifted off to sleep, half of her sandwich still resting on her lap._ _

__The light caught on the line of her face, outlining her profile, and she was so beautiful that he wanted to die, except if he was dead he wouldn’t be able to see how beautiful she was._ _

__… wow._ _

__He had it bad._ _

__He had it really bad._ _

__And she had someone else’s name on her hip._ _

__Then again, maybe Dan would be okay with the three of them being some kind of… trio or something._ _

__But also then again, Holly wasn’t exactly one for trios._ _

__Especially when stuff had been quite so… intense with her and Ross._ _

__He sighed._ _

__Such a fine mess he’d gotten himself into._ _

__* * *_ _

__Holly woke up when Jack pulled into his driveway._ _

__“Where are we?”_ _

__“We’re at my place,” said Jack. “Well, more accurately, we’re in front of my place.”_ _

__They were in front of a row house._ _

__“This is your place?”_ _

__“Yep!”_ _

__“Neat,” said Holly, and she yawned. “I’m so sleepy….”_ _

__“You wanna just go to sleep on the couch? I can start my videos, you can catch your beauty rest, or get some other stuff done, whatever.”_ _

__“Other stuff?”_ _

__“Sketching? Reading? Navel gazing? I dunno.”_ _

__“Oh. Right.”_ _

__She was blushing again._ _

__“Just… maybe put in headphones, since it’s gonna get kinda loud.”_ _

__She grinned._ _

__“If you can keep from being too loud,” she teased._ _

__“I’ll do my best,” he promised._ _

__She shuffled after him, as they made their way up the steps._ _

__* * *_ _

__It was a small row house._ _

__They passed a kitchen, then a living room, and indeed, there was a couch bed, pulled out._ _

__“Your bed, madam,” said Jack. “Should you wish to have a nap.”_ _

__“I’d very much like to have a nap,” said Holly, and she yawned widely enough that her jaw cracked. “But I should probably take a shower.”_ _

__“You think you need a shower?”_ _

__“I dunno. Do I?”_ _

__“... I’m not sure what you’re asking me right now,” said Jack._ _

__“Just, like… tell me if I smell bad,” she said._ _

__Jack took a step closer to her, and he took a theatrical sniff._ _

__“Nah,” he said. “You’re not that smelly.”_ _

__“Fair enough,” said Holly, and she yawned again. “You’re the best, you know that?”_ _

__“I do my best,” said Jack, but he was grinning. “I’ll, uh… I’ll let you nap.”_ _

__She grinned after him as he made his way up the stairs._ _

__She was stretched out on the bed, and okay, it was a bit lumpy, but… it was perfect, because it wasn’t a plane seat._ _

__She stretched, her toes curling, and then she relaxed entirely, then digging her headphones out to listen to a podcast as she fell asleep._ _

__She was asleep before the podcast started._ _

__* * *_ _

__Jack was trying not to be too loud - after all, Holly was sleeping in the next room._ _

__Oh _god_ , Holly was sleeping downstairs._ _

__And she had asked him to _smell_ her. _ _

__Oh god._ _

__He was chasing himself in circles._ _

__Right._ _

__Okay._ _

__“Top o’the mornin’ to ya laddies!”_ _

__* * *_ _

__Holly woke up with her head full of fog._ _

__She had been dreaming about… something._ _

__Something… racy._ _

__She didn’t remember much from it - there had been a hot, wet mouth on her thighs, kissing up towards her vulva, warm breath contrasting against the coolness left behind by the mouth._ _

__She was curled up on Jack’s couch, and it smelled a little bit like him._ _

__The sheets were a little musty, like they lived in a closet most of the time, but the pillow smelled like him._ _

__Maybe he had given her a pillow off of his own bed?_ _

__She sighed, her blood still singing._ _

__There was muffled shouting coming from upstairs._ _

__Hmm._ _

__Jack was still up there._ _

__She’d be able to tell when he wasn’t, because she wouldn’t be able to hear him._ _

__So technically… would it be creepy to rub one out?_ _

__She had already planned to do all the laundry while she was staying here, as a thank you present, and she would wash her hands right after._ _

__With a sigh, she slid her hand up her shirt, pinching her nipple through her bra._ _

__Her other hand skated across her belly, into her leggings and her panties, finding the slick nub of her clit and rubbing the pad of her index finger against it._ _

__She bit her lower lip to keep from moaning, and she rocked her hips forward, throwing her head back._ _

__She rubbed her clit quickly, deliberately, spreading her legs and digging her heels into the mattress and humping up into her hand._ _

__Her middle finger went lower, and she penetrated herself shallowly - if this had been Jack’s fingers, or Dan’s, she would have been able to get deeper, but…._ _

__Wait a minute._ _

__Dan’s?_ _

__She sighed._ _

__He was sneaking into her sexy fantasies as well, wasn’t he?_ _

__But fuck it._ _

__She hunched her hips forward, grinding into her own palm, and okay, she was moaning quietly, she was sighing, sobbing, pinching and pulling at her own nipples._ _

__What if… Dan and Jack?_ _

__Two pairs of hands on her?_ _

__… no._ _

__No, she’d tried that, that had gone horrible, they’d just reached for each other._ _

__Although the idea of Jack and Dan going for each other was amusing._ _

__They were both so obnoxiously heterosexual._ _

__As if Dan had ever even considered being romantically or sexually with a guy._ _

__But oh, either one of them kissing her, either one of their long fingers in her cunt, either one of their mouths on her…._ _

__She came with a sob, clenching around her own finger, her hips pumping against the air, making the sheets rustle._ _

__She shuddered as the sweetness washed over her, through her, left her wrung out and shaking._ _

__… wasn’t she supposed to give Dan a warning if she was going to jerk off?_ _

__Oh well._ _

__He’d done it to her twice already._ _

__He could live with it._ _

__He was probably with Arin, anyway - they’d turn it all into some kind of joke, it’d become a running gag._ _

__She smiled sleepily up at the ceiling, as Jack kept shouting cheerfully at his viewers._ _

__* * *_ _

__Dan came in his pants._ _

__It was kind of sudden._ _

__One minute, he and Arin were making jokes about how the big boss they were about to fight had a face like an old man’s nut sack._ _

__The next, he was grabbing on to the couch, his fingers digging into the cushions, and he was cumming in his pants, the way he had when he was a young, horny teenager._ _

__He moaned - and there was no disguising that moan - and he humped up into the air, his toes curling in his sneakers, as his cock shot cum into his boxers._ _

__He looked down, panting, and there was already a wet spot forming on his jeans._ _

__“I’ll, uh… I’ll be right back, Lovelies,” Dan stuttered._ _

__“Dan’s stomach is giving him trouble,” said Arin, and he indicated the door over his shoulder, mouthing _You okay?__ _

__Dan gave a shaky thumbs up, and he stumbled out the door._ _

__His jizz was dripping down his leg, and it was cold._ _

__He closed the bathroom door, leaning back against it, and then he took his phone out._ _

_What happened to jerk off warnings?!_

_You agreed to give them._

_I thought it was for both of us!_

_I don’t jerk off that often!_

_Well, I just came in my pants. So thanks for that._

* * * 

Holly sighed. 

She wasn’t really being fair, was she? 

_I’m sorry._

Her head was still swimming from her orgasm, and the aftershocks were making her twitch inside. 

What she wouldn’t do for something nice to squeeze around. 

Another wash of arousal hit her, and she sighed, pressing her thighs together. 

Goddamn it. 

She wasn’t a teenager again. 

She hadn’t been that up for this kind of thing as a teenager, truth be told. 

Maybe she was reaching that sexual peak that some women hit in their thirties. 

And to think that Ross was missing out on it. 

… that put a damper on her ardor, and she made a face. 

Okay. 

The shouting from upstairs had quieted down, and Holly was going to have to wash her hands, if she wanted to be a productive member of society. 

With a shudder, she sat up completely, and she made her way towards the bathroom. 

When she was back, her phone was buzzing at her again. 

_It’s okay. I hope it was a good one, at least._

_It was pretty good, yeah_

_I might rub one out later, for a heads up._

_Gotcha. I’ll make sure to duck into a bathroom._

_Have fun with Jack!_

Holly looked at the phone thoughtfully. 

Was he being serious? 

Was he being sarcastic? 

… it was Dan. 

He wasn’t usually one for subtle, when he was upset about something. 

Huh. 

_I’ll bring you a souvenir._

That was nice and neutral, right? 

_Some cookies, maybe? I know they have good cookies there._

Well. <

At least she was forgiven for making him make a mess of himself. 

__And it was hard to stay mad at him, especially when she was this far away._ _

__Maybe that was how they’d solve the whole… soulmate thing._ _

__Stay far enough apart, so they didn’t get on each other’s nerves._ _

__But then Jack was coming down the stairs, and she shoved her phone in her bra, because now was the time to spend time with him, not the time to worry about all of the business with Dan._ _

__“Good videos?”_ _

__“Yep!” He sat on the bed next to her, just a respectable distance enough that they wouldn’t touch accidentally. “You were out like a light!”_ _

__“Sorry about that,” said Holly. “Travel always knocks me on my butt.”_ _

__“Well, consider me your butt catcher,” said Jack, and then his words seemed to catch up with his mouth, because he was turning the color of a raspberry._ _

__Holly poked him in the shoulder, giggling._ _

__“You’ll watch my butt?”_ _

__“I’ll watch your butt.”_ _

__“Okay, good,” said Holly._ _

__Her stomach chose that moment to growl loudly, and she looked down at it, making a face._ _

__“You wanna eat dinner?”_ _

__“Didn’t I just have that sandwich?”_ _

__“Honey,” said Jack, “that was almost six hours ago.”_ _

__“I’ve been asleep for six hours?!”_ _

__She was slightly aghast._ _

__“Yep,” said Jack. “It’s almost eight.”_ _

__“Oh gosh,” said Holly. “I’m not gonna be able to sleep tonight!”_ _

__“I’m sure we can find a way to fill the time,” said Jack, and she had a sudden image of his mouth on her thighs, of threading her fingers through his dyed hair._ _

__Like in her dream._ _

__Oh god._ _

__She cleared her throat, shifting in her seat, and she wondered if Dan got a boner every time she had a flash of arousal like that._ _

__Was she feeling his?_ _

__“Hols?”_ _

__Jack shook her gently._ _

__Holly started, and Jack drew his hand back quickly._ _

__“Sorry,” he said, looking sheepish. “You spaced out.”_ _

__“... do you have any coffee?”_ _

__“Do I?”_ _

__Jack was grinning._ _

__“How about we drink some coffee and maybe plan to do something fun?”_ _

__“That sounds like a good plan,” Jack said, and he nodded with some assurance._ _

__* * *_ _

__Jack drank coffee with Holly, even though it would make him jittery as fuck, and he tried not to stare into her eyes, tried not to let their legs touch too often, tried not to look at her like he was in love with her._ _

__Was he in love with her?_ _

__Oh god._ _

__He needed to stop chasing his tail about this, and just enjoy the fact that he was sitting across from her, and she was right here, talking to him._ _

__“I was thinking we could go to the zoo? They’ve got a really big aviary, we could go look at the birds?”_ _

__“You sure? I don’t want to impose.”_ _

__“Oh, you’re not imposing at all,” said Jack. “I’ve been needing a chance to get out of the house lately, and you’re as good a reason as any!”_ _

__“... thank you?”_ _

__Holly started to giggle, possibly at his expression._ _

__“That sounded less vaguely insulting in my head,” Jack admitted._ _

__“It didn’t sound insulting to me at all,” she promised him._ _

__“Okay, good,” he said. “I don’t want to insult you, even accidentally.”_ _

__She smiled at him, that luminous smile of hers, and he smiled back._ _

__God, he wanted to kiss her._ _

__He didn’t just want kiss her - he wanted to… he wanted to hold her, he wanted to fuck her so badly that his cock was going to break through his pants._ _

__He wanted to make her laugh._ _

__* * *_ _

__Dan was trying not to check his phone every five minutes._ _

__It was just… Holly was posting stuff on Instagram, and so was Jack, and the both of them were trying to be subtle about the fact that they were hanging out together, because… well, fans were nosy and kinda pushy about personal information._ _

__And Holly had gotten a bit more… reclusive since she’d broken up with Ross, which admittedly made sense._ _

__There had been a lot of unpleasantness._ _

__But now there was a picture of her at a zoo, and there was a brightly colored bird sitting on her head._ _

__Jack must have taken the picture._ _

__Which was weird to think about._ _

__He tried to fight back jealousy._ _

__He wasn’t very good at it._ _

__“You okay, man?”_ _

__Dan looked up from his phone._ _

__“I’m fine,” Dan said, although he sounded fake even to his own ears._ _

__“C’mon, tell me,” said Arin, and he flopped onto the couch like a big, friendly dog._ _

__“Holly is, uh, Holly is visiting Jack. Sean. Whatever.”_ _

__“Yeah?”_ _

__“I think… I think they’ve been flirting,” Dan said, and he cleared his throat. “I’m not sure how I feel about her, you know, with other people. But we haven’t actually sat down and had a whole talk about this shit, because it’s not like we actually _agreed_ to any of this stuff. We just kinda… have our names on each other, and we feed each other’s feelings sometimes.”_ _

__Arin nodded._ _

__“You guys weren’t… being intimate when you touched the spot?”_ _

__Arin looked like he was trying to put it delicately._ _

__Dan still made a face._ _

__“Nope,” said Dan. “I, um… her skirt was riding low and she was really drunk, so I pulled it up for her. And she put her hand on my stomach because again, drunk. She said her hands were cold.”_ _

__“What, if my hands were cold, I could put them on your stomach?”_ _

__“Be my fucking guest,” said Dan, and he was starting to laugh again._ _

__Trust Arin to always make him laugh._ _

__What he _wasn’t_ expecting was Arin’s hand under his shirt, running along his ribs - probably touching Holly’s name, which was weird to think about, then the other side._ _

__It was ticklish, and it was warm, and Dan had a boner, even as he made an undignified noise and tried to shove Arin away._ _

__Which only made it worse, and spurred Arin on, which got Arin laughing harder, and now he was on top of Dan, pinning Dan with his hips, and okay, this was beginning to feel like something out of a wet dream, or one of those dirty fanfics that Brian liked to spring on him sometimes._ _

__And he had a boner, and Arin had to notice it, even if he wasn’t going to say anything about it._ _

__Dan was laughing, he was laughing so hard that maybe he was gonna pee himself, and he was wriggling, trying to get comfortable, trying to throw Arin off, only that was bucking his hips against Arin’s ass, which was soft, which was warm… all of Arin was warm, soft, only… not._ _

__And suddenly it was too much._ _

__“Dude,” Dan said thickly, and he went stock still. “Dude.”_ _

__“Giving up?”_ _

__Arin’s tone was teasing._ _

__“I need you to get off of me right now,” Dan said, and his voice was surprisingly calm, surprisingly firm._ _

__Considering the fact that he was trying not to scream right then and there, with a boner and the beginnings of a panic attack brewing in his throat._ _

__“Right,” said Arin, and he more or less fell off of the couch over the back, landing with a loud “thud.”_ _

__The door flew open, and Ross was standing in the doorframe, illuminated by the light from the main room like some kind of god out of prehistory._ _

__“The fuck is going on in here?”_ _

__Arin was laughing, flat on his back, and Dan stayed down, his shirt around his nipples, panting._ _

__Then Ross was walking over, stepping over Arin, and leaning on the back of the couch._ _

__The door slammed shut, which made everyone jump, but Ross was squinting down at Dan’s chest._ _

__“Did you get a soul mark?”_ _

__… shit._ _

__Dan hadn’t said anything to anyone, other than Arin._ _

__Suzy had found out via Holly, probably._ _

__And now, here he was… with Holly’s ex husband reading her name on his belly._ _

__Oh god._ _

__Ross had read the name._ _

__Dan could _see_ Ross’s face changing, and Dan did his best to shove his shirt back down._ _

__“... Holly?”_ _

__“Yeah,” Dan said, avoiding eye contact._ _

__“Why didn’t you tell me?” Ross’s voice broke._ _

__“Well,” Dan said, and he sat up, “what with the divorce being so new and all, I didn’t want to upset you.”_ _

__“When were you going to tell me?”_ _

__“Dude,” said Arin, “maybe we should talk about this later?”_ _

__“No, by all means, let’s talk about it now,” said Ross. “Any other secrets you’ve been hiding from me?”_ _

__“This isn’t a secret I was hiding from you,” said Dan. “It just didn’t come up.”_ _

__“How does the fact that you’ve got my wife -”_ _

__“Ex-wife,” Arin chimed._ _

__“Fine, my ex-wife’s name on your ribs not a thing that comes up? What about your name? Is it on her?”_ _

__“Yeah,” Dan said, avoiding Ross’s face._ _

__“Great,” Ross said. “Just great. When were you going to tell me?”_ _

__“I wasn’t aware I had to tell you,” said Dan, and he sat up, his shirt falling down to its accustomed place around his belt._ _

__“I do have a stake in it,” said Ross. “I love her.”_ _

__Something in Dan’s chest twisted._ _

__“Well,” he said, “you had your chance.”_ _

__“Excuse me?”_ _

__Ross’s voice went very quiet._ _

___Uh oh._ _ _

__He was on thin ice, and it was already starting to crack._ _

__“You… you and Holly aren’t involved anymore,” Dan said, trying to keep his voice even and calm._ _

__“You don’t know that,” said Ross._ _

__“She’d have told me,” said Dan._ _

__“Like she told you that she was going to Ireland?”_ _

__“How did you know about that?”_ _

__“Suzy told me. And you weren’t exactly subtle about it,” said Ross. “I saw your face when you were texting. You were obviously upset.”_ _

__“Well… I… I’m gonna walk away,” said Dan._ _

__“What?”_ _

__“I’m walking away,” Dan said carefully, and he walked around Ross, into the main office._ _

__Ross stood there, and he probably looked angry, but Dan wasn’t going to look over his shoulder and check._ _

__“Dan?”_ _

__“Be back in a sec,” Dan said. “I just need to take a piss.”_ _

__He was angry enough that it was throbbing down his arms, into his fists, and that was unusual._ _

__He didn’t usually get angry like this._ _

__Maybe it was Holly?_ _

__Holly felt angry - he knew she felt angry, he’d seen her be angry at people._ _

__Maybe that was why he was shaking like this._ _

__Although that led to the problem - was he making _her_ angry?_ _

__No, he didn’t want to upset her._ _

__Especially not when she was on her mini vacation._ _

__Even if it was a vacation away from him… well, he wanted her to be happy._ _

__He sighed, closing the bathroom door behind him, leaning against it and closing his eyes._ _

__Okay._ _

__He began to count his breaths, in and out, in… and... out…._ _

__* * *_ _

__In a tea shop in Ireland, Holly ate a scone._ _

__It was studded with raisins, and it crumbled in her mouth._ _

__There was clotted cream spread across it, and a layer of blackberry jam._ _

__It was so good that it made her toes curl in her shoes._ _

__Jack was looking at her with a slightly besotted expression._ _

__“What?”_ _

__She sprayed crumbs as she said it, and she blushed, trying to brush the mess off of her front, before she swallowed._ _

__“I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so happy at eating scones,” said Jack._ _

__“Sorry,” said Holly. “They’re, uh, they’re not as popular in America. Especially with clotted cream.”_ _

__“Oh, no, don’t be sorry,” said Jack, and he reached out, grabbing her hand in his own and squeezing it._ _

__His hands were very big, and very warm._ _

__She was acutely aware of every millimeter of skin, wherever her skin touched his._ _

__It tingled._ _

__She was blushing, staring into his big blue eyes, and then someone dropped a plate nearby, and they sprang apart, almost guiltily._ _

__Jack’s hands were back on his lap, and Holly put down the scone, gripping her mug in both hands._ _

__“Do you, uh, do you still wanna go to the movies?”_ _

__He picked up his own mug of tea, taking a sip._ _

__“Yeah, if you’d still like to,” said Holly. “And you don’t have any more work to do.”_ _

__They’d gone to the zoo the day before, and a bird had landed on her head._ _

__Jack had captured the moment for her - she’d taken a picture of him feeding a giraffe, the long, purple tongue wriggling between his fingers._ _

__She had done her D &D stream late the night before, and had slept in, as Jack shouted his way through whatever video he was working on._ _

__It was… surprisingly easy to fall into a rhythm with him._ _

__She’d been worried about that - already she was getting used to living on her own, operating on her own schedule, doing things when she wanted to._ _

__The only other schedule she really held to was her animal’s, and that was more out of necessity than anything else._ _

__But here she was, her own life melding in with Jack’s._ _

__Admittedly, it was just for a week._ _

__But… still._ _

__The fact that being with him was so _comfortable_ was almost enough to make her uncomfortable. _ _

__But then she’d look at him, and he’d catch her eye, and he’d smile, and something would open in her chest, like a flower in the sun._ _

__She didn’t know what she was doing._ _

__But she didn’t think she wanted it to stop._ _

__* * *_ _

__“So you really have sweet popcorn, as well as buttery?”_ _

__Sean laughed at Holly’s incredulous expression._ _

__“Yep! Isn’t sweet popcorn a thing in the US?”_ _

__“I mean, it is,” said Holly, “but usually not at movie theaters.”_ _

__“Where else would ya get it?”_ _

__“At a state fair,” Holly said._ _

__“State fairs?”_ _

__“Yeah,” said Holly. “You know, like, “step right up” and stuff like that?”_ _

__“I’ve seen it in movies,” Sean said, “but it’s not exactly the same here.”_ _

__“Different stuff?”_ _

__“Basically yeah.”_ _

__“I guess you guys don’t really have states, the way we do….”_ _

__“... California would have to have a really big state fair,” Sean said, his tone thoughtful._ _

__They were shoulder to shoulder, and Holly had washed her hair with some kind of special shampoo - he could smell it from here, something woodsy and green._ _

__He wanted to run his fingers through her hair, and to feel her cheek against his palm._ _

__He wanted to kiss her so much that he bit his lip, as if she could feel the need from within his head._ _

__Which was silly - she obviously couldn’t._ _

__But… still._ _

__“... what?”_ _

__She looked at him sidelong, and she was starting to giggle._ _

__“Because California is so big,” Sean said, “so if you wanted to show all the stuff the state has to offer… well, you’d need a lot of space!”_ _

__She giggled, and the corners of her eyes crinkled up when she smiled, her glasses drooping down her nose._ _

__He shoved his hands in his pockets to keep from pushing them up._ _

__“State fairs aren’t usually just the stuff in the state,” said Holly. “There’s also county fairs.”_ _

__“Which have sweet popcorn?”_ _

__“Yeah, caramel corn.”_ _

__“This isn’t caramel corn,” Sean said. “It’s… sweet. Like how they put the fake butter on it, you get fake… sweet stuff.”_ _

__“The sweet stuff is fake?”_ _

__“Well, you know what I mean.”_ _

__“I guess I’d be willing to try it,’ Holly allowed._ _

__“I love it,” Jack said, “but I like sweet stuff in general.”_ _

___It’s why I like you so much_ , he thought, and the cheesiness of the line was so strong that he had to fight back the urge to make a face at himself. _ _

__Oh _god_ did he have it bad._ _

__Experimentally, he leaned in to her a little bit, until their shoulders were touching._ _

__She didn’t move - she didn’t even seem to notice._ _

__Was that good or was that bad?_ _

__Oh god._ _

__This was just like being in high school again, only moreso._ _

__… minus getting erections at the drop of a hat, being covered in acne, and smelling horrible._ _

__Okay, so maybe it wasn’t like being in high school again._ _

__Sean grinned a bit in spite of himself, and she caught his eye and grinned back._ _

__“What’s got you so happy?”_ _

__“I was, uh, I was thinking about the fact that I’m glad i”m not in high school anymore,” he said._ _

__Holly raised an eyebrow._ _

__“What brought that on?”_ _

__“Oh, you know me,” said Sean. “My brain goes a million different places at once.”_ _

__“I know what that’s like,” Holly said, and then she grinned a bit._ _

__If Sean hadn’t known better, he would have thought that she looked sad._ _

__He wanted to put his arm around her - no, that would be presumptuous._ _

__He settled on giving her arm a squeeze, then settled on shoving his hand back into his pocket._ _

__And then they were at the till, ordering their popcorn._ _

__* * *_ _

__Holly sat in her seat at the theater, acutely aware of Jack’s leg touching hers._ _

__She held the popcorn in her lap, and he would occasionally reach in to take a handful._ _

__Their arms were pressed together, and they were sharing a soda._ _

__Occasionally, Jack would lean over to say something in her ear, and his facial hair was ticklish._ _

__The idea of that same tickle against her neck made her shudder, and her heart speed up._ _

__She was aware of Dan’s heartbeat beginning to speed up, in the back of her head,_ _

__It must have really been something, if he she could sense it. Usually he was a lot… calmer than she was, at least physically._ _

__It was steady enough that she could more or less… ignore it, most of the time._ _

__A tinge of arousal went through her, and she pressed her legs together._ _

__Oh god._ _

__Was he jerking off?_ _

__She dug her phone out, checked her text messages._ _

__Dan had jerked off that morning, and she had hid in a bathroom for five minutes, rubbing herself through her panties, having a tiny little firecracker of an orgasm, one of her hands shoved into her mouth._ _

__If Jack had suspected her of anything (her pink cheeks had given her away, probably) he hadn’t said anything._ _

__No, that was… that was rage?_ _

__Since when did Dan feel _rage_?_ _

__Holly was starting to shake, and Jack shot her a concerned look._ _

__“Are you okay?”_ _

__“Yeah,” Holly said. “I, uh… I think Dan is… feeling something.”_ _

__“Oh,” said Jack._ _

__Holly tried to keep talk of Dan to a minimum, and Jack hadn’t asked._ _

__“Well, uh… hopefully he’ll calm down soon,” said Jack. “But if you need help calming down, I can tell you some bad jokes or somethin’.”_ _

__She smiled at him, grateful, and the rage began to fade._ _

__She leaned into Jack, unthinkingly, and the lights dimmed, heralding the beginning of the movie._ _

__He was stiff against her for a moment, and then he was lifting his arm up, wrapping it around her shoulders._ _

__She froze for a moment - then she lifted the arm of the theater seat from between them, and she put the soda in his lap._ _

__That probably wasn’t very nice - he made a startled sound - and then he was wrapping his arm around her tighter, as she cuddled up to him, her head on his shoulder._ _

__He was warm, and he smelled nice._ _

__She hadn’t been this kind of affectionate with anyone since… since before the divorce._ _

__Was this sending the wrong message?_ _

__…. Fuck it._ _

__It was nice._ _

__She wasn’t going to think about it too hard, she was just going to enjoy being held._ _

__* * *_ _

__Dan Grumped._ _

__He was particularly on form - at least, as far as he was concerned._ _

__He was nearly delirious with the high you get after calming down from a rage, and he had himself laughing so hard that he was choking._ _

__And Arin was right there - Arin was there, and he was warm, and he was solid._ _

__Holly’s heartbeat was in the back of his head, and he was getting the beginnings of… arousal?_ _

__What was she up to?_ _

__He sighed, and he burst out laughing, as Arin made a dorky face._ _

__* * *_ _

__Three hours later, Dan came out of the Grump room, feeling as if someone had pulled the plug in his head._ _

__To find Ross sitting at the main table, wearing an uncomfortable expression._ _

__“Dan?”_ _

__“Yes?”_ _

__They were both being frostily polite._ _

__Dan concentrated on Holly’s heartbeat, and the steady beat of it._ _

__It had a calming effect._ _

__“Would you like to go to dinner with me?”_ _

__Dan paused._ _

__“I’d like to… apologize. And to talk about some things.”_ _

__“Things?”_ _

__“... the fact that my ex wife is your soulmate,” said Ross._ _

__“Okay,” said Dan._ _

__He wasn’t sure how he felt about it just yet._ _

__But he was willing to try, if nothing else._ _

__“We can go to the nice Mexican place,” said Ross._ _

__“You mean we’re _not_ going to Del Taco?”_ _

__Dan’s voice was dry._ _

__Ross snorted._ _

__“I’ll find a way to live without it, just for one night,” said Ross, his tone as dry as old bones._ _

__Dan snorted._ _

__“Let me just… text Tamar,” Ross said, and he was fiddling with his phone._ _

__“Right,” said Dan, and he shoved his hands in his pockets, then went to sort his own stuff out._ _

__* * *_ _

__“The divorce was all my fault,” said Ross, when the two of them were sitting at a table at one of the nicer Mexican restaurants that was also open later in the evening._ _

__“Mmm?”_ _

___No duh,_ Dan thought, but there was a time and a place for that._ _

__“I mean… it was partially her fault. Because she didn’t say when she was unhappy, she just endured it, and by the time she ended up saying anything, it was pretty much too late to change things, and Tamar… well, she wasn’t entirely reasonable, but soulmate stuff makes you kinda… stupid.”_ _

__Dan nodded._ _

__“I mean… I guess you’re figuring it out.”_ _

__Dan shrugged._ _

__“We… I crashed at your - at her place, after she went out and drank too much one night, and we ended up touching each other’s… spots, and then she kicked me out of the house. After I kinda ran out of the shower naked and showed her the mark.”_ _

__“Are you sure she has your name?”_ _

__“Yeah,” said Dan._ _

__“Have you… seen it?”_ _

__“No, but she told me about it,” said Dan._ _

__“Do you know where it is?”_ _

__“I assume it’s somewhere not on her stomach, since I didn’t see it on her there when I slept over. I think it’s on her hip. Unless she had a tattoo on her hip I didn’t know about?”_ _

__“No, she has no hip tattoos,” said Ross. “If you saw a mark on her hip, it was… it was the soul mark.”_ _

__“Right,” said Dan._ _

__“... do you love her?”_ _

__Ross’s face was so nakedly open that Dan’s stomach sank._ _

__“I… I don’t know,” he told Ross. “I think that I might fall in love with her. I’m still kinda… I’m still getting used to her name being on me. I don’t know… I don’t know what that means. If we’re gonna be romantic, or not romantic, or sexual, or… something.”_ _

__It was _weird_ , talking about this stuff with Holly’s ex husband. _ _

__But in a weird way, it helped._ _

__Ross had been through this, at least a little bit._ _

__He and Tamar had agonized over being physically intimate, before the big polyamory talk had happened, and then… well, the whole mess had started._ _

__“I’m still in love with her,” said Ross, in a matter of fact tone. “I don’t know if I’ll ever… not be. But i don’t think she loves me like that anymore. Or if she… trusts me. Because of all of that. I know that sometimes stuff can just be… broke, and then it won’t work.”_ _

__Dan nodded._ _

__He’d never really been in that kind of situation, but he could at least make sympathetic noises._ _

__“And… she doesn’t seem to be interested in you.”_ _

__“We’re both a bit… overwhelmed,” said Dan. “She went to Ireland for the week.”_ _

__“To see Jack, right?”_ _

__“Right.”_ _

__“And you’re okay with that?”_ _

__“I mean,” Dan said, “I don’t really have a say in the matter. We’re not… we’re not in that kind of relationship. Where we have a say in that.”_ _

__“... right,” said Ross, and he looked… ashamed. “But are you okay with her being with Jack? Assuming it’s romantic or sexual or something?”_ _

__“I guess I’m gonna have to be. At least for now. When we’ve… figured stuff out better, maybe I’ll… say something.”_ _

__Dan shrugged helplessly._ _

__“This is a fucking mess,” Ross said, his tone conversational._ _

__“Yeah…,” said Dan._ _

__“But we’re still friends?”_ _

__“We’re still friends.”_ _

__“Okay,” said Ross. “Now… you ready for food?”_ _

__“So ready. I’m fuckin’ starving.”_ _

__* * *_ _

__It was night._ _

__It was night, and Holly and Jack had been to the movies the night before._ _

__He held her hand, when they walked out, and they’d shared a hug before she went to bed._ _

__Otherwise?_ _

__Everything was… pretty normal._ _

__She hadn’t been expecting a text from Dan, but her feelings towards him had… softened._ _

__Listening to his heartbeat, feeling the ghosts of his emotions… it was hard not to have some kind of attachment._ _

__A bit of her resented that - the way that something was messing with her head. Although how much of that was her being happy because of hormones or however the hell the soulmate system worked, and how much of it was just her regular natural fondness for Dan in the first place?_ _

__At the same time… there was only so much fighting she could do._ _

__She might as well enjoy being happy - Dan had been a perfect gentleman (apart from the periodic jerking off, which at least he gave her a heads up about) about her and Jack._ _

__He even sent her a text asking if she was having fun - she’d sent him a picture of a pigeon that she’d seen when she went out on her own, while Jack was filming._ _

__So when he texted her, she didn’t think too much of it._ _

At least, until she saw the text message. 

_Would it be possible for me to see where my name is? On you, I mean._

She paused, and she blushed. 

She was sitting on the sofa bed, Jack next to her, and the two of them were watching a movie. 

__They were hip to hip, her knee pressing into his thigh, as she sat with her legs crossed._ _

__Jack was fiddling with Twitter, and Holly had her sketch pad in her lap._ _

_Didn’t you see it already?_

_No, I never got a chance._

_Any particular reason you wanna see it now?_

_Just realized I hadn’t seen it. Although if you wanna show me in person, or, like, we can have a whole talk about me seeing it in the first place, that’s cool too._

Holly huffed, and she glanced at Jack out of the corner of her eye. 

__“Jack?”_ _

__“Mmm?”_ _

__“Could I ask a favor?”_ _

__“Sure. What’s up?”_ _

__“Could you take a picture of my soul mark for me?”_ _

__“Sure,” said Jack. “Where is it?”_ _

__“... on my hip,” said Holly. “You might, uh… you might see more of me than… usual.”_ _

__He must have forgotten when she’d shown it to him on the webcam._ _

__Admittedly, it had been pretty… awkward._ _

__“If you’re okay with it, I’m okay with it,” said Jack._ _

__He was blushing._ _

__“Does it bother you that I’ve got someone else’s name on me?”_ _

__… that was a level of honesty that she hadn’t expected to come out of her mouth._ _

__Not that she necessarily wasn’t honest, but… well, there are levels of these things._ _

__“I…. “ Jack put his phone down, and he was looking thoughtfully into space at a spot right over her left shoulder. “I don’t know if… I don’t know what you want. I don’t know what _I_ want, long term. But short term… I’m okay with it, as long as I don’t cause… you know, any kind of rift or whatever. I also… I don’t really expect to be treated the… same as him. Because, you know, his name is on your hip, so he’s your first priority.”_ _

__“Not necessarily,” said Holly. “You’re.. I mean… I can have multiple priorities.”_ _

__“I don’t want to put you in a spot where you feel like you have to,” said Jack, and he smiled, looking a little sad. “You mentioned how you were really done with the whole polyamory thing.”_ _

__“I thought I was,” said Holly. “But… maybe me and Dan are platonic. Best friends forever and whatnot.”_ _

__“You think?”_ _

__She shrugged._ _

__“Maybe… maybe I just want to pretend I’m not being influenced by destiny, or shit like that. Maybe i just want to care about you, as much as I can, for as long as I can?”_ _

__He gave her a look that broke a little piece of her heart._ _

__“I’ll be here for as long as i can,” he said, after a pause. “I don’t… I think that maybe, I may have to leave, and it’ll hurt. But I don’t want to miss out on what will make me happy now, for some future “maybe.” And… well, my mind may change, at some point, but for now, that’s how I feel.”_ _

__“So…”_ _

__“So if you want… if you want to be… or to do… something, then I’m willing for it.” Then he grinned, self conscious. “‘Cause that was real English, right?”_ _

__“I understood it,” said Holly._ _

__There was a lump in her throat, and her voice was choked up._ _

__“Although maybe we should discuss, you know… specifics. At some point.”_ _

__“Right,” Holly said._ _

__She was acutely aware of the space between them, of the places they were touching each other._ _

__He was warm, and he was wearing a pair of lounge pants, old and thin enough that they were a bit worn at the knees._ _

__The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up, and she could see the hair on the tops of his arms - he was the hairiest man she’d ever been attracted to._ _

__… she was attracted to him, wasn’t she?_ _

__She was._ _

__She was physically attracted to him, without a shadow of a doubt._ _

__“So picture?”_ _

__“Right,” said Holly, snapping out of her daze. “Sorry. Spaced out.”_ _

__“It’s all good,” said Jack. “Gimme your phone.”_ _

__“... could you, uh, get up and turn around for a sec?”_ _

__“Sure, just a sec,” said Jack._ _

__* * *_ _

__Sean was holding Holly’s phone, and he was trying to think of cold things, as he heard her rearranging things._ _

__There was the sound of a zipper, and clothing rustling, and then she was standing up, and there were a few annoyed sounds._ _

__“Okay,” said Holly. “You can turn around.”_ _

__He did so._ _

__And he squeezed her phone tighter._ _

__She wasn’t wearing any pants._ _

__Of any type - under or otherwise._ _

__She had her hands in front of her vulva, covering it, but he could still see a few strands of dark hair peeking out between her fingers._ _

__And there was Dan’s name, curling around her thigh._ _

__“I’ll, uh… right,” said Sean._ _

__He had an erection._ _

__His cock was throbbing, tenting his boxers and the thin cotton.of his old lounge pants._ _

__He had to be sporting a _very_ obvious erection, but she wasn’t saying anything about it, and he wouldn’t say anything about it._ _

__“I’ll just… take your… picture,” he said thickly, indicating the name spelled out along her hip, down her thigh._ _

__“Thanks,” she said, and she was blushing._ _

__Her belly looked soft, and he wanted to bury his face in it._ _

__He wanted her to move her hands, so he could get down on his knees and lick her until she couldn’t remember her own name, let alone any name written on her skin._ _

__But he was taking her picture first._ _

__He took a few pictures of the name - Leigh Daniel Avidan - and then he turned around, holding the phone out behind him, so that she could take it without baring all… as it were._ _

__There was more rustling - the sound of something unzipping, even more rustling._ _

__It lasted forever, and Jack folded his arms across his chest, digging his fingers into the skin of his arms, both to resist the urge to touch his cock, and to attempt to make his erection go down._ _

__It stayed up, resolutely, making an obscene bulge in his lounge pants._ _

__He shouldn’t have changed out of his jeans._ _

__She cleared her throat._ _

__“You can turn around,” she told him._ _

__“Thanks,” said Sean, and he did._ _

__And then his dick throbbed harder._ _

__She had changed into her pajamas - a pair of shorts, a tank top._ _

__She wasn’t wearing a bra, and he could see her nipples, two points under the tank top._ _

__She was wet between the legs as well - there was a darker patch in the cotton, and he could smell it._ _

__When was the last time he had smelled that?_ _

__He wanted to take her in his arms, kiss her._ _

__He wanted to slide his cock into the swollen wetness between her legs and fuck her until she was seeing stars._ _

__He wanted to kiss her so badly he could feel the pressure on his lips._ _

__“Do you… do you want to keep watching the movie?”_ _

__She cleared her throat._ _

__“Sounds good to me,” he said, and then he laughed, self conscious, as his voice cracked. “I should, uh… go to the bathroom first.”_ _

__“You don’t… have to,” said Holly. “I mean… unless you really have to…go.”_ _

__“I can probably wait,” he allowed._ _

__The tension on the room was so thick that you could cut it with a knife, and it was warm enough that he was starting to feel it._ _

__Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes dark._ _

__“Only if you’d like to,” she added, and she liked her lips with her small, pink tongue._ _

__What was she offering?_ _

__Sex?_ _

__Companionship?_ _

__He didn’t know if he was ready to have sex with her, as much as he wanted to._ _

__He wanted to hold her, though._ _

__More than anything else, he wanted to hold her._ _

__“I can watch some more movie, before I really need to worry,” he said._ _

__She flopped onto the bed, leaning back against the back of the couch, and he sat down as well._ _

__He sat down next to her, and there was just enough space that they weren’t touching._ _

__On the screen, the denizens of Halloweentown sang about making Christmas._ _

__She shifted closer, cuddling up to him, until he had to lift his arm up or it would be squished._ _

__He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her a little closer, and she rested her head on his chest, no doubt hearing how hard his heart was beating._ _

__She could see how hard he was, how he’d leaked through his pants._ _

__With his arm like this, the very tips of his fingers were against the top of her breast, right where it connected to her chest._ _

__He was acutely aware of every bit of her that was touching him._ _

__She could probably hear how hard he was breathing._ _

__She sent the pictures, and a text message._ _

__He politely looked away, focusing on the movie._ _

__* * *_ _

__Jack was holding her._ _

__He was hot, but he wasn’t sweating._ _

__Thankfully._ _

__She was sweating enough for the both of them, under her arms, on the backs of her knees._ _

__She was pretty damn wet between the legs as well, but that was… less to do with sweat._ _

__His heart was beating very fast, and his fingertips were trailing along the top of her breast._ _

__She rested her hand on his thigh, and his heart sped up, as if that was possible._ _

__She squirmed, until her head was under his chin, her cheek damp through his t-shirt._ _

__His chest hair was springy under the fabric, and a bit of it poked out from the collar of his shirt._ _

__“You’re very beautiful,” Jack said into the top of her head._ _

__“Thank you,” Holly said._ _

__How do you respond to that?_ _

__Her phone buzzed, against her thigh, and she jumped._ _

__He jumped too, and she rested the phone on _his_ thigh, reading her text message. _ _

__It was from Dan._ _

___It looks nice. Are you having a good time?_ _ _

___Yeah,_ she typed. _Just, uh… possibly have a wank maybe?__ _

___Will do._ _ _

__* * *_ _

__“I think my soulmate is having sex with someone else,” Dan said, his tone morose._ _

__“Yeah? I’m sorry.”_ _

__Arin shot Dan a sympathetic look._ _

__“It’s… fine,” Dan said, although it wasn’t, exactly._ _

__It wasn’t burning him to his core, at least._ _

__And he’d seen what his name looked like, on Holly’s thigh, on her hip._ _

__It was… intense._ _

__Maybe that was why he had a boner._ _

__Although the waves of sweet, desperate arousal kept crashing over him, like the tide coming in._ _

__It didn’t help that he was sitting next to Arin - not only was he sitting next to Arin, Arin was wearing a tank top, and they were close enough that Arin probably knew that he had a boner._ _

__And sure enough…._ _

__“Is that why you’re so….”_ _

__Arin indicated Dan’s lap._ _

__Dan groaned._ _

__“Probably,” he said, his tone morose. “I’m sorry. This is… super fuckin’ awkward.”_ _

__“It’s not the first time you’ve had a boner while we were together,” said Arin, and he laughed. “I know you’re not just getting a raging stiffy at the sight of me. It’s no big.”_ _

__“Right,” said Dan, and he smiled wanly._ _

__He didn’t want Arin to know what he was thinking right now._ _

__It would have been… awkward._ _

__At least Holly had given him a heads up._ _

__He got up, making his way towards the bathroom._ _

__He was getting a bit too well acquainted with it, as of late._ _

__He’d have to start having his emotional breakdowns (and his orgasms) someplace else._ _

__* * *_ _

__Around the time Jack Skellington was reprimanding the Oogie Boogie Man, Sean had his hand on Holly’s breast._ _

__She squirmed closer to him, and his hand had shifted, to keep hold of her._ _

__And then she had moved his hand with her own hand, and he had a handful of breast._ _

__But… that wasn’t how he wanted to do it._ _

__“Hold… hold on,” he said, and he withdrew all his appendages, with some regret._ _

__She smelled wonderful, and he wanted to keep holding her - the weight of her grounded him, and her breathing was captivating, as only a lover’s breath can be._ _

__“I’m sorry,” Holly said, and she was flushing, looking to the side. “I should have -”_ _

__“No, no,” Sean said quickly. “No… no should have or whatever. I just… I don’t want to jump into things… head first. And I don’t necessarily mean the head on my shoulders.”_ _

__That startled a laugh out of her, and he grinned back at her._ _

__In spite of being so horny that he was having trouble thinking from the throbbing of his cock, he was still captivated by her smile._ _

__“I know you’re lonely,” he said. “I’m lonely. And you’re beautiful, and I want to… I want to do a lot of things with you. But I want to… I don’t want to go from holding your hand for the first time to feeling you up. I’d like there to be some in between steps.”_ _

__“In between steps.” Holly’s voice was deadpan._ _

__“I’m not saying I’m not pro… you know, jumping in the sack, having all the fun one can possibly have,” said Sean. “But I’d like to kiss you, before I do anything else.”_ _

__“Kissing,” Holly said._ _

__“Yes,” said Sean. “If that’s alright?”_ _

__“... I don’t know,” she said, and she laughed in a way that could have come off as melancholy. “I think I’d be fine with you feeling me up and fucking me, but I don’t know if I’m up for kissing just yet. Although part of me is tempted to just say yes, if it means you’ll touch me.”_ _

__“How about… how about we call it a night?”_ _

__Hardest words he’d ever had to say._ _

__Her face fell._ _

__“Not because I don’t want to do anything,”  he said quickly. “... god, the things I want... .” He blushed. “But… can we wait until our heads are a little clearer, before embarking on things?”_ _

__“... you’re right,” said Holly, and she made a face. “I hate that you’re right. I want to just… I want you.”_ _

__“I want you too,” Sean said. “But... how about we call a bit of a… recess, so I can… go to the bathroom, and then things might be a bit clearer?”_ _

__“Right,” said Holly. “I’d like to… keep cuddling you.”_ _

__“I’d like that too,” said Sean. “I’ll be right back.”_ _

__He stood up, walking like he’d sat on a traffic cone, and he closed his bedroom door._ _

__* * *_ _

__Holly shoved her hand down the front of her shorts, and she rubbed desperately, not even bothering to hide her noises._ _

__Fuck it._ _

__Maybe she was drunk on arousal, filled with enough skin hunger to leave her desperate and stupid._ _

__But she wished it were Jack’s hands on her right now, looking at her the way he had looked at her when he was holding the phone._ _

__She slid her fingers through her own slickness, and she rubbed her clit, humping into her hand._ _

__She could hear the noises that Jack was making._ _

__There was arousal pulsing through her connection with Dan - maybe the two of them were feeding off of each other._ _

__She came, squirting, soaking into her pajama shorts, her hips stuttering forward, her breasts heaving like something out of a harlequin novel._ _

__She flopped back, and panting, and she withdrew her wet fingers, her pussy still twitching around nothing._ _

__When she got home, she was going to ride her favorite dildo into the next dimension._ _

__Or something._ _

__Then another wave of arousal shot through her, and her nerves, already over sensitive, fired off again, as another orgasm shot through her, and her hips juddered forward as another orgasm washed over like a wave, leaving her boneless, toes curling and her mouth open in a pant._ _

__She could hear Jack’s moaning rising in pitch, and then he made a rough noise, and she tried to imagine what he would look like right now._ _

__Milking his cock, maybe his hand up his shirt, toying with his nipples._ _

__And then the mental image of that was rushing through her head was making it worse, until it was a chain, cumming and cumming, until she was trembling on the sofa bed, her own arousal and Dan’s arousal braided together in her mind, slowly slipping away._ _

__* * *_ _

__On the other side of the globe, Dan leaned against the bathroom door, cum still dripping out of his cock, his feet planted, his head between his knees._ _

__He was sitting on the floor, shaking, tears dripping down his cheeks.  
What was he feeling?_ _

__He didn’t know._ _

__He didn’t want to be feeling it here - he wanted to be at home - he wanted to be in Holly’s arms, or Arin’s, or... ._ _

__Goddamn it._ _

__She was his soulmate._ _

__Why couldn’t his mind stay on her?_ _

__For that matter, why was he fixated on Arin?_ _

__He was going to have to talk to her._ _

__And Arin._ _

__Although goddamn did he not want to have that conversation._ _

__He sniffed, wiping his face, and he stood up on shaking legs._ _

__Okay._ _

__He was okay._ _

__He was going to have to clean the floor now, but… fuck it._ _

__He could deal with it._ _

__It was all going to be okay._ _

__* * *_ _

__Sean slumped back against his chair, his cock throbbing and twitching like a tuning fork._ _

__He could hear Holly, moaning in the next room._ _

__What did she look like, when she came?_ _

__Did her face scrunch up?_ _

__She was so beautiful._ _

__God, he needed to hug her._ _

__He needed to… he needed her._ _

__Oh god._ _

__At least… some of it was sorted out._ _

__And she was whimpering in the other room, and he could hear the springs of the sofa bed clinking._ _

__Oh god._ _

__What if he went in there, dropped to his knees in front of her?_ _

__Licked her, fingered her, made her cum himself._ _

__But no._ _

__He knew what he wanted, how he wanted it, how it would go._ _

__And he had a warm, soft body waiting for him, attached to a mind that made his heart soar like a bird._ _

__Things weren’t exactly the way he would have pictured them._ _

__But they weren’t bad either._ _

__* * *_ _

__“You can, uh,you can come out now,” said Holly._ _

__She was right outside Jack’s door._ _

__Jack opened the door._ _

__“Hi,” said Jack._ _

__He was wearing a different shirt, and his face was red._ _

__He smelled like sex._ _

__She probably smelled like sex, even if she had washed her hands._ _

__She looked up into his face, and he looked down into hers._ _

__They were both breathing heavily._ _

__Oh god._ _

__“So,” Jack said, his voice full of what even she could tell was false cheer._ _

__“So?”_ _

__“Movie?”_ _

__She wrapped an arm around his middle, and she rested her forehead against his shoulder._ _

__He wrapped his arms around her, his chin on her shoulder._ _

__“In a minute,” she said, and his voice rumbled through her chest, giving her an aftershock of tingles._ _

__* * *_ _

__Sean ended up falling asleep on Holly’s sofa bed, and he woke up with his backside pressed up against hers, at some small hour in the morning._ _

__She was snoring quietly, buzzing like a vibrator or a bee, and he smiled in spite of himself, reaching out to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear._ _

__Then she rolled over, flat on her stomach._ _

__Did she want him to stay?_ _

__Or would it seem weird if he left?_ _

__He turned the television off, and he watched as she shifted in her sleep, curling back into a ball._ _

__Nervously, he sat back down on bed, rolled onto his side, and wrapped his arms around a pillow._ _

__He could imagine that he was holding her._ _

__* * *_ _

__Dan lay in bed, and he ran his fingers across the letters of Holly’s name on his ribs._ _

__He hadn’t known her middle name was Anne._ _

__There were so many things that he didn’t know about her._ _

__He’d have to ask her that._ _

__He’d have to ask her all of the things - her favorite color, her favorite food, what she thought of the smell of old books, or the color of the sky after it rained._ _

__… wow, he was in some kind of headspace._ _

__Some kind of soppy headspace._ _

__Maybe it was because the brain devouring panic related to her name on his ribs was finally abating, and the other heartbeat in his head was no longer an intrusion, but a welcome part of himself._ _

__They were so far apart, but in a weird way… they had never been closer._ _

__He rolled over, grabbing for his phone, and he fired off a quick text._ _

_Hope you’re having a good time in Ireland! Can’t wait to see you when you get home!_

His phone buzzed a minute later, and he groped for it. 

She had sent him a selfie - she was sitting in a pub, or some other place with dark paneled walls. 

_Jack is busy with videos, but we’re going to dinner tonight._

_That sounds nice. What are you getting?_

_Indian. They apparently do really good vegetarian curries._

_That’s nice._

_Wow._

They were were, quite possibly, having the most awkward conversation they’d ever had. 

Then his phone buzzed again. 

_I was a jerk to you when I was at the airport. I’m sorry._

_It’s okay. I was kind of being a possessive dick. I should have talked to you about how II was so uncomfortable about everything._

_Thank you._

He paused, staring at his phone, then typed out the message that had been circling his head. 

_Do you want to be with Jack like that? Sexually, or in a romantic relationship?_

His heart was beating very fast. 

Could she feel it? 

Probably. 

But… fuck it. 

__They were going to be intimate, let them be intimate._ _

__It was terrifying to have himself open like that, but what else could he do?_ _

__It wasn’t like he could hide it from her._ _

_I don’t know about romantic. But I know I want a sexual relationship with him. Or at least… I want the chance to have one._

_I can’t really tell you what you can or can’t do,_ Dan typed, _but I would like you to tell me stuff. Since we’re linked up like this for as long as we know, we should talk about stuff._

_Do you have anyone you’re interested in like that?_

_Not really, no. I mean… I’ve got a FWB floating around, but we’ve both been kinda busy._

_Well, uh, if you want to have that kinda thing going on, feel free._

Dan frowned at his phone. 

__He felt weird about this._ _

__Why did he feel weird about this?_ _

_Aren’t you not into the polyamory thing?_

_Well, we’re not romantically involved. And I’m not gonna drop Jack just because of you telling me to._

_I’d never ask that._

_Okay._

_So… we’re okay?_

_We’re okay._

He smiled at his phone in spite of himself. 

_Do you want me to pick you up from the airport?_

He’d get to see her sooner. 

_Would it be too much of a pain to get there?_

_Nah. It’s not like I’m gonna be doing anything that night anyway._

_If you’re sure…._

_I’m sure._

_When are you back?_

_Three days._

_Looking forward to seeing you then!_

… wow, that was cheesy. 

_Looking forward to seeing you too!_

He smiled up at his phone. 

__This… wasn’t what he was expecting, but it was nice._ _

__Maybe he’d take her advice, go contact his friend with benefits._ _

__How was Tessa doing these days, anyway?_ _

__He hadn’t really talked to her since… all of this mess._ _

__He fired a text off to her, then plugged his phone in, rolling onto his belly and stretching luxuriously._ _

__* * *_ _

__Sean walked into the pub ‘round the corner, and he spotted Holly’s hair._ _

__She had a pint of beer in front of her, and a sketchbook filled with her chicken scratch drawings._ _

__She hadn’t seen him yet, and she was still looking down at her work, her expression full of concentration._ _

__He was smiling so widely that his face hurt a little bit._ _

__She was so beautiful._ _

__Then she looked up, and she saw him looking at her, and she smiled, looking down and blushing._ _

__“Hi,” he said, as he flopped onto the booth next to her._ _

__“Hi,” said Holly, and she smiled at him with her full face, her eyes crinkling at the sides._ _

__She leaned over, and she pressed a dry, simple kiss to his lips._ _

__He pulled back, staring at her open mouthed._ _

__“Sorry,” Holly said, and she flushed, looking down and to the side. “I should have, um, I should have asked.”_ _

__“No, no, it’s okay,” said Sean, and he smiled at her. “I, um, I like it when you kiss me.”_ _

__“I like kissing you,” she said. “Or, I mean, I like to think that I like kissing you. I like the idea of kissing you.”_ _

__She was blushing._ _

__He leaned forward, and he kissed her back, his hand on her cheek, the tip of his fingers against the temple of her glasses._ _

__She drew back, and then she pressed her forehead against his._ _

__She was shaking, and he took her hands in his own, the back of her pencil digging into his hand._ _

__“You’re so beautiful,” he said._ _

__And then she suddenly wasn’t okay - he saw the change in her eyes, and she pulled back._ _

__“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m… I need some air.”_ _

__He scooted back, his heart beating very fast._ _

__“Shit,” she said. “Shit. I’m sorry, it’s… it’s been a long time since…. I’m sorry.”_ _

__“It’s okay,” said Sean. “I mean it. It is.”_ _

__He scooted to the other side of the booth, giving her space._ _

__“I’m sorry,” said Holly. “This isn’t fair.”_ _

__“I dunno what you’re talking about,” he said, and he smiled at her. “I get to spend time with my buddy Hols. And maybe there’s kissing, and maybe there’s other shit, but who cares, it’s you and me. If you… if you decide that you’re not ready for anything, then… well, I’m your friend. Before anything else, after anything else.”_ _

__She blushed, looking down, and her face was dark red._ _

__“Thank you,” she said._ _

__“No need to thank me,” he said. “Just being honest.”_ _

__“Still.”_ _

__“Are you ready to go get some curry?”_ _

__“I am _always_ ready for curry,” she told him, her expression earnest._ _

__His heart opened like a flower, and he shoved his hands in his pockets, to keep from reaching out to her._ _

__* * *_ _

__They bought curry, and Jack got them a few pints at the off license._ _

__They were sitting at his kitchen table._ _

__“I’m sorry for freaking out at you,” she said, staring into the depths of the curry in front of her._ _

__“It’s okay,” said Jack. “It’s not like you don’t have a reason for being a little… you know, all over the place.”_ _

__“You mean because I divorced the man who I thought was the love of my life, only to find out that I have someone else’s name on me?”_ _

__“... yep,” said Jack, and he grinned. “In terms of… I mean, we’ve all got baggage.”_ _

__“You don’t seem to have that much,” Holly said. “You’re one of the most well balanced people I’ve met.”_ _

__“I’m not very good at being unhappy,” said Jack._ _

__“You can be good at being unhappy?”_ _

__“Oh, sure,” said Jack. “Some people can get a good mope on, hold it there for days!”_ _

__“You not so much?”_ _

__“Basically,” said Jack. “I’ve always been kinda ashamed of it, honestly.”_ _

__She looked at him, confused._ _

__“Like… okay,” Jack said, and he leaned back in his chair, his hands going behind his head. “When I was a kid, if I was unhappy, I’d have a good cry, feel miserable for twenty minutes, sometimes more than that, and then I’d just be… fine.”_ _

__“That sounds pretty awesome, I have to admit,” said Holly, aware of how wistful she sounded. “I’ve always been kinda… prone towards obsessing.”_ _

__“When I was growing up, like, as a teenager, I had a lot of people who considered me super immature. I got a lot of shit for just getting over stuff quickly - one of my mates from school died, and I was just… I was sad for a day or two, and then I just… got over it.”_ _

__He looked genuinely sad, too, his expression thoughtful._ _

__“I was worried it was a sign that I was a bad friend. Or that it meant that I didn’t really care about him, because I was just… okay with it, Or maybe not okay with it, but just… okay.”_ _

__She reached over, awkwardly, and she squeezed his fingers._ _

__He sounded genuinely sad._ _

__“Maybe you’ve just got a good way of not dwelling on things,” said Holly. “I mean… I know you cared about him. You’re obviously still sad about it now.”_ _

__“You think?”_ _

__“Yeah,” said Holly, and he squeezed his fingers again._ _

__He had long, elegant fingers, with hair on the backs of his knuckles._ _

__She ran her thumb across it, and he shivered._ _

__He was blushing, she noticed, and she pressed her thighs together, squirming._ _

__There was the familiar thrum of arousal at the pit of her belly._ _

__“I’ll be right back,” she said, and she squeezed his fingers, then stood up._ _

__* * *_ _

__Dan’s phone buzzed, and he checked it, then groaned._ _

__“Oh god,” he mumbled._ _

__“What’s up?” Arin shot him a concerned look._ _

__“Well, uh… I’ve got a… I’ve got a friend, who’s in a different time zone,” said Dan. “And they keep… texting me, at weird hours, because they forget about the time difference, and anyway, they’re off having fun. Which is… great.”_ _

__Dan was turning pink, and his cock was hard, throbbing in his pants._ _

__Holly… Holly was having fun._ _

__Which was good._ _

__But Arin was right there, and Dan was holding on to him, his hand wrapped around Arin’s wrist, as Arin carefully navigated his way across the screen._ _

__“It’s really hot in LA right now,” Arin said, “Poor Dan is just feeling it.”_ _

__“I usually feel the cold,” Dan said, “but right now it’s being a pain in the ass.”_ _

__“I hear ya there,” said Arin, and he gave Dan’s leg a squeeze._ _

__Dan’s heart skipped a beat, to match the throbbing of Holly’s heart in the back of his head._ _

__He closed his eyes to catch his breath, and he could _see_ Holly kissing Jack, her hands in his hair._ _

__Not with his eyes, per se, but she was concentrating on the sensation hard enough that he could feel it; the slightly brittle strands of Jack’s hair, the warmth of his mouth, the sweetness of his hands…._ _

__It wasn’t as sickening as he thought it was._ _

__Maybe he was getting more comfortable with the whole soul bond thing._ _

__He sighed, shivering, and he grinned at Arin._ _

__“So,” he said, letting go of Arin’s wrist, “tell me about the last time you played this game….”_ _

__* * *_ _

__Holly came back, and her hands smelled like Sean’s orange soap._ _

__She rubbed her hands together, and she smiled at him, but she was standing in front of his chair._ _

__She looked nervous._ _

__“You have… your eyes look like Ross’s,” she told him. “I mean, when they’re close to me. To my eyes.”_ _

__Sean frowned, but he nodded._ _

__“That’s why I freaked out. Because your eyes remind me of his. And also because… I forgot what it was like to… I forgot what it was like to be that… intimate with someone.” She huffed out a breath, and her hair fluttered out in front of her._ _

__Her glasses were on the tip of her nose, and he wanted to push them up._ _

__“Well, you don’t have to be intimate with me,” he said, “if you want to. Don’t want to.”_ _

__“It’s complicated,” she said. “Thank you for being so understanding about all of this.”_ _

__“Of course,” Sean said._ _

__And she leaned forward, her hands on either side of his face._ _

__She kissed him, her mouth soft and warm and wet against his, and then her hands were going into his hair, and she was opening her mouth against his._ _

__Her tongue slid into his mouth like a secret, tentative and soft, tasting of curry and herself._ _

__He sighed, leaning back into the chair, going boneless, and she shoved his chair back, and she straddled him._ _

__She was so warm._ _

__She was warm, and her breasts were soft against his chest, and she sighed against his mouth, tilting her head to the side._ _

__His hands were on her back, over her sweater, and his fingers went down to her hips, covered in the thinness of her skirt, the softness of her sweater._ _

__He was hard - he was achingly hard, and he was grinding against her ass, through his jeans, through her panties._ _

__She pulled back, panting, and her breath was steamy on his face, her sweaty forehead warm against his own. She carefully took her glasses off, putting them on the table next to them._ _

__“I want to fuck you,” Holly said, right in his ear, and she kissed his temple, then moved lower, on his neck. “Please. _Please._.” _ _

__“I… we’re lacking in rubbers,” Sean said. “Haven’t had a need for ‘em. In a while. So, um….”_ _

__“I’ve got an IUD,” Holly said, “and I haven’t had sex with anyone else in a long time. My last test was two months ago.”_ _

__“Oh,” Sean said thickly. “Well then. My, uh, my test was… I’m good.”_ _

__“Do you want to?” She was looking down at him with her sweet green eyes, and she was… she was _here_ , this was where he needed her, this is where he wanted her for the rest of his life, for the rest of his everything. _ _

__They weren’t soulmates._ _

__But her hands were on his chest, and his heart was beating under her palm._ _

__It wasn’t the same as the heart that beat in her head, but it was… it was something._ _

__* * *_ _

__She had to get off of his lap, awkwardly, so that he could pull his pants down._ _

__She kept her skirt on, just kicked her panties off of one leg, and they were still dangling when she climbed back into his lap._ _

__She didn’t get much of a glance of his cock - it was something hot, wet, solid, the head of it pressing against her thigh._ _

__It was all covered by her skirt, and then she was grabbing his shaft - and then she paused._ _

__“You’re not circumcised?”_ _

__“... why would I be?”_ _

__He was grinding up against her hand, and that felt… different._ _

__“You know, uh, I hadn’t thought of that.”_ _

__She laughed, unsteadily, and then she spread her legs wider, the flats of her feet on the floor, and she guided him into her._ _

__She settled on him, and it was a long, sweet stretch._ _

__It had been too damn long._ _

__He was thick and he was hot, so hot - she’d forgotten how hot a real, biological cock could be inside of her, and she paused, just sitting there, internal muscles flexing around him._ _

__“Oh, _fuck_ ,” Jack mumbled. _ _

__“It’s what we’re doing,” Holly said, and she laughed, a nasal explosion of sound._ _

__She snorted while she was laughing, and that had him laughing, which made his cock twitch in her, and that made her moan._ _

__“God, you’re fucking gorgeous,” said Jack, and his hands were on her hips, hot and dry through the thin cotton of her skirt._ _

__She was too hot, sweat beginning to drip down her back, and she leaned back, forcing him deeper in her, and the chair creaked ominously, but she was pulling the sweater off, and her shirt went with it, and his hands were on her breasts, shoving the cups of her bra down, then pressing her breasts together._ _

__He leaned in and licked her nipples, then latched on to one of them, his cock twitching inside of her._ _

__“Oh… oh god,” Holly sobbed, and her pussy squeezed around him, and then his other hand was between the two of them, and he was rubbing her clit with one long finger._ _

__He let go of her breasts to stare into her eyes, his hands sliding up to her back, cradling her shoulder blades, as she began to rock her hips harder._ _

__“God, you’re twitching so much, you’re so wet, fuck….”_ _

__Jack was just as mouthy as she’d imagined him to be, and his face was back in her breasts, moaning, licking up her sweat._ _

__Her hands were in his hair, and his shirt was sticky with her sweat, and then he sat back, staring at her with his wide blue eyes._ _

__“God,” he said roughly, and he grabbed her breast in one hand, squeezing it roughly._ _

__“Gentler,” Holly said, and she shifted her hips, beginning to ride him harder._ _

__“Sorry,” said Jack, and he leaned in, beginning to kiss along her breasts, nuzzling into them. “I’ve given you so much… beard burn.”_ _

__“It’s okay,” Holly said. “Just.. oh… fuck… don’t… stop.”_ _

__His thumb was on her clit, his long fingers on her belly, hidden by her skirt, and her hands were in his hair, yanking on it._ _

__He was pulsing inside of her - his heart was beating in his cock, and Dan’s heart was beating in her head, just as fast and desperate._ _

__Her own heart was thundering in her ears, like it wanted to come out of her chest, and Dan’s was matching hers, and Jack’s was speeding up._ _

__“Jack, you’re so… fuck, Jack, I’m gonna cum, please….”_ _

__“C’mon, do it, you can do it, cum around me, please, I wanna feel you squeeze me, c’mon, I wanna see your face!”_ _

__She stared into his face, as the tension in her belly began to build and build, her head beginning to throb like a toothache, her back arching, her breasts heaving like something out of a romance novel._ _

__“You’re… you’re so big,” Holly mumbled, and she squeezed him with her thighs, holding on to great handfuls of his shirt, twisting it, and she was cumming, her internal muscles gripping him in a vice, spasming around his cock._ _

__“God, Hols,” Jack groaned, and he pressed his face into her breasts._ _

__She grabbed him by the hair, and she made him look her in the face as his cock twitched inside of her, shooting cum into her, throbbing inside of her, swelling._ _

__He kept his eyes open for her, and she kept her eyes on him, as his hips thrust into her, and then he was flopped against the chair, his knees shaking._ _

__He was blushing._ _

__“... I’m not gonna be able to stand up without there being, like, a flood of jizz,” she said._ _

__The tension broke, and they were both laughing._ _

__Ugly laughing, laughing hard enough for the chair to start creaking ominously._ _

__“Oh my god,” Jack choked out, “you just…laughed my dick out of you!”_ _

__“At least I didn’t laugh at your dick,” Holly said, as cum dripped out of her, and his cock was softening, wet and sticky against her thigh._ _

__She’d forgotten what it was like - the giggly intensity after sex - the first time you have sex with someone, the way it was still all new, exciting._ _

__And then, abruptly, she remembered the first time she and Ross had sex, and the pain of it was like being stabbed._ _

__She had been under him, and he’d cracked a joke about the fact that he’d lasted for all of two minutes, and then he’d rubbed her clit, until she came, and she’d apparently made a funny face as she came._ _

__His blond hair had been sweaty, and his blue eyes had looked down at her, not up, like Jack was, but…._ _

__Her whole face crumpled, and Jack wrapped his arms around her, as she sobbed, clinging to his shirt, tears and sweat dripping down her face, getting on his._ _

__“I know,” Jack said, his voice quiet. “Or, I mean… I don’t know. But… I’m here.”_ _

__She sniffed, pulling back, and she wiped her nose on the back of her hand._ _

__“I’m sorry,” she said. “The sex was… fucking amazing.”_ _

__“You were no slouch yourself, ya know,” said Jack, and he was grinning at her goofily. “You wanna maybe finish our dinner?”_ _

__“.. that’d be a good idea,” said Holly, and she laughed harder, covering her mouth with both hands._ _

__The chair made another noise._ _

__Holly got off of his lap pretty quickly then, standing in Jack’s kitchen with her panties around one ankle, jizz dripping down her leg._ _

__“You wanna clean up?”_ _

__His penis was pink and soft against his denim covered thigh._ _

__She tried not to stare at it too much - she had _no_ experience with an uncut cock._ _

__He caught her looking, and he blushed._ _

__“Sorry,” he said._ _

__“Why are you sorry?”_ _

__“I worry I’m making you uncomfortable.”_ _

__“Nah,” said Holly. “I’m… not used to your… I’ve never seen a penis that wasn’t circumcised.”_ _

__She grinned._ _

__“You’re so cute,” she said._ _

__“I dunno if I should feel insulted, if you’re saying that while looking at my cock,” said Jack, but he was indolent in his chair._ _

__She snickered._ _

__“Oh, honey,” said Jack, and he sat up fully, his hands on her breasts. “You’re all pink.”_ _

__She looked down - her breasts were rubbed a little raw, from his beard._ _

__“It’s okay,” she said, as he nuzzled into her breasts._ _

__His hand slid up her inner thigh._ _

__“I could kiss it better,” said Jack, and his face was in her belly. “I could kiss a lot of you, if you’d like.…”_ _

__She imagined it - his head between her thighs, his hair cutting into her fingers, his mouth licking her._ _

__She shuddered, pressing her thighs together, arousal pooling in her belly again._ _

__And then she remembered her own face, between Tamar’s legs, and the arousal abruptly died._ _

__“No,’ she said. “Sorry.”_ _

__“No need to apologize,” Jack said, and he kissed her on the belly, loudly, and then he patted her on the hip, and his hand was damp with her arousal - it left a handprint on her skirt._ _

__“... okay,” she said. “Okay.”_ _

__* * *_ _

__Dan came in his pants again._ _

__He came in his fucking pants, and he was almost getting used to it._ _

__Only this was the first time he’d done it around Arin._ _

__And Arin was watching him, and blushing, and if Dan looked down, could he see Arin’s dick boning up?_ _

__He hadn’t gone to go to the bathroom, because he hadn’t expected to cum quite so… quickly._ _

__Usually he had a bit more build up._ _

__But Holly had apparently gone off like a firecracker, giving him no time to run off to the bathroom for a quick jerk off._ _

__But no - his cock was throbbing, swelling, and then he was shooting cum into his boxers, into his pants._ _

__If Arin was boning up, what would that even mean?_ _

__Dan flopped back against the couch, his eyes half closed._ _

__“How you feeling?”_ _

__“I’m good,” Dan said, his tone dreamy._ _

__Holly must have been _bathing_ in whatever feel good hormones there were that came from an orgasm._ _

__Dan couldn’t fucking think right now._ _

__He just grinned lazily at Arin._ _

__“Next time at Game Grumps,” said Arin, and he turned off the mic._ _

__“Sorry,” Dan mumbled._ _

__“So.... Holly and Jack?”_ _

__“Seems to be it, yeah,” said Dan._ _

__“Are you bothered by it?”_ _

__Dan shrugged._ _

__“I think… I think that I’m not bothered by it,” said Dan. “Or at least, right now, I’m not bothered by it. Because I’m really floating right now.”_ _

__Arin snorted._ _

__“You’re adorable,” said Arin, and he ruffled Dan’s hair. “Go wipe off.”_ _

__“In a sec,” Dan mumbled, and he wrapped his arms around Arin’s middle, resting his cheek on Arin’s shoulder._ _

__“I didn’t think you were a cuddler.”_ _

__“I’m totally a cuddler.”_ _

__He let go of Arin, regretfully, and he stretched._ _

__His underwear was already sticky._ _

__Oh god._ _

__He needed to have a whole conversation with Holly about when she did or didn’t have sex._ _

__At least, while they were in different time zones._ _

__He wanted to fuck her so badly._ _

__But he wanted to see her, more than anything._ _

__Even if he never fucked her… he’d be okay with that._ _

__Just as long as he saw her again._ _

__He didn’t realize that he could miss a person so much, when he hadn’t even been super close with them to begin with._ _

__He’d never really held her in his arms, so why was he missing her so badly?_ _

__But first… he had to wipe his cock off._ _

__Oh god._ _

__Dan sighed, and he made his way to the bathroom._ _

__At least he was going on a date with Tessa tomorrow._ _

__* * *_ _

__Sean wasn’t expecting his Skype to be bouncing at him._ _

__He had his laptop in his lap, while Holly had a shower._ _

_So_ , Dan typed, _we’re about to have an awkward conversation._

Sean’s stomach dropped. 

Oh no. 

_What’s up?_

_You and Holly have fun?_

_... oh god._

_YEP! I came in my pants._

Sean could see it - Dan’s red face, his big hands gripping tightly at his knees, his hips thrusting up. 

… that was more interesting than it had a right to be, especially because his cock was twitching. 

__He could theoretically get another boner._ _

__Maybe Holly would even want to… do something with it._ _

__But that wasn’t what he was going to be thinking about right now._ _

__Okay._ _

_I’m so sorry,_ Sean typed. _I wasn’t thinking._

_Don’t worry about it,_ Dan typed. _Just, uh… I figured that if you guys are fucking, you might wanna know that I’m involved in it. Sorta._

_If anyone had to be vaguely involved in my sex life, I’d rather it be you than… some random other person._

_Thank you! I think._

_You’re welcome!_

_I’ll buy you a drink or something, since you’ve made me cum at least once. I mean, I assume at least once?_

_Just once._ Sean paused, then, eternally honest: _Maybe more. Depending on how things go._

_I’d say “go get ‘em, tiger,” but I feel like that’d be… gross._

_Li’l bit._

__This was all so… normal._ _

__He was talking to Dan about the fact that Dan had just cum in his pants._ _

__Cum in his pants because Sean had made Holly cum._ _

__Usually, the “congratulations on having a soulmate” type things didn't talk about these types of situations._ _

__Not that Sean had read much of the literature, but, well, he assumed._ _

_How’d you know it was me, not, you know, her jerking off?_

_She told me._

_Oh, Yeah, that’d make sense._

_Am I safe to put new pants on? Or should I wait?_

_Put on the pants. We’re gonna go to sleep soon._

_Sleep well!_

_You too, when ya do!_

__* * *_ _

__Holly stood under the shower, staring at the ceiling, her eyes half shut._ _

__It was all… it was all something._ _

__She was pleasantly sore between the legs, and her breasts were tender._ _

__She sighed, relaxing in her bones._ _

__What did all of this mean?_ _

__… how was Dan gonna react to this?_ _

__Was Dan gonna be mad?_ _

__Shit._ _

__But fuck it._ _

__He said that he was okay with it._ _

__Or if he wasn’t… well, they’d worry about that later._ _

__They were going to have the big feelings talk when she got home._ _

__In the meantime… well, she’d told him that she was planning on having sex with Jack._ _

__So he couldn’t have been too shocked by it._ _

__The water beat down on her head, filling it like something like white noise, and it was a nice counterpoint to Dan’s heartbeat, to her own._ _

__It was more or less in sync with her own._ _

__She washed her everything, and she came back to the living room, to find Jack on the sofa bed, noodling around with his laptop._ _

__“Dan says Hi,” Jack said cheerfully._ _

__“I say hi back,” said Holly, and then she looked guilty. “Would it be horrible if I asked you if i could have some time to myself?”_ _

__“Of course not!” Jack stood up. “You wanna head to sleep?”_ _

__“Yeah,” said Holly._ _

__“I’m gonna have a shower, then have a nice sleep,” he said. “Anything special you wanna do tomorrow?”_ _

__“I’m good with almost anything,” said Holly. “I know you’re gonna be working.”_ _

__“How about… I cook you a nice dinner?”_ _

__“That’s perfect,” said Holly, and she grinned at him._ _

__He grinned back, and his face was as open as an old, familiar book._ _

__“Night,” she said, and she kissed him, sweet and gentle._ _

__She almost asked him to spend the night with her._ _

__But no - she needed space._ _

__Space to stretch, space to be not touching someone else for a little bit._ _

__Jack grinned._ _

__“I’ll see you in the morning,” she said._ _

__“Looking forward to it,” said Jack._ _

__… wow, this was awkward._ _

__He was grinning at her, and she realized that his eyes were on her tits._ _

__“Are you gonna go to bed?”_ _

__“Oh! Right!”_ _

__Jack cleared his throat._ _

__He had a boner._ _

__“Night!”_ _

__“Night,” Holly said, biting back a giggle, as she flopped back onto the bed._ _

__* * *_ _

__Sean took a shower._ _

__He was still a bit shell shocked._ _

__Well, no, shell shocked was the wrong word._ _

__But holy shit, she was so… he had…._ _

__Shit._ _

__He’d had sex with Holly._ _

__And it had been better than he’d thought it was going to be._ _

__God, even if he never had a chance to do it again, he’d treasure the memory._ _

__She was so beautiful, so tight, so… wonderful._ _

__He was grinning in his own shower, and he had a boner._ _

__It was like being sixteen again._ _

__Minus the acne, the lack of agency, the general dread in relation to who he was going to be…._ _

__Okay, so maybe it wasn’t like being sixteen again._ _

__He snorted._ _

__He was… possibly in love with her._ _

__He was in love with her, and this was one of those situations that he had to tread very carefully._ _

__It was hard not to go full on teenager in love kind of situation._ _

__Things could go pear shaped really easily._ _

__Very pear shaped._ _

__They made movies about these kinds of situations._ _

__Although they’d never made a movie about this kind of situation._ _

__… had they?_ _

__Maybe he’d have to look into some romantic comedies._ _

__… no._ _

__No matter how badly he was worried about fucking it up… if he went by romantic comedy rules, he’d fuck it up worse._ _

__No, for now he was just going to enjoy himself._ _

__If nothing else, he owed it to Holly._ _

__* * *_ _

__Dan was on a date._ _

__Sort of._ _

__He had a friend over, at any rate._ _

__A friend who was sitting in his lap, who was kissing him, her hands in his hair, his hands on her breasts._ _

__They had said they were going to do something more chill, not just hopping into the sack with each other._ _

__But then she had leaned against him, her hand high up on his thigh, and he’d retaliated by putting his hand down the back of her pants, and, well…._ _

__He grabbed her ass, great handfuls, and he squeezed it, humping up into her, as she nipped and kissed along his neck._ _

__“God,” she moaned, and she had her hand between between the two of them now, squeezing Excalibur awkwardly through the denim. “I forgot how good you feel….”_ _

__“I guess I’ll have to give you better memories,” Dan said, right into her neck, his hand moving around, to stroke her pussy, his wrist at an awkward angle._ _

__“That was the dumbest line I’ve ever heard,” she told him, and she kissed him, smiling against his lips._ _

__He was smiling back - he’d missed her, and the easy intimacy that came with knowing someone well._ _

__He and Tessa had been messing around, on and off, for a few months._ _

__She’d gotten a new boyfriend, and then something had happened with that, but she’d never really been that deep with Dan._ _

__She yanked at his shirt, and he pulled it up and off, as she did the same with her own shirt._ _

__He wrapped his arms around her, and they were skin to skin._ _

__She hadn’t worn a bra._ _

__Her nipples were pressed against his chest hair, and he knew that always made her squirm, as he kissed along her neck with his stubbly face._ _

__And then she was pulling back, squinting._ _

__“Did you get a tattoo?”_ _

__… shit._ _

__So that was what he’d forgotten._ _

__Oops._ _

__“No,” Dan said, “it, uh, it turns out that I’ve… kinda-sorta got a soul mate.”_ _

__Tessa frowned, her forehead creasing._ _

__“What?”_ _

__“A soulmate. I’ve got a soulmate. That’s my, um, that’s my soul mark.”_ _

__“Oh,” said Tessa._ _

__And then she was… she was getting off of his lap, which no, that wasn’t fair._ _

__Well, okay, no, it was fair because she had a right to do what she wanted with her body._ _

__But… blue balls._ _

__Blue balls were _unpleasant_ , and that seemed to be the route that he was headed towards._ _

__They were his responsibility at the end of the day, but still._ _

__“Is that going to be a problem?”_ _

__“Well, yeah,” said Tessa. “No offense. I just, uh… I know that soulmates can feel each other’s feelings -”_ _

__“Not all of our feelings,” said Dan. “Just the really… big ones.”_ _

__“Would she be able to tell if you were having sex?”_ _

__“Well, yes,” said Dan._ _

__Tessa made a face._ _

__“I’m sorry,” she said, “I just… I can’t do that. I need to be having sex with one person at a time.”_ _

__“Right,” said Dan, and he did understand, to a certain extent, but… goddamn it._ _

__He liked Tessa._ _

__“I can still be your friend,” she added, as she pulled her shirt on. “I like you, Dan.”_ _

__“I like you too,” Dan said, trying not to let his disappointment bleed into his voice._ _

__She was allowed to have her boundaries._ _

__She was allowed to not be comfortable with things._ _

__His cock was swollen in his pants, throbbing like a broken tooth._ _

__“I’m gonna… head off,” she said. “Hug?”_ _

“Sure,” Dan said, dazed. 

He hugged her, trying to keep his hard on from touching her, and then he said vague pleasant things as she walked out. 

He closed the door behind her, locked it, and then he went to sit on the couch. 

__His phone buzzed, and he picked it up, still a bit dazed._ _

_You okay? You said you had a date with your FWB._

_She’s not so much into the me having a soulmate thing._

_Crap, did I just cockblock you?_

_Sort of, but I don’t hold it against you. It was my own fault - I didn’t say anything to her._

_You haven't told anyone?_

_I know what it looks like. I don’t want people to assume stuff about you._

_... what would they assume about me?_

_I hadn’t thought of that yet, honestly._

_Well, uh, good luck with the blue balls. I might be… messing around later._

_I’m probably gonna deal with the blue balls at some point._

_Gotcha. I’ll go slip into the bathroom or something. Happy wanking!_

Dan was still grinning. 

He was going to see her the day after tomorrow! 

__Although she’d be missing Jack, which was a little sad._ _

__He didn't want her to be sad._ _

__But… she’d be here._ _

__In his arms._ _

__Or even just sitting across from him._ _

__Just a short drive away._ _

__* * *_ _

__It was nine in the morning._ _

__Sean was eating a slice of toast, before he would start a day of filming._ _

__Well, a few hours of filming._ _

__He wanted to go wander around downtown with Holly._ _

__And Holly was sitting across from him, making sympathetic faces at her phone._ _

__“What’s up?”_ _

__“Remember how Dan had a date?”_ _

__“Yeah?”_ _

__“Well, he, uh… I think he’s recovering.” She shivered. “He’s having a… a recovery wank, I think. I texted me about it, but… oh… god….”_ _

__Her knuckles were white on her fork._ _

__She stood up, and her knees were shaking._ _

__“You okay?”_ _

__He stood up, offering her a hand._ _

__She wobbled, leaning against the sink._ _

__He was beginning to know what her face looked like when she was turned on - green eyes dark, cheeks flushed, mouth open as she panted._ _

__“I’m… I… oh god, Sean!”_ _

__He paused._ _

__She usually called him Jack - it was easier, and he didn’t mind one way or another._ _

__“What do you need, Hols?”_ _

__“Kiss me, right now.”_ _

__“Should you tell -”_ _

__“It’s like three in the morning, he’ll be sleeping or… something, he jerked off, that’s why I’m so….”_ _

__“Right,” said Sean, and he stood up._ _

__He put his hands on her face, his palms against her cheeks, and he kissed her, leaning into her, so that they were chest to chest, belly to belly._ _

__She kissed him hungrily, with a desperation that might have been off putting, if he wasn’t quite as taken with her as he was._ _

__But she was moaning, and she was wet against his crotch, and wow, getting hard that fast was… wow._ _

__He was a little dizzy from it, and he kissed along her neck, then moved his hands back, to her back, stroking along the line of her spine._ _

__“God, I need… please, Sean, I need… I need something in me, please!”_ _

__“Mmm?”_ _

__He sucked on her shoulder, hard enough that she bucked against him, and he bit her, experimentally._ _

__She moaned like she was in some kind of ecstatic pain._ _

__“Where do you want it, sweetheart?”_ _

__He slid a hand between them, awkwardly, flipping her skirt up, then into her tights and her panties._ _

__He cupped her vulva, sliding his middle finger along the seam of her labia, then slid it inside of her, the heel of his hand grinding against her clit._ _

__“Oh _god_ ,” Holly gasped, and she squeezed around him, hard enough that his finger was going to creak. “Another one, please….”_ _

__“Of course,” Sean said, and he kissed her, her hands on his shoulders, then on the back of his head, her fingers in his hair._ _

__“You’ve got… thick knuckles,” she said, her voice rough._ _

__“Yeah? I’m sorry.”_ _

__“No, no,” Holly said quickly, and she laughed, an awkward, nasal sound. “Thick knuckles are… greatly appreciated.”_ _

__Her feet were planted on the floor, and she was rocking her hips up to meet his thrusts._ _

__He smiled at her, sheepish, and he adjusted his wrist, so that he could curl his fingers inside of her, his thumb against her clit._ _

__He was groping around inside of her, carefully, feeling around with the pads of his fingers._ _

__Thank god he’d clipped his nails the day before._ _

__Admittedly, he’d been planning this (or something like this), but… still._ _

__He knew he’d found what he was looking for when she gripped hm tight, and her face scrunched up like she was in pain._ _

__“Hi,” said Sean, and he smiled at her, still pressing down on her g-spot, hard enough that she was whining in the back of her throat._ _

__“Don’t _stop_ ,” Holly whined._ _

__“I won’t,” Sean promised. “I won’t stop until you tell me to.”_ _

__She was soft and wet, wet enough that it was dripping down his wrist, soaking into her panties, pruning up his fingers._ _

__And then her hand was sliding into his jeans, and he was being jerked off, carefully._ _

__“Can you… okay, that can’t be nice to your wrist, can you… oh, fuck….”_ _

__She unbuttoned his pants, she shoved them down, and then she was jerking him off awkwardly._ _

__“Ah, no, um….”_ _

__He wrapped his other hand around hers, showing her how to jerk him off without pulling his foreskin all the way down to his balls._ _

__His knees were getting weak, as he fingered her carefully, her pussy beginning to grip him harder, his cock beginning to swell._ _

__“Sean,” she mumbled, and then she was sobbing, her thighs clenching tightly around his wrist, his fingers being squeezed, and she was cumming, her hips stuttering forward, her hand tight around his cock, and he was humping into her fist, fucking the tight channel of it, his own orgasm bearing down on him like a pack of hunting dogs, and she was still cumming, her pussy spasming around him, and there was wetness spraying out of her, down his wrist, into her panties, soaking into her tights, and she was giggling and sobbing at the same time._ _

__“Hols?”_ _

__He looked at her, concerned, but also… he was cumming, his cock spitting cum across her wrist, then onto her tights, which were already sodden,_ _

__“You okay, babe?” He nuzzled into her neck, and she was tensing up again, already beginning to head towards her second orgasm, and this time there was no spray, just a gush, and his fingers were pruning up as his cock kept twitching, possibly in hopes that it could get hard again, although he’d still need time for that._ _

__“I squirted,” Holly said, and she was pressing her thighs together, keeping his fingers where they were, but not letting them move much._ _

__Her clit was still hard and throbbing under his thumb._ _

__He gave it a rub, and she sobbed._ _

__“I kinda noticed,” Sean said, his tone dry._ _

__“Sorry,” she mumbled. “I know it’s gross.”_ _

__He looked at her, genuinely confused._ _

__“... it’s really not,” he said, withdrawing his fingers and licking them._ _

__He ended up licking along his own wrist, up to his pulse point, keeping eye contact._ _

__She was blushing so hard that he was worried she’d pass out, except she was still holding on to his shirt, getting cum on it._ _

__They were both kind of… cummy._ _

__At least he’d had the foresight to move her skirt out of the way._ _

__“I’m a mess,”  Holly said, and her voice was rough. “I’m… I’m sorry.”_ _

__He cupped her face, aware that one hand was still musky and damp, and he thumbed her cheekbone._ _

__“It’s okay,” he told her. “You having nothing to apologize for. That was fucking hot.”_ _

__“I haven’t… I haven’t done that in a long time.”_ _

__She bit her lip, looking to the side._ _

__There were probably bad memories associated with it._ _

__Crap._ _

__“Well… I’ll help ya do it whenever you want me to,” said Sean, and he grinned at her, foolish._ _

__There was a bit of pride in spite of himself._ _

__It was the second time he’d made a woman squirt, in the whole of his sexual career._ _

__… if he had a sexual career, did that mean he had a sexual resume?_ _

__Which got him snickering, and his face was in her neck, and then he was laughing, full on belly laughing, clinging to her, his dick out._ _

__“We need to stop fucking in the kitchen,” he told her._ _

__“Mmm?”_ _

__“You’re gonna go home,” that was a sobering thought “and I’m going to be making myself breakfast, or sit at a certain chair, and I’ll remember the time you made me cum so hard that I saw stars, and then I won’t be able to do anything but wank.”_ _

__Holly giggled, and then her face went… complicated._ _

__“When I go home,” she said lightly, “you can get a girlfriend to fuck in all the other rooms of your house.”_ _

__… um._ _

__Crap._ _

__How did he respond to that?_ _

__“I don’t want to to find another girl right now,’ he said, and oh crap, was that too much?_ _

__Her face did… something._ _

__“I might… some day,” he said, keeping his tone light, “but for now, I like you. I like you a lot. And if you wanna keep liking me, I’d like that.”_ _

__“... what?”_ _

__Maybe she was a little loopy from her orgasm._ _

__“I don’t want another girlfriend right now. I don’t think you’re my girlfriend either, we’re not… I know you’re not ready for that, I don’t know if I’m ready for that. But I’m getting my emotional needs met, and I know you’ve… you’ve got someone else.”_ _

__“... sort of.”_ _

__Her expression was rueful._ _

__“I don’t know what me and Dan are gonna be.”_ _

__“Well,” said Sean, “I’ll be here. I can’t promise that we’ll always be… you know, I might find someone else, but… I’ll keep you in the loop.”_ _

__“Okay,” said Holly, and she nuzzled into his neck. “Thank you.”_ _

__He grinned at her._ _

__“As lovely as this is,” he said, “I’m gonna need to change and start filming.”_ _

__“Urgh, my tights are all gross.”_ _

__“Just go bare legged,” he said, and he waggled his eyebrows. “Unless you’re worried about your legs getting cold,” he added as an afterthought._ _

__“... well,” she said, and she was looking down, avoiding eye contact, “if you’d really like me to.”_ _

__He grinned like a lech._ _

__“I wouldn’t say no,” he said cheerfully. ‘So how about, uh, you go do your day stuff, I’ll do my day stuff, and then we can have a fun later in the day stuff!”_ _

__“What kinda stuff?”_ _

__“Meet you at the pub?”_ _

__“Sounds excellent.”_ _

__He kissed her loudly, goofily, on the temple, and then he went to go record videos._ _

__* * *_ _

__Holly sat at the park with her feet up, enjoying the sun and sketching._ _

__It was nice, to feel the warmth on her bare legs, admiring the people going by._ _

__She was parked under a tree, near a pond, watching the ducks waddle back and forth._ _

__She snapped a picture, then sent it to Jack._ _

__She paused, then sent it to Dan as well._ _

__She got a response almost instantaneously._ _

_Quack quack?_

_Quack! How are the pigeons?_

_Pigeoning around, as far as I know. How are you?_

_Good! Enjoying myself! I’m gonna be sad to leave._

_Would you ever want to live there?_

__Holly paused, staring up at the tree branches with a thoughtful expression._ _

_I don’t think so. I’d miss my pigeons too much. And my friends._

_I’d miss you._

_You’re part of my friends._

… ouch. 

She could have put that better. Okay. 

_I mean, also, you’re not just my friend. If nothing else, our time difference is making it weird._

_It really is. But looking forward to seeing you!_

_You’re absolutely sure you want to pick me up?_

_Oh, definitely. I’ve missed you._

… had she missed him? 

__She kind of had, hadn’t she?_ _

__It was some kind of nameless ache, and it was all… something._ _

__She sighed - it was all too complicated._ _

__She wanted to feel his heartbeat against her own._ _

__Did she want to actually… well, fuck him?_ _

__She didn’t know._ _

__He was too mixed up with her memories of Ross._ _

__She sighed again, and she leaned back into the tree._ _

__She wasn’t going to worry about this._ _

__She was going to enjoy her last two days here, and then she would be dealing with her own problems at home._ _

__And then there was a friendly face in front of her, with dyed hair and a bright smile._ _

__… and a bag of oranges._ _

__“Hello!”_ _

__“Hi! You’re done early!”_ _

__“I _am_ done early!” _ _

__He flopped on the grass next to her, close enough that his hips was pressed against hers, and they were leg to leg, the denim of his jeans rough against her bare skin._ _

__“How was filming?”_ _

__“Horrible. The controls of the one game were janky as fuck and I ended up careening off of god only knows how many cliffs.”_ _

__“That does sound annoying,” Holly said._ _

__“But I’m here with you now, and I have oranges. So you know. Things could be worse.”_ _

__“Oranges?”_ _

__“Yep! There was a nice lady selling bags of ‘em, and she had a cute li’l dog, and I felt weird about fussing over the dog, then not giving her anything for the oranges.”_ _

__“So basically you were guilted into buying oranges?”_ _

__“... sort of, maybe? But I like oranges.”_ _

__“I also like oranges,” she agreed, and she leaned against him, taking his hand in hers and squeezing._ _

__“What are you drawing?”_ _

__“Birbs,” said Holly. “Well, monster birbs.”_ _

__“The most monstrous of birbs,” Jack said, and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her a little closer._ _

__She rested her head on his shoulder, and he squeezed her arm._ _

__She glanced over, saw his hand, and she remembered the feeling of his fingers inside of her, when the two of them had fucked around in his kitchen._ _

__She flushed, her cheeks hot, arousal starting low in her belly._ _

__Maybe she was so wired up because it had been so long._ _

__Or maybe she was bouncing back from her relationship with Ross._ _

__She put her hand high on Jack’s thigh, and she gave it a squeeze._ _

__Did it matter, when she was this giddy?_ _

__* * *_ _

__Brian was shooting Dan a concerned expression._ _

__“What’s up?”_ _

__“You’re smiling at your phone,” Brian told him._ _

__“Oh,” said Dan. “Sorry about that.”_ _

__“For what, being happy?”_ _

__Brian was entirely too shrewd for his own good._ _

__“No, never mind,” said Dan._ _

__“Never mind what?”_ _

__Dan gave Brian a Look._ _

__Brian gave him one back._ _

__Goddamn it._ _

__There was no brushing the guy off, once he got the bee in his bonnet._ _

__Although that brought about the mental image of Brian in an actual bonnet, like something out of a historical recreation, and he was grinning again._ _

__“At least you’re not as dour as you were,” Brian said. “Have you sorted stuff out with whatever it was that was bothering you?”_ _

__“Yeah,” said Dan. “... sort of.”_ _

__“You wanna tell me?”_ _

__“I figured you’d figured it out already,” said Dan, surprised at his own candor. “You’re… you know, you. Good at figuring shit out with me.”_ _

__“Well,” said Brian, his expression thoughtful, leaning back in his chair, “I figured you’d tell me in time.”_ _

__He opened his mouth to say something._ _

__Then he closed it._ _

__He’d told Holly that he’d wait until she was ready to tell their friends that they were soulmates._ _

__But maybe he could at least… say he had a soulmate?_ _

__Gaaah._ _

__He put his face in his hands, making an annoyed face._ _

__“What’s up?”_ _

__“It’s complicated,” said Dan._ _

__“Of course it is,”  said Brian. ‘“Nothing with you is ever simple.”_ _

__He could be oblique, right?_ _

__“I… I might have found out who my soulmate is,” said Dan._ _

__“Really? I’m surprised that you’re not writing songs about it already.”_ _

__“It’s… like I said, it’s complicated,” said Dan._ _

__“Is it Arin?”_ _

__“What?! No! Why would you think that?!”_ _

__Dan was blushing, and his heart was beating very fast._ _

__“It would suggest why you’ve been so cagey about it,” said Brian._ _

__“Arin’s already got a soulmate,” said Dan._ _

__“People can have more than one,” Brian fired back._ _

__“I’d have… I’d know if he was my soulmate by now.”_ _

__Brian raised an eyebrow._ _

__“Because I’m around him so much,” Dan said, aware of how dumb he sounded. “I’d have figured it out a long time ago.”_ _

__“You haven’t touched every bit of him, have you?”_ _

__“Well, no, there are parts of him I haven’t touched,” said Dan. “What with me being a straight dude. And him being married. And him having a soulmate.”_ _

__“Are you gonna tell me who your soulmate is?”_ _

__“I will,” Dan promised. “Just… I need to talk to her first.”_ _

__“So it’s a girl!”_ _

__“Of course it’s a girl,” Dan said, defensive. “I”m not gay.”_ _

__“I didn’t say you were,” said Brian. “Maybe you’ve got a platonic soulmate. That is a thing that exists.”_ _

__“I might still have one,’ Dan said, and he buried his face in his hands, sighing._ _

__“... I’m not gonna ask,” said Brian. “I’ll wait for you to tell me.”_ _

__“I will,” Dan said, “I promise.”_ _

__“I know you will,” said Brian. “But enough of this. How about we do some lyric writing?”_ _

__“Sounds like a good plan,” said Dan. “So I was thinking maybe we could do a song about face sitting….”_ _

__* * *_ _

__Holly was kissing Jack, once again._ _

__She’d texted Dan to warn him about all of this._ _

__It had started out innocently enough._ _

__She and Jack had gone out to a fair that had set up in the park - he kissed her on the ferris wheel, they’d eaten cotton candy, she’d gorged on deep fried things on sticks._ _

__He’d won her a stuffed parrot, she’d won him a giant rubber ducky._ _

__And then she’d walked into the living room, and she’d sat down on the pull out bed, and he had looked at her, his expression cheerfully lecherous, his eyes dark._ _

__“When you sit like that,” he had said, “I can see right up your skirt.”_ _

__And she’d spread her legs open wider and shoved her skirt up higher along her thighs, until it was around her hips._ _

__And, then, well, he was in front of her, then on top of her, kissing her, and she was kissing him back, and he was grinding his hard on against her through her panties, through his jeans._ _

__“God, please, I need you… I need you, please,” she sobbed._ _

__“Tell me what you need,” Jack crooned, and he pushed her shirt up, pushed the cups of her bra down, taking handfuls of her breasts, thumbing her nipples._ _

__“Your cock,” she sobbed, humping against him, her thighs framing his hips, her heels digging into his calves._ _

__“Right here? Just like this? Half dressed?”_ _

__He was rolling his hips, and his shaft was pressing against her clit, which was utter torture, and she thrashed against him, her hands in her own hair, then moving up, to grab at his._ _

__“Yes,” she gasped._ _

__There was something… so different about being this spontaneous._ _

__With Ross, everything had to be planned, towards the end._ _

__Tamar didn’t like getting caught off guard._ _

__… speaking of._ _

__“Shit,” Holly said. “My phone. Or yours, you have Dan’s number?”_ _

__“Yeah, hold on.”_ _

__Jack grabbed his own phone, then got off of the bed, handing it to her, shoving his jeans and boxers down and off._ _

__He shoved his shirt up around his navel, his cock pointing up towards his chin._ _

___Jack and Holly about to fuck, sorry for the suddenness, will make it up to you_ , Holly typed out quickly, and then she was wriggling out of her panties, kicking them to the side, a little scrap of slimy black cotton around one ankle._ _

__Jack was grinning, as he crawled between her legs, the head of his cock rubbing against the wetness trickling between her labia._ _

__“You’re really into this idea, huh?”_ _

__“Just a bit,” Holly said, her voice choked._ _

__He was so solid, and he was so hot against her._ _

__Good god, it was _heavenly_. _ _

__* * *_ _

__Sean was just barely inside of her - the muscles of her pussy were trying to pull him in, and it took so much self control not to push in all the way._ _

__He kept his eyes on her face, as she panted up at him, her eyes half shut._ _

__“How does it feel?”_ _

__“Good,” she said, and she was whining, trying to jerk her hips forward, to get him in deeper._ _

__“Just good?” His tone was teasing, his stomach muscles trembling from the effort of keeping himself from moving._ _

__“Sean,” Holly said, and her voice broke._ _

__So did his resolve._ _

__He pushed himself into her, all the way, and she was wet - wetter than last time, even! - and tight around him, squeezing him in a vice._ _

__She moaned against him, and he pressed forward, his hands on her breasts, pressing them together, belly to belly._ _

__“You’re so tight,” he said, right into her mouth, and then he had his hands in her hair, and his shirt was sticking to her stomach - she was already starting to sweat._ _

__“I’m sorry,” she said, and Sean started to chuckle, awkwardly, his cock twitching inside of her._ _

__“Why?”_ _

__“I don’t know,” Holly said, and she humped up against him. “I just… everything is… fuck!”_ _

__“If you insist,” Sean said, sitting up some, leaning back on his heels._ _

__He held her thighs open, squeezing them, so that he could go deeper._ _

__She sobbed, tightening around him, and he tilted his head back and moaned, as deep as he could get, his hands moving up to her ankles, all but folding her in half._ _

__“Oh _god_ ,” Holly groaned, then, “hold on.”_ _

__“What’s up.”_ _

__Sean pulled back, his cock still inside of her, but otherwise not doing anything._ _

__“I can’t get off if you do it like that,” she said._ _

__“Sorry,” said Sean._ _

__“I can get off after?” She wriggled her hips, and her expression was so sweet, mixed with her obvious arousal, and it made something in his stomach do somersaults._ _

__“No, no,” said Sean. “If… if you can get off, with my cock still inside of you, that’d be ideal.”_ _

__“Ideal,” Holly said, her tone flat._ _

__She looked amused, and then he did something wriggly with his hips and flexed his cock at the same time, and she moaned like she was being paid for it._ _

__He brought his hand between them, rubbing her clit with his thumb, and he pulled and pinched her nipple with his other hand, delighting in the way she squeezed him._ _

__Time went away for a while - his back started to get sore, and then he was sucking on her nipples, his shirt hanging off of him._ _

__He should have taken it off, but it was too much of a hassle._ _

__He was going to enjoy this sweetness, lose himself in the scent of her, the taste of her skin, the way her heart beat under his hand as he held on to her breast._ _

__And she was squeezing him tighter, her toes curling against his calves, and then she was cumming, in a burst of fluid - things were wetter than the last time he’d fucked her, and god, he could lose himself in how wet she was, how… amazing she was._ _

__Sensual, funny, smart, sweet, intelligent….._ _

__“Fuck, fuck, _fuck_ ,” Sean gasped, and then he was cumming inside of her, his cock swelling and throbbing, shooting cum as deep inside of her as he could get it, as her aftershocks twitched around him. _ _

__“God,” Sean said, collapsing on top of her, nuzzling into her neck, peppering her neck with kisses._ _

__She was going to be so pink from his beard._ _

__Oops._ _

__“You came a lot,” she told him._ _

__“Sorry,” Sean said, although he wasn’t. “Hold on….”_ _

__He sat up again, reluctantly, and he got up on his knees, pulling out of her._ _

__And then he glanced down at his cock, making a face._ _

__Condoms might have dulled sensation a bit, but they did get rid of the mess._ _

__Although… wait a minute._ _

__“Um, Hols?”_ _

__“Mmm?”_ _

__She grinned at, indolent on the sheets._ _

__“I think, uh… I think your period came.”_ _

__There was a high water line of blood on his dick, and more of it was oozing out of her, mixed with his cum._ _

__His shirt was never going to be the same again, but then again, neither was her skirt._ _

__“... what?”_ _

__She sat up on her elbows, looking down between her thighs, and then she groaned, flopping back onto her back and covering her face with both hands._ _

__“Fuck,” she said, to the universe at large._ _

__“I take it this is… unplanned?”_ _

__He flopped on the bed next to her, nuzzling into her neck._ _

__She smelled a little different, not that he thought about it - there was a note of sharpness that he’d missed before._ _

__“It was due in, like, three days,” Holly grumbled. “I’m sorry.”_ _

__“No need to be sorry,” Sean reassured her. “Happens to the best of us.”_ _

__“It doesn’t happen to _you_ ,” she said, her expression sour._ _

__“Well, okay, no, but that’s just because I lack the necessary equipment,” he said._ _

__“I hope this doesn’t turn you off from having sex with me,” she said._ _

__“Nah,” said Sean, and then he grinned. “Hey. I’ve got my red wings now!”_ _

__She wrinkled her nose, and then she started laughing._ _

__“You’re such a weirdo,” she said._ _

__“Hey man,” he said, “I’ve been curious about it.”_ _

__Then he was getting up._ _

__“Okay,” said Sean. “I’m gonna go get you a flannel. And then after you’ve cleaned up, maybe we can go to the chemist.”_ _

__“Will it be open?”_ _

__“There’s a twenty four hour one nearby,” Sean said._ _

__He made his way towards the bathroom, finding a flannel, wiping his own dick off, then getting another one for her._ _

__“Hey, Sean?”_ _

__“Mmm?”_ _

__He handed her the warm flannel._ _

__“Thanks for being so calm about all of this stuff.”_ _

__“What else am I gonna do?” he shrugged, and now he was wearing a new clean shirt._ _

__“I dunno,” said Holly. “You’re allowed to be weirded out by the fact that I’m bleeding from my vagina.”_ _

__“I mean,” said Sean, “to be blunt, I’ve been romantically involved with women my whole adult life. I accepted it a long time ago. Periods are just… a thing.”_ _

__“Oh,” said Holly. “I wasn’t expecting that.”_ _

__“While we’re out we can also stick stuff in the wash,” he said, indicating the slimy mess of the sheets. “Shall we?”_ _

__He offered a hand._ _

__“I should put on some clothes,” she said. “Clothes that aren’t so… gross.”_ _

__“Oh yeah,” said Sean. “That’d probably help._ _

__She rolled her eyes good naturedly._ _

__* * *_ _

__Holly held Jack’s hand, as they walked down the aisles of the pharmacy._ _

__“I feel like, if we’re having a late night rendezvous, it should be something more interesting than this,” she said._ _

__He looked over at her and he shrugged._ _

__“Midnight tampon runs can be exciting,” Jack countered._ _

__“Maybe when you don’t have to use the tampons,” said Holly, grabbing a box._ _

__“I mean, I probably - “_ _

__“Do not finish that thought,” Holly said quickly._ _

__“I finished the _thought_ already,” Jack said, and he grinned at her._ _

__Holly stuck her tongue out at him._ _

__He kissed her._ _

__She pulled back, looking around nervously._ _

__Jack raised an eyebrow._ _

__“You okay?”_ _

__“Yeah,” said Holly. “I’m, uh, I’m not the best at PDA.”_ _

__Jack looked around, taking in the empty pharmacy, with the bored woman reading a magazine at the counter._ _

__“Of course,” he said, his voice deadpan._ _

__“Thanks for being so understanding.”_ _

__“Of course,” said Jack, and he squeezed her fingers._ _

__She squeezed his back._ _

__“Do you wanna have a late dinner?”_ _

__“I’m still full of deep fried pie on a stick,” said Holly, making a face. “I didn’t even know that you guys did that here.”_ _

__“We got it from Scotland,’ Jack said. “They’ll fry anything.”_ _

__“I dunno,” said Holly. “It might have been… there’s a word for it. Crud.” She stared at the ceiling, trying to think, as Jack grabbed a candy bar, to add to their purchases._ _

__“It’s crud?”_ _

__She rolled her eyes, meeting his eyes, and she poked him in the side._ _

__He made a surprised noise._ _

__“Convergent… evolution? Convergent discovery? Something like that. Like how human beings all discovered the wheel at roughly the same time.”_ _

__“Oh,” said Jack. “So you’re saying that people discovered deep frying things at roughly the same time?”_ _

__“Something like that, yeah,” said Holly._ _

__“More useful than the wheel,” Jack said cheerfully, and he paid for their chocolate and various feminine hygiene products._ _

__He had insisted, and she wasn’t going to argue with him on it._ _

__Holly snorted, and they made their way out._ _

__* * *_ _

__“I’m gonna try to finish early today,” said Sean, the next morning._ _

__Holly was sitting on the sofa bed, looking sleepy, wearing a pair of his pajama pants._ _

__They more or less fit her, even if they were kind of long in the leg._ _

__“Yeah? You don’t have to,” she said._ _

__She was nursing a cup of tea, and another one of Sean’s oranges was on the plate next to her._ _

__“Yeah, but I wanna,” said Sean. “I mean, it’s your last night, and then I’m not gonna see you again until after PAX.”_ _

__“After…?”_ _

__“I was, uh… I was thinking maybe I could stay for a little bit in California. After the convention, I mean.” He was blushing, looking at his feet. “I understand… I understand if that might be a bit too much for you, but… maybe I could stay with you for a few days? We could… keep doing what we were doing here.”_ _

__She nodded, and she looked… downright tearful._ _

__Oh geez._ _

__He hugged her, his hand on the back of her head, as she pressed her face into his belly._ _

__“I’ll miss you,” she said into his stomach._ _

__“I’ll miss you too,” Sean said. “Tons and tons. But it’s not forever!”_ _

__“It’s not,” said Holly. “And I’d love for you to come stay with me for a few days after PAX.”_ _

__“Are you not gonna go to PAX?”_ _

__“I got invited, but Ross is gonna be there, so… I don’t know.” She sighed. “I’ll figure something out.”_ _

__“I’ve got faith in ya,” Sean said, and he ruffled her hair. “So what are you gonna do today?”_ _

__“Probably be a mooch and steal your hot water bottle,” said Holly._ _

__“It’s all yours for the stealing,” he told her. “You can even use my fuzzy cow cover.”_ _

__“... fuzzy cow cover?”_ _

__“Of course! You can’t have a proper hot water bottle without a fuzzy cow cover!”_ _

__“You’re so weird,” said Holly, but she was grinning into his belly._ _

__* * *_ _

__Dan was… out of sorts._ _

__Like his skin didn’t fit, almost - he was pacing around his house, his bare feet sticking to the hardwood._ _

__He was going to be picking up Holly tomorrow._ _

__He was going to hold her in his arms, he was going to be able to smell her, she’d be right here, and he’d be right here, and...._ _

__He was beginning to see why some people hated their soulmates, and all of the things that came with it._ _

__Having the compass needle of your mind forcefully turned in one direction, not entirely of your own accord, is uncomfortable._ _

__Especially when aforementioned needle is pointing towards another person, because other people were complicated, and had their own feelings, their own heartbeats, their own moods._ _

__Holly was melancholy._ _

__It was a slight shade over his own mood, like wearing faintly tinted glasses, or eating fruit that had been stored next to fish._ _

__It wasn’t enough to be offputting, per se… but his own nature was mixed in as well, and his need to make people feel good, to make her feel better…._ _

__He couldn’t think of much else._ _

__At least her heartbeat was calm, steady._ _

__She’d fucked around with Jack last night - he’d dreamed of it, vaguely - of penetrating, of being penetrated._ _

__He’d woken up with sticky bedsheets, humping in his sleep, and he’d groaned and rolled over._ _

__As selfish as it was, he was almost looking forward to Holly coming back, just because then at least they’d be in the same time zone, and then he could stop getting random orgasms, or attacks of hunger at weird hours._ _

__But she was sad, and so it was making him sad, sad and restless._ _

__And then his phone buzzed, and he picked it up carefully - it was a text message from Arin, inviting him over for dinner._ _

___Sure!_ Dan fired off, before he had a chance to actually think._ _

__He’d have done better being by himself, not making cow eyes at Arin._ _

__Dan groaned, and he flopped onto the couch._ _

__Maybe he could meditate._ _

__Or watch a movie._ _

__Something to calm him down._ _

__At least Holly seemed to be calming down?_ _

__With a sigh, he pulling a blanket over his legs, and he groped around for the remote._ _

__* * *_ _

__Holly was… down._ _

__She didn’t want to leave, and she did, at the same time._ _

__She missed her birds, she missed her cats, she missed her favorite coffee shop._ _

__She wanted to go home._ _

__But she didn’t want to miss Jack._ _

__Or Sean - whoever he was in her head._ _

__She didn’t want to deal with all the things that were… different from when she had been happy, but at the same time, unchanged._ _

__Her house was still her house, with or without Ross._ _

__Her friends were still her friends._ _

__She’d have to go back to being Holly Conrad, recent divorcee._ _

__At least she hadn’t taken his name._ _

__Holly shifted on the sofa bed, and the hot water bottle she had against her belly sloshed._ _

__It was indeed inside of a fluffy cow - it looked like a plushie that emitted heat, almost._ _

__It was wonderfully warm, and she ran her fingers over it, turning the television back on and cruising casually through Netflix._ _

__Her periods didn’t usually hit her quite this hard._ _

__Then again, Dan’s emotions were off to the side in her head, screened off by a metaphorical wall._ _

__Only she was beginning to think that this wall was made of something permeable, because Dan’s emotions were floating on top of hers, barely there._ _

__She sighed, reaching for her phone._ _

___You okay?_ _ _

__Dan answered a minute or so later._ _

___Yeah, just feeling restless. Looking forward to seeing you soon!_ _ _

___Anything bothering you?_ _ _

___Nah. I’m fine._ _ _

__She debated the pros and cons of telling him that she knew he was lying._ _

__Society itself runs on the little half truths like that, because otherwise nothing would ever get done._ _

__On the other hand… if they were going to be linked like this… well, they both had to get used to being emotionally honest, right?_ _

___My period came,_ she typed. _I’m also sad about leaving Ireland.__ _

___You’ve been enjoying yourself that much?_ _ _

__His heart was beating very fast in her ears, and his anxiety tasted like tin in the back of her throat._ _

___I’ve been enjoying myself a lot. I’ve been having fun with Jack, and just… not having to deal with all of these reminders that I’m going to have to go back to being a responsible adult when I get home._ _ _

___At least I can hopefully help you with feeling better about being a responsible adult?_ _ _

__She smiled at her phone in spite of herself._ _

__Oh, Dan._ _

___Thanks. So you’ll be picking me up?_ _ _

___Yep! Do you have any fun plans for your last night?_ _ _

___If we end up doing anything… amorous, you should be in bed by then._ _ _

___Got anything else fun planned?_ _ _

___Jack is gonna make me dinner, we’re gonna watch some movies._ _ _

___Sounds like an excellent night!_ _ _

___I hope it is._ _ _

__At least Dan was feeling better, right?_ _

__The tension in her mind had eased, ever so slightly._ _

__She relaxed back into the pillows, curling up around the water bottle._ _

__Okay._ _

__Maybe she’d try for a nap._ _

__* * *_ _

__Sean stretched, his back cracking, and he grinned at his webcam._ _

__“Wowee, that was a big one, wasn’t it? And that does it for this episode!”_ _

__He did his outtro - last episode of the day, even! - and stood up, carefully._ _

__He needed to do laundry._ _

__He needed to go shopping, for Holly’s special goodbye meal._ _

__He had to actually book his plane tickets, for PAX and its aftermath._ _

__But before he did any of that, his Skype blooped at him._ _

__It was Dan._ _

__Huh!_ _

_Hey dude. How are you doing?_

_Doing pretty good, thanks,_ typed Sean. _Sad that Holly is going, but I’ll be back in the US in a few months._

_Yeah? I’d like to buy you a drink, when you’re in town._

_Any particular reason? Not that I’m not appreciative of course!_

_All of this soulmate stuff has been super intense,_ typed Dan, _and the fact that you’ve been such a good sport about all of it has made stuff so much easier. And I know that she cares about you. I can feel it._

_Yeah?_

Sean was blushing. 

How about that? 

_Oh yeah,_ Dan typed. _And I know it must be pretty scary for you, being with someone who has a soulmate._

_Not really,_ typed Sean. _I know that even if you asked her to drop me, she wouldn’t, and you wouldn’t do it in the first place, because you’re not that kind of person._

At least, Sean hoped Dan wasn’t that kind of person. 

_Would it bother you if me and her got romantic or physical or both at some point?_

_I don’t think so_ , Sean typed, after some consideration. _I think I’d be okay with that, as long as I didn’t get put on the wayside. And I mean, not to be heartless, but I’ve got the choice to walk away forever. You guys… not so much._

_I hadn’t thought of it that way._

_Sorry._

_It’s fine. I’ll leave you guys to whatever crazy debauchery you’ve got planned._

_Actually, I think Holly is having a nap._

_The most debauched thing of all!_

_And you know it!_

Sean was grinning as they exchanged a few more pleasantries, then both signed off. 

__Dan was a good guy._ _

__If he was going to be dating anyone’s soul mate, it might as well have been Dan’s._ _

__He made his way downstairs, to find Holly curled up in a ball on the pull out bed, her butt sticking out._ _

__He was _not_ going to lech on her butt._ _

__Even if it was well formed, soft, and looked perfectly round and grabbable in his pajama pants…._ _

__His cock twitched in his jeans, and he glared at it._ _

__“None of that,” he said quietly._ _

__“Mmm?”_ _

__Not quietly enough, it seemed._ _

__Holly propped herself up on an elbow, looking over her shoulder at him._ _

__“Hey scoot,” she said, her voice still sleepy._ _

__“Hi,” said Sean, and he climbed into bed with her, curving around her, his face in her neck, his hands around her waist._ _

__The house was chilly, and she was wearing a big fuzzy sweater._ _

__She was warm, soft, solid._ _

__She smelled like herself, and that same green shampoo she’d been using._ _

__“You’re warm,” she murmured, and she cuddled closer to him._ _

__Unfortunately, that put her butt right up against his hard on._ _

__“I do my best,” he said, kissing her temple and tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “You wanna go grocery shopping for dinner?”_ _

__“Sounds good,” said Holly. “In a minute.”_ _

__She rolled over, and now her head was under his chin, and she was clutching at the front of his shirt, her legs entwined with his._ _

__The hot water bottle was squished between the two of them._ _

__“You been treating Mister Cow right?”_ _

__“... mister cow?”_ _

__Holly rolled onto her back, and she put the water bottle on her belly, petting its nose._ _

__“It’s, uh… you know, it’s got udders.”_ _

__“It could be a boy,” said Sean. “Are you gonna dictate the guy’s identity?”_ _

__“... you got me there,” Holly said, in her best Strix voice._ _

__Sean grinned._ _

__“You’re adorable,” he told her._ _

__“I’m a disgusting trash witch and you know it,” she told him._ _

__“Well, you’re the best trash witch I’ve ever known,” he said._ _

__“I do my best,” Holly agreed._ _

__“What does being a trash wish even entail?”_ _

__“I can do magic with trash,” said Holly. “And, uh… I’m trash.”_ _

__“I don’t think you’re trash,” said Sean._ _

__“Well, you’re biased,” Holly said, and she poked him in the side with one of her pointy, pointy fingers, right between the ribs._ _

__Sean made an indignant noise, and poked her back._ _

__She grunted, making a face._ _

__“Ow.”_ _

__“Sorry,” said Sean. “Want me to kiss it better?”_ _

__“... are you offering to kiss my stomach?”_ _

__“I was actually offering you oral sex,” Sean said, and he was grinning._ _

__“... you do remember i’m on my period, right?”_ _

__She was wrinkling her nose._ _

__He shrugged._ _

__“I don’t care,” he said, which was true._ _

__It was blood._ _

__It would taste a little gross, but… well, he liked to eat pussy, and it was just more iron, really._ _

__It wasn’t like it was the worst thing ever._ _

__Holly was still wrinkling her nose._ _

__“No thanks,” she said. “Another time.”_ _

__“Should I pencil it into my calendar?”_ _

__“I could write you an IOU,” Holly suggested._ _

__“Wouldn’t I be writing _you_ the IOU?”_ _

__“What? Why?”_ _

__“Well,” said Sean, “I’d be doing you a favor, wouldn’t I?”_ _

__“I don’t know,” said Holly, “you seem to be pretty into it.”_ _

__“That is true,” said Sean. “I’m also perfectly happy to stick things in you, if you’d like me to.”_ _

__“... wow, that was sexy,” Holly said, her tone flat. “I’m so enticed.”_ _

__“Of course,” said Sean. “I’m the height of seduction, and you know it.”_ _

__“I feel like height isn’t the word you’re supposed to be using,” said Holly._ _

__“Are you calling me short?”_ _

__“... you’re taller than me,” Holly said, and she snuggled up, her head on his chest._ _

__“Are you calling _me_ short?”_ _

__“I didn’t say you were,” Sean said, and he grabbed a handful of her butt, because he could._ _

__She wriggled it against it._ _

__“I thought we were gonna go grocery shopping.”_ _

__“So grocery shopping or sex stuff?”_ _

__“Why not both?” Holly put on a goofy voice._ _

__“I hate to tell you this,” said Sean, “but I think that the grocery store people won’t appreciate you getting fucked in front of them. They have horrible taste, I assume you, but I do want to keep being able to go to the grocery store.”_ _

__“True, and all that blood,” said Holly, and she wrinkled her nose._ _

__“It’s about the same level of gross as spooge,” said Sean. “But I understand if you don’t wanna do anything. Either here, or in the grocery store.”_ _

__“Can I give you a rain check on that?”_ _

__She was blushing._ _

__“Of course,” Sean said, and he kissed her on the cheek, a loud, smacking kiss_ _

__She was giggling at it._ _

__Mission fucking accomplished._ _

__* * *_ _

__The grocery store was a weird place to wander around, especially at seven o’clock._ _

__There were less people around, and the grocery store was huge._ _

__“Why is your cheese aisle so big?”_ _

__“Because you Americans have shitty cheese,” said Jack. “You wouldn't know a good cheese if it bit you in the ass.”_ _

__“I feel insulted,” Holly said. “I have _excellent_ taste in cheese.”_ _

__“I should test you on that, but I’ve got crappy taste in cheese too.”_ _

__Jack laughed._ _

__“So why are you judging me?”_ _

__“You’re literally from a country where people eat “cheese food product.” I feel like I’m free to judge.”_ _

__Holly snorted, and she poked him._ _

__“I’m gonna make you eat cheese food product,” she told him._ _

__“I didn’t consent to that,” Jack said, a little louder than he probably intended._ _

__There was a little old lady standing nearby, and she edged away._ _

__“We didn’t have the kink talk,” Jack said. “Is cheese food product one of yours? Because it’s a hard limit of mine.”_ _

__Jack’s expression was so serious that Holly burst out laughing._ _

__She didn’t have a choice in the matter, really._ _

__She was laughing so hard that she had to lean on Jack, and he wrapped an arm around her waist, resting his temple against her shoulder._ _

__“You’re such a dork,” she told him._ _

__“I thought I _had_ a dork,” he said, right in her ear. _ _

__She was snickering with laughter again - she wasn’t normally one to laugh at this time of humor - she must have been loopy._ _

__Really loopy, exhausted, emotionally drained._ _

__Why was she emotionally drained?_ _

__Everything had been so… nice._ _

__Maybe she was finally feeling all of the things that she’d been trying to ignore._ _

__Now was a weird time to feel it._ _

__And then Jack was looking in her eyes, the corners of them crinkled in concern, and then she wasn’t laughing, she was crying, ugly crying, her nose running, tears dripping down her face to collect under her chin._ _

__Jack’s face was worried, and he wrapped his arms around her, one hand on the back of her head, and she cried into his chest, clutching at his shirt._ _

__She cried like her heart was breaking, and in a sense it was._ _

__She was going to go home, and it would be her empty house, and she had her animals, she had her games, her job, but she had an empty bed, and now she had someone in her head._ _

__Someone in her head that she hadn’t invited._ _

__She wished it was like Jack - where she let him into the bits that she wanted him to see, not everything._ _

__Dan would be back in the states, and he would possibly be crying too, wrapping his long arms around himself, or whoever he was with._ _

__The only person he’d be comfortable enough to cry on like that would probably be Arin._ _

__… that was a thought._ _

__Hmm._ _

__She’d have to pursue that, at some point._ _

__But right now was for sobbing into Jack’s jacket, as he rocked her, kissing the top of her head, making soothing noises._ _

__“I don’t want to g-g-go,” she sobbed into his jacket. “I don’t want… I don’t want to be back, they all look at me and they’re….”_ _

__“I know, honey,” Jack said. “It’s hard. It’s gonna be hard, but you can do it.”_ _

__He pressed their foreheads together, and Holly was blushing, her nose running like a faucet._ _

__She probably looked disgusting._ _

__He kissed her forehead, and then he kissed her on the mouth, despite the fact that her lower lip was shiny with snot, and her eyes were red and swollen._ _

__“I don’t wanna leave you behind,” she said, and that was… mostly true._ _

__She was realizing that she missed being on her own._ _

__She missed not having to care about how someone else felt about what she was going to eat for dinner.  
But… she was going to miss the warmth, and the kissing, and the everything else._ _

__She was still getting used to having Dan in her head._ _

__But maybe… maybe she’d be okay._ _

__If they were together._ _

__For a while._ _

__But that wasn’t a thing she was going to think about right now._ _

__She was going to let him calm her down, as they wandered around the supermarket, and he picked out all the stuff he needed for whatever he was planning for her special last night dinner._ _

__* * *_ _

__Dan was indeed sniffling._ _

__He was with Arin, and he was passing it off as a joke, as the cheesy game they were playing had an even cheesier death scene._ _

__And then Arin was “Next time on Game Grumps”-ing, and the two of them were on the couch, as Dan sobbed his heart back._ _

__“I don’t th-th-think that Holly wants to leave Ireland,” Dan mumbled, wiping his eyes with the napkin that Arin offered him._ _

__“I think you may be right,” said Arin, his tone dry. “At least she’s not having sex with him right now?”_ _

__“Is it like that with Suzy?”_ _

__Dan blew his nose, and he snuffled, then sighed._ _

__“Nope,” said Arin. “I mean, well… we were broken up for like a year, but that was all… complicated.”_ _

__“Yeah,” Dan said. “Would you ever let her have sex with someone else?”_ _

__“I mean,” Arin said, “I can’t exactly “let” her do things one way or another. She’s her own person. But… I think that if she slept with someone else, I’d be pretty unhappy.”_ _

__“... why?”_ _

__“Well, I mean,” Arin said, “we’re _married_.”_ _

__“Some people have open marriages,” Dan said._ _

__He was being pushy._ _

__He was being a pushy jerk, he shouldn’t have been pushy._ _

__“Yeah,” said Arin, “but the idea of, like, sleeping with someone else, it… it feels weird. Wrong.”_ _

__“Because she’d be able to tell? Or you’d be able to tell.”_ _

__“If I’m having sex with someone, I’d like to think I’d know while it was happening,” said Arin._ _

__“That just went into _really_ creepy places,” said Dan, and he was laughing awkwardly._ _

__“You’re the one reading the creepy shit into it,” said Arin._ _

__“You were just talking about not even knowing if you were having sex with someone!”_ _

__“... okay, fair, you’re right, that’s creepy,” said Arin. “But… like… if I had sex with someone else, she’d be able to _tell_ , so it’s not like I’d be able to sneak it -”_ _

__“How would she be able to tell?”_ _

__Dan’s heart was beating very fast._ _

__“Because I’d have a fucking orgasm, man!” Arin was laughing, incredulous._ _

__“But what’s the difference between a jerking off orgasm and a fucking someone orgasm?”_ _

__“If I was fucking someone, there’d be other feelings,” said Arin. “Anyway, it’s… you didn’t have a soulmate for a while, and you still didn’t cheat on your partners.”_ _

__“I guess,” said Dan. “but, like… I dunno. You’ve been with the same person for ages, and you’re not… bored?”_ _

__Arin looked… did he look annoyed?_ _

__Oh boy._ _

__“Listen man,” said Arin, “we’ve all got different things we’re comfortable with. And I know you’re okay with your soulmate fucking around with people, but… I’m not.”_ _

__“Do you think Suzy would be?”_ _

__“Why, you think I’ve got someone who’d wanna fuck me?”_ _

__Arin laughed incredulously._ _

__He was giving Dan a… certain kind of look._ _

__“I mean,” Dan said, “we’ve both got so many fans who, you know, wanna fuck us.”_ _

__“Would you wanna fuck any of our fans?”_ _

__Arin’s incredulous look stayed on his face._ _

__“Well, you know, but still….”_ _

__“I’m just curious,” Dan, aware of how dumb he sounded. “You’re, like, the most monogamous dude I’ve ever met, and I was curious if it went both ways.”_ _

__“It does, as far as I know,” said Arin. “There aren’t a lot of folks I’m interested in that way.”_ _

__“You said folks, not women,” said Dan, aware that he was grasping at straws._ _

__He was freefalling, his heart beating way too hard, his hands shaking._ _

__Oh god._ _

__“Well, yeah, I’d… be interested, I guess. In a different life.”_ _

__“But not this life.”_ _

__“Well, no, because in this life, I’m married to Suzy.”_ _

__“Right, right, of course,” said Dan. “Obviously.” Then; “But if she was okay with it?”_ _

__“So is this the same different life?”_ _

__“I… guess,” said Dan._ _

__“I don’t know,” Arin said. “Maybe?”_ _

__“Sorry,” said Dan, and there was a hot wave of shame falling over him, like a weighted blanket._ _

__“Why the twenty questions?”_ _

__Arin was giving him a look he couldn’t read._ _

__“You and Brian are the only people I know who have soulmates,” said Dan. “And, uh, you guys… well, Brian is very much a dad, he doesn’t even have time to run around with someone, consensually or otherwise.”_ _

__“What, like I’ve got oodles of free time?”_ _

__“Since when do you say things like oodles?”_ _

__Dan was grasping at straws._ _

__Oh god._ _

__He was… he was desperate, he wanted to kiss Arin so badly, he wanted Arin to love him as strongly as Suzy - maybe he wanted Arin to love him instead of Suzy._ _

__Maybe he wanted Arin’s name on his stomach, not Holly’s._ _

__Maybe he wanted his name on Arin._ _

__“I need… hold on. I’ll be right back.”_ _

__Dan stood up._ _

__“You okay, man? You look kinda… flushed.”_ _

__“I’ll be fine,” said Dan. “I just need some air. It got stuffy in there, all of a sudden.”_ _

__“You sure?”_ _

__Arin put a hand on Dan’s shoulder._ _

__That made it worse, somehow._ _

__Dan sighed, and he left he room, going to the bathroom._ _

__He stuck his head under the faucet, until he’d cooled down._ _

__Okay._ _

__He had to do something about is crush._ _

__Maybe tell Arin?_ _

__No, that would make everything weird._ _

__… he probably needed to tell Holly._ _

__She’d been transparent about her feelings for Jack - or her lack of feelings, as the case might be._ _

__Why did he have to be soulmates with _her_?_ _

__Sure, she was beautiful, kind, funny, smart, sexy, beautiful…._ _

__But he could tell that she resented the new resident of her mind._ _

__Why couldn’t he have met someone who wasn’t his friend’s ex wife, someone who didn’t hate someone else he cared about, someone who wanted him as their soulmate._ _

__… no, he was being unfair._ _

__Maybe he needed to just go looking for a new friend with benefits._ _

__Find someone who would appreciate that he needed someone who he loved._ _

__Holly would be okay with that, right?_ _

__They’d be platonic bros, she’d have Jack, he’d have whoever he ended up with._ _

__Assuming anyone would be interested in him in the first place, now that he had a mind connection to someone else._ _

__… maybe he could see if his thing for Arin extended to other dudes._ _

__Find dudes who were built like Arin, or who had Arin’s sense of humor.  
Maybe he was reading too much into this._ _

__Maybe he was still a little hurt by the fact that she’d kicked him out of the house, then gone haring off to another country, when instead they should have been… strengthening their bond, or some shit like that._ _

__He sighed gustily, and he looked at himself in the mirror._ _

__“I’ve gotta sort this shit out,” he told his reflection. “This is getting stupid.”_ _

__Getting._ _

__As if it hadn’t started out stupid._ _

__But fuck it._ _

__He was going to have to think up some ingenious to get Arin to forgive him for being such a jerk._ _

__Best to start cracking now._ _


	2. Chapter 2

Holly sat at Jack’s kitchen table, sketchbook in front of her.

“I could be helping, you know,” she told him, as he rolled dough out on a countertop.

“Nonsense,” said Jack. “You’re the guest. And also I want to impress you with my cooking prowess.”

“You’ve already impressed me with your prowess,” she assured him. 

“I’ve barely made you anything complicated,” Jack said, indignant. “What prowess?”

“Well,” Holly said, “you’ve made me cum several times already. You even made me squirt!”

“... oh,” said Jack, and even if she couldn’t fully see his face, she could tell that he was blushing.

“Oh gosh, did I embarrass you?”

She stood up, coming up behind him, standing on tiptoe so she could speak in his ear. “Are you flustered, Jack?”

“I’ve got a beautiful woman pressing against my back,” Jack said, in a voice that was a bit strangled. “How would you feel if you were in this predicament?”

“What, pressed against my own back?”

“No, silly,” said Jack, and he ground his butt back against her, as if she had her own cock. “If you had a beautiful woman pressed against your back.”

“I’d argue with you about the beautiful woman bit,” Holly mumbled into his shoulder.

Jack stopped rolling the dough, turning around and taking her face in his floury hands.

He kissed her, sweet and soft and gentle. 

“Holly Conrad, you are one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing,” Jack told her, and he didn’t let her look to the side, before he was kissing her again, pressing closer to her, his chest against her breasts.

She grabbed his hand, pressing it against her breast through her shirt, squeezing it so that he would squeeze.

He chuckled against her mouth, kneading her breast through her black sweater and her t-shirt.

She wasn’t wearing a bra.

He pinched her nipple, then shoved her shirt up, leaning down to take her nipple into his mouth.

He sucked on it, his tongue flickering over the tip, and she moaned, grinding against his thigh, which he’d shoved between her legs. 

She sighed, going liquid against him, her hands in his hair.   
“God,” Jack said, kissing his way up her breast, finding her mouth again, and he was rolling his hips forward, humping against her. “Fuck, Hols… are you up for getting fucked?”

“What, here? Now?”

She was giggling anxiously.

“Sure,” he said, and he was grinning against her mouth, his floury hands finding her breasts and kneading them like they were dough. 

“Even with… you know….”

“I’ll fuck you on the floor,” he promised. “We can clean it up right after, use the special antibacterial wipes….” 

“Aren’t you the romantic?”

“I mean,” Jack said, “I can go to the florist to get the rose petals to scatter on the bed, but then I’d have to change the sheets, and that takes the spontaneity out of things.”

Holly was laughing, her face in his neck, her arms around his shoulders.

“Fuck it,” she said, in a philosophical tone. “Yeah, I’m up for it.”

“God,” Jack mumbled, and he was lowering them both down onto the floor now, him on top of her. 

* * * 

Sean was on top of her, and he had his hands on her breasts, kneading them like dough.

“You are trying to give me a kitchen fetish,” he accused, as she sat up, groping between the two of them to squeeze his cock.

He was already hard, and he humped into her hand, as her other hand clumsily unbuttoned his jeans, then unzipped them, drawing him out.

“Kitchen fetish,” Holly mumbled, and then she was gigging, as he pushed her skirt up in front, around her navel. 

He ground his cock against her, through her panties, 

“Totally,” he said. “Gonna be some morning where I’m having a nice fry up, and then I’ll think, “Oh yeah, I fucked a gorgeous, amazing woman right here” and then I’ll have a boner, and it’ll make it harder to cook!”

He was still grinding his bare cock against her through her panties, the head of it right up against her clit, and she was moaning, her hips stuttering forward.

“Hold… hold on,” Holly said, and she was shuddering, as he licked her nipples, pushing her breasts together to clumsily suck on both of them at the same time.

“Mmm?”

“I need to… I need to do a thing,” said Holly.

“Mmm?” He nipped along one breast, but then he sat back, aware that his cock looked pretty damn ridiculous, sticking out like this, not really caring.

Holly was standing up, reaching between her legs, and then she was… oh.

That was kinda… gross, but hey. 

It meant that good things were going to be happening.

She dropped the tampon into the garbage, and then she was straddling him, carefully, pushing his shirt up, and she was grinding her wet vulva against his cock, the shaft of it between her labia.

“God,” she said, her voice breathless, “you’re so… thick!”

“I like to think I’m at least kinda smart,” Sean said, and he was laughing awkwardly. 

And then she was grabbing the head of his cock, guiding it into herself, and she was coming down onto him, and oh _god_ , she was so wet, so tight, clenching around him.

He had his arms around her, his hands on the small of her back, then grabbing her ass, squeezing it hard enough that she was sobbing for him not to stop.

Her clit was a hard little point against his belly, and he reached down awkwardly, pressing on it with his thumb.

At least all of the flour had come off of his hands now, and when she arched her back, her breasts were in his face, kind of.

In reaching distance of his mouth.

He wrapped his lips around one of her pink nipples, the texture crinkly under his tongue, and he sucked on it, hard enough that it popped when he pulled off. 

He switched nipples, still awkwardly rubbing her clit, and she was bearing down on him, bouncing.

It was so _wet_ \- he was going to need to wipe everything down before he went back to cooking.

The dough was going to be dry.

Oh well.

She did something swirly with her hips, and he looked up into her face, her glasses still on her face, her hair damp with sweat, and he smiled.

“What?”

She blushed, looking to the side, and he use the hand not between the two of them to cup her cheek, kissing her on the mouth.

Her tongue was in his mouth and her vagina was clenching around him, her nipples hard against his own.

She was whining every time her breasts dragged against his chest, her fingers bunched up in the fabric of his shirt, which was all pushed up around his chin.

Some day, they were going to have sex while they were both naked. 

Or at least, one of them was naked.

But oh, she was so tight, so wet, pulling him into her, pulsing around him like a heartbeat.

He could feel her heartbeat, under her breast, around his dick. 

She was arching against him, her eyes squeezing shut, and he went back to cupping her face. 

“You gonna cum, Hols?”

She nodded, taken to some place beyond words.

“C’mon, do it. Come on my dick. I wanna feel it so badly, do it, c’mon, do it… oh… fuck!”

She squeezed him, one long contraction, then spasmed around him, bearing down harder, and then he was grabbing her by the hips, her skirt bunching up under his fingers, and he was fucking up into her, quick, efficient jerks of his hips, hilting himself inside of her, and he was cumming as well, cumming so hard that he had to just flop back against the cabinets, panting, shaking, holding on to Holly for dear life.

She kissed him, her hands in his hair, and when they pulled apart, she looked… guilty.

“I forgot to text Dan,” she said, and she was blushing. 

“I’ll apologize to him myself,’ said Sean.

“Why? I’m the one who instigated it.”

“Yeah, but… I don’t know.” Sean was laughing, punch drunk and cheerful.

He looked up at her, and his heart seized in his chest.

He was in love with her.

… oh god.

He shuddered, and he pressed his face into her neck, kissing it gently.

He… he couldn't’ tell her.

Not yet. 

She had made it pretty damn clear that she wasn’t ready for that kind of thing.

Now he just needed to keep it to himself.

He sighed, nuzzling into the soft, warm skin of her neck, and he kissed along her jaw.

“I’m sorry I distracted you,” she said.

“I welcome it,” said Sean. ‘You’re the best distraction. Like, ever. Better than Netflix.”

“I should put that on a business card,” Holly said, her tone dreamy. “Better distraction than Netflix.”

He giggled into her neck, and he sighed as she stood up, his cock already missing the warm, wet place. 

“I’ll… go clean up,” she said. 

“Sounds good,” said Sean, giving her a thumbs up. “I’m gonna wait for my knees to work again.”

* * * 

Dan came in his pants.

Again.

Goddamn it.

Holly had forgotten to text him.

Or maybe she’d gotten so caught up in whatever it was she was doing with Jack, and she had forgotten.

But he had just gotten dressed, when he was hit by a wave of pleasure, a wave of lust, and he flopped down on the couch and humped the air, until he was cumming like a firecracker, the way he had when he was still new at the whole “sex” thing.

He was shuddering, covering his mouth with both hands, and then he was boneless, shaking, the muscles in his stomach twitching. 

“Holy… shit,” he mumbled.

He groped for his phone, and he fired off a text.

_Hols? Heads up next time, please._

He had taken his second shower, and was putting on _another_ pair of pants, when his phone buzzed back at him. 

_I’m sorry,_ she sent. 

_It’s okay,_ he said, because it was, mostly. 

It was her last night.  
She was going to be intimate with her lover, before she separated from him for who knew how long.

Her lover.

It was weird to think of Jack like that.

But that’s who he was to her, wasn’t he? 

He was her lover.

Did that make Jack his lover by proxy?

… no, that was too complicated.

He was willing to share Holly with Jack, because he wanted Holly, no matter what. 

But he didn’t want to lose her, and he knew in his bones that if he told her to drop Jack, he’d lose her forever.

The priorities we make, so that we can keep having the things that we need.

… he was overthinking this.

Admittedly, it was easier to think about that, then to think about the whole awkward conversation he’d had with Arin. 

He’d mumbled an apology, and Arin had accepted the apology, and things had been normal, but Arin had stayed on his side of the couch. 

There wasn’t the usual camaraderie.

Dan didn’t want to think about the fact that he might have fucked everything up. 

He was going to have to suck it up and talk to Arin about it.

Possibly even talk about his feelings wrong.

He sighed. 

When had his life gotten so complicated?

* * * 

Holly lay on Jack’s bed, full of vegetable pot pie, cuddled up in the warmth of his blankets. 

Jack was sitting on the bed, and he was fiddling with the remote to the television in front of his bed.

“So you want to watch the scary movies?” Jack was making his voice sound silly, spooky. 

Holly was drowsy and full, and she nodded, wrapping her arms around his middle, her head on his chest, listening to his heart.

His chest hair was poking out from under his shirt, and he was stroking her hair off of her face.

“Yeah,” she said, and she moved lower, beginning to rub his belly under his shirt.

He had a hairy belly, and she ran her fingers through the fuzz.

He made a slightly indignant noise, squirming, but he was grinning.

“I can’t concentrate when you do that,” he told her.

“What concentrating do you need to be doing?”

“It’s your last night,” Jack said. “We should find you a movie that’s of the most ridiculous amazing quality.”

“I’m not worried about it,” said Holly, and she snuggled closer, her hands kneading gently at his furry stomach.

“You’re not worried about anything right now,” said Jack, but his voice was affectionate, like he didn’t mind.

“Okay,” Holly murmured, and she yawned.

* * * 

Sean chose an old favorite, but he was more concerned with the warm, cuddly body that was pressed up against his.

She was quiet, and she seemed to be sad - he couldn’t blame her.

He was sad himself.

When the movie started, she didn’t seem to be giving it any attention, she just kept clinging.

Her hair was catching on the scruff around his beard, and her breath was faintly ticklish against his skin.

His hand was cupping her hip, through her pajama pants - she’d changed, after he’d fucked her. 

She was wearing an old pair of pajama pants, and they had green and purple owls dancing in front of a big yellow moon.

She’d stolen one of his hoodies, and the sleeves were comically long, covering her hands.

He stroked her side, where the hoodie had ridden up, and she shivered against him. 

She didn’t seem to be paying attention - she was nuzzling into his neck, and then she was sleeping, snoring quietly.

Her hands went slack, and her whole face relaxed, as she drooled a little bit on his chest.

God, she was so cute.

He was in love with her.

He was, for real, in love with her. 

The kind of love that he’d only felt once or twice in his life.

And it wasn’t his name on her hip, it was Dan’s - the pajama pants had ridden low enough that he could see the first few letters of Dan’s name - the “Lei.” 

How would she react if he touched it?

No, that wasn’t for him.

Holly was allowed him into a piece of herself.

He wasn’t going to try to intrude where he wasn’t invited.

Or even if he was invited… there were places he didn’t want to be.

While it wasn’t as dramatic as what happened between Ross and Holly, he’d had his heart broken, and part of it had been brought about by blundering where he didn’t belong. 

Right now was for enjoying the softness of her, while he had her.

* * *  

Holly woke up horny.

There was probably some better way of putting it. 

She woke up “excitable” or something like that, but no.

She woke up horny.

Maybe it was because of her period, or maybe it was the fact that her skin hunger had finally been fed, and like any glutton, it demanded more.

Regardless, she woke up with her legs wrapped around Jack’s leg, grinding against his hip. 

She had a pad between her legs, tired of fiddling with tampons, so she wasn’t getting much stimulation, but… it was something. 

Jack had an arm around her shoulders, and he was absently stroking her hair as he fiddled with his phone.

He made a surprised noise when her hand went between his legs, finding his cock under his jeans, half-hard. 

“So you’re awake,” he said, in a voice that was probably higher pitched than he intended it to be.

She squeezed him, and he swelled under her hand. 

“Yep,” said Holly. “So’s he!” 

“My penis isn’t a separate entity, said Jack. “Isn’t deserving of a pronouns.”

“It totally does,” said Holly, and she was squirming closer, still rubbing him, beginning to stroke the shaft, then reaching into his pants and into his boxers.

She wrapped her hand around his cock, rubbing the head of his cock with her thumb, pressing down on the slit, tugging gently on his foreskin.

He squirmed against her, and she kissed along his neck.

“You in the mood for some more fun?”

“I mean,” Holly said, “I was thinking I’d just blow you.”

“I don’t think your blowjobs would ever be a “just,”” Jack said, and he was grinning at her.

“Aw, you sweetheart,” she said, and she kissed along his neck, then lower, to his chest, pushing him onto his back.

She kissed along his stomach, pushing his shirt up, kissing down along his belly, right under his navel.

“I do my best,” she said, sprawled out between his legs, her elbows resting on his thighs.

“You do better than your best,” he assured her, and then he was pulling his cock out.

She paused, looking at it nervously.

“Um,” she said.

How to put this diplomatically?

“Something wrong?”

“I’ve, uh… you’re the first person i’ve been with who wasn’t… cut,” she said.”

“It shouldn’t be that different, is it?”

“There’s more skin,” she said, tugging on it gently, between two fingers.

He hissed, his hips rocking up forward, and his cock smeared wetness across her cheek.

“You can, uh… you can put your tongue under it.”

“Right,” said Holly. “That doesn’t feel weird for you?”

“It’s intense,” said Jack, “but that’s not necessarily a bad thing!”

She took the head of his cock into her mouth, and she sucked on it, sliding her tongue under his foreskin, like he’d suggested.

She’d (surreptitiously) looked up some advice on giving a blowjob to someone who wasn't circumcised, but the majority of it seemed to say “get your partner to wash under their foreskin,” which wasn’t very helpful.

At least Jack seemed to do that.

He was a very polite receiver of blowjobs, come to think of it.

Even as she took him deeper into her mouth, he didn’t grab her by the hair, or try to force her down further.

She’d had to train Ross out of that, when they had first gotten started. 

Then again, he’d had to coax her out of slamming her thighs shut every time he touched her clit, so you know… progress.

Her lower lip trembled, and she took Jack down in one long gulp, until the head of him was brushing against the back of her throat.

She gagged, and he made concerned noises, but she just looked up a thim with her big green eyes, drooling down her chin, and tears kept dripping down her face.

She could blame them on the fact that she was having her throat fucked, not that she missed her ex.

It would be bad taste to cry about her ex, while she was servicing her lover.

Jack wouldn’t see it that way, but… well, he was a good guy.

He was grasping at the bed cover’s, and she almost wished that he was grabbing her by the hair, wished he was being rough with her.

But no, that wasn’t Jack.

Jack was mumbling to her, quietly, moaning, his hips rocking upwards, thrusting up into her.

“You feel so good,” he mumbled. “You’re amazing. You’re so… it’s so hot, you’re so beautiful, god, look at me, fuck, Hols, your _face_!”

 _What about my face?_

He cupped her cheeks, and he rested his hands on her head, gently, kneading at her scalp with the tip of his fingers. 

“You’re so _beautiful_ , how can you… you’re touching… me, you’re touching me, you’re sucking my cock, you’re… oh… fuck!”

His cock was swelling in her mouth.

He was going to cum in her mouth.

She kept him down her throat, kneading at his belly, kneading at his balls, squeezing them, and he was shuddering. 

“Hols, I’m gonna cum, if you don’t… if you don’t want it… in your… oh… god… fuck!”

He came.

His cock spat out strings of cum, and she swallowed them, then pulled back, coughing.

“Oh, honey,” Jack crooned, and he pulled her up, pulling her up to him, and he kissed her, his tongue in her mouth, and he tasted his cum. 

He kissed her cheeks next, kissing up the tears, and maybe he knew why they were there, and maybe he didn't, but he didn’t say anything in one direction or the other.

He just pulled her closer to him, forehead to forehead, breathing each other’s breath. 

It couldn’t have been pleasant for him, but there he was. 

Big goofy dork that he was, he didn’t even complain. 

* * * 

Sean was shaking.

When was the last time he had been blown? 

God, he didn’t even remember.

But fuck, she was… she was so lovely.

He held her, cuddling her to his chest.

“I want to do… something for you,” he said. 

“What do you want to do for me?”

“You’re still not up for oral, right?”

“Right,” said Holly. 

… hmm.

“How do you feel about vibrators?” 

“Vibrators?”

“Yes,” said Sean, and he stood up, shoving his dick back into his pants, then going to dig through his dresser. “I happen to be in possession of one.”

“What kind?”

“Give me just a sec,” said Sean, “and I’ll show you.”

There was the “drawer of shame,” as his brother had referred to it the time he’d accidentally opened it. 

There was the clear fleshlight, there was the sexy underwear, and there was the vibrator.

“That thing looks less like something you’d use to get off to, and more like something that you’d use to kill someone,” Holly said.

She looked nervous. 

“I’ve had some fun with it,” said Sean, unwinding the cord, and plugging it into power strip next to his bed.

“Yeah?”  
“The fun part about this thing,’ said Sean, “Is that even if you were were wearing a fucking… nappy, you'd’ still be able to get off with it.”

“Hmm?”

“It’s, uh… it’s very strong,’ said Sean. “I could… use it over your clothes, if you’d like me to?”

He suspected that she didn’t want any more of her clothes to get  blood on them, which was fair enough. 

Even though he didn’t care.

He would have happily fucked her again.

He was just an altruist like that.

“I’d be willing to try it,” said Holly. 

Sean sat back against his pillows, spreading his legs, and he patted the inside of his thigh. 

“C’mere,” he said.

She leaned back against him, her back against his chest, her head on his shoulder.

“Now what?”

“Now,” said Sean, “we make… ze magics!”

He held the vibrator out with a flourish, and then he turned it on.

The thing, as always, sounded like a pitched down dentist drill.

He felt her her shudder against him before she said anything, and he turned it off.

“That’s… intense,” she said. “Are you sure?” 

“I’ve seen people get off with this,” he assured her. “Do you want me to start it on your thigh or something?”

“Nah,” said Holly, her tone philosophical. “I’ve got some protection.”

He reached between her legs, and found a thickness - she must have been wearing a pad.

“Okay,” said Sean. “I’m gonna put it on now, okay?” 

“Okay,” said Holly.

She was tense against him, and he kissed along her neck, pushing her hair to the side, nibbling along her jugular.

She was shaking. 

“You sure you’re up for this?”

He kept his voice quiet, right in her ear.

She nodded.

“I’m gonna try something new,” she said. “Just… take it off if I ask you to, please.”

“I will,” Sean promised.

He pressed the head of the toy right between her legs, where he estimated her clit to be.

And he turned it back on.

* * * 

Holly surged forward, her mouth wide open, her hips bucking.

Holy _shit_.

That was… that was intense.

That was strong.

She was wriggling, trying to close her legs to trap the vibrator against her, then spreading them, her feet pressing against Jack’s calves.

“There you go,” Jack said, and he was kissing along the back of her ear, taking the lobe in his mouth and sucking.

She sobbed, as the vibrator shook her through the pad, through her underwear, through the pajama pants. 

She came, her pussy clenching around nothing, and Jack made soothing noises, his other hand on her belly now, pressing down on it, and she shuddered, already beginning to climb back up towards the next orgasm, her toes curling, her hips thrashing.

It was right against her clit, and it was… it was sending her over the edge again, so quickly, and she came again, aware that more goo was leaking out of her, aware that she was going to be so sore later.

She didn’t fucking care, because he was pressing down a little harder, shifting the focus of the head of the toy, and it was pressing against her whole vulva, vibrating her all the way down to the internal bits, and she was sagging back against Jack, as he made encouraging noises, whispering how sexy she looked in her ear.

She came again, harder, and she shoved her hand in her mouth to keep from making too much noise, only to have Jack pull it out, lacing their fingers together. 

“I wanna hear you,” he said. “Make all the noise you want, fuck….”

His cock was getting hard against her tailbone, and how was that actually possible, how could he be hard against already?

But he didn’t seem to want to do anything with his dick, apart from grinding it against her tailbone as she shook herself through another orgasm, crying - actually _crying_ , sobbing, tears dripping down her face.

“Shh, shh… do you want me to stop?”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” she croaked. 

She’d been making noise.

Well, someone seemed to have been making noise, and it wasn’t Jack….

He pressed down on her with the toy, and she wailed, bucking her hips forward.

“You wanna hold it?”

“W-w-what?”

“The vibrator. Do you want to hold it?”

“Oh. Uh, sure.”

She took it in her hands, directing it exactly where she wanted it, and his hands were sliding under her shirt, kneading her breasts, pulling on her nipples.

He groaned like he was the one being stimulated, and he kissed along her neck, then nibbled along it, still humping her, playing with her breasts as she made herself cum, again and again and again. 

She lost count of the orgasms at some point.

She was going to have to go to the bathroom soon, before there was some kinda… overflow.

But who fucking cared about that, because Jack had graduated to twisting her nipples, and her clit was still demanding attention, as she pressed the loud buzzing head against it. 

She came again. 

She came so hard that her eyes rolled back in her head. 

“Hey Jack,” she said, when she could think again, and he’d pried the toy out of her fingers, which were still cramping up.

When had that happened?

Huh.

“Hmm?”

“You should fuck me,” she said. 

“... how about I get a towel first?”

“Good plan,” she agreed.

* * * 

And there was more getting stuff ready.

The end result was the two of them pressed together, his cock pressed against her labia.

She was still holding on to the vibrator.

“Do you, uh, have a way to keep it from going all gross?”

“The head is removable,” he told her. “I can take it off and soak it in dish soap or whatever.”

“If you’re sure,” she said.

She was pink, in the face, across the tops of her breasts, on her stomach.

It was chilly enough that she was still wearing her shirt, albeit pushed up, the hoodie still on. 

He’d kept his shirt on as well ,but he was naked from the waist down. 

“When I’m in you,” he said, “you can turn it on.”

“I have permission, huh?” 

She was giving him a Look.

He blushed.

“Sorry for being presumptuous,” he said. “Let me try again.”

“No, it’s okay,” she said. “I’m just screwing with you.”

“I thought i was screwing with you,” said Sean, and he slid his cock into her, one long stroke.

She moaned, her pussy clenching around him, and he grinned down at her.

She shuddered around him, then took the vibrator, pressing it against her vulva and the base of his cock. 

“You ready?”

“Bring it on,” he said, and he was grinning wider.

He’d never done this before - he’d had a few fantasies about it, true, but his last girlfriend had found the thing overwhelming. 

Holly flipped the switch.

The vibrator started to buzz.

Holly’s pussy clenched around him, spasmodically, and her face was lost in rapture.

He moaned, and then he gasped, because she was clenching around him, bearing down, and it was like his cock was in a soft, wet, slightly squishy, very hot vice.

Okay, so not like a vice.

But he could feel the vibration around his cock, faintly, and she was hunching her hips forward, the way she did when she was about to cum. 

And then she _was_ cumming, and he was fucking her through her orgasm, the vibrator buzzing against his stomach, which, okay, that was kind of weird, but then she was already starting to get tighter again, as she rode the toy and his cock. 

“Oh, fuck,” Holly sobbed, as she bucked her hips up towards him.

The head of the vibrator was buzzing against his own groin, and his cock was flexing inside of her - he was going to cum really, really fast, and he’d be embarrassed about it, except he was too distracted by the things her face was doing.

She was so wet, and she was so tight, and now she was twitching again, as another orgasm hit her, and her legs were wrapped around his middle, as he fucked her, as hard as he could, as hard as he ever had, as her breasts bounced and her cries warbled.

He came inside of her, and she was cumming as he came, which would have probably come off as more romance novel, if she hadn’t cum at least four times since he’d put his cock inside of her.

He kissed her, as the last of the twitches went through him, his hands passing over her breasts, as she held on tightly to the vibrator, still twitching around him, milking every last bit of cum out of him.

Then she was pulling the vibrator off of herself, shoving it to the side, and she was shaking so hard that he was worried. 

“Hols? Pidge? What’s going on?”

“Dan is g-g-g-gonna kill me,” Holly mumbled.

“... shit,” said Sean. “Oh god.”

“I’ll… apologize… later,” Holly mumbled, her eyes drifting shut.

She snuggled up into Jack, already halfway to sleeping when he pulled his cock out of her, in a gush of squirt and cum and blood.

“Okay,” said Sean, and he kissed her forehead. “I’ll be right back. Gonna clean up.”

“‘Kay.”

She was out like a light. 

* * * 

Dan hadn’t been doing much of anything when the first telltale signs of arousal had hit him. 

It was early enough in the afternoon that he hadn’t headed to work yet, and had just been writing out lyrics to show to Brian later.

Holly and Jack were at it again - they were like bunnies, it was fucking ridiculous.

But what was he gonna do?

He knew what it was like to be on the young end of things, and have the blood run hot in your veins.

Maybe she was enjoying the chance to finally let loose, after all those years with Ross?

He’d expected to be hit with her orgasm and then get on with his life - he’d even shoved his pants down, and had stroked his cock a few times, as his nerves began to fire off, from a pleasure that he wasn’t experiencing.

It was, admittedly, an odd situation, but you can get used to odd.

He came, it was a nice enough orgasm, and he reached for his notebook to go back to writing.

And then the next stab of arousal got him, and he moaned, harsh and guttural in the back of his throat, his hips rocking forward. 

Okay.

Two orgasms. 

Some girls did that.

And he rode the next one out.

And then the next.

And the next.

By the fourth, his knees were weak, and his cock couldn’t get hard anymore.

But the sixth, he was just lying there, taking it. 

When the last one finally - _finally_ \- subsided, his floor was splattered with cum, and his head hurt.

He might have pulled something in his stomach.

He groped for his phone, awkwardly, and he fired a text off at Holly.

_What teh fuck wsa that?!_

His fingers weren’t entirely working.

About ten minutes later, his phone buzzed back at him. 

_Sorry. I didn’t realize it would do that._

_A little warning next time, please?_

_I’m sorry. It won’t happen again._

_How good is Jack with his mouth? Or his dick, or whatever that was?_

_He had some mechanical assistance._

_I need the number of that mechanic. Holy shit._

She sent him back a silly selfie, her tongue sticking out. 

Her face was pink, and her hair was damp with what was probably sweat.

If his dick was even… working, he might have gotten a bit of a boner from that.

She was very beautiful. 

But all he wanted to think about right now was possibly putting a bag of frozen peas in his lap and not doing anything else.

He had work in three hours.

He could just… lie here until then.

He was picking Holly up after that, so it wouldn’t be any trouble, right?

Of course.

* * * 

Holly woke up sore between the legs and discombobulated, three hours after she’d passed out. 

“Are you okay?” 

She blinked at Jack, who had changed into his own pajamas, and was lying on the bed reading.

“Hi,” he said, and he grinned. “You were kind of tired.”

“I made a mess,” she said, sitting up enough to look down at the towel she was lying on.

It was… well, best not to think about it.

She rubbed her eyes. 

“I think I might have accidentally killed Dan,” she said. 

“Oh geez,” said Jack, and he pulled a sympathetic face.

She grinned, too fucked out to feel guilt. 

“... can I sleep with you tonight?”

That hadn’t been what she was going to say.

She wasn’t sure what it was that she was going to say, but it hadn’t been that.

Jack’s face did something complicated, and then he smiled.

“Of course,” he said. 

* * * 

Sean wasn’t sure what Holly wanted, affection wise, as she changed, stopping in the shower, then coming back to get rid of the towel.

She curled up in a ball on the other side of the bed, as he leaned over to turn out the lights. 

“I’m gonna miss you,” she said, finally, as they both lay in the darkness and breathed.

“I’m gonna miss you too,” he said. 

He reached out, cautiously, until he found what he suspected was her hip, squeezing it.

The fabric of her pajama pants (which were technically _his_ pajama pants) bunched up under his fingers. 

She sighed, reaching out and patting his shoulder, and her skin was warm enough that he could feel it through his hoodie.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for… you know….”

“I know,” said Sean. “I don’t know if I am either.”

“But.. we’re here right now. And we’ll be together in a few months.” 

“Right,’ said Holly. “And if me and Dan….”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” he said, lacking anything else to say.

What else was he going to say?

He leaned over, and he kissed her on the temple.

“Do you have your alarm set?”

“Yeah,” Sean murmured, and he snuggled into the bed, his face in his pillow, flat on his tummy.

And then something warm and soft was pressed against his back, and she nuzzled into his neck.

Her breath was warm against the back of his neck.

“Thanks,” she mumbled, still clutching at his shirt.

He fell asleep, and he dreamed of pancakes and something soft and warm nestled against him….

* * * 

The next morning was quiet.

She woke up before him, and she held him to her chest, her forehead against his back.

She could tell when he woke up - his breathing changed, and he shifted a bit.

But he let her hold him. 

There was a security in this, in clinging to another warm body, smelling laundry detergent and skin. 

He smelled so different from Ross, and that helped.

She could feel Dan’s heartbeat, in the back of her head.

She was still sore between the legs as well - the vibrator was an intense one, and it had really done a number on her. 

She welcomed it, in a weird way.

She’d be on the plane, and she’d press her legs together, and she’d remember what it felt like to be sprawled out on Jack’s bed, with Jack between her legs, fucking her with his lovely thick cock.

Remember his limpid blue eyes staring down into hers. 

A sob caught in her throat, and then another, and she was crying into his back, soaking the fabric of his shirt, and he just… let himself be held. 

He didn’t try to calm her down, her just let her cry herself out.  
Some small part of her heart melted at that, like a crayon in the sun. 

She sighed, stretching, and she rubbed his belly, where his shirt had ridden up. 

It was soft and furry under her fingers.

The alarm went off, a minute later.

“Okay,” said Jack. “I can’t send you back to America without a proper Irish breakfast!”

“Jack,” Holly said, and she was giggling a bit in spite of herself, “I can’t exactly eat most of what’s in an Irish breakfast. I think even the beans have meat in them.”

“Well, okay, yeah, but I can still make you a proper breakfast… by an Irish person!”

He rolled onto his other side, so that he was facing her, and he pressed their foreheads together. 

He had horrible morning breath, but she did her best not to wrinkle her nose.

“You don’t have to,” she said.

“I know,” he said, “but I want to.”

“So what am I getting, for this famed Irish breakfast?”

“We can pretend it’s pancake Tuesday and eat pancakes!”

“Pancake Tuesday?”

“It’s a thing,” said Jack. “How about you shower and finish packing, I’ll make breakfast?”

“Okay,” said Holly. 

She debated if she wanted to ask him to take a shower with her.

… no, that was a level of intimacy she wasn’t ready for yet.

Especially when she was still on her period.

It was one thing for hm to wipe some blood off of his dick.

It was another for him to have to wash it out from between his toes.

She kissed him again, and then she went to take her shower. 

* * * 

Sean was whistling, as he set the plate of pancakes down.

And there she was, fully dressed, smiling at him sheepishly.

“I think I used up most of of your hot water,” she said.

“I take quick showers,” he said, and he was smiling in spite of himself.

“You didn’t the first few days,” she said, pulling her chair up. 

“I mean, to be blunt, I was kinda jerking off in the shower,” said Sean.

“.. oh,” said Holly, and she blushed. 

“Sorry,” said Sean, “that was awkward.”

“Yeah, it was, kinda,” said Holly. 

She was looking down at her plate, her expression confused.

“Is there something wrong?”

“You said pancakes, not crepes,” she said, puzzled.

“... what?”

“These are crepes, not pancakes.”

“Oh,” said Sean. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be! I love crepes!”

She cut herself a nice big piece, and she put it in her mouth, making a big show of chewing on it.

“Is this one of those weird cultural differences?”

“I think so,” said Holly. 

“Oh well,” said Sean, “as long as you like the food.”

“I love it, she told him. “It’s delicious.”

“So, uh, I’ll shower, then we can head to the airport. Should give us enough time to get there, and you won’t have to worry about missing your flight.”

“Thanks,” said Holly, and she pressed her foot against his calf.

He smiled at her, trying to ignore the way his stomach was twisting in knots.

* * * 

They talked about this and that as they ate - she was looking forward to seeing her birds again, seeing her friends.

She wasn’t talking about Dan, but Sean couldn’t blame her for that.

He didn’t know he’d feel, about someone who he always thought of as a friend suddenly being in his head.

“And you’ll be okay waiting on your own at the airport?”

“It’s not my first rodeo,” she told him, as she wiped grease off of her upper lip.

“Well, I know that, but it’s not a rodeo, it’s an airport,” he told her, pulling a goofy face.

She rolled her eyes and poked him in the side.

He made an indignant noise, but it got her laughing, and that was the important part.

“I’ll go shower,” he said, standing up.

She stood up as well, and she stood on tiptoe, lacing her fingers together behind his head and kissing him on the mouth, her breasts soft against his chest, her breath sweet with lemon juice and vanilla.

He held on to her waist, and he kissed her back, his mouth soft and wet, her breath warm against his face.

When they pulled apart, her eyes looked overfull, but her expression was one of holding back.

“I’ll be right back,” he promised her, and he kissed her on the forehead. 

“I’ll clean the dishes up,” she said, and her voice was rough.

“Thanks for that,” he said, and he made his way upstairs.

* * *

Jack came downstairs pink, with damp hair, wearing clean clothes.

“You all ready to go?”

“I think so,” said Holly. “Are you?”

“Yeah, I am.”

“Okay,” said Jack. “Let’s do this!”

There was the usual rigamarole that always come with suitcases and getting them stowed away properly, and then they were on their way.

She was awake this time, at least, and it was pretty out.

“I’m sorry I’m putting you behind on videos,” said Holly, as she watched the green hills go by.

“It’s okay,” said Jack. “It’s worth it.”

“You think your fans will notice?”

‘Nah,” said Jack. “I filmed a bunch in advance.” Then he paused. “Actually, knowing my fans, they might notice that I’ve been in a better mood lately.” He looked slightly… guilty.

“Because you’ve been having regular orgasms again?” 

She grinned at him.

He was flushing.

Huh.

“I can have orgasms on my own, thankyouverymuch,” he told her. “I’m just enjoying the company!”

“They did know we were staying together,” Holly said. “And we did film that episode again. Thank you again for letting me post it on my channel.”

“Of course,” he said, and he smiled at her again, one hand going to rest on her knee.

He had really big hands.

Not as big as Dan’s, though.

Admittedly, few people had hands as big as Dan’s.

And now she was thinking about Dan again, and that was its own can of worms.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” said Holly. “I’m, uh, I”m gonna miss you.”

“I’m gonna miss you too,” said Jack, “but we’ll be seeing each other pretty soon, in the scheme of things!”

Holly snorted.

“If I saw you at the end of my life, that’d be soon, in the scheme of things,” she said and she put on her silly Strix voice so that it didn’t sound like she was about to start crying.

“I mean, saying it that way, you could drop dead in the next twenty four hours,” said Jack, “so this _could_ be that soon.” He paused. “I just cocked that up, didn’t I?”

“Oh yeah,” said Holly, but now she was focusing on the fact that she was laughing, and not on the fact that she was going to start crying if she wasn’t careful.

She’d at least wait until she was in the bathroom at the airport, after she’d gone through security.

“I’m sorry,” he said, and he sounded genuinely remorseful. 

“Don’t be,” she said. “I think that might have been the worst attempt at comfort that I’ve ever heard. I’m gonna treasure it.” 

“Well, I’m glad I’ve given you something to treasure,” Jack said, putting on an equally goofy voice.

“I treasure every minute that we spend together,” she said, still using the Strix voice.

They made eye contact, and then they were both laughing. 

They hit the airport in what felt like no time at all, and the giggles died down as he paid for parking, and made his way towards her terminal. 

“Can you text me when you get home? I know it’s gonna be a weird time here, but… I wanna make sure you’re okay, you know?”

“Yeah,” she said, and she squeezed his fingers. 

They made their way towards the check in area, and she kissed him on the mouth, gently, a little peck.

She didn’t want to be too… PDA with him in person. 

Hell, if anyone saw them, they’d be on the wrong kind of Reddit post, and there’d be nothing but “Holly and Jack are dating” and... they just needed to not deal with that.

 _She_ could not deal with that. 

They stopped in front of the security checkpoint, and Jack gave her a tight squeeze.

“I’ll see you later?”

“Of course,’ Holly said, and she sniffled. 

Thank god she hadn’t worn any makeup, or she’d be a mess.  
More of a mes.

She sighed, and she kissed him again.

“Bye, Jack.”

“Bye, Hols.” 

“Have a safe flight!”

“I will!”

She grinned a bit, and she sniffed, and then she turned around and made her way towards the checkpoint.

She didn’t look behind her. 

* * * 

Dan was pretty sure he knew when Holly got to the airport.

Rough estimate.

He didn’t think to check the clock, he just woke up out of a dead sleep and cried. 

He cried into his pillow, like his heart was breaking, and he groaned, because… this wasn’t fucking fair.

He was so tired of this.

Did Holly have to deal with his emotions like this?

… admittedly, he put a lot of work into keeping his emotions in check, with meditation, and Holly’s emotions were kind of all over the place, between taking a new lover and recovering from the divorce.

He didn’t want to think about Jack being her lover.

He wanted to be her lover.

He could admit that to himself, as he sobbed into his pillow like his heart was breaking. 

He longed to hold her in his arms and comfort her, even if it wasn’t sexual, wasn’t romantic, was just something other than feeling her sorrow, from all the way on the other side of the ocean.

But she’d be here soon, and then they could sort out… whatever.

Who even knew what was going to happen.

Dan stood up, rubbing his eyes, heading to the kitchen to get a glass of water and clear his head.

He had a crying headache.

On a lark, he popped his laptop open, to find a message left for him by Jack on skype, although the other man was now on “Do Not Disturb” and was probably filming an LP.

He read it, squinting without his glasses or his contacts.

_Thank you so much for being so cool about all of this. I know it’s been… complicated, and probably weird as balls for you, but the next time we hang out, I want to buy you a drink. I hope you guy are happy, and you come to some sort of peace. I’m here for both of you, regardless of what happens._

_Well, not regardless of what happens. If one of you did something truly horrible I’d probably back out, for obvious reasons, but I don't’ think either of you will. But you know what I mean._

Dan grinned at his computer screen, and he put on an old video of Arin ranting, letting his best friend’s voice lull him to sleep.

He tried to steady his heartbeat, his eyes closed.

Maybe that would help Holly calm down.

Hers wasn’t racing anymore, at least, and that was enough to let him go to sleep. 

* * * 

Holly hated traveling by herself.

She’d done it before, obviously, but the last time she’d flown back from Ireland, she’d been with Ross. 

It hadn’t been so bad when she had been staying with Jack, since Jack lived in a completely different part of Ireland. 

But the airport was the same.

Holly sighed, and she sat at a cafe table, and a watercress and pesto sandwich in front of her.

She wasn’t really hungry, but the sandwiches on airplanes always sucked.

Her mouth still tasted a bit like Jack’s crepes.

With a sigh, she took a bite, and she turned on her ipod.

She could listen to podcasts, until she fell asleep on the plane.

* * * 

Dan tried not to fidget too much, as he waited in the arrivals area.

It was evening, and he’d been Grumping all day.

Truth be told, he probably should have been at home in bed.

The headache he’d woken up with was still lingering around his temples, behind his eyes.

But no, he’d told Holly that he was going to pick her up, and damned if he wanted to delay seeing her anymore.

Nothing short of a missing limb would have kept him from coming to see her. 

Well, maybe also a broken limb.

But general limb trauma.

He was beginning to build a song in his head - something about soulmates, something about shared orgasms.

Holly probably wouldn’t be comfortable with it, so he’d have to… super modify it.

At least he could write it up first, before he started changing it.

Maybe Brian would get a kick out of it, or could claim ownership to it.

He’d gotten a few jokes about his… bowlegged stance, arriving at work that day.

Arin had made sympathetic noises.

And now there were people with Irish accents walking by, and that probably meant that Holly’s plane had landed.

He perked up, resting his elbows on the rail, and he looked for her dyed hair. 

* * * 

Holly saw Dan before he saw her.

It was kind of hard not to see him - he was so _tall_ , so gawky, and his hair was so… very there.

She almost turned around, but… no.

She was going to deal with all of this.

She was going to be an adult about it.

Why couldn’t it have been Jack’s name on her?

It would have been Sean, if it had been his name.

… no, that wasn’t fair. 

Anyway, if it had been him, maybe things would have been reversed, and she would have gone running into Dan’s arms.

Although she doubted that.

But she couldn’t help smiling, when she saw Dan - his heart was beating very fast in her head, and her heart was beating very fast, and their emotions were mirroring each other, when they met each other’s eyes.

His felt… deeper, but they were there, and it was like a feedback loop.

She didn’t even think, before she more or less fell into his arms, and he wrapped them around her, his chin on her head.

It was almost… alien, hearing his heart against her ear, echoing  the heart that was beating in her head. 

She sighed, and some small part of her that had been on edge for who even knew how long finally relaxed.

Which made other bits of her freak out, and then she was wriggling for him to let go of her. 

“Thanks,” Holly said, and she yawned.

“How was, uh, how was your flight?”

He was looking at her with a soppy expression, and she didn’t know how to deal with that.

She could ignore it, for now.

“It wasn’t too bad,” she said.

He probably felt the exhaustion that was tugging on the edges of her bones.

Maybe some of it was even his - some feelings seemed to bounce between them more readily than others, and some of that tiredness didn't feel like it belonged to her.

But he was grabbing her suitcase, pulling it along behind him, and the two of them were making their way towards the parking lot.

She almost staggered back when the heat hit her - she hadn’t been expecting that, even though she was back in LA.

It was even one of the cooler evenings. 

She sighed, and she watched him as he walked next to her, the two of them making their way towards his car.

He was just so… long - she took two steps for every one of his, and she could tell that he was shortening his steps, to make it easier for her to keep up with him.

“So, you had fun?”

“Oh yeah,” said Holly. “I’m so glad I did it. I’m so grateful for Suzy, for setting it up for me.” 

“She’s a good person like that,” said Dan, and he was smiling fondly.

“I’m, uh, I’m sorry about your friend,” Holly said. 

“It’s okay,” said Dan. “I mean, that kinda thing just… happens sometimes, you know?”

“Yeah,” said Holly, although she didn’t, not really.

She’d only really been interested in Jack, and he’d known since the whole mess had started up.

“But I figure I may, uh, I may start go looking for someone new. A new partner, I mean. To be… intimate with.”

“Oh,” said Holly. 

“If that’d be okay with you, I mean,” Dan said quickly, as he hauled her bag up into the trunk of his car.

“I mean,” Holly said, and she laughed, a little unsteadily, “it’s not like we’re actually… dating.”

“We could be,” Dan said, and there was so much raw hope in his voice that it hurt a little bit. 

“I don’t think so,” Holly said, and she tried to keep her voice gentle. “I’m not… ready for that.”

“Do you think you’ll ever be?”

So they were going to be having this conversation when she’d just gotten off of a ridiculously long plane ride, and she was jet lagged to shit.

Lovely.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I know that… waiting around for me to be ready to date you won’t really make either of us happy. You’ve probably been in that kind of situation before, you know how much it can mess you up.”

“I mean,” Dan said, “I’ve pined after someone before. Someone who was unavailable, even.” His face did… something. If she hadn’t been watching it, she might not have seen the flicker of whatever it was pass.

“So you understand.”

“There’s kind of a difference, though,” said Dan. “Because we’ve each got our names on each other. That… that means we’re supposed to be together.”

“It doesn’t have to mean that,” Holly said, her voice rough. “I don’t want to be with someone because of some kind of… obligation.”

“You were with Jack all week,” Dan pointed out, as he turned the car on.

Holly buckled her seatbelt.

“There wasn’t any obligation with that,” Holly said. “And we’re not… we’re not romantically involved, not really.” 

Were they?

“So you just had a bunch of sex, no strings attached?”

“Not no strings attached, we’re friends.” She shot him a Look. “I mean, you’ve got all your friends with benefits, don’t you? 

“I had a friend with benefits,” Dan corrected. “And that’s… not so much a thing anymore.” 

“She hasn’t come around?”

“Not really, no,” said Dan.

“I’m sorry,” said Holly. “If you wanted another person to… you know, mess around with… I’d be okay with it.”

“But you don’t want to mess around with me,” said Dan.

It didn’t sound like a question - it sounded like he was making an observation. 

“Not so much,” said Holly.

“... why not?”

His heart was beating faster in her head, and there was a film of anxiety over her thoughts, like soap scum.

“Because i have too many memories of you and Ross,” she said. “And because I’m just… I’m not into the idea of being with someone who can feel what I feel.”

“Right,” said Dan. “I shouldn’t have asked you that. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” said Holly, although they both knew that she was lying.

“Well,” said Dan, after they’d driven for about five minutes in silence, “regardless of… what kind of relationship we have, I want to be in your life. Intimately. Or at least… having the chance to be intimate. Not necessarily, like, sexually intimate, if you don’t want that, but some flavor of just… being there.”

“Okay,” said Holly. “It’s just… it’ll be hard. For me. To let someone else in.”

It had been easy with Jack, but that had been when she had been visiting him. 

It was easy enough to make herself a guest, and to enjoy the privileges that came with being a guest.

Not so much when she was in her own turf, around the people who were part of her day to day lives.

It was easy to have a vacation lover.

She didn’t know how to have an at home soulmate. 

* * * 

Dan tried not to beam at Holly.

It would probably have unsettled her, for one thing.

But she was _here_. 

She was here, and he wanted to wrap her up in his arms and hold her, and kiss her.

He wanted their heartbeats to sync up.

He wanted… he wanted everything that he saw in cheesy romantic comedies, about people discovering each other, getting soul marks.

“Does you, uh… does your mark ever get itchy?”

“Itchy?”

“Yeah” he said. 

“No, I haven’t noticed anything,” she said.

The silence in the car got thicker.

Holly was just staring out the window, watching the scenery go by.

“Are you glad to be home? Did you miss people?”

… wow. 

Awkward, Avidan.

“I missed folks, yeah.”

Her tone was neutral.

“Are you gonna be happy to see your birds?”

“Yeah, probably,” said Holly.

She cast a glance at him, and a wave of pity mixed with exhaustion washed over him.

He clutched a little harder at the steering wheel, trying to think of anything to say.

Barring that, he turned on the radio.

* * * 

Holly’s heart lept unexpectedly, when they turned into her driveway.

She’d missed home.

She caught Dan’s smile out of the corner of her eye, and she smiled back at him.

Their hearts were beating in sync. 

She was almost in a daze as she unloaded her bag, pulling it behind her, and unlocked the door.

The cats greeted her, loudly, and she got on her knees, rubbing them between the ears, stroking down their backs. 

“Hi guys,” she said, and her voice might have been a bit choked up. “Hi guys, I missed you. Did you miss me!”

Mojo rubbed her chin against Holly’s chin, and Orph headbutted her in the thigh.

And then she was just… going through the house, saying hi to everyone.

Feathers was as mad as ever, and she gave him kisses and scritches, fussing over him the way she knew he wanted to be fussed over.

Or at least, the way she assumed he wanted to be fussed over.

Wouldn’t do to anthropomorphize too much.

And then there was Paco and Honeybun, and there was Pancake, and there was everyone else in the pigeon loft.

It had been almost an hour and a half, before she was more or less available and aware.

Dan was still there.

He was sitting at the kitchen table with a mug of tea, and he was writing something on his phone.

“Oh,” she said. “You’re still here?”

“Should I have left?” 

He looked like a deer in the headlights.

“No, no,” Holly said quickly. “I just, uh, I just kind of… forgot that you were here, honestly.”

“Oh,” said Dan. “I don’t know if I should take it as a compliment or an indicator that I’m forgettable.”

“I don’t think you’re forgettable,” said Holly.

“So I’ll take it as a compliment,” said Dan, and he grinned at her. “How about I make you some food, and you can shower off all of the plane smell.”

“I guess I’m kind of gross, aren’t I?”

“I wasn’t gonna say anything,” Dan said.

“You never would,” said Holly, and she was grinning.

He was so cute.  
Goddamn it, he was so damn cute, and it wasn’t fair. 

She wasn’t going to develop a crush on him.

At least… not now.

Maybe later.

Maybe.

She sighed, huffing her hair out of her face.

Maybe she was just tired and lonely.

“I’m going to take a shower,” she said. 

“Good plan,” Dan said, his tone agreeable.

“Are you just agreeing with anything I’m saying?”

“Pretty much,” said Dan. “I think you’re about to fall over on your feet.”

“I’m just tired,” Holly said.

 _I’m heartsick_ , she didn’t say. _I’m standing in the room I shared with my husband, where we used to share our lives, and now I don’t know what he looks like, and I miss my lover like I miss my own bones, and I hate myself for it._

Why did she miss Jack so much?

She was supposed to be done with all of that.

She needed… something or other. 

She needed a shower, so that she would stop smelling like airplane.

* * * 

Holly stood under the hot water, tilting her head back to let the water sluice across her face, down her chest, down her back.

She didn’t have any hickeys, or anything like that.

It was a pity.

She’d have to ask Jack to give her some kind of mark next time, so she could look at it and know that they were connected.

She made a point of ignoring the name across her hip, because… no.

She ended up using up almost all of her hot water, and she was bright red, across the tops of her breasts and the tops of her feet.

She was wearing an old pair of pajama pants and a tank top when she came out, and she found Dan on the floor, fussing with Orph, who was climbing all over him.

He kissed Orph on top of his little furry head, and he scratched at the base of Orph’s tail, which had Orph’s butt going up.

“You like sitting on floors with cats, don’t you?”

“Hm?”

He looked up at her, and he smiled.

The cat rubbed against his hand, and was purring madly.

“I’ve seen a bunch of pictures of you sitting on kitchen floors with cats,” said Holly, and even as she said it, she was aware of how ridiculous she sounded. 

“Indeed,” said Dan. “Well, I made you some pasta.”

“Oh,” said Holly. “Thank you.”

He smiled at her.

“I did tell you that I would.”

“Well, yeah,” said Holly, “but I’ll be really honest with you, and say that I forgot it.”

“... fair enough,” said Dan. “I can, uh, I can head off, if you’d like me to?”

“Nah,” said Holly. “I could, uh, use the company.”

Did she want company?

Did she _need_ company?

Well, she needed… something.

Alcohol?

Alcohol wouldn’t hurt.

Although why was she just sitting there?

There was spaghetti.

He’d put a sauce on it, a sauce from her fridge.

It didn’t suck.

It was food, and that was all it needed to be.

She scarfed it down, at a rate that probably would have impressed Brian.

Dan just watched her, and she would have found this creepy, but his pleasure at being with her was beginning to infect in her, and she didn't know how to nip that little bit of happiness in the bud right now.

Not when she was as heartsick as she was. 

Was she heartsick?

Maybe not heartsick.

Maybe she was just chasing herself in circles.

“A penny for your thoughts?”

“Have you ever seen Casablanca?”

… where had that come from?

“Yeah, ages ago,” said Dan. 

“I don’t think I ever have,” said Holly. “I did see this one excerpt from it, though. I don’t know where I saw it.” 

“You mean, it wasn’t the movie?”

“No, it was something else,” said Holly. 

“Huh,” said Dan.

There was an awkward silence.

“Would it be alright if I… kept you company? For a little bit?” 

“Dan,” Holly said, and she didn’t even try to keep the… something or other out of her voice, “Dan, I want to go to sleep.”

“You can sleep with me!”

She gave him a Look.

“I mean,” he said quickly, “like, you could sleep next to me.” 

“Are you trying to pull some King Saul bullshit on me?”

“... what?” 

He blinked at her, clearly confused.

“Like, you know. King Saul couldn’t sleep, he had David play for him?”

“Wouldn’t that mean that you’re King Saul?”

“You know what I mean,” Holly said.

“Holly,” Dan said, and his expression was… it was intense.

There was wanting on it, but there was more than that.  
She didn’t know how to deal with it, and her eyes dropped.

“It’s good for both of us if we touch each other sometimes,” he said. “And… I can hear your heartbeat, in my head, and I know that you’ve got a headache, and you’re back is sore. I know all these things your body is doing, and that’s got it’s own intimacy, and I know you have the same  stuff with me….. I just want… can I hold you?” 

“... okay,” Holly said, although she didn’t know why she was agreeing to it. 

“I’ll be out first thing in the morning,” he promised. 

“Okay,” Holly said. “But, uh… I w-w-want to go to bed… now.” She yawned, her jaw cracked. 

“You should sleep,” he said, and he took her empty plate away.

“I’m gonna go brush my teeth,” she murmured, making her way towards her bedroom.

* * * 

Dan was getting to sleep next to Holly.

He would get to hear her heartbeat, feel her breathing.

Some part of him - some lonely, animal part of himself just cried out for some skin to skin contact.

Although in retrospect, he didn't have any pajamas. 

So, uh… hmm.

He considered this while he took his pre-bed piss, and while he brushed his teeth in the spare bathroom, with his finger. 

He went into Holly and Ross’s bathroom - it was actually Holly’s bedroom now, he needed to remember that - and he sat down on the bed. 

Holly came into the bedroom, and she looked like an adorable zombie, her hair tousled, her eyes half shut.

“Um,” said Holly, “you’re still wearing jeans.”

“I’m still wearing pants,” he said. “I don’t have anything to sleep in that’s not me in my underwear, and I figured if you walked in here and I wasn’t wearing any pants, it might send the wrong kind of message.”

“... fair,” said Holly, and she yawned. “I appreciate you saying that.”

“Do you want to, uh, do you want me to sleep in jeans?”

“No,” sadi Holly. “My pajama pants would never fit you, would they?”

Dan thought about it.

“No,” he said, although the idea of wearing her clothes was… appealing. 

Girl’s clothes were always warm, soft. 

He didn’t wear them that often - he wasn’t exactly a crossdresser, and there weren’t any women in his life that he could borrow clothes from at present, and it lost the appeal if it hadn’t originally belonged to someone he cared about.

“They’d be too big in the waist and too short in the leg,” he said. 

“You can, uh, you’re wearing underwear… right?”

“Of course I’m wearing underwear,” Dan said. “You think I go around commando?”

“I don’t know,” Holly said, holding her hands up defensively. 

“So you’re okay with me in just my underwear?”

“Yeah,” said Holly. “Let me just, uh, let me get into bed first. You can turn the light off, then, uh disrobe.”

He tried not to watch as she got under the covers, snuggling into them.

“Okay,” Holly said quietly. “You can turn the light off.”

He turned the lights out, and the room was quiet.

The various rustlings and tinkling as he took his pants off, and slipped his jacket off seemed especially loud. 

He could hear her breathing, and then she was fumbling with her phone.

The fairy lights cast a gentle glow.

“I usually listen to a podcast when I’m going to sleep,” Holly said quietly.

“That’s cool,” said Dan. “I listen to Arin’s old videos, when I can’t sleep.”

He slid into bed next to her, and the sheets were cool against his bare skin.

He’d kept his shirt on, even though he preferred to sleep topless.

Honestly, he prefered to sleep completely naked, but… that seemed presumptuous.

She put a podcast on.

It was some silly one, two people talking about eating cheap food.

Dan vaguely remembered one of the people being someone Holly had mentioned admiring before.

Holly was three inches away from him, and lying on her own pillow.

He stole a glance at her, and he could see the outline of her breasts in the dim light, and her breathing was quiet. 

She was _right_ there, and he was trying to steel himself to reach out for her, when her hand came out to reach for his.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so distant,” she said, and her voice seemed to be coming from a far away place as well.

“It’s okay,” said Dan.

He squeezed her hand in his. 

It was as small as one of her birds, in his own huge hands.

If only he could get the mental image of his hand as a trap out of his mind….

Her pulse was racing in the big vein on the inside of her middle finger, and on the inside of his head.

He tried to breathe, slow and steady, calming himself down, his old meditation tricks.

Okay.

Calm down.

Her heart beat slowed as it synced up with his.

She was inching towards him - eventually they were hip to hip, and she was so warm.

He was holding on to his arousal - barely.

She could feel it, if his mind went certain places.

… then again, his dick probably still hadn’t recovered from all of the nonsense the night before, and even thinking about touching it made him wince.

He sighed, a long gust of air, and she cuddled up to him.

“Do you want me to wrap my arm around you?”

He kept his tone calm, quiet.

“... okay,” she said, and she was resting her head on his chest, as he lifted his arm up, wrapping it around her. 

Her hand was flat on his chest, over his heartbeat, and then she was sighing as well, and her breath was warm against his collarbone.

He was… relaxing.

Whatever hungry bit of his skin that had been crying out was finally quiet.

The contentment unrolled over him, like the world’s largest bed sheet.

He fell asleep, their heartbeats in sync.

* * * 

Holly woke up with Dan wrapped around her like an octopus. 

He must have been more touch starved than he came off as, because he was clinging to her, and his hand was on her breast.

It wasn’t sexy, at the very least.

It was more like he was just clutching at something soft and warm.

She stayed there for almost five minutes, letting herself being held by the man whose name was written on her thigh.

And then he woke up, and he let go of her breast, his hand pressed flat over her chest. 

He was feeling her heart. 

“Hi,” Dan murmured, right into her hair.

“Hi,” Holly said.

They were close enough that she could almost taste his thoughts. 

He let go of her, and he could tell that it was reluctantly. 

She felt it in her own skin, almost.

“I’ll, uh, I’ll take a shower, and then I’ll be out of your hair,” he said. “Maybe we could, um, maybe we could have dinner at some point soon, maybe?”

“I’ll get back to you on that,” said Holly, and she yawned. 

Dan stood up, and he was very obviously hiding a hard on.

She didn’t say anything about it, at least. 

“Can I make a request? And it’s probably kinda… out of line, but, uh, I need to say something.”

“What’s up?”

Holy pulled the sheets up to cover her breasts, and adjusted her tank top, so that her nipples weren’t bared to the open air.

“Can you hold off the masturbation, maybe… for a few days? Just until my dick has recovered.”

“... recovered?”

“You and Jack did… something or other,” he said, and he was turning dark red. “Glad you had fun, but, uh… I came, like, nine times, and I’m glad it was fun, but… I’m still recovering.”

“Oh,” said Holly. “Well, uh… can you give me a heads up for when you’re ready?”

“Oh, totally,” said Dan. “I promise. I’ll let you know when you can go back to, uh, flicking the -”

“Dan, I swear to the god I don’t believe in, if you finish that sentence, I will kick you out without any pants on, soulmate or not.”

“Right, right,” said Dan. “I’ll, uh, I’ll be going then.”

“I’ll see you at some point this week?” She smiled at him, cautious.

“Right, right,” said Dan, and he smiled back, bright enough to light the whole room up.

Goddamn it. 

This would be so much easier if he wasn’t so… likable.

He was Ross’s friend, and that rankled, and he was just so… he assumed everyone would like him, and they did.

Admittedly, even before she had a conduit into his head, she could tell he was a bit of a neurotic mess.

But he just… expected people to be nice.

He worried that he’d mess up, but he always thought the best of other people.

And from a combination of him being a white dude, and him being luckier than most folks, it just… turned out that the best _did_ happen.

She sighed.

“You okay, pidge?”

She eyed him - how had he given her the same nickname that Jack did?

To hell with it.

She got out of bed, as he put his pants back on, and she gave him a quick, awkward hug, then went to pee.

He was on his way out when she came out. 

* * * 

Sean was… antsy, as he tried not to fidget, staring at the little skype ellipses.

Then it beeped at him, and Holly’s face filled the screen.

“Hi, Jack!”

“Hols!”

Sean smiled - there was a pigeon on her chest, mumbling to itself.

“Hi,” said Holly, and she smiled, scritching the pigeon.

“Hi,” said Sean. “You look like you’ve settled in.”

She’d been home for almost a week.

He missed her, more than he thought he would.

He wanted to kiss her again, sooner rather than later.

“Yeah, stuff is more or less getting back to normal,” she said. “How’s the place without me?”

“The very walls cry out for you,” said Sean. “How are things with Dan?”

“It’s… complicated,” she said. “I, uh, I slept with him. On the bed next to him, I mean. We didn’t have sex or anything.”

“If you wanna have sex, you could,” he said. “I’m, uh… I’m not sure how I feel about it, because… you know, we’re… something or other, but we’re something. But he’s your soulmate, and I knew getting into things that stuff was going to… complicated, in regards to Dan.”

“Right,” said Holly. “Thank you for being so understanding.”

“What else am I gonna do?”  
“I dunno. Decide that this is all too much of a mess?”

“And miss out on your pretty face?”

She smiled at him, so widely that his heart hurt a little bit.

… oh god, he really was in love with her.

“You know the worst part of all of this?”

“Mmm?”

‘He knew about all the times we had sex. Like, he kinda… had sex with us, almost. Because he had an orgasm when I did, so, uh….”

“Well, at least he had a good time,” Sean said, his tone philosophical.

“Not so much… the most recent one,” said Holly. “I, uh, I had to… it’s been requested that I not masturbate until his penis recovers.”

“... that must have been an awkward conversation,” Sean said, and he could imagine it too - down to Dan’s red face, and Holly annoyed expression. 

“Oh yeah,” said Holly.

“So no Skype sex?”

“At least we can wait until my period is over,” she said. 

“Fair enough, he said.

“I mean, theoretically, you could watch me jerk off,” Sean said, keeping his philosophical tone, “but that sounds like it’d be boring to watch. I mean,” he said, staring up at the ceiling, as if in deep thought, “I guess that takes the fun out of skype sex for both of us….”

“I could make you put things in your butt,” Holly said. 

“Make me?” 

“Well, not make you,” said Holy. “Encourage you?”

“I’m nothing, if not receptive to encouragement,” said Sean, “but if you’re gonna send me things to put up my butt, I should send you things to put up _your_ butt. Or, you know, other parts of you.” 

“Other parts of me.”

Holly’s voice was deadpan.

“I will send you the best earplugs money can buy,” he promised her. 

“But only if I put them on in front of you?”

“Oh yeah, baby,” said Sean. “You put those earplugs in!”

“... you joke,” said Holly, “but I feel like that’s some dude’s fetish out there.”

“Something everywhere is some dude’s fetish,” said Sean. “Or some lady’s.”

“Or some nonbinary person’s,” Holly added.

“Yes, exactly,” said Sean. “But, uh… why would you wanna watch me put things up my butt?”

“Because it’d be sexy, duh,” said Holly. “I like guys putting stuff in their butts.”

“I feel like Ross would have mentioned that at some point,” Sean said, and immediately regretted it.

“No, he, uh, he wasn’t into that,” Holly said, and her smiled stayed on her face, but her eyes changed.

“I saw a giant pigeon today,” Sean said, in an attempt at changing the subject.

It was the conversational equivalent of a sock full of pennies to the back of the head, but it did its job.

“How big is a giant pigeon?”

“It was big enough that there was a squirrel who looked nervous,” said Sean. 

“That’d be a dumb squirrel,” said Holly. “Pigeons can’t eat raw meat, their beaks are the wrong shape for it.”

“... what?”

“Their beaks. They’re the wrong shape for eating raw meat.”

“Oh,” said Sean.

“They can eat cooked meat, though!” Holly kissed the top of her pigeon’s head. “But it isn’t very good for them. Is it, Feathers?”

He smiled right then - the woman he loved was so happy.

… and he needed to not think of her that way, because.. that was only going to bring trouble. 

But he’d cross that bridge when he came to it.

For now, he settled into his chair, and he let Holly’s talk wash over him like the ocean.

* * * 

“You are _still_ in a good mood, man,” said Arin. “I didn’t even realize that regular you was, like, not actually you in a good mood.”

“Dunno what you’re talking about,” said Dan, and he was blushing. 

“Is it ‘cause of that thing you did the other night?” 

“Lovelies, I literally had dinner with a friend of mine a few nights ago,” Dan said, and his hand was on his side without him even realizing it, until Arin was prodding him in the side, and he made an indignant noise.

“You sound like an angry goose when I poke you in the side,” Arin said, and he was beginning to laugh.

“Forget about fuckin’... me being a goose, there are evil airplanes coming after you!”

“You don’t know if the airplanes themselves are evil,” Arin pointed out. “They could just be piloted by evil people!”

“They’ve got evil _eyes_ , Arin,” Dan said, and he was laughing harder, as Arin poked him in the side again, then held the controller in both hands, his thumbs working frantically.

He must have been really good at fingering.

… shit, where had that come from?

Oh god.

His cock was getting hard again, and it wasn’t twinging like a bad sunburn, so he wasn’t going to complain too bad.

Who even knew you could fucking… pull a dick muscle.

It had been a week since he’d slept with Holly, and she was sending him the occasional text.  
She’d sent him an apology text message, after he’d nearly had a heart attack at a surge of terror.

She’d been playing some kind of scary game, apparently.

He was starting to watch her videos, alternating them with Arin’s old videos.

He’d even made a playlist, after he’d fallen asleep in the middle of it, and had woken up to her and Ross onscreen, happy and in love.

That hurt - it hadn’t even been his relationship, but it hurt.

He hadn’t heard much from Ross lately, come to think of it - the other guy had been absorbed in his big project, and he’d been doing stuff with Tamar, whatever it might have been.

Tamar had her own channel now, so he appeared on it a lot.

Dan didn’t think about it too much.

Maybe it was his connection with Holly, but these days he felt almost… standoffish towards Ross.

Or maybe Ross was being standoffish towards him. 

Ah, the joys of soulmate drama.

“So,” Arin said, pulling Dan back from his wool gathering., “what you’re saying is… you can just tell when something has evil eyes?”

“Something like that,” said Arin. “Nothing with eyebrows that ridiculous could ever be a good guy!”

“I’m sure there’s a ton of drag queens that disagree with you on that,” said Dan. “Or at least, fans of drag queens.” 

“Are fans of drag queens supposed to be especially vicious?”

“I know there's the stereotype that drag queens are really vicious in a fight,” Dan said, his tone thoughtful. “But I figured that was just a stereotype. Although I figure a lot of gender… variant folks would probably be good in fighting.”

“Why?”

Was Dan imagining things, or was Arin looking at him particularly intensely. 

“Because,” Dan said, choosing his words carefully, “when you're gender variant, a lot of people probably wanna start shit with you. Like, uh, how there were a bunch of Jewish boxers, since everyone used to give us so much shit.”

“I didn't know there were a bunch of Jewish boxers,” Arin said. “We’ll see what else Dan can teach me, next time on Game Grumps.”

Dan grinned, stretching. 

They'd been grumping for almost four hours. 

They were due a break.

“Do you think that I got bigger because I'm gender variant?”

Dan paused, glancing over at Arin. 

He knew that tone of voice - he wasn't used to Arin sounding quite so insecure. 

“You mean how you got all buff?”

“Yeah.”

“I figured you were just getting buff because you wanted to get buff,” said Dan. 

“Yeah?”

“I also didn't… really think of you as gender variant in general,” said Dan. “Not that there's anything wrong with you being gender variant, I just didn't get that… vibe.”

“... how many gender variant people do you know?”

“Well, okay, not a lot, but still. You come off as a guy who's in touch with his feminine side, not really someone who is gender variant.” 

And now to probe the depths.

“Do you think you're gender variant? Or I guess I should ask you if you're gender variant, because I think that if you think that you're something, you probably are. At least when it comes to stuff like gender.”

“Dude,” said Arin, “calm down.” He was grinning. “I don't think I’ve ever seen such a deer in the headlights look on something that wasn't hanging on my wall.”

Dan grinned weakly. 

“I'm trying to be supportive,” he said in a voice that hopefully wasn't too whiny.

“You’re doing a great job at being supportive,” Arin said, in a soothing tone of voice.

“So do you?”

It popped out of Dan’s mouth before he had a chance to catch it. 

“Do I what?”

“Do you think you’re gender variant?”

Shit.

That wasn’t the kind of shit you just… asked someone.

At least, not with a live mic, and the whole internet metaphorically listening in.

No, their editors would edit it out. 

Dan leaned over and turned their mics off, just in case.

It also saved him from having to make eye contact with Arin, which would have just been… awkward as hell.

“I don’t… think so,” Arin said slowly. “Like you said, I think I’m just a guy in touch with my feminine side.” He sighed gustily. “Okay, if I tell you a thing, can you promise not to, like, judge me, or think I’m stupid?”

“Arin, unless you did something really stupid, I probably won’t think you’re stupid,” said Dan.

“What kind of really stupid are we talking about here?”

“Like… sticking your dick into a pipe and only being able to take it out with a belt sander or something.”

“Why would you use a belt sander to take something off of my dick?”

Arin looked genuinely perplexed.

“Do I seem like the guy who would know what power tools do what?”

“Well,” said Arin, “for all I know you make decks in your spare time or something.”

“What spare time?”

They both laughed, but it was a humorless laugh on Arin’s end.

“Okay. So what’s this big secret that you worry I’ll think is stupid?” 

Dan tried not to sound silly, and he turned his whole body, so that he was facing Arin. 

Arin was wearing short sleeves, no sweater, and Dan could see the delicate tracery of Suzy’s name.

 _That must make drawing blood difficult_ , he thought, _if they every have to find the vein on that side._

“Sometimes I worry that… like, me being soul bonded to Suzy for so long has changed me, kinda. Like it’s made me more feminine.”

Dan nodded.

“I think I get it,” he said slowly.

“Like, if I wasn't supposed to be this… girly?”

“You want my honest opinion?” 

“Always,” said Arin, and his face was so open that it broke a little bit of Dan’s heart.

He wanted to kiss Arin so badly right now.

… no, that would be a bad idea.

He bit his lip, applying some pressure, trying to distract himself.

Okay.

“I think… maybe she did change you, a little bit,” said Dan, and he was speaking slowly, trying to get his thoughts all out in one go. “But I don’t think that’s a bad thing.”

“No?”

“I mean,” asid Dan, “you guys have influenced each other in other ways, right? Even if you weren’t soulmates, you’ve just… been close for so long, that some of her tastes have rubbed off on you, and vice versa?”

“You think so?” There was something like relief on Arin’s face. “You know, sometimes I’m kinda jealous of you.”

Dan’s eyes widened.

“What, really? Why?” He snorted. “Apart from my dashing good looks, horrible health problems, and rock star charisma?”

“You didn’t meet your soulmate until you were, like… fully yourself,” Arin said slowly. “And you’ve always kind of had the chance to… to try new things. Figure out who you are, what you want in your life.”

“Do you… not want Suzy to be your soulmate?”

That.. wasn’t expected.

“I mean,” Arin said, “I’m glad that I’ve got her as my soulmate. I’m glad that I’ve known her as long as i have, because she’s like my best friend, and she’s my wife, and I’ve got the rest of my life with her. But… even when I was playing the field, I kinda knew, in the back of my mind, that I would always go back to her, because… well, it’s fuckin’ obvious, isn’t it?”

He indicated the inside of his arm.

Dan wanted to wrap his hand around Arin’s wrist, give it a squeeze.

He wasn’t going to, because that would be weird.

Maybe he could take some relief in the whole Holly thing - at least, now he had a visible, known soulmate, so he could stop pining after someone else who had their own soulmate.

Then again, Dan’s soul mate had someone she was kinda-sorta pining for.

This was like something out of a fucking soap opera.

“What’s up, man?”

Arin was shooting him a concerned look.

“Oh, nothing,’ said Dan. “I was just thinking that, uh, that our lives are kind like soap operas.”

Arin snorted. 

“Not enough people are getting pregnant or having evil twins or shit like that for it to be well and truly a soap opera,” said Arin. 

Dan snorted. 

“But… yeah,” said Arin. “I guess I’ve just been kinda jealous. And, like, you’re discovering the joys of a soul bond, and you’re actually old enough to understand it, somewhat.”

“You didn’t?”

“Not really, not at the time. And it was weird. Like, imagine being the age I was, when me and Suzy got together, and suddenly her name appears on my arm. It’s like being… engaged to be married, before you can even legally drive!”

“... I never thought of it like that,” said Dan. 

“Yeah,” said Arin. “But… I mean, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I wouldn’t trade _her_ for anything.”

“I’m so glad you guys have each other,” Dan said, and to his own surprise, he meant it.  
… mostly.

Suzy was too damn likeable for him to really… hold a grudge against her, more’s the pity.

It would have been easier if she was a nagging shrew, not the woman who still remembered that Dan couldn’t eat nuts, or that his favorite color was blue.

“I’m glad you have Holly,” said Arin, although his tone was a bit hesitant. “I think… I think you’ll be good for each other.”

“Yeah?”

“Well, she’ll be a good stabilizing influence,” said Arin, “and it would help you with the fact that you obviously need someone to love.”

Dan’s insides turned cold.

“What?”

“Just, uh….” Arin was blushing, and he was avoiding eye contact. “I know that you’re… lonely.”

“I’m not too bad,” Dan said, and he was lying through his teeth.

They both knew it.

But it was… bad taste of Arin to bring it up.

There was a time and a place for that kind of thing, and it wasn’t now.

They weren’t even having some kind of late night feelings jam - it was about six in the evening.

Suzy would poke her head in at any moment, ask them what they wanted for dinner.

“Yeah, you’re right,” said Arin. “That was presumptuous of me. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” said Dan.

It wasn’t, but what could he do?

And sure enough, here was Suzy, cautiously opening the door.

“So I’m thinking Chinese for dinner. How are you guys on that?”

“Sounds good,” said Dan. 

His phone buzzed, and he took it out.

Text from Holly.

Huh.

_You okay?_

_Yeah, I’m fine._

_You sure? Your heart is beating so fast that it made me drop a stitch._

A flash of… irritation shot through him, and okay, where had that come from?

This was Holly - his soulmate.

And she was mad at him because he was having an emotional moment, and he’d made her drop a stitch.

God forbid she drop a stitch.

It wasn’t as if she had to change her pants or anything like that.

… he was being unfair.

He knew it.

Even as he was thinking it he knew it.

Okay.

“Chinese sounds great,” he said again, and he smiled at Suzy, silently counting in his head, willing his heartbeat to slow down.

_Can I stay over tomorrow night?_

_Any particular reason?_

_I wanna see you. It feels alienating, when I can experience your feelings, but we don’t really see each other much._

_I don’t want some kind of steady dating thing_

Another flash of irritation, but he soothed it, breathing in through his nose, out through his mouth.

Arin, possibly sensing Dan’s annoyance, kept up his conversation with Suzy.

 _We agreed we’d see more of each other,_ he typed carefully. _I understand that you don’t want us to be some kind of dating thing, but I’d like to come over tomorrow night. I can sleep on your guest bed, or I can leave when you go to bed, but since we’re in each other’s heads, I think it would do both of us some good to actually hang out in the flesh. If you don’t agree with that, it’s fine, but I don’t want to be dismissed as soon as I make a suggestion._

 _You’re right,_ she texted. _I’m sorry if I was coming off as a bit of a jerk. This costume is especially fiddly, and it’s making me snappy._

He had been picking up on flashes of her irritation all day, which would also explain why he had been so quick to get his hackles up.

Okay.

“Talkin’ to Holly?”

Suzy’s tone was casual - almost too casual.

Dan gave her a look out of the corner of his eye, but he didn’t call her out on it.

What was he going to say?

“Yeah,” he said.

No use in denying it, right?

“I’m glad she makes you happy,” said Suzy.

She was leaning over the back of the couch, her chin on top of Arin’s head, her hands on his stomach.

She had shoved his shirt up, and she was petting his belly. 

It was a level of intimacy that Dan wasn’t used to seeing between the two of them, truth be told.

Maybe it was because he had his own soulmate now.

Had they been refraining from being affectionate out of fear of him feeling… left out or something? 

He wasn’t sure how the soulmate thing changed it, but he couldn’t deny, they had been acting different lately, at least around him. 

Maybe they’d been worried about rubbing it in?

Or maybe they knew he was some kind of safe?

Or maybe he was putting too much thought into this, and he just wanted someone leaning over _him_ , petting _his_ belly.

Or to be petting Arin’s belly.

Another flash of irritation went through him - at himself, at Suzy and Arin for being this demonstrative in front of him, at Holly for not being demonstrative like this with him….

He sighed.

He wasn’t being fair at all.

And then Arin was waving a hand in front of his face, and he blinked back to comprehension.

“Sorry,” he said. “Spaced out.”

“It’s okay,” said Suzy, and she put the menu on his head. “Just mark down what you want, and give it back to me when you’re ready.”

“Of course,” said Arin.

Suzy patted Arin on the head, and then left.

“You know,” Dan said, and he tried to think of a way to phrase what he was thinking without coming off as a total douche, “maybe being soul bonded to Suzy did really change you, but not the way that you thought it did.”

“What do you mean?”

“Because… because you’ve got a soulmate already, you’re not worried about you doing things that would make her leave you forever. Because you’re kinda… destined to be together.”

“People leave their soulmates sometimes,” Arin pointed out. 

“Well, they break up with them,” said Dan. “But they almost never… flat out leave. So it gave you a chance to try out different ways of being yourself, without worrying that it would scare her off for good, because you’d always be there, in one way or another.”

“So I’d be more comfortable with being feminine or whatever because i know that she’s always gonna be connected to me?”

“Yeah, kinda,” said Dan. “It’s easier to try being a new person, when you know it won’t scare away the person who’s the closest to you.”

“I never looked at it that way,” said Arin. “Thanks for opening my mind.”

He smiled at Dan with so much sincerity that it hurt. 

Dan smiled back wanly, and then he began to look through the Chinese food menu.

“You wanna pick out what you’re gonna eat?”

“Sounds good,” said Arin.

* * * 

Holly groaned, rubbing her temples.

Her eyes hurt from squinting - she was going to have to get a new magnifying glass.

She’d been trying to get this one costume to fall right for ages, and she’d finally figured out the trick, but she had to sew tiny, tiny stitches, which made her head hurt.

At least she was done for the day, and she was done.

And then there was a knock on the door, and she remembered that Dan was coming over.

Goddamn it.

She opened the door, not bothering to put on a smile - he could sense her bad mood, so why try to disguise it? - and she looked up at him.

He was beaming at her, and the full force of his good mood hit her like a blow to the head.

She smiled back at him in spite of herself, and let herself be wrapped up in a big hug.

“Hi,” said Dan, into the top of her head.

“Hi,” said Holly. “Sorry - I haven’t taken a shower yet and I smell like craft glue.”

“It’s okay,” said Dan. “I’m just glad to see you.”

He was wearing a button down shirt, and her cheek was against the top, where the buttons were undone.

His chest hair was almost ticklish against her cheek.

She sighed, holding on to his shirt, her jaw unclenching and her shoulders untensing.

She relaxed into him, standing in the middle of her doorway, until Orph brushed against her shins, at which point she made a surprised noise and grabbed the cat around the middle.

He made a disgruntled noise as she picked him up and took him back inside, Dan following behind her.

He closed the door behind him, and the sound of it shutting seemed very… final.

“Okay,” Holly said. “I’ll be really honest and say that I forgot you were coming over. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” said Dan, although a little flare of disappointment hit her anyway.

“So, uh, we have a few options,” she said. “I can take a shower and we can go out to a restaurant. I can shower and we can go grocery shopping so we can cook stuff. Or we can order stuff in.”

“Why doesn’t ordering in involve you showering?”

“Well,” said Holly, “when I have to deal with people who I’m not soul bonded to or whatever, I like to at least pretend that I’m not gross.”

“I don’t think you’re gross,” Dan said, in a tone so heartbreakingly sincere that it made her a little queasy. 

She pressed her face into Orph’s sleek back, rubbing her cheek against the smooth fur.

“So what are you in the mood for?” Dan asked, clearly sensing that she wanted to change the subject.

“I kinda just want to order in,” she told him. “I know, it’s horribly lazy of me.”

He shrugged. 

“I’m good with whatever,” he said. “Do you want to watch a movie?”

“I’ve been trying to catch up on Preacher,” she said.

One of the hardest parts of the divorce - a weird part of the divorce - was the fact that she had so much trouble getting back into the shows that she’d shared with Ross.

She missed them, but… it felt wrong, watching them by herself, on the couch that they used to sit together.

Even when he had been so wrapped up in Tamar that he was missing their date nights, they saved up television shows for each other. 

And now it felt like some kind of weird betrayal, to watch them by herself.

… but fuck it, as Dan would have put, in that eloquent way of his. 

“I’ve never seen Preacher,” said Dan.

“It’s, uh… it’s intense,” she said.

“I read it a while ago,” he said. 

“Did you like it?”

“It was… something,” said Dan. “I felt kinda like the author just kept trying to gross us out, and you stop getting shocked when everything is shocking.”

“How shocking are we talking about?”

“There’s a guy who makes a suit out of meat,” said Dan, “and then he fucks it.”

“... what?”

She stared at him, wide eyed.

“You heard me,” he said. “Suit of meat. Plus blatant child abuse. And a lot of other shit.”

“How can something be _more_ shocking than someone literally fucking a meat suit?”

So he told her.

“... the bits of the show that I saw weren’t like that,” Holly said, her eyes wide.

Dan made a sympathetic noise.

“I’m sorry,” he said. 

“Now I gotta know if it _gets_ like that,” said Holly, her voice slightly unsettled.

“Did you ever see Carnivale?”

“Yeah, that was a weird one,” said Holly, as she made her way towards the kitchen, where her tablet was still sitting on the kitchen table.

It was all so… easy.

It was a different kind of easy than it had been with Jack - there wasn’t that same… feeling of cultural exploration that she had with Jack. 

“Cultural exploration,” as if it wasn’t just a case of “Oh, you don’t have that there?” while talking about things like potato chips or weird children’s television.

But the two of them sat at the kitchen table and talked about period television and weird movies and creepy comic books….

She could see herself falling in love with Dan.

She didn’t know if she wanted that or not.

Did she have room in her heart for two people?

Let alone two people as big - in personality, if not in size - as Jack and Dan?

She wasn’t going to do what Ross did, and abandon her not soulmate partner, just for her soulmate.

… maybe she was thinking too hard about this.

She didn’t even know if she wanted to do some kind of big life thing with Jack, or if she just wanted to keep having him as her lover.

She was thinking too deeply into this stuff.

She pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind, for now, and she focused on spending time with Dan, as they ate their dinner.

“Do you want, uh… would it be okay if I cuddled you, while we watched a movie?” 

They had finished dinner.

Holly had finally had her chance to give Dan his Irish cookies, which he had crunched down happily.

Dan was washing dishes, setting them in the drying rack. 

“What kinda cuddling?”

She eyed him. 

“Strictly platonic,” said Dan. “Or, uh… I guess as platonic as you can get, with the whole soulmate thing.”

His heart was beating very fast, the way it always did when he was anxious.

Did she make him that anxious?

“Do I upset you?”

She’d blurted that out without thinking.

“What?”

He was looking at her like a deer in the headlights.

“Whenever you suggest some kind of emotional or physical… closeness, you end up getting really anxious.”

“In my defense,” said Dan, and he looked nervous, “whenever i suggest any kind of… intimacy, physical or otherwise, it ends up feeling kinda… like... .” He stared up at the ceiling, his expression one of someone trying to find the right words.

“Like?”

“Like you’re going to yell at me,” he said finally. “I know that you’re hurting, and I know that you’re not wanting to send me the wrong message, but also….” He had his hands shoved in his pockets, and he was fidgeting. “Also, um, when I have… that is, when I’ve brought up talk about certain things, you seemed really uncomfortable with it.”

“Mmm?”

“Also, you know, the whole “you kicked me out when you realized we were soulmates,”” said Dan.

“I’m sorry for that,” said Holly, and she was.

… sort of.

For the most part?

Kinda.

“Are you?”

He was looking at her, with an expression that could have been read as shrewd on anyone else.

On Dan’s narrow open face, it looked alien. 

“I’m as sorry as I can be,” she said, finally.

He nodded.

That seemed to be what he wanted, or what he needed.

She opened her arms up for him, for the first time, and he clung to her, his head on top of hers.

He was shaking, she realized, and... huh.

That wasn’t what she had expected. 

He was good at keeping his feelings under wraps, even from her.

Or maybe she’d just been too wrapped up in her own feelings that she hadn’t noticed anything.

… that was an uncomfortable thought that she didn’t want to look too deep into, but was probably right.

She was pushing a lot of thoughts to the side tonight, wasn’t she?

Maybe she needed to look into that counselor that Tamar had recommended to her, lo those many months ago. 

It had rankled her, but… well, a counselor who knew from the whole polyamory thing was a rare thing.

But for now….

“Let’s watch Preacher,” she said.

* * * 

Dan was lying on Holly’s couch, and and he was being cuddled.

That was novel.

His head was resting on her breast, and it was soft and warm against him. 

Her heart was beating under his ear.

He could hear the breath moving in and out of her lungs, the quiet grumbles of her stomach.

He hadn’t known how much he needed this, as he surrounded himself with the warmth of her, the scent of her, the feel of her skin.

She was… she was everything he needed. 

She was his soulmate, and would be his soulmate - there were no takebacks for that.

He sighed, down into his bones, and he nuzzled into the softness. 

Her agitation was… itchy, on the edges of his nerves, but it was gradually dying down, and she was going lazy and sleepy into the cushions. 

Her heart thrummed like the string of a bass, and his eyes drifted shut, as Orph climbed on top of him. 

The last thing he remembered, before he fell asleep, was the sound of the cat purring.

* * * 

Holly woke up at some late hour - it had been dark when she’d fallen asleep, and there was a slight grey cast to the windows now.

Dan was still wrapped around her like an octopus, holding onto her shirt with both hands.

He’d drooled on her. 

“Hi,” Dan murmured, and he propped his head up, nuzzing into her neck with his whiskery face.

If he was going to keep sleeping here, he was going to need to keep a razor here, or else he’d get much more whiskery.

She knew how much he valued being able to do what he wanted with his face.

… which was a weird way to think about it, but still.

It was weird to think about that - about Dan needing to keep his stuff here.

How soon would it be until he was moving in with her? 

Until she was known as Dan’s soul mate, the same ways he had become known as Ross’s wife.

“You’re thinking too much,” Dan said, from his spot on her chest.

“Mmm?” 

She looked down at him.

“Your heart is speeding up,” Dan said, “and I can feel your shoulders tensing up.”

She sighed. 

“I’m still getting used to just… being by myself,” she said. “I don’t want to become, like… known as just your soulmate. And I can see stuff just… progressing. On the metaphorical relationship escalator.”

“Metaphorical relationship escalator?”

He looked confused, but he wasn’t moving from being nestled amongst her boobs.

Admittedly, he wasn’t being creepy about it - he hadn’t gone for her nipples, he hadn’t copped a feel or tried to suck or kiss anything.

He just kept his ear pressed to her chest, to listen to her heart.

They both found comfort from that, although she was loathe to admit it.

“Sorry,” said Holly. “It’s a polyamory term.”

“Mmm?”

“Most relationships just… kinda escalate? You ride the escalator. So you go from meeting for coffee to going out to dinner to having sex to moving in to getting married… etc. And there’s, like, an order to it.” 

Dan nodded.

He seemed to be getting it.

“But nonstandard relationships result in… well, it can be scary, getting off the escalator can be scary.” 

“Are you worried that I’m gonna expect this elevator?”

“Escalator.”

“You know what I mean. Are you afraid I’m gonna try to, you know, pull you onto it?”

“... kinda, yeah.”

She couldn’t really see his face, when he was lying on her like this, and it was easier to talk about this stuff.

… he had been right - they did need to touch each other.

The skin to skin contact was as soothing as any drug.

They could have bottled it and given it to babies in Victorian England, to go with the opium and heroin. 

She sighed. 

“It’s… I’m trying not to,” said Dan. “This is scary. It’s so different from how I grew up, so different from how I expected stuff. And I’m trying to be accommodating.”

She went very cold against him.

“Don’t do that,” she said roughly, and she tried to wriggle free of him.

He held on for a second longer, then let go.

“Hols?” He made a frustrated noise. “I’m sorry. I feel like no matter what I do, I say the wrong thing.”

She sighed, sitting up completely, her face in her hands, her elbows on her thighs. “A lot of my last relationship was just me… being accommodating. Going along to get along.”  
‘Which ate your soul.”

“Yeah, kinda. I don’t want you to end up in that kinda situation. Especially when we… we can’t really walk away.”

“Right,” said Dan. “Well.”

“Well?”  
“I’m not gonna… I don’t need a lot,” he said. “For now. I want to… I want to sleep here, at last some nights. I want to be able to visit.”

“Right,” said Holly.

“And you have Jack.”

“And I have Jack.”

“And I’ll have someone at some point. Hopefully.”

“Right,” said Holly.

She wasn’t sure how she felt on that. 

“But… Hols,” Dan said, and he was looking at her with those big eyes of his, “I’m not gonna… I’m not gonna ask you to fall in love with me.”

His heart was beating very fast.

“I know,” she said, her voice quiet.

“So you don’t have to worry.,” he said, and his voice as equally quiet.

“It’s okay,” said Holly, and she opened her arms up again, going on instinct.

He cuddled up closer to her, holding on, his fingers running through her hair.

She tried not to lean into the warmth of it.

It would be so easy to go along with him.

To fall into his arms and let the calmness of being with her soulmate suffuse her soul, her bones.

To kiss him, to fuck him, to lose herself in him.

But no.

She’d never been one to do things the easy way.

She’d fallen in love with a man who wasn’t her soulmate, and look where it had gotten her.

She wasn’t going to be controlled by a name on her hip, or whatever hormones that were messing with her head.

She was going to live her own life.

He snuggled into her chest again, his head under her chin, and she ran her fingers through her hair, as best he could.

“You can keep a razor here,” Holly said into the top of his head.

“Mmm?”

“Actually,” said Dan, “I brought a toothbrush.” 

“Well, yeah,” Holly said. “I should hope so. You’ve got bad morning breath.”

“You’ve never been around my morning breath,” Dan grumbled.

Her hackles went up - and she did her best to put them back down.

She was going to be less prickly.

As best she could.

“Well, I can assume,” said Holly. “You don’t drink enough water.”

“Hmmph,” mumbled Dan, snuggling in.

“But yeah,” said Holly. “You can keep your razor here too.”

“I feel like you’re telling me to shave,” Dan said, into the warm skin of her collarbone.

“No, you don’t have to,” said Holly. “But should you wish to…”

“I appreciate it,” said Dan, and he stood up, stretching. 

There was… a lot of stretch.

Or rather, there was a lot of him _to_ stretch.

She watched the long line of his body, and she resisted the urge to press her face into the bare stretch of belly she could see where his shirt rode up.

He was so cute. 

… that wasn’t expected.

But he was cute. 

She sighed.

Was her mind being changed because of their soul bond, or just because they were getting closer to each other?

One was bringing about the other.

This was all too damn complicated, and it was too damn late.

“Ready to go to bed?”

‘Yeah,” said Dan, and he yawned widely. Then he paused. “Um.”

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

“What’s up?”

“Is it okay if I just wear my underwear?”

“Versus…?”  
“I kept a shirt on last time.” 

“Oh,” said Holly. “Nah, go shirtless, if it’ll help you sleep.”

“Thanks,” said Dan, and he looked surprisingly grateful.

* * * 

Sean leaned back in his chair, and he was grinning rakishly at Holly over the webcam.

“So you’ve got the all clear from your doctor?”

“If by the doctor, you mean the guy who kinda shares my nerve map,” said Holly, “then yes.”

Sean was smiling broader.

He wasn’t wearing a shirt.

She’d asked him not to wear a shirt.

It had been three weeks since she’d gotten back from Ireland, and he was still missing her.

But they’d been avoiding the whole Skype sex thing, for one reason and another.

But they both had a free evening, and,well….

“I sent you a special package,” Sean told her, and he was looking her up and down, licking his lips.

“If you tell me that you sent me a dildo I’m gonna end this call right here and now,” said Holly, but she was giggling.

She was wearing her pajamas - he recognized them. 

He remembered cradling her hips in his hands as he thrust into her, the fabric of those same pajamas bunching up under his fingers.

His cock twitched, remembering the hot, soft wetness of her pussy around his shaft.

“It’s not a dildo, I promise,” he said. “So, uh, how have things been going with you and Dan?”

“They’ve been going good,” said Holly. “He sleeps over here every couple of nights. It’s been… it’s been good for us.”

A little bubble of jealousy formed in the pit of his stomach, but he squashed it down. 

They were soulmates.

She could love Dan, she could love him.

Hell, he didn’t even know if she loved him, just that he loved her.

But she was leaning in front of the webcam, and he could see straight down her shirt.

My, but that was a lot of cleavage.

He was going to put his face in those boobs in about two months, and he couldn’t wait.

“I’m glad it’s been good for you,” said Sean.

“We’re not here to talk about Dan,” said Holly. “We’re here to talk about… other things, weren’t we?”

“I didn’t know there’d be a lot of talking involved,” said Sean.

Holly raised an eyebrow, adjusting her tank top, so that more of the space between her breast was visible, and his mouth was watering.

“I showed you mine,” Holly said. “Can I see something?”

“Well,” said Sean, and he leaned back in his chair, flexing, “you’ve already got a ticket to the gun show.”

Holly snickered. 

“God, I’m white,” Sean said, his tone amused. “I think I could use it for a white balance.”

“Oh, probably,” said Holly. “But I never actually got a chance to really put my hands on your chest, or your shoulders…I really should have.”

“Next time,” Sean promised.

“Only two months,” Holly said. 

“Right,” said Sean. “Exactly. Although… it does  seem a little unfair that you can see my nipples, but I can’t see yours. Don’t you think?”

“It is a bit unbalanced,” Holly agreed. “I guess I should….”

She made a whole show out of pulling the shirt up, and holy god, he loved her stomach so much.

And her breasts. 

They were so soft.

And there they were, right in front of him on the webcam, glowing slightly with the creamy light from the lamp next to her bed.

“You’re so beautiful,” said Sean, and he was licking his lips. “God, I wish I was touching you right now.”

“Yeah? How would you touch me?” Her hands were sliding down to cup her breasts, squeezing them, her thumb passing over her nipples, pressing down.

“I’d start that way,” said Sean, “but I think I’d be meaner. I know how you like them pulled now.”

“I do like them pulled,” she said, and she suited actions to words, the picture juddering a bit as she rubbed her thighs together. 

She did that when she was turned on.

He licked his lips, and he caught her staring at them.

He made a big show out of licking them again.

“I want your mouth,” she said, her voice quiet, then again, a little louder. “I want your mouth.”

“Where do you want it, sweetheart?”

His voice was pitching a little lower. 

“Here,” Holly said, pressing two fingers to her neck, “and here….” Two fingers against her nipple.

He was rubbing his cock now, his hand in his lap, rubbing it through the fabric of his pajama pants.

“Let me see you touch yourself,” Holly said, and her voice had a note of begging in it. 

He rubbed his hands across his chest, rubbing his nipples with the tips of his fingers, tilting his head back and moaning. 

He heard her gasp, and he glanced at her, noting the flush in her cheeks. 

“I’m gonna eat your pussy when I see you again,” he told her. 

“... really?”

“Oh yeah,” said Sean. 

“I was worried you were turned off by it,” said Holly, and she looked self conscious. “Since your last memory of it was that of it oozing out blood and cum -”

“The cum was my cum,” Sean pointed out, “and… I mean, it was just your period. A period is a period. It’s not that bad.”

She was still flushing.

“You sure?”

“Well, yeah,” said Sean. “Honey. Sweetheart. Darling. You’ve got a lovely pussy. I look forward to putting my whole face into it and making you squirt all over me, until I’m drenched from eyebrows to nipples.”

She giggled, but her hand was off screen.

“You seem to expect me to squirt,” she said.

“Well,” Sean said, his tone cheerful, “I’ve made you do it already!”

“... fair,” said Holly. “Sorry, didn’t I leave those tights there?”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Sean. “I’ll bring them for ya, when I come visit.”

“I feel so silly - I can’t believe I forgot my underwear.”

“Don’t worry about it too hard,” said Sean. “I can assure you, I don’t mind.”

“... have you been masturbating with my underwear?”

She sounded slightly scandalized.

“No, no,” he promised. 

He hadn’t.

He hadn’t washed them either, but… he hadn’t masturbated with them.

“I mean,” she said, and now she looked shy, “you could….” 

“I’m not that desperate yet,” he said. “If I close my eyes, I can still remember what you smell like. Give it a month.”

“What do I smell like?”  
“You smell like yourself,” he said. “Like… musky. Salty. A little bit like soap. A little bit like… green.”

“Green?”  
“Yeah,” he said. “If I close my eyes, it’s a little bit like you’ve walked through a forest recently.”

“Oh,’ said Holly, then, “I want to see your cock. Please?” 

“Well, since you asked so nicely,” Sena said, and he stood up, still leaning back against his chair, planting his feet.

He wrapped his hand around his cock, and he stroked it, from the base of his cock to the head, pulling the foreskin forward enough to cover the head, then letting it go.

“You’ve got a nice cock,” Holly said. “If that’s not an awkward thing to say.”

‘It’s not,” said Sean. “I’m gonna accept it as a super awesome compliment.”

“I want to suck it again,” Holly said, and Sean’s cock twitched it. “I want to wrap my mouth around it, and I want to suck it hard enough that you go quiet.”

“I’m not a quiet lover,” Sean said, his voice thick.

‘I know that,” Holly said. “I also know, if I push you hard enough, that you’ll get _super_ quiet, and the only noises you’ll make will be little whines.” 

He shuddered.

“Oh god,” he mumbled. 

“I miss your cock,” said Holly. “I miss your hands and your mouth and your voice, but I miss your cock.”

“It misses you,” he told her. “It wants to go back to its favorite hidey hole.”

She paused, then burst out laughing.

“Hidey hole? Really?”  
“I was in the middle of a sexy bit,” said Sean. “It makes me stupid.”

“You’re pretty stupid when you’re horny,” Holly agreed, “but I’ve always had a soft spot for a certain kind of stupid.”

“My kind, I hope,” Sean said, aware of how dumb he sounded.

“You can sit down now,” Holly said, and yeah, her hand was definitely sliding between her thighs, and her face was opening up that way it always did when she was experiencing pleasure. 

He sat back down, but he leaned back, his head lolling back, his feet planted.

He was humping into his fist, moaning like he was being paid for it.

“You’re so beautiful,” Sean panted. “I want to see you cum. Please?”

“Do you mind if I… if I use a toy?”

“Why would I mind if you used a toy?”

“I dunno,” said Holly. “Some guys are like that.”

“Those guys aren’t worth your time,” he said. 

“Fair enough,’ Holly said. “Just, uh, hold on one sec.”

* * *

Holly came on camera.

She’d never done that before.

In the old days, she and Ross had been awkward about it - the two of them had been pretty young, they’d just kinda… flirted back and forth a bit. 

She’d shown him her boobs, but at that point she’d been too body shy for anything like… well, this.

But now she was older, and she was humping a buzzing vibrator, pressing the length of it against her vulva, and she had two fingers inside of herself, awkwardly trying to press against her g-spot, while she ground against the toy.

She looked up into Jack’s blue eyes, and there was a moment - a split second - where her anxiety ramped up, and for a second she was looking at Ross.

And then Jack’s dyed hair caught the light, shining unnaturally as it did, and whatever anxiety had started to build up died. 

His cock wasn’t cut like Ross’s, and his face was too furry, his nose too long.

He was beautiful. 

She cried out as she came, her fingers gripped inside of herself, and she kept her eyes on Jack, as his own head fell back, and he humped forward into his hands, shuddering as he came and came in long ribbons.

“That’s a lot,” Holly mumbled, leaning back against the pillows of her bed, her legs still shaking.

She’d told Dan about this - they’d agreed, no sex during “business hours.” 

But she’d given him the heads up, and he was okay with it, and he was no doubt humping his bed.

But that wasn’t her problem.

She smiled at Jack, her face open and soft, watching his face as he laughed, wiping his chest off awkwardly with a discarded chest.

“You came a lot,” she told him. 

“Yeah,” he said. “Sorry. I’ve been, uh, I’ve been saving it up for you.”

“That’s so sweet,” she said. “And also a little bit gross. But sweet.”

“I do my best,” Jack murmured. “Are you really okay with me jerking off with your underwear?”

“Just wash it off before you give it back to me. And don’t wash my tights in the washing machine, hand wash ‘em.”

“Well, duh,” said Jack, and he looked so briefly offended that she burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny?”

“Why do you know how tights need to be taken care of?”

“I’ve got sisters,” he said, “and I also did laundry. I learned pretty quickly.”

“Fair enough, fair enough,” Holly said, and she smiled at him again, her face still full of the sleepy, friendly glow that comes from a really good orgasm.

God, he wanted to hold her so badly.

They talked for another two hours, until she was falling asleep on him.

“Night, pidge,” Sean said, and he was grinning.

“Night, Jack,” Holly said, and she hung up on him.

“I love you,’ he told his empty screen, his face turning dark red. 

But no way could she hear him saying it.

… hopefully. 

* * * 

Dan woke up on his stomach, his hips already driving forward, into the mattress.

He was in a foggy, tired headspace, and he didn’t even register that the arousal coursing through him didn’t start in his own head - he just humped his bed, and under him, there was a soft, warm body.

Maybe there was a beard on the face looking up to his, or maybe it was dyed hair.

In this state of exhausted half awareness, everything seemed to be blending together.

Was he fucking Holly, or was he fucking Arin?’

Did it matter?

In his mind’s eye, the hole he was driving his cock into was tight and hot, squeezing him tightly, and the lips against his own were eager and soft.

He came into his sheets, his toes curling, biting into his pillowcase, and then he collapsed in his own mess, back to sleep almost immediately.

* * * 

TIme passed, the way it always does.

Holly slept next to Dan, tangled up in his limbs, heartbeat against heartbeat.

She skyped with Jack, sent him dirty pictures, cried on camera when one of her birds died, and generally just… shared her life with him.

She was falling in love with him.

She’d never tell him - she was not doing that again - but for now… well, it was nice to enjoy it.

Tamar and Ross announced their engagement, and she got so drunk that Dan was staggering when he came into work the next day.

She grew closer to Dan - she didn't flinch when he reached out for her - she even started to reach for him, to the surprise of them both.

She counted the days until Jack would be visiting, getting ready for PAX.

* * * 

Dan kept out of trouble, for the most part.

He got into the habit of late night masturbating, which seemed to work for the both of them best.

He even talked to Jack more, which had been a bit of a surprise to the both of them.

But Jack was just so… nice.

He was funny, he was sweet.

He declined the offer to be a groomsman at Ross’s wedding, and then he felt like a jerk about it, but the relief that blossomed in his mind after he told Holly about it was worth it.

His crush on Arin got worse, but he didn’t really know how to deal with it, so he squashed it down.

He could tell that Holly was squashing a lot of feelings down, even if she didn't talk about them. 

It wasn’t that he could read her mind, exactly, but… he could feel the residue they left.

But if she wasn’t going to do anything about it, and it was her head, her business.

He did bite his tongue a lot, admittedly, but… meh.

Things were working.

* * * 

“I’m still sorry I can’t pick you up from the airport,” Holly said, and she was rubbing her eyes. 

“It’s fine, babe,” said Sean. 

He was trying not to rub his own eyes. “I’m sorry I never sent you that magic wand vibrator I promised you.”

“What brought that up?”

“Because I’m staring at the box right now, and trying to figure out how to stick it in my suitcase.” 

Holly laughed, an inelegant bray of sound, and he smiled at her, aware that he probably looked besotted, too far gone to care.

“So we’ll do our PAX thing, and then we’ll go to your place,” he told her, his  tone earnest, “and then we’ll… probably pass out, let’s be real.”

She giggled harder.

“I’m doing a proper Waffle Crew thing,” said Holly.

“As opposed to an improper one?”

“What would an improper Waffle Crew thing be like, anyway?”

“I think Jared would be asking everyone for nudes,” said Sean.

“Oh, god, I forgot about that,” said Holly, and she laughed, although there was what sounded like an anxious edge to it. 

Sean didn’t push it.

“The hardest part is gonna be not kissing you as soon as I see you,” said Sean.

“I know,” Holly said, “but we don’t want all the rumors starting. Especially since Ross is getting married.” 

Her face barely changed when she said it.

“Has he, uh, announced it at large?”

“Yeah, on his Instagram,” said Holly. “I got a bunch of people asking me about it.”

“That sucks. I’m sorry.”

“You’ll date someone high profile at some point, I’m sure,” she said, and there was something like bitterness in her voice.

The pigeon on her chest made an irritated noise, and nudged at her chin.

“I’m sorry, Feathers,” she said, and she scritched his head.

“You think he’ll like me?”

“Probably not,” Holly said, and she must have seen his face fall, because she laughed. “He hates everyone. Except me.”

“At least I’ll be amongst illustrious company,” said Sean.

“That’s a fancy way of speaking,” Holly said, her tone teasing. “You trying to impress me or something?”

“Oh, no,” said Sean, and he laughed. “I’ve been marathoning the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.”

“I’ve had trouble watching them, since, you know….” Holly made a face.

“Yeah…,” said Sean. “I bought ‘em before I found out, so I feel… less guilty? Nobody is getting any money out of it.”

‘Well, fair enough,” said Holly, and she sighed. “Ross is gonna be at the con,” she said, and her voice was barely audible.

“I know,” said Sean. “I’m sorry.

Sean was going to be on a panel with Ross.

It was going to be… something.

“Well, I can avoid him, he can avoid me, we’re all good,” she said, in a voice that was clearly forced.

“Speaking of awkward situations,” Sean said, “I was thinking maybe we could have dinner with Dan?”

“You mean you wanna have dinner with Dan?”

Sean grabbed his fidget spinner, and  it buzzed quietly at him as it vibrated between his fingers. 

“I mean, that too,” said Sean, “But I was thinking that the three of us could eat together.”

“Yeah?”   
“Yeah. Maybe the day after the first night we’re together?”

“Sounds good,” said Holly. “I’ll poke him about it.”

She stretched, and her shirt rode up, baring her stomach to him.

God, he couldn’t wait to get his hands on it - put his whole _face_ into it.

But for now, they both needed to sleep.

He was getting up in a few hours to get on a bus to get on a plane to get on another plane.

It took a lot of self control not to curl up in a ball and whimper.

PAX was gonna be great.

The week after PAX would be equally great.

He had backup, he had made vlogs about how he was so excited to be staying in California with “a friend,” he’d even packed her favorite tea.

Now he just had to go to sleep.

Try not to think about the fact that he’d be able to see Holly soon, because then he wouldn’t be able to sleep.

But he was seeing Holly soon!

He was still grinning when his head hit the pillow.

* * * 

Dan cuddled up to Holly in her bed, his chin on top of her head, spooned up against her, apart from the space where her butt wasn’t pressed against his hard on. 

At least she was understanding about the hard on.

It was about seven thirty in the morning, and she was going to have to wake up.

He knew she was awake.

She knew he knew she was awake.

She still wasn’t moving.

“Jack wants to have dinner,” she said finally, and she rolled over, so that her face was in his collarbone.

Her hair was getting up his nose, and he had to hold back the sneeze.

“I thought he wanted more than dinner,” Dan said, into the soft hair at the top of her head.

She was tracing her fingers along her name, where it was spelled out on his ribs.

It wasn’t helping him with the hard on, but at least they were ignoring the arousal, for the most part.

She was a bit damp between the lgs as well, but that might have just been a side effect of him being horny.

Or maybe she was excited to be seeing Jack, even if they wouldn’t be able to do much of anything for a few days.

“He wants to have dinner with you,” she told him. “I don’t think he wants to do other stuff with you.”

Dan snorted.

“I’m kinda not into guys like that, so I’d have to turn him down anyway,” he said. “Although he is pretty damn cute.”

Holly was going very still next to him, the way she did when she was thinking something very serious, but didn’t want to say anything.

Did she know about his crush on Arin?

Or was she just that possessive of her lover?

“That would be between you guys,” she said finally, and she pressed her face into his neck again, her breasts soft against his own bony chest.

He could feel her nipples through her thin tank top.

“Of course,” he said, and he wanted to roll over onto his back, pull her onto his chest.

He wanted to sink his cock as deep inside of her as he could.

He knew that he would find her wet and wanting, he knew he could make her cum with his hands and his mouth.

He shivered, a little thread of arousal taking root in his belly, and he let go of her, regretfully, to pull blankets over himself.

And then Holly’s alarm went off, making both of them jump.

“Okay,” said Holly. “I’m gonna go feed everyone.”

“I’ll have a shower,” said Dan.

He’d have a shower when she went downstairs, so she wouldn’t have to see his hard on with only the boxers between his dick and the world.

She stretched, and one of her nipples was showing over the neckline of her tank top, where it had been pulled down in her sleep.

She wasn’t even even really bothered by him seeing her in states of undress anymore - she’d taken him out of a sexual context entirely.

On the one hand, it was kind of a blow to his ego - she was a very beautiful woman, after all, and he was a little bit in love with her.

On the other hand… he was also linked to her for the rest of his life.

He didn’t want to ruin it, just because he was horny.

And there was going to be a point where the spirit might be willing but the flesh less so, and then things would calm down.

… was he seriously looking forward to the point when his libido died out, just because he wanted to cuddle his soulmate without a hard on?

He sighed, covering his face with both hands. 

This was too weird and complicated to think about.

Holly was whistling tunelessly as she wandered around the house, and he smiled, her heart beating steadily and calmly in the back of his mind.

He couldn’t remember what it was like, to not have it there.

Things weren’t… ideal, as they were now, but it was better than it had been.

So much better.

* * * 

Holly stroked Orph as he ate his breakfast, then scratched Mojo on the back of her neck, right where she liked it best. 

There was a brief burst of arousal sparking down her nerves, and she shuddered, sitting flat on the kitchen floor, one hand shoved between her legs.

Dan was jerking off in the bathroom.

Probably so he didn’t get an erection when he was trying to get other stuff done.

He hadn’t been kidding about the “no reason boner” thing - she was still getting used to the little twinges now and again.

At least they’d agreed that early morning orgasms were okay, as long as nobody had left the house yet.

Her knees were still shaking a bit when she stood up, going to dig through a cabinet to get the bird seed.

She’d more or less calmed down by the time all the birds were fed, and Feathers had his morning scritching.

Dan’s special coffee - the one that didn’t give him stomach problems - was in the machine, and he was still in the bathroom when she walked in, brushing his teeth.

He was growing his beard out, so no shaving.

His face looked softer with the beard - it rounded off some of the harsh corners, and it tickled when he nuzzled his face into her neck to get her scent.

“Close your eyes,” she told him. “I’m getting naked.”

“I’m not allowed to have any fun,’ Dan grumbled, but he closed them obediently. 

She slipped out of her clothes quickly, leaving them in a pile by the tub, and she got into the tub, turning the water on, stepping under the spray.

She tilted her head back letting the water drum down on her head, and she sighed, feeling the tension that had been building in the back of her head die down.

The shower head was detachable.

Hmm.

He had sprung an orgasm on her, and it wasn’t like he was shaving, so it wasn’t like he was going to cut his face if she anything… drastic.

But he was in the room with her, and while they were open with each other, were they _that_ open? 

Um.

Holly ended up just washing, as Dan brushed his hair - it always sounded like he was ripping it, when he did that.

Maybe she’d get a chance to kiss and mess around with Jack, if they caught a spare minute during PAX.

Probably not - he was going to be busy seeing all of his other friends, she was going to be busy avoiding Ross, greeting her own fans.

Things were simpler, when she was just… putting up with Ross being with Tamar, instead of putting her foot down.

She wondered, vaguely, if she was going to get a wedding invitation, and she made a sardonic face to the tiles.

She was still ignoring him, which might have been kind of immature, but better immature than saying something that she was going to regret.

She didn’t have anything nice to say to him yet.

She’d say something to him when she did.

“You sound like you’re ripping your hair out,” she told Dan, as she washed her own hair.

“It’s because it’s so thick, that’s all,” said Dan. “You sure you won’t want company tonight?”

She was going to be sleeping in a hotel room.

A hotel room with other people.

“I’ll have plenty of company,” she assured him.

“You know what I mean,” he said. 

He was so skin hungry - sometimes she thought it would eat her alive.

“I’ll be fine,” she said again.

“I know, just… you know.” She could see his silhouette on the other side of the frosted glass door. 

“Hm?”

“I’m not gonna be able to really touch you for a week,” he said, and his voice was plaintive.

“Didn’t you have a date with that one girl?”

“She doesn’t go for people with soulmates,” said Dan, in a long suffering tone. 

“Oh,” said Holly.

“Anyway,” said Dan, “they’re not… you.”

They didn’t have that special connection that even she felt, when the two of them were skin to skin.

“Well,” Holly said, “you can still hang out with me and Jack! I’m sure we can get some cuddles in.”

“I feel… I don’t know if I’d be okay with that,” Dan said, awkward.

At least he was being honest about it, right?

“Well,” she said, “I know there’ll be points when Jack is gonna be seeing other people, like Mark, so maybe we can sort that into the schedule then.”

“You wanna start making a schedule?”

He sounded amused.

His heart had slowed down a bit, lost some of the anxiety. 

“Sounds good,” said Dan. “I’ll poke Jack about it as well.”

“You do that.”

Stuff was going to sort itself out.

It always did.

… eventually. 

* * * 

Sean sent Holly a selfie, right before he went on stage for his panel.

He was wearing a jumper that a fan had knitted for him - it had a septic Sam in the middle of it, and it fit him like a tent.

But the fan had burst into tears when they’d handed it to him, and how could he really say no to that?

Anyway, it was a nice sweater!

And the panel went.

He clowned with the other people on the panel - at one point he was doing an impression of a walrus with a shrimp up it nose, and then he was sharing the fact that walruses could suck their own dicks, and then Ross was doing something or other, and they were all laughing.

He wished that Holly could see him being this good.

But well, she was running a meet and greet, so that would work well, right?

And then someone mentioned Ross getting married, and Jack had to school his features very carefully.

He didn’t hold anything against Ross, per se, but… it was all such a mess. Ross was his lover’s ex husband, who had kind of done her wrong.

He was jiggling his leg, trying not to squirm too much, and he ran his fingers over his phone, as it buzzed at him.

Probably a comment from Holly on his lovely new jumper.

And then someone asked him a question, and he had to turn his Jack side on, bounce around and be funny. 

By the time the panel (and the Q and A, and the signing….) had finished, he was starving, and on his way to being out peopled.

He slipped out of the convention center, still in his jumper, and... ran into Holly and Dan.

* * * 

Dan’s heart squeezed a little, when Holly and Jack made eye contact.

Jack’s whole face lit up.

He was in love with her.

And Holly’s face lit up too, and he knew, in his heart of hearts, that she’d never look at him like that.

Her heart beat faster, and he was awash in a drift of nice feelings.

He was already feeling warmer towards Jack, and a bit of resentment mixed into it. 

He didn’t want his opinion of someone to be influenced by Holly’s own feelings towards him.

He sighed, but then he smiled at Jack. 

“Hey man,” he said, and he stepped forward . 

Was he offering a hug? 

Was he offering a handshake.

Even he didn’t know.

And then Jack was hugging him, a tight squeeze, and Dan was hugging him back, because how could he not?

“It’s good to see you,” said Jack, and he smiled up at Dan. 

Dan smiled back at him. 

“We were getting lunch,” he told Jack. “Do you want to come with us?”

“Will people… assume stuff, if they see the three of us together?”

He looked genuinely worried.

Poor kid.

… “kid,” as if Jack wasn’t only ten years younger than he was.

“There’s three of us,” Holly said. “I don’t think anyone will make any assumptions.”

“Do folks know you guys are….” 

Jack indicated Holly’s hip, as the two of them walked towards the cluster of little restaurants. 

“No,” Holly said. “I’d like to keep it that way.”

“Can’t blame ya,” said Jack, making a face.

Holly wanted to hold Jack’s hand.

Holly wanted to hold Dan’s own hand, which was a bit of an odd sensation. 

He wanted to hold her hand, but it was too public.

He shoved his hands into his pockets, to keep from doing something that would embarrass the three of them, and he kept up the conversation, trying to ignore the goo goo eyes going around.

… then again, he probably made the same face at Holly, or at Arin. 

“So what are you doing here, Dan? I thought you avoided PAX.”

“I figured Holly would want some company,” said Dan, “and since you guys are, uh, busy this week, I figured I’d stop by to see her before I headed off to do some Grumping.”

“Shit, am I intruding in, like, special soulmate bonding time or something?” 

Jack looked… genuinely distressed, and Dan’s heart thawed a little bit.

It wasn’t fair; the dude was so _cute_ , and he was so nice….

Wait, cute?

Dan shot Holly a sidelong look.

She was still making cow eyes at Jack.

Oh god.

He’d talk to Arin about this when he got to the Grump space - was this a real thing that happened with soulmate stuff?

But hey - at least they could sit down for burgers (black bean, turkey, and hamburger, respectively) and talk.

That was nice.

* * * 

PAX dragged on forever.

At least, it seemed to.

Holly did have fun - meeting fans, seeing friends, the whole shebang - but she was so damn tired.

And she kept running into Ross, and there was smiling, pasted on her face, because she couldn’t be rude to him in front of fans, and anyway, it wasn’t really her nature to be rude like that.

He looked as uncomfortable as she did, which gave her some kind of satisfaction, in the deep, petty part of herself.

But Jack was there, and he was his usual cheerful, bouncy self, smiling and shaking hands. 

Fans were lovely, but they were exhausting. 

On Sunday night, she gladly packed her car up. 

And this time, there was a Jack in it with her.

He looked like a zombie, but he was grinning.

“And now, a week with my best girl.”

He was grinning so widely that she had to lean over and kiss him - they were in a dark corner of the parking lot, and besides, who would be looking over to see who was in a car?

She blushed, her skin warm against Jack’s as he cupped her face.

Dan had asked she didn’t start anything amorous until after ten, when he would be home again (theoretically), but otherwise… she had free reign.

And Jack was _here_ close enough that she could touch him! 

Which she did. 

Repeatedly.

Her hand rested on his thigh the whole ride, squeezing it, and he covered her hand with his, squeezing it.

* * * 

“Hey, Arin, can I ask a weird question?”

“Sure,” said Arin, “since we’re just staring at this creepy ass loading screen….”

The cartoon lion kept grinning at them. 

“That looks like Aslan’s cousin,” said Dan.

“The one who isn’t Jesus?”

“You never, I never actually got all the Jesus parallels,” said Dan. “Admittedly, I didn’t actually grow up learning Jesus’ greatest hits….”

“Oh my god, Dan,” said Arin, and he started to snicker. “Jesus’ greatest hits?!”

“You know what I mean,” Dan said, and he stuck his tongue out at Arin.

Arin giggled.

“No, like… Aslan’s creepy brother who’s not allowed within a hundred feet of a school,” said Arin. 

“You had to take it someplace creepy, didn’t you? You had to fuckin’ go there.” Dan elbowed Arin in the side.

Arin made an indignant noise, squirming, trying to get away, and he was whining.

“Daaaaaan, your elbows are _pointy_!”

“You deserved that one,” said Dan. “Just take in all of the pointiness.”

“Take in all the pointiness would be an excellent name for a cover band,” said Arin, his expression thoughtful.

“What would you cover?”

”That I don’t know yet.”

Dan was laughing now, curled up in a ball, laughing so hard that his head hurt.

Maybe some of Holly’s elation was passing on to him - she was obviously very, very happy to see Jack. 

Or maybe he was just in an especially good mood.

He was next to Arin, and Arin was smiling at him, and everything was okay.

It wasn’t exactly as he wanted it to be… but nothing in life is.

“So what was your question?”

“Question?”

“That was where we started,” said Arin. “Before we got distracted by all that talk of, y’know, Aslan’s creepy pedo brother.”

“Yeah, yeah,” said Dan. “So, like, I’ve got a weird soulmate question.”

“Another weird soulmate question,” said Arin. 

He didn’t say anything about Dan not having a soulmate, the way he used to.

Arin had taken his cue from Dan, and Dan was remarkably tight lipped on the subject.

He didn’t want anyone to know about Holly, so nobody was going to know about Holly.

“Did you ever end up… liking someone better because Suzy liked them?”

“LIke, did Suzy ever change my opinion of someone?”

“Yeah.”

Dan’s hand was resting on his own thigh.

It was close enough that he could touch Arin, if he just stretched his fingers out a little bit.

“I don’t think so,” said Arin. “Like… me and Suzy tend to share opinions on most of the people that we meet.”

“Mmm?” 

“If she doesn’t like someone, it’s generally because they’re a douche,” said Arin. 

“But do you think that because of your connection, or do you think that because you guys have the same taste in people?”

“Might be both,” said Arin. 

“Huh,” said Dan. 

“I mean,” Arin said, “It’s a little bit like what you were telling me, a while ago. About how we’ve been - I mean, me and Suzy in the “we” - have been so close for so long that even if we _weren’t_ soulmates, we’d have rubbed off on each other.”

Dan resisted the urge to make a dirty joke. 

“Yeah, you’re right,” said Dan. “Thanks, man.”

His fingers were tracing over Holly’s name, through his shirt.

He knew where it was, entirely by feel.

He was still at the point where he grinned like a fool every time he caught sight of it in the mirror in the mornings.

He still loved the sight of his name on Holly’s hip, even if he didn’t see it that often.

“Now,” said Arin, “fuckin’ _finally_!” 

The loading screen cleared, and there were more creepy cartoon animals grinning at them.

* * * 

“Look at you,” Holly said, and she was grinning widely, as Jack crouched in front of the pigeon loft, making silly noises at the birds inside.

They were mostly sleeping, although he got a few coos back.

“Mmm?”

He looked over his shoulder at her, and he was grinning.

His dyed hair almost glowed in the dim light. 

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Holly said, and something in her cracked like an old plate.

She started to sob, and Jack was up in an instance, wrapping his long arms around her.

She was crying in front of her pigeon loft, her face in his shoulder, his hand in her hair. 

“Shhhh,” Jack murmured, and he was rocking her as he stood, making soothing noises.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

“For what, having feelings?”

“Yeah,” she said, her voice as stuffy as her head.

“It’s okay,” said Jack. “It’s always okay to have feelings.” 

He held her face in his big hands, his fingertips against her eyebrows, his thumbs resting on her nose.

“Still,” said Holly, and she sighed. 

Jack brushed away the tears that were still dripping out of her eyes. 

“No still,” said Jack. “You’re allowed to be sad, okay?”

“Okay,” said Holly, and she snuffled.

He bent down, and he kissed her on the mouth, a gentle brush of lips on lips.

“You wanna go watch a movie?”

“Yeah,” said Holly. “I don’t think I’m up for anything sexy tonight?” 

“Neither am I,” said Jack. “I’m probably incubating some con crud.”

“We both are,” said Holly, and she smiled again, and began to giggle - a snuffly, stopped up sound. 

“Well,” said Jack, “at least we can both be patient zeroes together.”

“Would we both be patient zero? Or like, zero point one and zero point two?”

“I don’t even know,” said Holly, and she rested her cheek against Jack’s. 

It was weird to be cuddling someone who wasn’t that much taller than she was.

… he was still taller than her by a good five inches, but still.

He was so much warmer than Dan - he burned hotter, it seemed.

He was less bony too.

He rubbed his bearded chin against her cheek, and she giggled, shifting from foot to foot.

“I like cuddling you,” said Jack. “I’ve missed cuddling.

“I’ve been cuddling with Dan,” she mumbled into Jack’s neck, and was ashamed.

She didn’t know why.

“You told me,” said Jack, and his hands were on her lower back.

The hair on his arms was almost prickly against her own.

“You’re so hairy,” she said, and she nuzzled into his neck again.

He made an amused noise.

“Isn’t Dan?”

“He doesn’t have the… layer of protective fuzz that you do,” said Holly.

“It makes me more cuddly,” he said, and he yawned. 

“You seem like you need some sleep,” Holly said.

“I want cuddles,” Jack said, in a plaintive voice.

Holly snorted.

“Sleep can come with cuddles,” she pointed out.

He giggled, and he kissed her loudly on the temple.

“I’ll tell you what we need more than anything else,” said Jack. “We need _food_.”

“You okay with dinner with Dan tomorrow night?”

“Yeah, I’m good for that,” said Jack. “I’m gonna be filming shit with Mark all day anyway.”

“Okay,” said Holly, and she kissed him, right where his jaw started.

He shivered against her, and then they were kissing, slow, sweet, deep kissing, kissing that made her melt, slowly but surely.

“I may be up for something after all,” Holly murmured.

“So it’s not just me, then?”

His cock was getting hard, right up against her thigh.

She giggled in spite of herself.

And then they were backing against the wall of the house, and he had her pressed into it, his hands on her hips, wrinkling the fabric of her skirt up. 

“I want to taste you,” he whispered, right in her ear. “It’s all I’ve been able to think of, since I got off the plane.”

“Even during your panels?”

“Oh yeah,” Jack said, and his voice was going deeper, even as he rolled his hips, pressing against her.

“.. okay,” Holly said, although she was shaking.

What if the neighbors saw?

What if someone flying a drone nearby saw?

… who cared?

She was going to have her lover make her cum, right in her backyard, with the moon grinning down at them.

She was going to do what she could to be happy, even if it was something as ridiculous as this. 

* * * 

The concrete was digging into Sean’s knees, and Holly’s hands were on top of his head, tangling in his hair.

Holly’s thighs were soft under his tongue, and Holly’s skirt was soft under his hands, as she opened herself for him, spreading her legs.

She wasn’t really turned on yet - it was still fairly dry, when he licked her the first time, from her entrance to her clit.

But she whimpered, and she quivered against him.

“Your beard is ticklish,” she mumbled, and she was stroking his hair, smoothing it down from where she had messed it up.

“Sorry,” he said into the furry skin of her vulva. “Your pubes are kinda going up my nose.”

“Then move your nose,” Holly said, and she was giggling.

“If you insist,” Sean said, and then he was moving his mouth lower, to suck on her labia, then sliding his tongue between them, and his nose pressed down on her clit.

“Oh,” Holly mumbled, and one of the hands left his hair.

He looked up at her, and she had her mouth covered with her hand, digging her fingers into her face, her teeth digging into her hand.

He wanted to tell her to make noise, but… no, this wasn’t the place.

This was all so illicit, as if they weren’t in her own backyard, too dark for anyone to see them.

It was like being a horny teenager again, taking your intimacy where you could find it, and sometimes that meant fucking against the back of someone’s house.

He wrapped his lips around her clit, and he sucked, the tip of his tongue rasping at the head of her clit, and she was going weak, her pussy beginning to get wet, wet enough to drool all over his face.

 _Eyebrows to nipples_ , he’d said, and goddamn if she wasn’t going to fulfill it. 

She humped harder against him, and she was moaning around the hand in her mouth, and she was… sobbing?

Not pleasured sobbing, either, but ugly sobbing, the kind of crying that no actor can ever imitate.

“Hols?” 

He pulled back, slick dripping down his chin.

“Mmm?”

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s… it’s been a while,” she mumbled. “Can you… can you just fuck me, please?”

“You don’t want me to keep eating you out?”

“It’s… it’s too much,” she said. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he said, and he kissed her, his beard still wet with her arousal. “Do you wanna just stop with the sexy shit for now?”

“No, no,” Holly said. “I need… please, I need you.”

He kissed her with his wet mouth, tasting the salt of her tears, and he tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. 

“However,” Sean said, “we’re gonna need to go inside.”

“We do?”

“My knees won’t be too happy with the whole upright fucking thing, and my days of being able to happily shag on a bed of grass are sadly behind me.”

“When did you happily shag on a bed of grass?”

“My days of youthful indiscretion,” he said. 

“As opposed to your current discretionary nature?”

“Exactly,” said Sean, and he was kissing her again, his hands going under her shirt, and oh, he had missed her breasts. 

They were as warm and soft as he remembered, and she still gasped against his lips when he thumbed her nipples, pressing her thighs together.

“So?”

He blinked at her.

“Mmm?”

“We’re going inside,” she reminded him.

“Oh. Right.”

* * * 

They fucked on the couch.

More accurately, she was on the couch, he was kneeling, driving into her with quick, eager snaps of his hips, his bright hair soft against her bare feet, and he was holding her thighs open, his eyes on his cock, then moving to her face.

“God,” he moaned, “Fuck, Hols, oh my _god_....”

She couldn’t move like this - couldn’t give him any pleasure back, could only barely rub her clit, and he was panting, staring at her with his wide blue eyes

She and Ross had fucked here, a few times.

Never like this, though.

There hadn’t been quite so much intensity.

Holly and Ross had gotten past that point of passion, by the time they’d bought the couch.

In a weird way, she was breaking the couch in herself, and she was giggling, her pussy fluttering around him, and he moaned.

“God, you’re so beautiful,” Jack croooned. “God, so… oh… fuck, I….”

He came inside of her. 

He came inside of her, in a hot, wet mess, and she was rubbing her clit harder, as he grabbed her breast through her shirt and squeezed her nipple.

And that was enough to send her over the edge, as she came around him, a little burst of twitching, a let up of the pressure.

“Just like that, sweetheart,” said Jack, as she shook around his cock. “There we go, look at that….”

He leaned forward, kissing her. 

She kissed him, and she grabbed for his shoulders, balling the fabric of his shirt up in fists, keeping him as deep inside of her as she could, as the aftershocks hit her.

She was still holding on to him in a vice, inside.

“Here we go,” Jack cooed, and he kissed her face. “God….”

“You’re so amazing,” Holly said, and she rubbed noses with him, giving him bunny kisses.

“We both are,” Jack said. “Duh.”

Holly laughed, and Jack made an uncomfortable noise, as her interior muscles squeezed him.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” said Jack.

And then there was a cat next to her, and they both turned to look at it, and she burst out laughing.

Mojo gave them both an affronted look, and ran out.

“We should eat,” Jack said, “before whatever con crud we’re incubating gets a chance to turn into a super flu.”

“Captain Trips,” Holly murmured, and she yawned.

He pulled out of her, carefully, and there was still a gush of cum and slick.

“Dunno what you’re talking about,” Jack said. 

“Then you need to read more Stephen King,” Holly said. “I’m sorry I… I’m sorry I wasn’t up for the cunnilingus thing.”

“It’s fine,” Jack said, digging around in his pockets for a napkin, and wiping off his dick with it, then offering her a napkin to wipe between her legs. “You’re not under any obligation to do what I want.”

“I know,” Holly said. “I do want it. I just….”

“Hey.” Jack crouched in front of her, taking her hands in his, and he kissed the back of each of them. 

“Hey,” Holly said. 

The last time she’d had oral sex, before Jack… it had been Ross.

Ross wanted to make up the fact that he’d missed a date.

She hadn’t been able to cum, and they’d both gone to bed unsatisfied. 

That was the last time that they had sex.

And Ross had the gall to say that Tamar always came when he did the particular thing with his tongue, and it used to work on Holly as well, at which point she had gotten out of bed and slept in the guest room. 

And she was crying again, and he was holding her - she was getting _so_ tired of this stupid pattern, and she was getting sick of herself, constantly crying.

“It’s okay, Hols,” Jack said. “I promise.” 

“Okay,” she sniffled.

“We should put away our junk and order food,” Jack mumbled.

“A lot of food,” said Holly. 

“What kinda food?” 

“You have the whole of Los Angeles to choose from,” said Holly, and she yawned.

“I’m spoiled for choice,” said Jack, and he was grinning.

* * * 

Dan had some warning, before he came - the arousal started low and deep in the base of his spine, and he rode it like a wave, lying in bed, stroking his cock.

He closed his eyes, rolling his hips up into his fist, fucking it like it was a fleshlight.

He moaned and sobbed,and he came like a deep note, from the base of his spine to the tips of his toes, his cock spitting cum across his belly.

So Holly was having fun….

He grinned lazily up at the ceiling, his eyes half shut.

It was a good orgasm - it didn’t take too much out of him, just left him shivery and content.

And Holly was happy.

He wished he could give her this kind of contentment.

But… well, if anyone was gonna do it, he could be pretty good with Jack doing it.

He rolled onto his stomach, and he hugged his pillow, drifting back to sleep.

* * * 

Holly woke up to fresh toast, heaped with jam.

She also woke up next to Jack, who had the plate of toast in his lap.

“Hi,” she said, and he grinned at her, his hair still mussed with sleep.

“Hi,” said Jack, and he cupped her cheek. “So I was thinking for Dan coming over we do veggie stew.”

“Veggie stew?”  
“Yeah,” said Jack. “I know a really good one.”

“Dan’s got a super sensitive stomach,” said Holly. “A lot of the stuff to make stew interesting will give him trouble.”

‘“We can still do things with it, though,” said Jack.

“Alternately,” Holly said, and she rubbed her eyes, “we could order from Dan’s favorite sushi place and save ourselves from the trouble.”

“Mmm?”

“I’ve got a bunch of crafting stuff I need to do,” she said. “Mainly for this costume I’m making for someone. I also need to clean the pigeon loft.”

“... fair enough,” said Jack. “Can I make you a stew some other time? You’ve got a crock pot and I want to do things with it.”

“You sound like you want to do unclean things with it,” Holly teased.

“Oh, yes,” said Jack, and he took the plate out of her hands, putting it on the bedside table. 

“But first, do unclean things with _me_ ,” she said, and she squealed in delight when he climbed on top of her and kissed her. 

* * * 

“Hey, uh, Sean?”

“Mmm?”

“You’re awfully… chipper,” said Mark, and he was looking at Sean with a thoughtful expression.

“I had a good night,” Sean said. “And a good morning.”

“Which would explain the hickey,” Mark said. 

Sean blushed, his hand going to his neck.

“Is it that noticeable?”

“I can color correct it in post,” said Mark.

“Good,” said Sean, and he sighed. “I don’t want anyone… you know, knowing about this stuff.” 

“This stuff meaning you having a girlfriend?” 

“Exactly.” Sean rubbed his hands together, looking shy. “Well, I mean, not exactly-exactly, but… you know.”

It had been a steamy make out, but they’d stopped short of actually fucking, because they both had shit they needed to do.

He hadn’t realized that she would leave such an intense hickey. 

Mark kept looking at him, one eyebrow up.

“What?”

“Not exactly-exactly?”

“She’s a bit… it’s complicated,” Sean said.

“You’re fucking someone who’s married and doesn’t have permission for it?”

‘What? No!”

“I didn’t think so,” said Mark. “C’mon. Try me.”

“She’s… recently out of a relationship,” Sean said. 

This was Mark.

It wasn’t like he would tell anyone.

But Holly valued her privacy, and he was going to respect that.

And then Mark caught on.

“... oh,” he said. “Well, uh… I hope you guys make each other happy.”

“We do,” Sean said. “We’re… we’re very happy.”

Which was mostly true.

“Is she… you know….”

It was Sean’s turn to raise an eyebrow.

“Are you guys soulmates?”

“No,” said Jack. 

“Okay,” said Mark. 

He understood this, for the most part.

When his own soul mark had appeared, he’d kept it concealed.

Until he participated in a Team Edge thing, and his shirt had been pulled up, and there had been a name, at the base of his back. 

There had been a mess.

So if anyone was going to keep Sean’s secret, it would be Mark.

“So,” Mark said, rubbing his hands together, “ready to start filming?”

“Let’s do it!”

* * * 

Dan stood in the liquor store, and he stared at the selection.

He didn’t drink.

But Holly and Jack drank. 

Holly liked reds, and Jack liked bourbon.

Fuck it.

He grabbed a bottle of forty dollar bourbon - he knew that Holly was known to drink it.

It was the thought that counted, right?

It wasn’t like he could just go to the guy behind the register and say “ _Hey, I’m going to dinner with  my soulmate and her boyfriend, what should I bring?_ ”

But fuck it.

It was good bourbon. 

You could say a lot with bourbon, right?

* * * 

Sean was the one who opened the door.

“Sorry,” he said, when he caught the look on Dan’s face, and the way it fell. “Holly is dealing with a bird emergency.”

“What kind of bird emergency are we talking about?”

“Nothing with blood,” said Sean, and he stepped aside, to let Dan in. “Feathers was throwing a temper tantrum and he hates me, so I can't help much….” 

“He hates everything,” said Dan.

“So she told me.”

There was an awkward minute, as they stood in the front room, Sean barefoot, Dan in his shoes.

“I brought alcohol,” said Dan, and he held it out.

“That was nice of ya,” said Sean, and he took it.

He looked over at Dan, and he smiled, a bit nervous.

“There isn’t really a Miss Manners for this kind of scenario, is there?” Sean tried to keep his tone calm, almost silly.

“Not really, no,” said Dan. “But we’re muddling through.” 

“Dan?”

Holly came forward, and she was cuddling a pigeon, scritching his head.

It was Feathers, and he looked as grumpy as ever.

“Hi, Dan,” said Holly, and she stood on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek.

Sean watched, and he smiled.

Dan’s body language just… changed when she touched him.

He relaxed, and his expression went soft.

He’d never entirely understood the whole soulmate thing.

He was beginning to.

Although he wasn’t sure how he felt about not having it himself.

But that wasn’t going to be a thing he was going to worry about.

He was going to do his best to be happy, and to be happy for her.

“So,” he said cheerfully, “you wanna order dinner?” 

“Sounds good,” said Holly. “I’m starving.”

“Me too,” chorused Sean and Dan at the same time.

They made eye contact, and they made an amused face at each other.

… maybe this wasn’t as weird as Sean had thought it would be. 

He’d never done the polyamory thing before, but this couldn't be that different from this, could it?

Other people made it work, and by god, so could they.

* * * 

Dinner was… awkward.

Dan was trying his best not to stare when Holly and Jack touched each other.

They were… they were intimate.

There was no other way to say it.

They moved around each other comfortably, they touched each other with an ease that he and Holly still didn't have, despite the months and months of cuddling up to each other. 

She wanted Jack - he could tell, from the way she looked at him.

He wished she’d look at him that way.

Maybe she caught a flash of whatever it was that he was feeling, because she glanced over her shoulder at him.

He put a smile on, as she set plates and glasses in front of them.  
Okay. 

“So you guys have any fun plans?” 

“Nothing especially,’ sadi Jack. “I’ve got some stuff I’m gonna film with some friends, but otherwise… it’s gonna be pretty quiet. I’m kinda just here to see Holly.”

“Right, right,” said Dan.

“I’ll be right back,’ said Holly. “Let me just drop off Feathers, since he calmed down.”

And Jack and Dan were in the room alone together again.

“Did Holly already order the food?”

“Yeah,” said Jack, “since she said you always get the same thing.”

Dan laughed. 

“I guess I’m kinda predictable,” he admitted.

It was just… it was nice, knowing that she remembered that stuff.

He caught Jack’s eyes darting between the two of them.

Was Jack jealous of their connection?

Was their connection that obvious?

He tried to keep it subtle, especially because people who were in the whole soulmate thing tended to get obnoxious, but… well… any people who were overly content in whatever type of relationship they were in tended to get obnoxious. 

Although… Jack was in love with her.

He could tell.

Holly came into the room, bustling, being her usual self, and they both smiled at her.

They were both looking at her like she hung the sun, and he looked over at Jack, to see his own expression on Jack’s face.

Jack caught him looking, and he blushed, looking away.

“Since Dan brought us this lovely bourbon, I kinda want to have a drink,” said Holly, “but I feel like it’d be a bad idea to drink when I haven’t eaten much.”

“If you drink,” Dan said, “I’m not gonna be able to drive home.”

“That’s true,” said Holly.

“Not that I mind,” said Dan quickly. “I’ve got some spare clothes, I can sleep over here. Could be fun.”

“We were, uh… we were planning some… stuff,” said Jack, and he was blushing.

“I know,” said Dan. “Holly kinda told me.”

Holly was blushing as well now.

“Sorry,” Dan said to Jack.

“Eh,” said Jack. “I kinda knew it came with the territory.”

“You, uh… you do a good job?” 

Dan was making it worse.

He could tell he was making it worse.

He wasn’t sure how to make it better, so he just kept going.

“Although, uh, what was that thing when Holly was visiting, on the last night?”

“A magic wand,” Jack said.

“Oh. Well, uh, it was.. Certainly -”

“Dan, so help me, I will gag you,” Holly said, and she was turning dark red.

“You never threaten to gag _me_ ,” Jack said, his voice plaintive.

There was a moment of silence.

And then everyone was cackling, and the tension broke like a branch. 

* * * 

“We’re gonna have sex,” Holly said, her voice as straightforward as possible. “I feel like it would be awkward if you were here and me and Jack had sex, but at the same time, you’re gonna know when we do it anyway, so how much of a difference is it gonna make?”

“You’ve got a point there,” said Dan. “But I’m okay just… sleeping in the other room, as long as you two aren’t too loud.”

“Is this too… weird?”

Jack looked like he was uncomfortable.

“I dunno,” said Holly. “I don’t know anyone else in this kinda situation.”

“Neither do I,” said Dan. “And… I mean, like I said, I’m gonna feel it when you have sex anyway.”

“Is it weird?” 

Jack was looking at Dan, his expression thoughtful. 

“It’s pretty weird,” Dan said.

‘Can you feel, like, when I -”

“Jack,” Holly said, in a long suffering tone, “don’t finish that sentence.” 

There was more laughter, and then the doorbell was ringing.

“Food!”

Jack perked up like a puppy, and that was enough to make Holly smile.

* * * * 

They ate dinner.

Sean was still a bit new with sushi, but Holly had her veggie sushi, and Dan was happily eating his fish, and most of it was delicious.

The bourbon came out, and even Dan took two shots of the stuff, before pulling a face and declaring himself done.

Dan got more floppy when he was imbibing, it seemed, and he got more smiley.

His face got flushed as well.

Sean took two shots and was Done - he knew he couldn’t hold his booze for shit, and if he was going to be doing anything fun with Holly, he wanted to remember it. 

Holly took four shots, and she was good. 

Woman had a hollow leg, it seemed.

Dan was feeling it, and that was… that was kind of eerie, truth be told. 

It was one thing to know they had a connection, to hear each of them talk about it. 

It was another to see Dan get more tipsy as Holly downed her shots.

And… well, there were… other things.

Holly had her hand up high on Sean’s thigh - he wasn’t complaining, since Dan wasn’t complaining - but it was obvious that Holly was feeling… well, horny, and then there was Dan, squirming in his chair with an obvious erection. 

“How about… how about you two go retire to the bedroom?”

Dan made a vague hand gesture.

“You’re being presumptuous,” Holly said, but she was giggling, leaning against Sean, nuzzling into his neck. “God, I forgot how good you smell.”

“I rest my case,” Dan said. “Go. I’ll clean up.”

“Just… don’t cum on the kitchen stuff, okay?”

“I’ll cum in my pants and do the laundry.”

“... this is the weirdest conversation I’ve ever witnessed,” said Sean.

His head was spinning, from the alcohol and from the fact that Holly’s hand was even higher up his thigh now, almost brushing his balls.

“Does that mean you wanna wait until tomorrow to make the beast with two backs?”

She was shooting him puppy eyes.

“Are you sober enough to consent to this, is my question,” said Sean.

“I started this evening with the plan of cumming on your face,” said Holly, with a level of straightforwardness she didn’t usually go for. “I intend to go through with it.”

“... fair enough,” said Sean, and he was blushing.

He caught sight of Dan’s face, and he almost wished he hadn’t.

The envy there was enough to make something in his own chest clench. 

Holly was sauced enough that she wasn’t feeling it - or maybe she didn’t care.

“You crazy kids go have fun,” said Dan. “I mean it. I’m gonna choke from all of the pheromones in the room right now.”

“I mean,” said Sean, “if you insist….”

* * * 

Holly stood in her bedroom - the bedroom that she had shared with her husband - and she got naked. 

She would have said that she stripped, but it wasn’t anything so elegant as stripping. 

She pulled her shirt off, she unclipped her bra, letting it fall off of her.

She wriggled out of her shorts, kicking them off of one leg, and she saw Jack staring at the name on her thigh.

She kicked her panties off as well, and now she was standing there, utterly naked.

Jack was staring at her, open mouthed.

“I, uh, I realized, I’d never been completely naked around you,” she said, resisting the urge to cover herself with her hands. 

He drank her in with his wide blue eyes, and it was almost too much. 

“I wanna see you,” she said, her voice thick. “Please?” 

“Of course,” he said.

He was swaying a bit from the alcohol, and he was so pale that he almost glowed in the fairy lights hanging from the wall.

She’d never seen him shirtless - he was pale, and very hairy.

His tattoo was stark against the rest of his skin.

And then he was kicking his pants off and down, and he was completely naked, not even wearing socks.

His hips were wider than she thought they would be, and she recognized the dark red curve of his cock, the dark hair leading under his navel to his crotch. 

“Turn the lights off,” she said quietly, because this was all going to become overwhelming very quickly, if she wasn’t careful.

“Right,” said Jack, and he flipped the switch, even turning off the fairy lights. All they had was the illumination from the window.

He was a dark, slightly pale shape.

He pressed against her, his hands spanning the bones of her hips, his cock smearing wetness across her belly. 

“God,” Jack murmured against her mouth, kissing her, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” said Holly, and her hands were on his shoulders, the hair on his arms soft against her palms.

She kissed him, and she pressed closer to him, and his hands were in her hair, then moving lower, to grab her ass, squeezing it, his hips rolling against her. 

“Oh,” Holly murmured, and she was spinning. 

Everywhere she touched him was warm, and Dan’s heart was beating very fast in her head, and her own heart was beating very fast in her own chest, and then Jack was pushing her onto the bed, carefully, still kissing her.

He was kissing down her body, pausing to lavish attention on her breasts - he spent a lot of time on them, truth be told, biting along her breast, then sucking on her nipples, doing interesting things with his tongue.

His hands were on her hips again, and he was kissing her belly, nibbling it, and then… then he was just pressing his face into her. 

It was different from before - she wasn’t trying to stay balanced, and everything was spinning pleasantly from the alcohol.

His mouth was hot and wet, familiar and alien at the same time.

He licked her clit, then slipped his tongue inside of her and wriggled it as he nuzzled against her clit, and that was almost too much - she was crying out, she realized, and she would have been embarrassed about it, except for the fact that she could hear Dan moaning from the other room.

She wondered if Jack was paying attention to that.

Her head was pounding, almost as if there was a third heartbeat mixed in with Dan’s, and she was humping up into Jack’s face, his beard ticklish, his tongue far too clever by far.

Her orgasm came out of nowhere - she had been grinding against Jack’s face, and then she was cumming, pleasure swamping her, like a boat overtaken by a wave.

She cried out as she rode the pleasure, her toes curling, her fingers tangled in her own hair, her hips jerking up.

And _Jack_ was moaning as well, humping into the sheets.

The darkness intensified it, somehow - filled it all of her imagination with more sensation, until she was left lying flat on the bed, panting, as Jack flopped down next to her.

“You’ve got a lovely pussy,” Jack told her, his voice utterly sincere.

Holly giggled, looking over at him. 

She could just make out his profile, outlined by the light from the window.

He was smiling. 

“I’m glad it could meet your approval,” she said, her tone earnest.

“Oh, it met my approval a long time ago,” he said, his hand going between her legs to squeeze the still twitching flesh. “I’ve got the magic wand in my bag, if you want me to go get it?”

“I want you to stick your dick in me,” Holly told him. “Right now.”

“I can do that,” Jack said.

* * * 

Holly was as lovely as he remembered - his face was still musky with her orgasm, and Sean’s cock was pressing between the folds of her labia, nudging at her hole. 

He stayed there for a moment, his hands on her hips, her hands on his shoulders, her nails digging in.

He was going to have a scratched up back.

To go with the hickey on his neck.

He’d just have to wear a high necked shirt or something.

He was sinking into her, inch by glorious inch, and she was panting, tilting her head back for kisses.

He kissed along her neck, nipping the soft skin there gently, and he was fully inside of her, bottomed out.

She clutched him, with her hands, with her inner walls.

She shuddered against him, and there were tears dripping down her face.

“Oh, honey,” Sean said, and he kissed along her face, tasting the salt of her tears. “Hey. Do you want me to pull out?”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” she mumbled, and she angled her hips, so that he was grinding against her clit.

It was a small, hard nub pressing against him.

He reached between the two of them, and she keened.

He wanted to keen too - the pleasure of her squeezing him was more intense than usual, and his hips were wiggling as he tried not to cum, as he pressed his face into her neck, then bit her on the shoulder.

Her head was thrown back, and her breasts were slippery with sweat, which was dampening his chest hair.

“You’re so tight,’ He mumbled into her neck. “You feel so good. You’re so warm. Fuck, Hols, I can’t… I can’t hold back.”

“Don’t hold back,” she said. 

The thrum of her heartbeat around his cock was the same as the pounding in his head, and he was thrusting into her in time with the beat, as bolts of sweet, white pleasure wriggled across his nerves, leaving him weak and shaking, as his orgasm hit him.

He pushed himself as deep inside of her as he could, as her interior muscles squeezed him, pulled him in themselves, and she was shaking under him, as she came with him, and that was like something out of a romance novel, except she was cumming _again_ , he could feel it in the way she was tensing up, riding it, and she was sobbing, as his own aftershocks hit him, and he just collapsed on her, nuzzling into her neck.

“Holy fuck,” he mumbled.

“Mmm,” she said, and she kissed along his neck, gently, then went limp, running her finger through his hair.

“I should get a washcloth,” he mumbled.

“In a minute,” she said. “Stay with me.”

“Of course,” he said, and he gathered her into his arms, exhaustion tugging at his limbs.

* * * 

Dan lay on the couch, humping his own hand, listening to the sounds from the other room.

This was more awkward than he had intended it to be.

He closed his eyes, and he could see them fucking.

But at the same time, he could… feel it, the pleasure chasing itself in circles, up and down his spine.

He was humping up into his own hand, moaning, and maybe it was embarrassing, but he was drunk on his own alcohol and the alcohol that Holly had drunk, and who gave a fuck?

So he just took his cock out, giving it long, luxurious strokes, moaning like he was being paid for it.

He humped the thin air, and he came when Holly came - he heard the long whine, and then his cock was spurting across his bare stomach, leaving him weak, shuddering.

Thank god he’d taken his shirt off, or this would have been a mess.

He flopped back on the couch, although he knew he wasn’t done - Holly always pursued multiple orgasms.

It was weird to know all these things about her sex life, without actually being her lover.

Did Jack know them?

Probably.

And sure enough, there was the next orgasm, following on the tails of the other one, and that was… particularly intense, leaving him panting, his cock spent and twitching against his belly.  
“God,” Dan mumbled, and he grabbed for the tissues he’d brought for the occasion, dabbing at his stomach.

On the television, Jon Snow angsted on.

Things weren’t exactly the way Dan would have liked them, but… well, it was pretty good.

* * * 

Jack rolled off of Holly, flat on his back, and she made a disgusted noise.

“I can feel it gushing out of me,” she said, wrinkling her nose.

“I’m sorry,” he said, and he sounded genuinely apologetic.

“It’s a good thing,” Holly said, and her voice was drowsy. “Go get me a washcloth?”

“Sure,” said Jack, and he stood up, a black shape making his way towards the bathroom, then the sound of the water running.

It was a good thing that she had a pile of face cloths next to the sink.

And then something warm and wet was rubbing her between the legs, and it was cleaning her.

Oh, that was nice.

She sighed.

“Is there a wet spot?” 

“I dunno?” said Jack. “It doesn’t feel wet.”

“Sometimes you can’t tell if it’s gonna be there until you turn the light on,” said Holly, and she sat up, rubbing her eyes.

“Lemme turn the light on,” said Jack, and he was leaning over her, to turn the bedside light on.

She frowned, as the light turned on.

There was a shadow across Jack’s shoulder, dipping into his collarbone.

“You didn’t tell me you got a new tattoo,” she said.

“What?” 

He sat on the bed next to her, his hands behind his head.

“A new tattoo.”

She sat up, rubbing her eyes to get more comfortable, and she frowned. 

There was… that looked like writing. 

Her stomach went very, very cold.

She leaned over him, squinting in the light.

_Holly Anne Conrad._

“What’s up?”

Jack was trying to look at his own collarbone.

“You’ve… you’ve got my name on you,” she said.

He looked at her, confused. 

“What? That can’t be possible. You’ve already got a soulmate.”

No, that was her name. 

Her stomach got colder.

But wouldn’t that mean that his name was on her somewhere?

Or would they be a one sided soulmate relationship?

Those were always awkward. 

… if awkward was the word.

Everything was going strange, like it was in syrup, or a very far away place.

“Hols?” Jack’s voice was very far away. “Hols, your… your hip.”

“My hip?” She looked down herself. There was Dan’s name, the same as always, and there was… her other hip. 

_Sean William McLoughlin_ , in that same flowing script, from her hip bone, wrapping around her thigh. 

“What?”

“Um,” said Jack.

There was another heartbeat in her head.

There were three heartbeats in her body, and only one of them was attached to her own heart.

She was shaking. 

How about that.

So was Jack.

Sean? 

Should she think of him as Sean, since it said “Sean” on her?

Was it him?

Who else could it be?

Who else was it going to be?

“I should tell… I need to tell Dan,” said Jack, and he was getting up, making his way towards the door.

“You’re naked,” Holly said. 

“Oh. Right.”

As if in a daze, Jack grabbed a pair of Holly’s pajama pants, sliding them up his hips.

They were printed with little puffins.

And then he was out the door, heading towards the living room.

She lay there on the bed, slowly getting cold, but who cared, because… she needed to get her head around this.

At some point.  
Maybe it was a dream.

She closed her eyes. 

Dreams were good things.

She rolled onto her stomach, her face in the pillow, her body still wet with sweat from the truly glorious sex she’d been having.

She shivered all over. 

She wanted someone to hold her.

For the first time in months, she missed Ross.

Things had been easier when it had been her and Ross.

Why couldn’t it be then anymore?

* * * 

Dan wasn’t expecting Jack to come staggering out, looking shell shocked.

“You okay, man?”

Jack wasn’t wearing a shirt, and there was sweeping, curling cursive across his shoulder, towards his collarbone - it stopped at the base of his throat.

 _Holly Anne Conrad_.

“What?”

Dan stared, his eyes wide.

He put a hand on Jack’s other shoulder, as Jack sat next to him on the couch.

And then Dan gaped.

He saw what few had ever seen. 

He watched his own name blossom across Jack’s skin, the pigment surfacing like a sea serpent. 

And then it was just there.

It curled across Jack’s shoulder, from the shoulder cap to the spot at the base of his neck.

It looked like the world’s weirdest sentence - _Leigh Daniel Avidan Holly Anne Conrad_. 

“What.”

“It’s on Holly.”

“What.”

“My name. It’s on Holly. On her other hip.”

“But my name is on her hip,” said Dan. 

“I know. She has two hips.”

“I’m sorry,” said Jack.

“How is my name on you? Why is my name on you?”

“Your name is on me?”

Dan, lacking anything else to do, took a picture of Jack on his phone.

And he showed it to Jack.

It was a crap picture of Jack, admittedly, all washed up, but oh yes, those were most definitely names.

Jack stared at them, his eyes so wide that he looked like a goddamn anime character.

“I have a soulmate,” said Jack, his voice flat. Then; “wait, _you’re_ my soulmate?” 

“What?”

“If your name is on me, you’re my soulmate.”

“But your name isn’t on me.”

“I haven’t touched you.”

“If we’re gonna do that… I want to get Holly,” said Dan. 

Dan was sitting there - he was floating a little bit to the left of himself.  
“Dan?”

Jack shook Dan’s shoulder.

Dan stayed there.

* * * 

“Hols?”

Jack was standing, outlined in the light of the living room.

Holly rolled over.

She was… whatever had been in her head, whatever had been missing, it wasn’t anymore.

Something in her that had been empty… wasn’t.

There was another heartbeat in her head.

There were two extra nerve maps layered on top of her own. 

How was she going to live like this?

She had barely functioned with one other person attached to her.

Let alone two.

And now here she was, feeling… something.

She sat up, 

“We gotta go touch Dan,” said Jack. “Well, actually, _I_ gotta go touch Dan, and if we’re all three involved in this I want you to be part of it to.”

“What?”

“C’mon,’ said Jack, and he held his hand out.

She took his hand, and she squeezed it. 

“We can do this,” he told her.

“Aren’t you freaking out?” 

“Oh, I’m gonna throw up in like five minutes,” he said, and her own stomach was doing displeased things. 

“But…?”

“We should get all of this over with,” Jack said. “Worst case scenario, I’ve got his name on me forever, he doesn’t get mine. But we should figure it out, before we do anything else. I don’t want to, I dunno, poke him, and my name blooms up like a flower at the wrong moment.” 

“Because everything in life is fair, right?”

Holly wiped her nose.

She’d been crying.

Who even knew that she had been crying?

She hadn’t realized it.

“What’s the wrong moment for that kinda thing to show up?”

“I have no fucking idea,” said Jack. “C’mon. Also don’t forget to put on some clothes.”

“Right," said Holly, and she stood up, grabbing Jack’s boxers and her own tank top.

And they walked out of the room together. 

* * * 

Dan was lying on the couch. 

He had taken his shirt off.

It was the first time Sean had ever seen Holly’s name on Dan’s belly.

It was there in long, elegant script.

The same long, elegant script that was on his own shoulders now.

… he was going to need to make sure he wore shirts that didn’t show that off.

Goddamn it.

“It would probably be on the ribs,” said Holly, in a tone that was entirely too sensible, considering how much alcohol she had imbibed. 

“Yeah?”

Dan was staring over the curve of his bony chest.

“You’re thinking about this too logically,” said Dan. “Shouldn’t this all be heat of the moment passion stuff?”

“It wasn’t for us,” said Holly. “I just touched you.”

“I feel like I should be kissing you,” Sean told Dan.

Sean had been pretty sure that he was straight. 

But Dan’s name was on his shoulder, and... well, if you were gonna have a change in sexuality, going over for Dan Avidan was as good a reason as any.

“I don’t want to be kissed,” said Dan. 

Dan’s heart was beating very fast.

Sean knew which heart was which.

How was he supposed to react to knowing that?

How was he supposed to react to having _two soulmates_?

“Okay,” said Sean. “But… can I touch you?”

Holly was sitting on the arm of the couch, and Dan squirmed, until his head was resting on her thigh.

She ran her fingers through his hair - she didn’t seem to be paying attention to what she was doing - she just petted him.

Were they going to have that kind of easy intimacy?

Already his skin was screaming for her.

But… it was also screaming for Dan.

He wanted to lie on top of Dan, nuzzle under that bony chin and find the scent of his neck.

Sean tilted his head back, and he groaned.

Okay, no.

Was that him?

Or was that just what his stupid brain was doing, reacting to Dan’s pheromones?

Goddamn it.

Sean rested his hand on Dan’s side, where the ribs curved up, like the ribs of a ship.

Holly’s name was still traced there, nearly to his nipple.

And it happened.  
There weren’t really any words to describe it.

Holly and Sean watched, entranced, and Dan lay there, almost frozen.

“It’s there, isn’t it?”

Dan’s voice was choked.

 _Sean William McLoughlin_ , the whole line of it showing up on his ribs, this one long enough that it curved towards his armpit.

“Y-yeah,” Sean said. “Yeah, that’s.. That’s me.”

“There has to be a mistake,” Holly said. 

Her voice was choked off.

There was panic on the edges of her mind, riding her mind like a frantic horse.

It was beginning to invade his.

“It’s not a mistake,” said Sean. “Some of us have two soulmates.”

“Two soulmates,” Dan said mutely.

He sat up, and he sitting there, looking forlorn and shirtless. 

Sean pressed closer to him, skin to skin, and Dan’s frantic heartbeat slowed down.. 

“We can do it,” he said, his arms going around Dan’s middle.

And Holly was on Dan’s other side, her arms around Dan, her hand pressed against Sean’s side.

This was all terrifying, but the skin hunger that had been boiling over inside of him - that little part of himself that knew something was missing - finally shut up, for the first time in his life.

There was blessed silence inside his mind, apart from the stereo beat of two other hearts.

* * * 

They all slept together. 

Awkwardly.

“I’m not… I don’t want to be by myself,’ Dan said, his voice rough. 

Holly looked at him, her hand still resting on his hip.

Jack’s hand was on the back of her neck, and she was… she was calm.

She was relaxed.

She resented it.

She tried to sit up, but she was too drunk, too tired, too discombobulated to get up and be an independent person.

She was going to do that, soon.

But for now… she was going to stay here.

She slept between Jack and Dan.

Their hands were each on her, and it was a tight squeeze, and it was warm enough that she was sweating, and ended up shedding her pajamas at some point in the middle of the night, propriety be damned.

She’d built up all of these careful walls around her relationship with Dan, and now Jack was involved with it, was involved with all of this soulmate business.

How was she supposed to keep it all separate, when everything Jack felt, Dan felt? 

Would it be fair to stay with Jack, when she had kept that distance with Dan?

She didn’t want to lose her lover, especially after she’d lost her husband… almost a year ago.

How about that? 

She ended up getting out of bed in the early morning, moving to the couch to sit there, and to think.

* * * 

Dan woke up with a bony body curled up to his own, his erection pressing into someone’s butt.

It wasn’t Holly.

Holly wasn’t this narrow.

Or this hippy.

The memories of the day before hit him like a brick, and he groaned, disentangling himself.

He had a boner, like he always did in the morning.

But there was another layer of arousal as well, and it was… it was enough that he wasn’t sure what to do with all of this.

Arin would have found it hilarious.

Shit. 

How was he going to tell Arin?

“ _Oh, by the way, I’ve got another soulmate. Who’s a dude._ ”

How do you even drop a bombshell like that?

Why did Dan care so much about what Arin would say in the first place?

“I can feel your heart beating,” Jack said, from his spot on the bed. 

“I can feel yours too,” said Dan. 

“Does that mean we’re platonic soulmates?”

“What?”  
“Well,” said Jack, and he rolled onto his back, his hands behind his head, “since you’re a straight dude, and I’m a straight dude, we’d… well, it would make sense that we’d be platonic.” He paused, his expression thoughtful. “Although… I dunno. Maybe I’m not as straight as I thought I was.”

“Mmm?”

Dan tried to will his own heartbeat to slow down. 

“Because I mean… I don’t know. If I can feel that kind of intimacy with you, I dunno how I’d work with it.” He shrugged. “I know you’re straight as an arrow, right?”

“Oh yeah,” said Dan, although he was lying through his teeth.

But Jack didn’t need to know that.

He felt Dan’s heart beating faster, but he didn’t have to know that meant that Dan was lying.

Why was Dan lying to his soulmate?

Because Jack didn’t feel like a soulmate.

Sure, they had their names on each other, but a bit of melanin does not a relationship make.  
Would it make one later?

Who even knew.

He didn’t have much history with Jack, apart from a some fun hangouts. 

They hadn’t been together through stuff. 

“I’m gonna go bug Holly,” said Dan. 

“I should get up too,” said Jack, and he sat up fully.

His cock was hard in his pajama pants, which were technically Holly’s pajama pants.

They clung to his hips in such a way as to accentuate them, and Dan’s own cock twitched.

“Um,” said Dan, and then he looked away, because… he wasn’t up for this.

Jack stretched, and his pants rode lower, baring the very top of his groin.

Dan was off like a shot, out of the bedroom, into the living room. 

He was already questioning his own sexuality in regards to Arin. He didn’t need to keep doing it with Jack. 

* * * 

Holly was woken up by Dan walking by.

More accurately, she was woken up when Orph saw that Dan was walking by, at which point he stood up and walked across Holly’s breasts, managing to get Holly right in the nipple with a claw. 

“Ow,” Holly mumbled. 

“Hi, Orph,” said Dan.

“Do I get a hi?”  
“I figured you’d give me your own hi,” said Dan, as he picked up the cat.

And then he put the cat down very carefully, and he clutched at the back of the couch, his knees shaking.

Holly was about to ask him what was wrong, when the wave of lust passed over her. 

“Oh, _god_ ,” Holly whined, and her knees pressed together. 

It was Jack.

He must have been taking care of his morning wood, except.. Oh god, it was… she was picking up on Jack’s arousal, she was picking up on Dan’s reaction to Jack’s arousal, which was setting her off, which was setting off Jack even more….

Holly lay flat on the couch, and she rubbed her thighs together, almost sobbing.

Her voice wasn’t working enough to tell Jack to cut it out - did she wanted him to cut it out?

She heard Dan moaning behind her, and she was tempted to slide her hand into her pants, rub one out.

God, she wasn’t usually this crude.

Dan had sat down on the floor with a loud noise, and he was moaning so hard that Holly had to sit up and look over the back of hte couch, just to see what it was that he was doing. 

He was humping the air. 

He was humping the air, his hands in his hair.

And then Holly came, from all the excess stimulation, and Dan moaned like he was in pain, and that set off Jack, who was cumming hard enough that she could hear him through the door of the bedroom, and Dan made a pained noise, still humping the air, then going still, shaking hard enough that his teeth were chattering.

“Holy fuck,” Holly mumbled.

“We are so boned,” Dan said, from his spot on the floor.

“We’re gonna have to have the masturbation talk,” Holly said, to the world at large.

Her thighs were like rocks, her toes still curled.

She was so turned on that it was dripping down her thighs, and she was going to have to spray the couch down.

Goddamn it.

* * * 

Sean lay back on the bed, still panting, shaking like a leaf.

He’d decided to rub one out, maybe get it down before he had to go out and be civilized. 

He’d forgotten that he shared a nerve map with them now.

And now… he’d made them cum.

He’d heard the noises that each of them had made - Dan groaned like he was in pain, while Holly made the same noises she’d made when he’d eaten her out.

And he was… oh god.

He hadn’t given them the heads up, the way Holly usually did when she was going to do stuff, when she told Dan.

Were they going to be mad at him?

Their emotions were a fine layer on his own, and it was unsettling, that he could tell whose feelings were whose.

Already, the idea of not having their heartbeats thundering in his mind felt wrong, unnatural.

… what was he going to do when he had to go back to Ireland?

Sean groaned, covering his face with his clean hands.

Things had been easier when it was just him by himself.

But why was he so… content to just let it happen?

To accept the fact that he was never going to have his head to himself again?

This felt too much like something out of one of those ridiculous novels his sister used to read, like the whole “we are now soulmates forever and ever and will instantly fall in love” kind of thing.

How was all of this going to work, anyway?

He wrapped his arms around himself for a few minutes, and then he sighed, going into the bathroom to take his morning piss.

He paused, staring at himself in the mirror.   
The names were obvious as they moved across his chest, meeting under his neck.

He’d never be able to wear a V-neck ever again, unless he wanted everyone to know his soulmate’s name.

Soulmates.

He had two of them.

He was still staring at himself as he pissed, and he sighed, his fingers going over his own soul marks.

They were so dark against his skin - they looked almost like the handwriting of God.

It was all so… strange.

He sighed, putting his dick away, flushing the toilet, washing his hands.

They were all going to have to talk about it like adults.

But some small part of him was thrilled.

He’d always been afraid he’d never have a soul mate - he’d more or less accepted it, although he’d never been entirely happy about it.

But he had a soulmate.

And it was _Holly_.

Holly, who was hungry, Holly who was mildly distressed, who had to pee, whose heart was beating in his head.

And Dan.

Dan he didn’t know how to parse.

Or at least, his own feelings towards Dan, he couldn’t parse.

Dan himself….

He could feel what Dan was feeling - tired in his bones, aching in his hips, hungry.

There was a deep seated panic in the back of Dan’s mind, and Sean couldn’t understand what that was.

Maybe it was some kind of gay panic?

Sean had more or less gotten over his own gay panic pretty quickly.

If he was queer, he was queer.

What else was he gonna do about it?

He was still attracted to Holly, so it wasn’t like he was giving up on women forever.

… crap. 

What if he wanted to get a girlfriend after all of this?

He’d been pretty content with having Holly as his sort of girlfriend, but it was with the understanding that this wasn’t a forever thing. 

Except now it was about as forever as it could get.

Was he willing to give up on new opportunities? 

… for now, yes.

The ease at which he came to the conclusion was unsettling.

More of the weird soulmate fucking with his mind? 

He groaned, covering his face with his hands.

They smelled like Holly’s orange soap. 

* * * 

They sat around the kitchen table.

Holly and Jack had coffee in front of them.

Dan had a cup of tea.

“Okay,” said Dan. “So what are we going to do?”

“What _can_ we do?” 

Holly was staring into her coffee as if it could answer all the answers of the universe.

Dan wanted to kiss her. 

He glanced at Jack, and he was caught by the contrast of the dark hair of Jack’s beard with the pale skin of his chest.

He wanted to run his fingers over the thin hair on Jack’s arms, and press his own body against Jack’s bony sparseness.

It would be like trying to start a campfire, considering how bony the both of them were.

… wait, what?

Dan sighed, covering his face with both hands.

They both shot him a look.

Of course.

They could feel his heart speed up, probably felt the flare of… whatever it was he was feeling.

Fucked if he knew.

“You guys don’t want to break up, do you?”

“Are we… are we dating?”

Holly looked uncomfortable.

“You’re lovers, if nothing else,” said Dan, and maybe his voice was a little more harsh than it needed to be, because they were both looking at him askance.

“I can’t… I can’t do the polyamory thing again,” Holly said, staring at her coffee. “I’m sorry.”

“I….” Dan opened his mouth to say something.

Then he closed it.

“You?”

Jack gave him an encouraging look.

“We could be… closed? LIke, a closed circle?”

Hollys’ face went uncomfortable.

“Dan, I do care about you,” she said. “But… you were Ross’s friend before you were mine. And I know that you’re going to his wedding to Tamar -”

“I’m not,” said Dan, although now he was frowning. “Or at least, I wasn’t.”

“You’re not?”

“Holly, you’re my _soulmate_ ,” said Dan. “I can’t… when you guys were both my friends, it was one thing, but you’ve got a bigger impact on my life now. I’m not gonna stop talking to the guy or whatever, but it feels like it would be cruel to go.” He smiled, halfway to sardonic. “Anyway, I’d be on my own, and someone is probably going to want to hit on me or something, and that would be… uncomfortable.”

“Why, because Ross’s friends aren’t good enough for you?”

“No,” said Dan. “Because I… I don’t think I’m interested in dating anyone else.”

Not strictly true.

He wanted to date Arin.

Or maybe he just wanted to be Arin’s lover.

He wanted Arin, in the pit of his stomach and the ache of his empty arms.

But Arin was the only one.

Probably.

He tried to imagine kissing someone else, embracing someone else.

It all felt… wrong.

“So you want to date me?”

Holly was staring at her hands.

Jack had kept pretty quiet, which was… unexpected.

He was watching the both of them very intently.

His heartbeat was calm, at the very least.

“I’d… I’d like to. Because we’re both here, and because I… I love you. And I don’t know if I love you in a romantic sense, or a friend sense, but I’d like the chance to see.” 

She physically recoiled when he said the word “love,” as if she wanted to run from the table.

Jack put a hand on hers, squeezing it. 

She shot him a look that Dan couldn’t read.

“I.. I’m not ready to be someone’s girlfriend,” she said quietly. 

“You’re Jack’s,” Dan pointed out. 

Maybe there was a bit of bitterness in his voice.

“I’m not,” she said.

“You guys are romantically involved.”

“We’re not,” said Holly. “We’re… we’re physically involved. And we care about each other. But we’re not on the relationship escalator or whatever.”

“I’d like to be romantically involved,” Jack said, speaking up. 

Holly looked at him.

“I mean,” Jack said, and now his heart was beating very fast - it was loud in Dan’s head. “I mean, I’d like to introduce you to my whole family, since I’ve got your name on me. Both of you.”

Holly’s expression got panicky.

“I can’t do that kind of commitment,” she said.

“I hate to tell you this, Hols, but you’ve had commitment thrust upon you,” said Dan. 

“Can I wait until I’m ready?”

“Of course,” said Jack. “Just… I can’t... .” He sighed. “I’m sorry. I’ve never… I never planned for things to go like this.”

“Like what?”

“Like you being commitmentphobic and in America, or there being a him to begin with. “

“You never thought your soulmate would be a dude?”

“I never thought I’d have two soulmates,” said Jack.

“Charles Moulton did,” said Holly.

“Who?”

“The creator of Wonder Woman. Her had two soulmates. He based Wonder Woman on both of them.”

“Huh,” said Dan. “How did you know that?”

“I’m a nerd,” Holly said, as if that answered everything.

As if they weren’t all nerds.

Jack took a slug of his coffee.

“I’d... Dan, I’d like to get to know you,” he said. 

“In the biblical way?” Dan quipped.

Jack’s whole face split into a grin.

“Was that reference on purpose?”

“... maybe,” said Dan, and he was grinning back in spite of himself.

Jack’s jubilation was hitting Dan and Holly - her body language was changing, relaxing. 

“So Dan wants to date me,” Holly said, “and Jack, you want us to be… officially dating or something? Update our facebooks or something?”

She’d pulled her hand back at some point.

“Well, no,” said Jack. “I just… wanna be able to introduce you.”

‘Would that make you my boyfriend? Or rather, would it make me your boyfriend?”

Dan wasn’t sure what he was feeling.

Did he want to be romantic with Jack?

How would he even be romantic with Jack?

He didn’t know how to romance a dude.

“Can we agree to be sexually exclusive for now?”

Holly’s expression was still panicky.

“You mean you don’t want me to be having sex with anyone?”

Dan’s patience was suddenly just… on the edge.

He’d been good.

He’d been very understanding.

But now he had two names on his ribs - names that would be there for the rest of his life. 

If he was in an accident, god forbid, and he needed skin grafts there, their names would show up on them.

But he was… he wasn’t going to be celibate for the rest of his life. 

He wasn’t going to be without romantic companionship for the rest of his life.

Who knew - maybe he’d meet someone who wanted him back, although he didn’t know if he’d love them the same way he loved Holly.

“I don’t want you to want to have sex with me just because we’re soulmates,” said Holly. “Or to… you know, be romantically into me, just because we’ve got each other’s names on us.”

“We could try dating each other,” said Dan. 

“What?”

“See… see if we’re romantically compatible,” said Dan. 

“We’re gonna try dating because we’re soulmates?” 

Holly’s voice was deadpan.

She looked annoyed.

“Well, no,” said Dan. “I… I was kind of… I might have pursued an… interest. When you had, you know, gotten over your commitment stuff.”

“You’re Ross’s friend,’ Holly pointed out. “Wouldn’t he get weird about you dating his ex wife?”

Dan shrugged. 

“He didn’t ask about dating my assistant,” said Dan.

“I feel like that’s different,” said Jack.

“Still,” said Dan. 

“I can’t be a girlfriend,” Holly said flatly. “I can’t be a wife. I just… that was who I was for a while, and I was willing to do it for Ross, because I loved him like that, but I don’t think I could love anyone else like that.”

There was a rush of hurt coming from her, and a different feeling coming from Jack, that Dan couldn’t entirely understand. 

Longing mixed with sympathy. 

“I understand,” Dan said quietly. 

“But… if you want to try being some kind of romantic… I’d be willing to try it,” she said.

“Would you do it with me?” 

Jack was looking at her with his big blue eyes.

“I thought I already was, to a  certain extent,” she said. “Because we… we go to do stuff together, we’re sexual together, we do all of that.”

“You’re right,” said Jack. “I guess… I don’t know how to do that without all of the titles and whatnot.”

“I don’t either,’ said Dan. “But I guess we’ll figure it out.”

“What about you and me?” 

Jack was looking at Dan with a thoughtful expression. 

“What about us?”

“I don’t… I mean, I’ve never considered being romantic with a guy before. It wasn’t really in my… list of options, I guess.” 

“I don’t… I mean, I don’t like guys.”

It was a lie. 

Dan didn’t know how much of a lie it was - did he not like all guys except Arin? 

Could he have feelings for Jack like he did for Arin?

No, because… well, his relationship with Arin was complex and weird. 

It had an intensity that was probably verging on codependent. 

And he didn’t want to be that close to another man.

Especially someone like Jack.

But… was that fair to Jack?

He didn’t know the guy.

Not really.

Jack was a good guy, but… they were _soulmates_?

Why had the universe declared from on high that Dan Avidan and Sean McLoughlin had to be connected for the rest of forever?

“... I’m open to the idea of something with you,” Dan said finally. “But if shit doesn’t go the way we planned, I want us to be okay. I don’t want us to just be… awkward for the rest of our lives.”

“Right,” said Jack. “Of course.” He paused. “So how are we gonna proceed?”

“... maybe I’ll take you on a date,” Dan said slowly. “I’d like to take Holly on one, too.”

“... we could try a threeway date,” Holly said. ‘It would save money, if nothing else.”

“You don’t have a romantic bone in your body,” Jack said, his tone affectionate.

“I don’t want to be at home by myself while you guys have fun and I can feel it,” said Holly. 

“That’s not fair, though,” said Dan. “I’ve got both of your names on me. I can’t just… only have fun as a unit. I want to have some kind of relationship….” He paused at using the big “r” word, then continued. “I’d like to have a relationship with you both. Not as a unit.”

Holly looked down at her hands.

“You’re right,” she said. “I just… I can’t be… I can’t be alone like that again. I can’t be the person at home.”

“I’ll always come back, you know,” Jack said, his voice gentle.

“And I need to work on that,” said Holly. “If we’re gonna do it.”

“It?”

“Live. Be happy. Be functional.”

“... wanna go out with me tomorrow night?”

Dan was talking to Jack.

“Sure,” said Jack. “What will we be doing?”

“We could have dinner,” said Dan, “and then the three of us could watch a movie or something?”

The anxiety was rolling off of Holly like steam. 

But she smiled and nodded.

How was he supposed to react, to her feelings or her words?

This shit was more complicated than it had a right to be. 

“Are we good?” 

“No, but we’re functioning,” said Holly. 

“So now what?”

“Now I have a day of doing stuff, and Jack has a day of doing stuff,” said Holly. “And me and Jack are gonna have a date later tonight, and I’d, uh… I’d recommend you don’t wear nice underwear.”

“You could just say “I’m gonna fuck Jack,”” Dan said.

“I don’t want to be crude,” Holly said, and she drank more coffee.

“Are you guys sure that sex is a good idea? Because of the... feedback loop?” 

Jack looked cautious.

Of course - he wasn’t used to any of this “sharing a mind” thing.

“... we’ll figure it out,” said Holly. 

Her expression was hungry.

“So we’re good?” 

“We’re good. Or at least, we’re getting there.”

* * * 

Holly kissed Dan, after he’d showered, shaved, and brushed his teeth.

It was gentle smooch, skin on skin, and there was the tiny bit of feedback that she always got when she interacted with his body, but she wasn’t expected the surprised noise that Jack made.

“We’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Of course,” said Dan. 

He paused, looking at Jack.

Jack looked at him.

Dan must have done the mental equivalent of a shrug, because he opened his arms.

“Hug?”

Jack hugged Dan. 

They were both baffled, but weirdly content.

It was… an odd combination.

And then Dan was out the door.

He paused on the step, seeming to have a thought, and he looked embarrassed.

“Since I’m just gonna be working from home for a while, if you guys just wanna, uh, mess around during the day, that’s okay,” he said. 

Holly flushed. 

“Thanks,” she said flatly. 

“No worries,” said Dan. ‘I’m not going to the office until about two, so you’re good until then!”

He gave a goofy thumbs up.

Holly groaned.

“Go home, Dan,” she said. 

He gave them a mock salute, and then he was walking down the walk.

She turned around, looking up at Jack.

“I’ve got to do some cosplay work today,” she said. “How about you?”

“I figured I could do some filming with my camera,” he said. 

“Make sure your new, uh….” She passed her hand over her own chest, where his soul marks were. “So nobody can see them.”

“Oh, shit,” said Jack, his face momentarily stricken. “I need to remember that.”

“I’m sorry,” Holly said. “For making your YouTube life so difficult.”

“You’re not making my YouTube life difficult,” said Jack, and he kissed her loudly on the cheek. “The people who are always trying to get into my personal life are the ones who are ruining my YouTube life.”

Holly sighed.

“Still,” she said. “I feel guilty.”

“It’s nobody’s fault but the universe,” he said, and he made a silly face at her.

She made one back at him, and kissed him loudly on the mouth.

He snickered. 

“You’re silly,” she said. 

“That’s why you love me,” he said.

And his face went stricken.

So did hers.

It was a feedback loop of panic, and Dan was probably having a panic attack on the highway.

“Okay,” Holly said, and she pulled back, her face in her hands.

“I’m sorry,” said Jack. “That was rude of me. It wasn’t what I….”

“Shut up,” Holly said, and she kissed him to fight off the panic that was still welling up in her chest. 

He shut up, thank god.

“Okay,” said Holly. “I’m gonna take a shower.”

“You want some company?”

He was giving her an interested look.

“Um,” said Holly. 

“Um?”

“I’m trying to find a way to say this,” said Holly. 

“Just say it.” 

“Anything you feel, I feel, and Dan feels, so we feel each other’s feeling. I feel what you feel, you feel me feeling it, you _also_ feel your own feelings of me feeling it….”

“... I see,” said Jack, and his face fell. “If we tried any funny stuff, it’d be -”

“Feedback loop,” said Holly. “Plus water and slippery soap….”

“And then there’d be a broken limb of some kind,” Jack said. “And I don’t want to think about having to navigate the healthcare system here.”

Holly giggled, and it might have been a watery giggle, but there was something, right?

“I’ll shower later,” said Holly. “You’re gonna be on camera.”

“I am?”

“Yeah,” sid Holly. “Vlogs, remember?”

“You could do a mail day,” Jack suggested.”You’ve accumulated a lot of it at this point, haven’t you?”

“Well, yeah,” said Holly. “I may just.” 

“I’ll join ya, if you’d like?”

“This is the second time today you’ve said that,” Holly said, and there was more watery laughter, which had him grinning in spite of himself. 

“I’m not that original. What can I say?”

He was wearing her pants, printed with little puffins, and he didn’t have a boner anymore, thank god, or how were they going to get anything done.

“Right,” said Holly. “Shower.”

She kissed him, soft and sweet, and she nuzzled into his neck, taking in the scent of him, still smelling of sleep and warmth. 

And like himself.

She sighed.

* * * 

Sean was in the shower. 

Sean was the in the shower, and there were three heartbeats in his body, in his mind, in his very self.

And he didn’t know what to think, except that Dan was tired and Holly was calming down, and his own mind belonged to himself, but he could feel whatever it was that they were feeling, and it was all so… alien.

But there wasn’t any panic.

Holly had talked about what it felt like, having someone else in your head for the first time, and how wrong it was, but at the same time, how it scratched some itch on the inside.

He was… he was lonely.

He was lonely in his heart, and he knew that, on some level, some complicated level, because all people are lonely in the small bits of themselves. 

It’s how human beings work - even when they’re very young, a piece of them belonged only to themselves, even as they longed to share it, and didn’t know how. 

That’s why they had soulmates - to fix that loneliness..

And even the people who had never found theirs knew, in their heart of hearts, that there was _someone_ out there who was theirs, in one way or another.

Sure, it wasn’t always romantic, but there was always another person whose heart beat next to yours.

And he _had_ a soulmate.

He had two soulmates.

Not the standard set up, granted, but 

And they were his. 

And someday he’d figure out how to make all of this work. 

Although… living far away… was possibly going to be a problem.

Hmm.

* * * 

“Dan,” said Arin, “I mean this in the nicest way, but you look like shit.”

“Fuck you,” Dan said tiredly, and he flopped back onto the couch, his eyes half shut.

“What’s gotten into you, man?”

“Complicated day,” said Dan. “Well, complicated late night.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

 _Did_ he want to talk about it?

… might as well get it over with.

“I’ve got another soulmate.”

“Another soulmate?”

Arin looked at him, his expression uncomprehending.

“Yeah,” said Dan. “Who would have thought of that, huh?”

“Did you, like, go to a bar or something? Some kind of singles meet and greet?”

“No,” said Dan. 

He lifted his shirt up, because he didn’t have anything else to say right now.

There was another mind connected to  his own mind, and he was… filled.

Filled to the brim.

He didn’t even know that he had the space, before - he’d always thought he filled out his whole self pretty effectively.

Apparently not.

“Sean William - wait a sec, is this Jacksepticeye?”

“Got it in one,” Dan said tonelessly.

Why was he so… out of it?

So uncomfortable?

How was Arin going to react to Dan having a dude as a soulmate?

…what if Arin discovered the whole crush thing?

Oh god, Dan didn’t want to think too deeply into that.

He wasn’t going to poke that one, although his heart was starting to beat faster.

Oh god, now Sean would know about the stupid crush, because Sean wasn’t stupid.

… should he have asked Sean about telling Arin about the whole soulmate thing in the first place? 

Shit.

“I’ve never known anyone who had two soulmates,” said Arin, and his expression was thoughtful. “I didn’t realize that it was a real thing that happened.”

“It happened with the creator of Wonder Woman,” Dan said, before he could think of anything actually intelligent to say.

“Huh,” said Arin. “How’d you learn that one?”

“Holly.”

“She would know that,” Arin agreed. “Well, uh, congrats, man.” 

Arin’s face looked nervous.

Huh.

“What?”

“What what?”

Now Arin looked defensive.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“It’s just… it’s a lot different,” said Arin. “It makes me wonder if, like, I’ve got some kind of secret soulmate hidden somewhere.”

“Is your head… is your head empty? Does it feel like you’ve got space? For yourself, or like… if it’s all taken up?” Dan tried to find a way to describe it. “There’s….” He stared at the ceiling, trying to think. 

“Hmm?”

“There’s a piece of you that’s always there,” said Dan, slowly, “and now it’s… not.”

Dan was trying to explain what it felt like to have a soulmate, to someone who’d had one since he was a teenager.

This was fucking ridiculous.

His frustration was… it had to be ill founded.

He knew it wasn’t fair to be frustrated about this.

To be frustrated at _Arin_.

Goddamn it.

… why did it have to be Sean’s name on him, not Arin’s?

Although at some point it had become Sean in Dan’s head, not Jack.

… huh.

Maybe around the time the guy’s name had been forever etched onto his skin.

Urgh.

This was all stupid. 

And annoying. 

“Why do we have to do it this way, anyway?”

Hm?”

Arin looked at him, uncomprehending.

“It’s fucking stupid,” Dan said. “Why do we just have to… decide on the fact that this person is on our bodies now. What did we even do when we didn’t have names yet? When did soulmates start happening?”

“I read that the Egyptians talk about it, and the Sumerians….” 

Arin’s expression was thoughtful.

“What about the Sumerians?”  
“They had soul marks.”

“Well, yeah,” said Dan. “They were human. But why do we have soul marks? Why do they work the way they do?”

“I never really thought about it, honestly,” said Arin, and he shrugged. “I was… I mean, I had what I needed, since I had my soulmate, and I’ve always known she was mine, pretty much since I met her, so I managed to get my whole life planned around that.”

“Lucky you,” Dan said, and yeah, his voice was flat again. 

How did he turn that off?

He wasn’t even used to being this grumpy.

He was Not So Grump.

So why was he so Grump?

He sighed, covering his face with both hands and flopping backwards.

“I don’t like this.” 

“Don’t like what?”

“I liked the the shape of my head when I was the only one in it,” said Dan. “And… I wish I had a say in who it was, you know?”

“I guess,” said Arin. “But Suzy always just… fit perfectly. I never really had any regrets”

“Lucky you,” Dan groused.

“What crawled up your ass and died?”

Arin’s tone was half joking, but Dan was still gritting his teeth.

“The fact that the other person in my head isn’t even someone I’d wanna fuck, or who even lives _nearby_ , it’s a hyperactive Irish dude whose fandom is intense enough that they’re gonna hate me for taking their precious darling away!”

Huh.

He was shouting.

How about that?

And Arin was just sitting there, while Dan shouted at him.

“And… and now he’s in my head, and she’s in my head, and they’re in my head forever, and I don’t know if they actually want to be with me, as a partner, or as… I don’t know, but she doesn’t want me like that, she wanted _him_ like that, but I don’t know who would want me with all of this nonsense being so confusing and… and…..”

And he was crying.

He was ugly crying.

He was ugly crying, because this wasn’t the life he had asked for, this wasn’t the plan he’d had - he didn’t know what he had planned, but it wasn’t this.

And Arin was… Arin was wrapping his arms around Dan’s shoulders, as Dan sank down on the floor, and he held Dan, as Dan sobbed into his shoulder.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this, it was supposed to be different than this, it was supposed to… it was... it….”

He kept crying.

His nose was running, and he was sobbing into Arin’s shoulder, as he clutched at Arin’s shirt, holding on to him as tightly as he could. 

Arin smelled like sweat, like himself, something deep and musky, in the back of Dan’s nose. 

He was so warm. 

Dan kept holding on, crying like his heart was breaking.

It was, in a sense.

Maybe he was finally letting go of the piece of himself that ad hoped for something else.

Whatever that something else might have been.

And then Arin’s face was right there, and Dan had lost the last of whatever propriety was left, because he leaned in, and he kissed Arin, right on the mouth.

Arin reared back, looking at him confusedly.

Dan wasn’t himself.

Or maybe he was more himself than he’d was used to.

But he leaned in and he kissed Arin again, the wetness on his cheeks rubbing against the hair of Arin’s beard, and he kissed Arin the way he’d kissed when he was a young, desperate, lonely teenager, with his mouth and his heart and his soul.

“Dan,” Arin said, and he shoved Dan back, his expression scared. “Dan, what the fuck?”

“I… I have to…..”  
And then Dan was standing up, and he was walking out of the Grump room, out of the Grump office. 

He got in his car, and he drove away. 

* * * 

Holly wasn’t expecting Dan when she opened her front door.

She wasn’t surprised when Dan started crying, but she’d felt the stirrings of… whatever hysteria was on the edges of his mind, and had paused in her costume making, since her hands wouldn't stop shaking.

But he was holding on to her, and he was crying into her neck, as she shuffled in backwards, closing the door with her foot. 

Dan was in her arms, and he was crying on her, as she held him and made sympathetic noises, rubbing his back. 

Sean was off in the other room, filming some vlog or another, but then there was a door opening, and then there was a flash of green, and Sean was wrapping around her as well, around Dan, his hand on the back of Dan’s neck. 

And the three of them stood in Holly’s front hallway, as Dan cried and cried, like he was still a child.

He calmed down slowly, probably from the skin to skin contact, but the racing heartbeat in the back of her head was finally calming down, and she could breathe carefully, slowly. 

There we were. 

“Sh,” Sean said. “Shh… it’s okay. It’s okay. We’re here.”

“That’s the fucking problem,” Dan mumbled, through a nose full of snot.

“You’d rather we weren’t?”  
“It would make life easier,” Dan mumbled. 

“When have any of us done anything the easy way?”

“... fair point.”

“So what happened?”

Holly tried to sound calm, concerned. 

“I cried on Arin a lot,” said Dan, into the top of her head.

“That’s not so bad- “ Sean began.

“And then I kissed him.”

“... oh.”

“Why… why would you kiss him?”

Now her heart was beating very fast, and there was a loud rushing in her ears.

“I’ve… damn it, it’s complicated,” said Dan. 

“Heat of the moment thing?”

Sean sounded like he was trying to be encouraging. 

“Sort of,” said Dan. “But it’s been… it’s been building for a while.”

“Has it?”

Holly’s own voice was coming from very far away.

Another potential lover who was in love with someone else.

Of course.

Some part of her - the rational part of her mind, no doubt - was yelling that she was being unreasonable.

Because she wasn’t Dan’s lover, she wasn’t his wife or his partner.

She’d been making a point of keeping that distance between the two of them, so why was she even bothered by him doing anything with someone else?

Because it wasn’t fair.

Any time she thought that she had someone to herself in some way, shape, or form, it turned out that they wanted someone else.

She was never good enough for anyone.

… which was unreasonable, but she’d been pretty fucking reasonable about all of this soulmate stuff, let alone now having two different people crowding into her head, leaving her a mess of heartbeats and pieces of alien emotion.

She had more or less come to terms with the whole soulmate thing - she was a little jealous, that she had to share Dan and Sean, but at least she was sharing them with each other, not some other party.

But now Dan wanted someone else - it was like being with Ross and Tamar all over again, only it was worse, because she could feel every little intimacy that would go on between Arin and Dan.

Oh god.  
“I can’t breathe,” Holly said thickly, and she untangled herself from Dan and Sena, to make her way towards the pigeon loft. “I’m gonna check up on the birbs.”

“Holly?”

Dan was calling after her. 

She ignored it, shutting the door behind her, not even bothering to put shoes on.

* * * 

Dan was crying again.

Oh god.

Sean made reassuring noises, patting Dan on the back, 

This was… this was all weird.

Sure, he could feel Dan’s emotions - they were all jumbled up, mixed in with Sean’s own, mixed in with Holly’s own panic.

He tried to separate his own feelings out from the tangle, and it was like getting a single piece of yarn out of a snarl.

He managed it eventually, though, and he kept holding Dan, as Dan cried himself out.

“Here,” said Sean, digging into his pockets to take out a napkin.

“How are you so p-p-practical?”

Dan wiped his eyes, then blew his nose.

“It never hurts to carry a few of ‘em,” Sean said, and he guided Dan to the couch. “So. You wanna tell me what happened?”

“... I kind of blew up and shouted a lot,” said Dan. 

He looked ashamed.

“I, uh,... I felt that,” said Sean. 

He looked embarrassed, as if he was admitting to having spied on Dan.

“You felt me shouting?”

“Well, no, I didn't feel the shouting bit, per se,” said Sean. “But I felt the… emotional burst, as it were.”

“I hope it didn’t give you any problems while you were vlogging,” said Dan, and he snuffled, wiping his nose again.

Sean shrugged, and he unzipped his hoodie, wriggling out of it like a shake shedding its skin. 

His t-shirt’s neck was low enough that the “rad” in Conrad and the “Lei” in “Leigh” were visible.

“I’m gonna have to invest in some turtlenecks,” Sean said, when he caught Dan’s eyes on it.

“I’m sorry,” said Dan, and he looked like he meant it.

“It could be worse,” said Sean, and he smiled at Dan.

The other man was still forlorn, but he looked to be perking up again.

“I’m in love with Arin,” Dan said.

“I figured,” said Sean. 

“Was I that obvious?” 

Dan’s face had fallen.

“I mean,” said Sean, trying to save Dan some dignity, “I’ve got an eye for that kind of thing. Kinda. And also we kinda share a head. Sort of.”

“We haven’t shared a head for that long,” said Dan, and his expression looked downright… thoughtful. “Am I just that obvious?”

“Your heart would speed up whenever you talked about Arin,” said Sean, trying to word this correctly. “And more than that. There was… something. I dunno. You guys are so close, so I figured that it would make sense that maybe you had feelings for him.” He laughed, a little unsteadily. “I mean, honestly, I always figured that _he_ would be in love with _you_ , since he comes off as a bit more… like, not straight than you do.”

Dan sighed.

“I guess I’m not as straight as I thought I was,” he said.

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m in the same boat,” said Sean. 

“Do you think any less of me, for… being so hesitant about it?”

“Nah,” said Sean. “I know how scary it is.”

‘Are you scared?”

“I’ve got two soulmates that live on the other side of the ocean from me,” Sean said, his tone flat. “When I go home, I’ll be so far away from both of you, and....” He wilted at the prospect. He wasn’t looking forward to that in the slightest. “And I don’t know what I’d do about it. Because, you know, it’s all….” He made vague hand motions.

He wanted to cuddle up to Dna right now, so badly.

He wanted to wrap himself around Dan, bury his hands in Dan’s hair, press his forehead against Dan’s temple.

He wanted to kiss Dan, right here and now.

… oh god.

Dan probably felt the wave of uncertainty, or… something, because he looked up at Sean, his own expression confused.

“I hadn’t thought of that,” Dan admitted.

“It’s okay,” said Sean. “I can look into ways of hiding all of this,” he indicated his chest, “as well.”

“What do I do about Arin?”

“I’d say you should apologize first,” said Sean. 

“How am I even gonna be looking him in the face?”

“Well, you have to go back to work, right?”

“Yeah.”

“You could call him, ask him to pick you up, have a whole talk about it in neutral territory?”

“Where is neutral territory?”

“... that I can’t tell you.”

“I don’t think Holly will appreciate me bringing him here,” said Dan, and Sean made a sympathetic noise. 

“Because….”

“Because I’m her soulmate,” Dan said, “and I guess she doesn’t want to share me.”

“She shares you with me,” said Sean. 

“Yeah, but she also shares you with me,” said Dan. “That evens it out, somehow.”

“I… don’t entirely get her reluctance with all of this,” said Sean. “Wasn’t she polyamorous with Ross?”

“... sort of,” said Dan. “It was complicated.”

“I got that much,” said Sean. 

“But she’s got some hang ups about sharing,” said Dan. “I can’t blame her.”

Sean bit his lip, clearly trying to get his words out carefully.

“How… how bad was it?” 

How bad could it have been?

After all, this was _Holly_. 

It wasn’t like she held back when she was unhappy.

She stood her ground about the stuff that was important to her.

… then again, some of that might have been the result of her unpleasant experiences.

“I’m a dummy,’ Sean said. 

“You’re a dummy that didn’t just fuck up your relationship with your best friend,” Dan said, his tone morose.

“I don't think you fucked it up,” said Sean.

Dan gave him a Look.

“I don’t think you fucked up that badly,” Sena amended. “You’re super emotional and I mean… I’m not exactly used to having someone new in my head either.”

“You wanna know what I was so upset about?” Dan sighed gustily, and he leaned back into the couch, covering his face. 

Dan’s shirt was rising up, baring is stomach, and Sean wanted to run his fingers along that little line of bared skin.

“I’m kinda curious, I have to admit,” said Sean.

“... you being my soulmate,” said Dan, and he wasn’t talking to Sean, he was talking to the ceiling. “Because… because we’re not super close, and I’m not in love with you, and I don’t want to fuck you or anything, and now you’re gonna go back to Ireland, so even the weird… whatever it is we’re taking from each other or giving each other isn’t gonna be present, because we can’t touch each other.”

“I see,” said Sean.

“And it’s not like I was attracted to you. Am attracted to you.” Dan shot a glance towards him. “I don’t know if I am or I’m not. I don’t know if I like guys, or if I like you, or if I’m just in love with Arin because he’s so… you know.”

_Charismatic, funny, empathic, handsome…._

Sean didn’t have to hear Dan saying all of that to know that it was what he was thinking.

“Yeah,” said Sean.

“And now I don’t know if I’m interested in you because we’re in each other’s heads, or because I actually like you.”

“Does it really matter?”

“What?”

Dan was staring at Sean, gobsmacked.

“Well,” said Sean, “if you care about me because you were prompted to because… well, we’re stuck together, isn’t that kind of how it works with parents and kids?”

“... what?”

“Parents with kids. They end up having to love the kid regardless, because it’s their kid, and you can’t not love your kid.”

“That’s different,” said Dan. “It’s all hormones and whatnot.”

“And this isn’t?”

“... I feel like i should have some argument to that, but I really don’t,” said Dan. 

“I think you’re worrying about this too much,” said Sean. “How about you go apologize to Arin? He’s an understanding guy. He’s probably freaking out right now too.”

“Oh god,” Dan moaned. “I didn’t even think of that.”

Sean patted him on the knee.

Dan’s skin was warm through the denim, and it was ripped enough that there was some skin under Sean’s palm. 

“Go fix it,” said Sean.

“... can I kiss you?”

Sean blinked at Dan.

“What?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Why? You said you weren’t attracted to me. I said I wasn’t. But… I think I could be. I don’t know. I want to… see.”

“I mean this in the nicest way possible,” Sean said, “but I don’t want to be an experiment for you. Especially if the two of us are going to be connected for the rest of our lives.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” said Dan. 

“Buy me dinner first,’ said Sean, and he was only half joking.

There was a nervous energy in the back of Dan’s eyes, and the same hysterical panic was still there, on the back of Dan’s mind, riding on Sean’s mind, just barely. 

“Okay,” said Dan, and then he was just… up and out, just like that.

Sean sat in the middle of Holly’s living room, confused.

“Okay….”

The door slammed, leaving him alone.

* * * 

Dan sat at the cafe table, and he tried not to jiggle his leg too much.

The anxiety was boiling just under his skin, not helped by the way Holly’s heart was beating so fast, and Sean seemed to be holding on to his own emotions by the skin of his teeth.

Arin came in, and he looked….

He looked worried.

God, that was how good a guy he was, wasn’t it?

Even when Dan was being a gross weirdo, Arin still worried about him.

It wasn’t fair.

“Hi,” said Arin, and he slid into the chair across from Dan, the table between them.

If Dan moved his legs just a little more, their legs would be touching.

Oh, that would be sweet.

Arin’s skin was so warm, and he was wearing shorts, so it would actually _be_ skin on skin.

But… no.

“Hi,” said Dan, and he kept his eyes on his coffee. 

“I just wanted to say, um, that you don’t have to worry about your job or anything like that,” said Arin in a rush.

Dan paused, and he stared up at Arin, his eyes wide.

He hadn’t even thought of that, in all of the emotional tumult. 

“I… hadn’t been worried about that,” said Dan. 

“Okay, good,” said Arin. “Unless I’m a jerk for thinking it in the first place.”

Dan shrugged.

“I’m a jerk for kissing you like that in the first place,” Dan said, because he might as well just bite the bullet.

“... I’m not sure how to respond to that,” said Arin.

“Okay,” said Dan. “Um.” He cleared his throat, and then he just… started talking. 

“I’m in love with you,” he told Arin, and Arin’s eyes went wide, his face red. “I’m in love with you, and I’ve been in love with you for, like, a while, and I’ve… I’ve been thinking about stuff. About kissing you, and I was upset that I had a two soulmates, and because we get on so well, and you’re so… amazing and everything,maybe you’d be my other soulmate, and then we could… we could be together. Or something.” Dan stared at his hot chocolate. “It sounds fucking stupid when I say it like that, fucking christ….”

Arin made a sympathetic noise, but Dan didn’t have the guts to look up into Arin’s face. “But… well, I mean, you’re obviously with Suzy. And you don’t want to be with anyone else, or you would have told me.”

 _He would have told me, right?_

He didn’t want to think about the fact that maybe Arin hadn’t told him about some big life thing like that. 

“I’m with Suzy,” said Arin, and his voice was quiet.

Dan glanced up at Arin’s face.

“Well, yeah.”

“And you’re right, I don’t want to be with anyone else.”

“Even if, you know, you’re not straight?”

Wow, that was a shot in the dark.

“Even if I’m not straight,” Arin said, “I’m still monogamous. And Suzy is the person who I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

“What if you want to try something else? What if you end up bored with her in twenty years?” 

“Do you think you’ll get bored of Holly in twenty years?”

“... I mean, I hope not,” Dan said, although truth be told, that was a thing he worried about.

He sometimes had the romantic attention span of a squirrel.

Assuming squirrels had short romantic attention spans.

“I love Suzy,” Arin said, “and I love you. But I love you guys differently.”

“And we’re never going to be romantic or physical, are we?”

Dan’s heart was falling into his stomach.

“No,” said Arin. “I’m… I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Dan said, and his face was numb, but there was something like relief in the back of his mind, because this was finally out in the fucking open.

“I feel like I should be,” said Arin. “I mean, I’ve broken your fuckin’ heart.”

“You’re not breaking my heart.”

_Exactly._

“You look pretty heartbroken,” said Arin. 

“I’m… I don’t know.” Dan leaned back into his chair, covering his face with both hands. 

“No?”

“Arin,” Dan said into his hands, “I’m nearly forty years old, I’m suddenly in a lifelong relationship with two different people, one of whom is a dude. A dude who’s a decade younger than me.”

“What, really?”

“No, actually, I think he’s eleven years younger than me.”

“So basically a decade.”

“But yeah. My life is fucking complicated right now. So yeah, there’s a bunch of… complicated shit, and I wish that you loved me back, but… that’s not on the top ten of my problems, assuming you don’t hate me like I had been worried about.”

“... oh,” said Arin. “Well, I don’t hate you.”

“Okay,” said Dan. 

That was some weight off of his shoulders.

“Are we okay?”

Arin looked worried.

“We’re okay,” Dan said. “I just… can I ask you to….”

“To?”

“To maybe not be so… handsy? Or something like that.”

“I’ll do my best,” said Arin. “I’m sorry if I’ve, like… led you on.”

“You’re not leading me on,” Dan said, in a tired voice. “I’m just lonely. And desperate. And you’re nice and you’re funny and you’re hot, and you talk about how you like to put your fingers in your butt.”

“You’ve got two soulmates,” Arin said, disbelievingly. 

“One of them is still jumping if she even hears the word “commitment” or “romance” - she isn’t even officially dating the guy she’s been fucking for like… six months. The other one… I don’t even know anything about him, except that I don’t know him very well, and that he lives far away. And also he’s… just not my type.”

“You have a type when it comes to dudes?” 

Arin’s eyebrow was raising up.

“I mean,” said Dan, “he’s not much like you.”

“So dudes that look like me are your type?” 

Arin looked amused.

Dan shrugged.

“I fell in love with you,” Dan said, his tone flat. “You’re my best friend, It happens. It’s in a ton of movies. It’s not… usual for it to happen in the movies, at people our age, but then again, they don’t make a lot of movies about people our ages in general.” 

“When you put it that way,” said Arin, “it sounds almost boring.” 

“Maybe that’ll help,” said Dan. “Help me get over you, or whatever.”

“Well,” said Arin, “if there’s anything I can do….”

“I’ll be sure to tell you,” said Dan. “You wanna head back to the Grumps office?”

“Okay,” said Arin. “And you’ll be okay?”

“I’ll be okay,” said Dan. “I’m sorry.”

“Do you want a hug?”

_To be held by Arin, to feel Arin’s heartbeat against his chest, to take in the scent of him, to feel the warmth of him._

“... give me some time,” Dan said. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” said Arin, and he shoved his hands in his pockets, then made his way towards the register to pay. 

Dan sighed.

He couldn’t bask in the glow of his crush, but… well, maybe it would make it easier to live in the present. 

And hey, he had a date tomorrow with a guy whose heartbeat was thudding away in his head.

Best to just go forward with the world that was, not the world he’d kept in his head, in one way and another.

* * *

Holly cried to her pigeons.

It was stupid.

It was _really_ fucking stupid, and probably pretty selfish as well, to be this upset over something like Dan being in love with someone else.

Dna being in love with someone else that he’d never even have a chance with, Dan who she had clearly brushed off, Dan who… was her soulmate.

She would never be enough for anyone.

… and she knew she was being unfair, which somehow made it even worse, because she couldn’t just tell herself that she was being unfair and make it stop, so it just circled in her head like an old record, stuck on a groove.

She kept crying, even as she heard Sean come up behind her, his chin on her shoulder, his long arms around her middle. 

“Hi,” he said.

“I’m a jerk,” Holly said, her nose all stuffy and her eyes red.

“I don’t think you’re a jerk.”

“I’m being a jerk.”

“Why do you think you’re being a jerk?”

HIs voice was right in her ear, rumbling through his chest, against her back.

“Because every time I think about the fact that Dan is in love with Arin, I get really panicky and I can’t stop crying.”

He rested his cheek against her back, and his beard was prickly through her shirt.

“You’ve had a bad relationship,” said Sean. “I figure that’d fuck me up, too.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh yeah. And it’s not like you’re telling him that he can’t be in love with Arin….”

“I don’t want him to be to be with Arin,” said Holly, and she wiped her nose with the back of her hand.  

“I think, out of all of the friends that you guys have, Arin is the least likely to get together with Dan.”

“You think so?”

“I’ve met Arin,” said Sean, and he nuzzled into her neck.

His heartbeat was calm, steady, and it was right up against her own, and the heartbeat racing in her chest matched up to the calm, steady one in her head.

To both of them.

Dan had gone to talk to Arin, and Dan’s emotions were a muddle of sadness and... relief, which terrified Holly in her own right, but one thing at a time.

She sighed, still leaning back against him. 

“He’s a good guy,” said Holly.

“He’s monogamous,” said Sean. “He’s so monogamous that he’s got the metaphorical red string wrapped around his heart, straight to Suzy.”

‘Red string?”

“The red string of fate.”

“Mmm?”

“There are pieces of red string that connect us all to the people we’re fated to be with, or something.”

“They’ve got soul marks,’ said Holly. 

“Well,” said Sean, “regardless. Arin is so into Suzy that… there aren’t words for how into her he is.”

“You ever wish for that?” 

Holly’s voice was rough and stuffed up, as she snuffled, not crying, but… not-not crying either. 

“That kinda connection?”

“Yeah.”

He shrugged. 

“I’ve got my siblings and my parents.”

“I had Ross,” Holly said, her voice rough, and she stared down at her feet. 

She didn’t say _we’ve known each other since we were teenagers_ , or maybe _he was there when my mother died._

Because how do you say that kind of thing?

She possibly had that tucked into the space in the back of her throat, and it would never leave.

She sighed, relaxing back into him. 

“Well,” said Sean, “we’ve got each other. For as long as we’ve got each other.”

“We need t get you more hoodies,” Holly mumbled.

“Not turtlenecks?”

“Nah,” said Holly. “Hoodies. You’ll look it and happening and whatnot.”

“Are you trying to sound like you’re one with the youth?”

Sean’s voice was amused, in the back of her neck. 

“Something like that.”

A pigeon fluttered onto her foot, and she smiled down at it. 

“Hi, Aracoa,” she said, as the pigeon settled in. 

“Can you introduce me to everyone?”

Sean’s hands were on her hips now - if she hadn’t been wearing any pants, he probably would have stretched his hands across the two names. 

“You wanna meet them all?”

“Oh yeah,” said Sean. “I wanna meet everyone. Tell me about everyone.”

“Well,” said Holly, “that right there is Little Walter….”

* * * 

Sean was staring at himself in the mirror, and he made a face. 

“Goddamn it.”

Holly was gracious enough to let him use her spare room for recording, as he did his episodes.

And he’d been halfway through filming when he’d realized that the end of Holly’s name and the beginning of Dan’s was visible on camera.

So he had to adjust his hoodie, he had to fix the way his shirt was lying. 

He looked dumb. 

So fuck it.

He was standing there, looking at himself in the mirror.  
If he were in a normal line of work, he wouldn’t have to worry about this so much.

But then again… he’d never meet them in the first place.

He loved Holly.

He could see the… potential to love Dan, if that made any sense.

But… big tumultuous change.

He wasn’t sure how to deal with that.

Well, no, he knew how to deal with it, on a practical level.

But... . 

Sean groaned, staring in the mirror.

Okay.

He sat down in front of the webcam, and he grinned at it. 

“Robin, you’re in for a bit of a bombshell when I get home, holy shit.”

And then he readjusted his shirt.

Okay.

“Top o’the mornin’ to ya, laddies!”

* * *

Dan went home to his empty house, and he sighed.

He’d been tempted to ask Holly and Sean if he could spend the night, but… no.

That wasn’t fair.

Let them have some privacy.

Speaking of….

It was almost nine at night, and Holly and Sean were probably up to… something or other.

Possibly fucking.

And tomorrow, Dan and Sean were going to go on a date.

That was going to be weird. 

But fuck it.

He was in a post-love confession to his best friend world. 

So fuck it all.

He grabbed his phone, texting quickly.

_You’re free to make the beast with two backs, should you wish. I’m home._

A buzz from his phone a few minutes later.

_Thanks. We’ll try not to go too late._

He smiled at his phone in spite of himself.

There was something endearing about the two of them. 

Maybe because now he was feeling the leap of joy, the nervousness.

It was all secondhand, but it was secondhand from two different sides, so it was all… kind of odd.

But he made himself comfortable on the couch, his hands behind his head. 

He wasn’t going to think of it as sex he wasn’t having.

He would think of it as his soulmates being happy.

Maybe he’d end up with them. 

Maybe not.

Who knew.

He… he still wanted Arin.

He wanted to hold Arin, he wanted to kiss Arin.

But Arin wasn’t here, and Arin would never be here. 

Sean… Sean was here. 

Sean wasn’t here-here for long, but… well, Holly was also here.

And Holly was gonna be here.

… unless she moved to Ireland to be with Sean.

He groaned, and he covered his face with both hands. 

If it came to it, he’d move to Ireland.

… shit.

Shit, he would _actually_ move to Ireland.

Holy shit.

The revelation that he was willing to do it dropped on his head like a ton of bricks.

And then he groaned, rolled onto his stomach, pressing his face into a pillow.

He’d done enough big emotional work today for one day.

He was going to have an intense orgasm - who even knew what it was going to be like- and then he was going to sleep.

Maybe he’d order some sushi, or some Mexican food….

Depending on when Holly and Sean started to mess around.

Having to plan your life around someone else fucking was a tad frustrating, and he had thought he’d left it behind when he’d stopped having roommates. 

* * * 

Holly sat on the couch, her feet in Sean’s lap.

He was giving her a foot rub.

He was alarmingly good at foot rubs.

“D’you think I can borrow a scarf or something? For when I do my videos, I mean.”

“Sure,” said Holly, “but don’t you have any of your own?”

“I didn’t think I’d need ‘em, since I was coming to California,” said Sean. “California isn’t exactly known for being a place where you need scarves.”

“Sure,” said Holly. “No worries.”

She curled her toes against Sean’s wrist, as he began to rub her feet through her socks.

“Dan said we can fuck,” said Holly. 

“It’s nice of him to give us permission,” Sean said in an arched tone.

Holly giggled. 

“Well, more that he’s not on the freeway or whatever,” said Holly. “Since, uh… there’s now… two different feedbacks at once.

“… I wasn’t thinking about that.”

“Welcome to the life of having a soulmate,” said Holly, and she laughed awkwardly.

“What’s it gonna be like when I get home?”

“Awkward,” said Sean. “We’ll figure something out eventually.”

She sighed, a slow, lazy wave of arousal washing across her like sitting by the shore in the ocean, waves lapping at her feet.

“I want you to kiss me,” she told Sean. “I want you to kiss me, right now.”

“Do you?”

“Oh yes,” said Holly, and she patted her chest for him to come closer.

He climbed on top of her, his chest pressed against hers, and he was chest to chest, leaning in to kiss her on the mouth, his hands on her cheeks, kissing her mouth with his own, hot and sweet and tender, breathing each other’s breath.

He pulled back, looking at her with his big blue eyes, and the intensity of it washed over her as well, his arousal in the back of her mind, his heart beating faster, her own heart beating faster, her skin heating up, her breath coming in gasping, desperate pants.

It was so _strange_ , feeling this from both sides.

She’d never been quite so aware how… fiddly arousal was, how connected everything was to everything else, because she was being swamped with it, she was feeling every bit of it.

His arousal was worming its way over her, and now Dan’s arousal was adding to it as well, as she was overwhelmed.

She kissed Sean, holding on to Sean’s shirt, her knees digging into his ribs, her breath harsh and rough in her own ears.

“God,” Holly groaned, and she rolled her hips against his.

“You’re so warm,” he mumbled. “You’re so soft, you’re warm, I want to… I’m going to sink into you as deep as I can, I’m gonna fuck you so hard that I’m not gonna be able to walk.”

“You’re not gonna be able to walk?”

Holly giggled, as Sean pressed his face into her breasts, kissing them.

She yanked at his shirt, pulling it up and over his head, which meant that they had to separate, but he was shoving her shirt up, and he was pressing his face into Holly’s cleavage, pressing her breasts together, mouthing at her nipples.

“Ah!” She squirmed, digging her heels into his calves. “Oh, fuck….”

“God, these tits are amazing. God, fucking god….”

“You’re repeating yourself,” Holly said, her voice rough and a bit high pitched. “Oh….”

“I can be witty and original,” Sean said, kissing her left nipple, then her right, “or I can keep doing this.”

“... go back to repeating yourself,” Holly said. “I can live with that.”

“Good to know,” said Sean, and he latched on to her nipple.

“Oh, fuck,” Holly groaned, and her hands were in his hair now, tugging on it.

He was snickering against her breast, and he was humping her thigh like a horny teenager.

Had she been like that when she was a horny teenagre?

… that was getting a bit too close to Ross memories, so she wasn’t going to touch that one. 

Instead, she was going to let herself drown in the pleasure of it. 

She could feel Jack’s pleasure as well, on the edges of her mind.

His pleasure at making her feel good, his pleasure in her warm body, her soft breasts, the sounds she was making.

She moaned, long and hard, as he began to kiss lower, nuzzling at her soft belly.

He paused, nuzzling at her hip, and then he looked up at her, and he kissed his own name.

He was half off of the couch.

“I want to eat you out again,” he told her.

“Didn’t you just do that?”

“Well, yes,” said Sean, “but I can do it more than once. I promise. Hell, I will _happily_ do it more than once.”

“If you say so,” Holly said.

She… didn’t entirely get why he was so enamored with it, but at the same time, his anticipation was enough to give _her_ butterflies.

Or maybe she was actually excited for it.

When everything was all jumbled up like this, she wasn’t entirely sure which feelings were her own, and which ones were Dan’s, or Sean’s.

They were filling her up like water in a glass, and she didn’t really know what else to do about it.

Sean was nibbling at her hips now, and that was… that was an interesting sensation.

She was squirming, her toes curling against Sean’s sides, and her hands were on his head.

“You used to… you used to be less interested in my hips,” Holly said, her voice rough.

“Well,” said Sean, after he’d nipped at the “W” in his middle name, making his way lower as he pulled her pants down lower, “I read someplace that soul marks tend to be pretty common hot spots.”

“H-hot spots?”

“You know, spots that make people horny,” said Sean. “And I have absolutely no experience with your hips. They were always covered up, when we had sex.”

“It’s ‘cause of Dan’s name,” Holly said, the honesty bursting out of her like a sneeze. “I thought it’d feel weird for you, to see my soulmate’s name while you were fucking. She paused. “Or maybe it was just weird for _me_ to see it there.”

“Fair enough,” said Sean, and he bit her, gently.

She whined, squirming, her hips jerking forward. 

“But,” said Sean, “I’m pretty happy to see my name there, too. I won’t lie.”

He bit the “L” in “McLoughlin”, where it wrapped around her thigh, and she hissed through her teeth, the pain a nice counterpoint to the pleasure that seemed to be melting her alive.

Didn't know if she wanted to be swept away, or to just dive in. 

He was pulling her pants down, over her knees, and he was crouching between them, holding her thighs open. 

He kissed across his name, across Dan's name, and he bit it, gently.

Holly squirmed, pressing her thighs together, then relaxing.

She gave in to pleasure, and she sank down into it like a rock into a pond. 

* * *

Sean tasted his own name. 

It tasted like Holly's skin - slightly like whatever lotion it was that she used to keep her skin soft, like the salt of her sweat and the musk of her arousal. 

She was holding on to his hair, her fingers tangled into the green. 

She was grinding against him, her hips rolling slowly. 

And then she was opening her legs wider, testing her heels on his shoulder blades. 

“Just like that,” Sean crooned, as she opened her legs wider, and there she was for him, pink and wet. 

He licked her, and then he paused, because he felt it, ever so slightly, the little shock of pleasure that went up his back, squirming between his legs.

His cock twitched within the confines of his jeans, and he moaned. 

He was grinding his hips against the couch, his hands on her hips now, spanning the length of them, digging his fingers in. 

She was moaning, quietly, and she was wet, so wet, wet enough that it was on his cheeks and his lips, as he licked her, tapping her clit with the tip of his tongue, which made her shudder again him, moaning like she was in pain. 

God, he could feel it as he ate her out, licking and licking, as she wriggled against him, riding his face. 

She was sobbing now, and it was getting hard to think, beyond pleasure and heat and wetness, as he made obscene wet noises. 

She was humping him so hard that his nose was getting sore, and the pressure was already starting to build in his own belly, as he licked her and licked her, until she was arching her back. 

And then… they both came. 

It was a dry orgasm (well, apart from all of the pre that was drooling out of his cock) and it left him shuddering, his whole body going limp, his face in her thigh. 

“Wow,” Holly said thickly. “That was weird.”

“I'm sorry,” Sean said, when he could breathe again. 

“Don't be,” said Holly, and she tugged on his hair, trying to get him to come up closer to her. 

She kisses him with her whole mouth, sucking his tongue, digging her fingers into his back. 

He was humping her awkwardly - he needed to take his cock out first, to guide it into her, but lying here, letting the pleasure wash over him, as his own groin tingles with aftershocks….

That was something too.

God, was this what it was like to have sex with a soulmate?

Why ever have sex with anyone else?

Why ever stop having sex?

She was panting against his neck, and she was opening her legs some more, her heels in his lower back, her hands on his back. 

“You can't fuck me if you're still wearing pants,” Holly said.

“I mean,” Sean mumbled, “I could theoretically just unzip and stick it in….”

“You'd chafe,” Holly said. “And probably get it caught on your pubes or something.”

“... pubes is like, the least sexy word ever,” said Sean, as he sat up, fiddling with his belt to get it open, then unbuttoning his pants and shoving them down.

“I notice it hasn’t killed your boner yet,” Holly said, and she spread her legs wider, digging her heels into his lower back, her pussy wet and warm against his groin.

“Few things could kill my boner at a time like this,” said Sean, and he reached between them, guiding the head of his cock into her, carefully.

He slid into her, as easy as a wish, and she moaned, shuddering around him, squeezing his cock inside of her.

She was so tight, so wet, and she was twitching around him, and her face was right in front of his, as he kissed her.

Her hands were on his back, digging her nails into it, and that was good too, the little licks of pain, mixed up in the pleasure of penetrating her.

In the back of his mind, he could feel the ghost of being penetrated, and that was… that was odd, that was unusual, he didn’t know how he felt about that, exactly, because there was nowhere on that part of his body to _be_ penetrated, not really, but he was drawing his hips back, beginning to thrust into her.

She grabbed him by the hair, and she kissed him, her knees digging into his sides, her toes curling against his calves as she adjusted her position.

“God, Hols,” Sean mumbled into her ear. “You’re so… good… fuck….”

“You think Dan can feel it?”

Sean paused, still buried inside of her, the muscles in his stomach twitching as he tried not to thrust any harder into her.

“I dunno,” he said, his voice husky, deeper than usual.

“I was… I was trying not to think about it before,” Holly said. “But… but he knows we’re having sex.”

A ripple passed over her, and her hips twitched forward, her eyes squeezing shut, her internal muscles twitching. “I can feel your… I can feel _his_ cock. Not in me, but I can… I can feel it. He’s touching it.”

“I can’t tell yet,” Sean said. “I mean… I can feel… I can… oh fuck, I can feel….”

“Yeah?” 

Her internal muscles were pulling him in deeper, or at least it felt like they were.

They were so strong - she was so strong, period.

He hoped he bruised from her clinging to him, he hoped he was scratched up.

He’d always loved some kind of reminder from his lovers, to remember the sweetness of the encounter.

… and then he remembered that her name was written on his hip for the rest of his life - for as long as he had a body.

And maybe _that_ sent something in his head, because oh god, he was going to cum, oh _fuck_ , he was hilting himself inside of her, his face in her neck.

“Bite me, please, bite me, please, please, _please_!”

He sank his teeth into her shoulder, and he was humping into her desperately as he came and came and came, a never ending cascade of it, twitching, throbbing, so full of the intensity that he just flopped down on her, as she thrashed under him, sobbing and gasping.

“Oh god,” Sean groaned, and then he froze, because now Dan was cumming, he could feel Dan’s orgasm - already, he could tell the difference between one of Dan’s orgasms and one of Holly’s, and he’d be a little scared of how quickly he had gotten used to to all of this, but it was hard to really think in a straight line, let alone some kind of complex thing like that.

He nuzzled his face into Holly’s neck, the little hairs there tickling along his nose, trying not to crush her by resting some of his weight on his arms.

She was sweating on him, and he was going to have to wipe down soon.

He was red and patchy, the way he always was when he was overheated.

“I wish that I could sweat,” he said into Holly’s neck.

“You can’t?”  
“Nope,” said Sean, and he sat up slowly, stretching luxuriously.

She was laid out in front of him, her hands behind her head, her breasts bare for him, her pussy wet and pink, still.

He could see himself diving back in to lick her and make her cum again and again, until she couldn’t work.

“Want me to get the magic wand?”

She gave a feeble thumbs up.

“I’m good for now,” she told him. “Also, I don’t know if you could take it.”

“I dunno what you’re talking about,” Sean said. “I can totally take multiple orgasms.”

“Maybe next time,” she said.

“Dan might kill me if I do that again,” Sean said, as he made his way towards the bathroom, to get a washcloth and wipe everything off.

“So you have anything fun planned for your date with Dan tomorrow night?”

There was a note of anxiety in her voice, and more than a note of it on the back of her mind.

“Yeah,” said Sean. “And I’ve got just as much fun stuff planned for when I get back here.”

She was shifting from her place on the couch, and then she was coming next to him, wrapping her arms around him, her face in his shoulder.

“I don’t want you to go,” she said quietly, so quiet that he had to strain in order to fully hear it. “But I don’t want to not want you to go.”

It took Sean a minute to parse that.

“I understand,” he said, his voice quiet. “It’s hard.”

“But… but if we’re gonna make this work, there has to be all three of us, being comfortable in various… permutations.”

“You’re allowed to not be comfortable with us doing stuff without you,” Sean said, leaning back into her embrace.

“Yeah, but it wouldn’t be fair to you. And I do stuff with you, so saying that you and Dan can’t do stuff is kinda mean.”

She sounded like she was trying to talk herself into something. 

“If this makes you uncomfortable -”

“I need to be okay with being uncomfortable,” said Holly. 

“You don’t have to be,” said Sean, and he turned around, wrapping his arms around her and putting his chin on her head. 

She nuzzled into his neck, kissing his jaw, and she made an annoyed noise when his beard went up her nose.

“We’re together,” she said. “We care about each other. And… even though we’re… you know, we’re not….” 

She sighed, and she shivered.

“Being married was supposed to last forever,” she said finally. “We were all “to have and to hold, for richer or poorer,” stuff like that. And it was me and him, for the rest of our lives, except… it wasn’t. And I guess a little bit of me is afraid that it’s gonna end up like that again. That we’ve got some kind of guaranteed thing for the two of us, but it’s _not_ , because… well, stuff happens.”

“Well,” Sean said, “I don’t have any plans for anyone else. And… I know that even if I wanted to change things, there would be a lot of talking. And, I mean, there’s already enough change going on in my life, what with one thing and another.”

He rested his hands on her hips, and then he grabbed her butt, because he could.

“You’re such a pervert,” she told him.

“I’ve been very good,” Sean said, offended. “I’ve been the very picture of decorum.”

“You literally just came in me,” Holly said, and she was giggling.

“But I did it decorously,” Sean pointed out. “I made you cum!”

“... fair,” said Holly. 

“I should shower,” said Sean. “I’m all sweaty.”

“Shower with me,” Holly said, and okay, that was a surprise.

He’d figured that she was still looking for her own space.

But no, she wanted him to shower with her.

“Can I say something that might come off as a bit weird?”

“Mmm?”

“... you seem to be reacting better to the whole soulmate thing,” he said. “You’re even… kinda-sorta willing to try dating Dan.”

“I kinda-sorta had a think about it,” said Holly. “I feel kind of… like it might not be fair to Dan.”

“Not fair to Dan?”

“The reason I didn’t want to date him or whatnot in the first place is because… well, I really associate him with Ross. Because he’s friends with Ross, and Ross was his friend, and now….”

“Now?”

Sean made affectionate noise, pulling his own shirt completely off, and made his way towards the main bathroom.

“He’s in my head,” Holly said. “He’s part of my… my inner life now. As weird as it sounds. He’s part of my life now. And we’ve spent enough time together that he’s not just kinda… Ross’s friend.”

“He was your friend as well,” Sean said, and he tried to keep his voice gentle, Holly pulled her socks off, then stepped into the shower. “You coming?”

“Yeah,” said Holly. “Hold on.”

She climbed into the shower with him, and she turned the water on. 

It hit Sean in the back, and he made an indignant noise.

She giggled.

Then she paused. 

“Could you turn the lights off?”

“Hmm?”

“I’d like you to turn the lights off. I like the… I like the sensation.”

“Okay,” said Sean. “Anything for you, Hols.”

He climbed out of the shower, turned the lights off, and then he carefully stepped into the shower with her.

He held her to his chest, as she nuzzled into the warmth of his skin, and he pressed his nose into her hair. 

God, she smelled so good.

Felt so good in his arms.

There wasn’t anything in life that was perfect.

But this was pretty damn perfect.

* * * 

Dan lay flat on his back, panting, staring up at his ceiling.

This… had been a weird orgasm.

Orgasms, actually.

He was almost getting used to doing the multiple orgasm thing.

Soon he might even be able to survive another magic wand vibration session, on Holly’s end.

Maybe.

He had three orgasms under his belt.

Or maybe they were four.

Because there was Holly’s first orgasm, Sean’s orgasm as a result of Holly’s orgasm, then Holly’s second orgasm, then Sean’s second orgasm.

Then there was Dan’s own orgasm.

He groaned, still trembling.

This shit was going to kill him.

He’d die early, from too much sex.

Sort of.

How much sex could you have, before you dropped dead?

… what was it gonna be like when Sean was back in Ireland?

Would Dan be getting orgasms in the middle of the day, when he was trying to Grump or something like that?

Or would Sean need to start jerking off at weird hours?

Why was this never a thing in the movies? 

People found out they were soulmate’s with someone who lived the next city over.

Not in another fucking time zone.

He had so much cum on his chest, and it was going to start matting up his chest hair.

He yawned widely, exhaustion weighing on the edges of his mind, the contentment that Holly and Sean were feeling lapping at his bones.

How were they going to be able to function as complete human beings?

It had been strange enough when it was just Holly and Dan sharing each other’s head.

Now Sean was in there too?

But then again, Sean wasn’t… he wasn’t unwelcome.

He was welcome enough that Dan was almost grateful.

Or maybe he felt better, just because he and Holly were no longer slightly at odds.

He wanted to cuddle her so badly right now.

That was the weirdest bit - sure, he wanted to fuck her in every way, shape, or form, but the bit that he was fantasizing about - the bit that he was _really_ fantasizing about - was holding her after sex, of the two of them laughing at terrible jokes, the two of them making each other happy with each other’s company.

And what about Sean?

Dan closed his eyes, imagining Sean snuggling up to him, Sean’s head on his chest, Sean’s hand in his own.

Sean’s mouth against his own, Sean’s curvy hips under his hands.

He remembered holding Sean against him, rubbing his belly, snuggling up to him.

Sean’s ass was pretty plush, admittedly.

It had been pretty nice against Dan’s dick.

And Dan’s dick was twitching.

Oh god.

He glared down at it. 

“No,” he said. “I’m too old for this.”

His penis ignored him, and began to harden up.

“Fucking… seriously?!”

He sighed, but he reached between his legs, squeezing his cock from the base to the head.

Maybe it was a good thing.

He wouldn’t be too stupidly horny when he had his date Sean tomorrow.

He humped against his hand, rolling his hips, his breath beginning to come in deep, gasping pants.

Oh, that felt nice.

That was… very nice.

He let his lazy, exhausting lust roll over him, rolling onto his stomach and humping the bed.

He was going to have to wash the sheets.

Oh well.

He sighed, and he began to hump the bed, lazily.

* * * 

Sean was washing Holly’s hair when the wave of lust washed over both of them.

“... seriously?”

Sean’s cock was beginning to get hard, pressing against Holly’s belly.

Holly reached down, wrapping her hand around it, and he whined, sobbing.

“God, Hols….”

“Yeah?”

“Fuck,” Sean gasped, and he was shuddering, humping her hand.

She liked him like this.

She liked him squirming, gasping, desperate, as she wrapped her hand around the head of his cock, and he fucked into the tight channel of her fist, as she dunked her head under the water, the soap running down her back, leaving her clean.

“Do you want me to blow you?”

He was flushing - his skin was warm to the touch, still warm from the water, from his embarrassment.

“Would that be comfortable on your knees?”

“I’ll say something if I’m not,” Holly promised, as he played with her hair.

“Well, okay,” said Sean. 

Holly got on her knees in front of him, and okay, that was uncomfortable on the knees, but… his cock was hot and slimy in her face, and she nuzzled against it, wrapping her hand around his shaft, wrapping her lips around the head of his cock, sucking on it like a lollipop.

He moaned, his hips stuttering forward, and she took more of it further down her throat, gagging quietly, drooling down her chin.

The hot water was drumming down on her head, and she was sighing, her hands on his hips, then around to his ass, squeezing it.

She held on tightly to him, and she basically… fucked him with her face. 

Sort of.

Sean was such a sweetheart that he was just… standing there, holding her head in his hands, as she made dirty noises, swallowing around him.

He was shivering, humping against her, and she was swallowing him down. 

“You’re a fucking… you’re a gem, Hols,” mumbled Sean. “God, Hols, you give… you give really good head, I’d say you’re a natural, but… well, how the fuck am I supposed to say that, saying someone is a natural at head feels like it’s vaguely something or… other….”

Holly paused, pulling off of Sean’s cock to look up at him in the dimness, water pounding down on her head.

“Sean?”

“Mmm?”

“I can either continue giving you head, or we could start a whole conversation about this.”

“Oh,” said Sean. “Um. Please don’t stop.”

“That’s what I thought,” said Holly, and she grinned. 

She wrapped her lips around him again, and this time she took him all the way down, until her nose was pressed against his belly, and his hands were resting on the back of her head.

“Oh, _fuck_ , Holly….”

His hips rolled forward, and she began to run her lips along the base of his cock, her tongue stroking along the underside of his cock, and then she pulled herself off of him, until her lips were just wrapped around the head of his cock, sucking it hard enough that it went “pop” when she pulled off.

“God, Hols, you’re so… fuck.”

“Mmm?”

She licked along his shaft, then lower, beginning to jerk him off, wrapping her mouth around his balls, sucking on them. 

They were hairier than she expected them to be, although she wasn’t entirely sure why she would be surprised, considering how hairy the guy was. 

She could live with that.

He moaned, and he squirmed over her, as her fingers ghosted between the cheeks of his ass.

She moved back up, putting his cock back into her mouth, as she gently probed his asshole with the tip of his finger.

He shuddered.

“Haven’t, uh, haven’t touched anything around there for fun… in a while. Oh, fuck, that’s….”

He whined, low and long, and then his cock was beginning to swell.

“Hols, I’m gonna cum. Fuck, Holly, fuck, I’m gonna cum in your mouth, if you want me to cum in your mouth you should stay there, stay, fuck, please, I want to… I want… I….”

He came in her mouth.

There wasn’t a lot of it - it was gooey and thick, and she swallowed it, and it was… it as unpleasant, and she spat it out into the drain, then tilted her head back, to get the taste out of her mouth.

She was still shuddering from her own orgasm, the ends of his orgasm on the very ends of her own, glorious, sweet shootings of her nerves.

“You know,” Sean said, helping her up, “I feel like I owe you a nice orgasm for that.”

“Yeah?”

And now Sean was getting on _his_ knees, directly under her, as she sagged against the wall of the shower, her eyes half shut, her fingers tangled in his hair.

He was licking her.

He was lapping at her clit, and then his tongue was sliding into her, before it jabbed at her clit again, and she was beginning to hump against him.

She was resting her weight on his chin, and she was more or less sitting on his face.

She’d never really sat on someone’s face before.

She liked this.

She liked it a lot.

A lot more than she thought she did, because he was licking… other bits of her, his tongue sliding along her asshole, sliding in, then back to her clit, as her toes curled.

His whole mouth was open against her, and his tongue was doing things, but so were his lips - even his stubbly cheeks, and the blunt hardness of his teeth. 

She was sobbing into her own fist, her hand tangled in her hair, and he was slurping, he was licking, he was drooling, and she was shaking, her hips working desperately against him. 

The water was drumming down on her breasts, her belly, a counterpoint to the thumping of her heartbeat, the heartbeat echoed in her clit, Dan’s heartbeat, Sean’s heartbeat, and the two of them were mixing up with her own, until it was one solid heartbeat, through her whole body.

“God, Sean, fuck, Sean, fuck, fuck _fuck_!”

The pressure in her gut was getting tighter and tighter, pulling her like a rubberband, until she couldn’t take it anymore.

She cried out as she came, and it echoed on the tile, mixing in with the sound of the water.

“You creamed,” said Sean, pulling back, kissing along her thighs. “And I’m putting a veto on any more attempts of orgasming, because I think my dick is gonna turn inside out if I’m not careful.”

“Remember to tell Dan,” she said sleepily.

“Oh yeah,” said Sean. “I forgot about that.”

He sounded sheepish.

They both yawned in unison.  
Okay. 

“Let’s go to bed,” said Sean.

“... we should dry off first,” said Holly, making a face. “I don’t want to sleep in a puddle.”

“I guess it’s a good thing that we did all of this in the shower, then,” said Sean, his tone wicked.

Holly rolled her eyes, and she shoved him gently in the side.

He made an indignant noise, but his heart was still singing, beating in time with her own. 

* * * 

“How many times can you have an orgasm in one night?”

Dan was aware that he sounded plaintive. 

“Didn’t you cum, like, ten times in a night a few months ago?”

Arin’s tone was casual, as he navigated Mario around on screen.

There was space between the two of them.

 

There had been space between the two of them, since Dan had admitted that he was in love with Arin.

There was a bit of a… wall between them.

And it was hard not to take it back, so that they could be squished close to each other, so that he could just… bask in Arin’s presence.

… goddamn it, thank god he’d said something, if he was thinking like that.

“How do you get over a crush?” Dan said, and Arin shot him a look.

“That was, like, two different questions,” said Arin.

“The two could be related,” Dan said, keeping his tone light.

“Yeah?”

Arin was blushing, all the way down to his neck.

“Well, it isn’t in this case,” said Dan. 

“No?”

“Oh, no,” said Dan. 

“So you had multiple orgasms and you’ve also got a crush on someone?”

“... something like that, yeah,” said Dan.

“Well, I dunno really how to get over a crush. I’ve been with the same person since forever, so I don’t need to really worry about crushes.”

“I know you’ve been with the same person since forever,” said Dan, and he was gritting his teeth, ever so slightly.

He was getting a bit frustrated by that.

Was that a sign that he was getting over Arin? 

Or a sign that he still had it bad?

“Well,” said Dan, “I’ve got a date tonight.”

“Yeah? Anyone special?”

Dan’s hand traced over his side, over Sean’s name.

“Someone I’ve, uh, recently gotten into,” said Dan. 

Arin grinned at him.

Dan rolled his eyes.

He used to shove Arin in the side.

This time, he shot him the bird.

“Dan is giving me the finger,” Arin told the audience.

“But orgasms. Can you die from too much orgasms?”

“I have no fucking idea,” said Arin. “I’ve never gotten to the point of that.”

“Well,” said Dan, “you’ve got a soulmate, theoretically -”

“I’m not gonna talk about my wife’s orgasms on air, regardless of how many of them there are.”

“And there are?”

Dan was grinning.

“Again; not gonna talk about it,” said Arin, and now it looked like he was clenching his jaw.

“Right, right,” said Dan. “Sorry.”

“How did you manage to cum so many times anyway?”

“You know how it is… you have a night to yourself, nothing good is on Netflix, you’re all caught up on Game of Thrones and whatnot….” 

“So you just jerk off a ton?”

“Basically,” said Dan. 

“Next time on Game Grumps,’ Arin said, and they burst out laughing as they made eye contact.

It was time for lunch, so Arin leaned over, turning the mics off.

“So why did you actually cum, like, four times?”

“Sean and Holly had a date last night,” said Dan. “They, uh, they had fun.”

“That’s good,” said Arin. “... what’s it like having two different people in your head?”

“... crowded,” said Dan, after a minute.

“Do you miss having it to yourself?”

Arin looked intrigued.

Dan shrugged.

“I don’t know yet,” he said honestly. “It’s nice… not to be lonely.”

“Were you lonely with Holly?”

“A little bit,” said Dan. 

“Maybe that’s, uh, that’s why you ended up… having a crush on me,” said Arin, and it was pretty clear that he regretted that he’d say it even as it came out of his mouth.

“Nah,” Dan said. “I had it for a while.”

“You did?”

“Yeah,” said Dan, and he sighed.

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” Dan said flatly. “It’s complicated.”

“Sorry,” Arin said, and he looked sheepish. “I’m not, uh, I’m not used to people having crushes on me.”

“There are plenty of people who have crushes on you,” Dan said.

“Well, yeah, but fans,” said Arin, and he made a vaguely dismissive hand motion. “I mean people who are into _me_.”

“Yeah, I get you,” said Dan, and then he shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell you.”

“I’m sorry,” said Arin. “I’m being a jerk.”

“A little bit,” said Dan, “but it’s okay.”

“Thanks,” said Arin. “Real helpful.”

“You can’t get better if you don’t know what you’re doing wrong,” Dan said, in a businesslike tone of voice. 

“Aren’t you the philanthropist,” Arin said, and he looked slightly annoyed.

That cheered Dan up, one some petty level.

“So what kind of thing would you wanna do for lunch?”

“... food,” said Arin.

Dan stuck his tongue out at Arin.

“I hate when you do that,” he told Arin.

“Sorry,” said Arin although he didn’t look like he was that sorry.

Dan snorted.

“And you’ve got a date with Sean tonight?”

“Yeah,’ said Dan, and he smiled fondly. “We’re gonna go to dinner.”

“Are we talking fancy dinner, or are we just talking… dinner dinner?”

“... I’m gonna assume dinner-dinner,” said Dan. “I can’t imagine Sean being into the fancy thing.”

“He could be,” said Arin. “He can’t just be the guy who’s… all over the place, always going at a hundred and ten miles an hour.”

“I feel like Sean would tell me if he wanted to do some kind of fancy thing,” said Dan, although now the anxiety was starting.

Goddamn it.

He fished his phone out, and he fired a text off to Sean.

_Were you wanting to do anything fancy tonight, or just a regular restaurant?_

_A regular restaurant, I figured. Maybe we could try a good Mexican place?_

_Sounds good!_

Okay.

That was sorted.

Wait.

_What time am I picking you up?_

_When are you done?_

_Sevenish?_

_Gotcha!_

Right.

Okay.

… hopefully this would go well.

He’d never gone on a date with a dude before.

How would it be different?

… who was gonna be paying?

“Dating is complicated,” Dan complained.

“Yeah,” said Arin. “It really is.”

“You haven’t dated anyone since you were, like, twenty,” said Dan. 

“I can still remember that it was hard!”

“... fair.”

* * * 

God (or gods, or whatever else was in charge of this kind of shit) bless Sean, because he didn’t do the “too much primping” before a date thing.

Ross used to take a while to get ready - he wanted to impress Tamar, which was dumb, since she was crazy about him from the get go.

Holly was aware that she was pouting. 

She stayed in her workroom, carefully working on her latest painting, as Sean showered, then came out, wearing a nicer pair of jeans and a button down shirt.

He’d even combed his hair.

“You look cute,” said Holly. “You might not wanna come in here. I’m all painty.”

“You gonna be painting ‘til we get back?”

“I mean,” Holly said, her voice thick, “you don’t… you don’t have to come back.”

“Of course I do,” Sean said, and he came in, giving her a loud, smacking kiss on the cheek. “I don’t want to leave my best girl up waiting for me!”

She leaned into him. 

“What are you gonna do when you get back?”

“Well, I figure we could all watch a movie -”

“I meant when you get back to Ireland.”

“Probably make a bunch of videos, like always,” said Sean.

His heart was beating very fast, for some reason, and there was a bit of agitation on the edge of his mind.

She wasn’t going to poke it.

He kissed her again, and she put down her paintbrush, leaning fully into him.

“What are you painting?”

“Crows,” said Holly. “Among other things.”

“They’re very nice crows,” said Sean. “Are those dragons?”

“Yeah,” said Holly. “My weird, warty dragons.”

“I like them,” said Sean. “Although there are a lot of different kinds of dragons, aren't there?”

Holly sighed.

Dan’s excitement towards the date was churning in the back of her mind, and so was Sean’s own agitation. 

“I don’t want us to just become a unit of three,” Sean said into the side of her neck, his breath stirring up the small, delicate hairs there. 

“No?”

“No,” said Sean. “I want us to be for each other, in different permutations. Even if me and Dan end up just being really close buddies, I don’t wanna feel like I have to drag you along every time. Especially because me and Dan like different shit than you do, and I know you’d be bored at some of it.”

“Okay,” Holly said quietly.

“I’ll always come back for you,” said Sean, and he kissed her under the ear, almost loud enough that it made her ear ring.

“That’s what Ross said,” Holly said, her own voice quiet.

“I’m not Ross,” said Sean. “And you’re not the kind of person you were when all of this started out.”

“All of this?”

“Well, not all of… this.” He indicated his soul marks, vaguely. “But… you’re not the person you were when you and Ross started out.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.” Another kiss, to her temple. “Okay?”

“Okay.” She sighed. “Can I choose the movie tonight?”

“Seems fair,” Sean agreed. “Gonna order something indulgent?”

“Probably just spoil the pigeons and everyone else,” Holly said, and she yawned. “Maybe go to bed early.”

“You want us to wake you up if you do?”

… did she?

“Yeah,” said Holly. “Please.”

“I’m gonna head off soon. Want me to bring you anything?”

“Where you going?”

“Some Mexican place,” said Sean. 

“Bring me some flan, or a tres leches,” she said. 

“Will do!”

* * * 

Sean answered the door, when Dan rang the doorbell.

“Hi,” said Dan. 

He was looking a little lost.

“Hi,” said Sean. 

“Can I, um, can I come in?”

“Sure,” said Sean, and he stepped aside.

Dan stepped in, and he looked so anxious that Sean reached out impulsively, squeezing his fingers. 

And then blushed so hard that Sean was a bit surprised that he didn’t pass out.

“Hi,” said Holly.

She came out of the kitchen, a dish towel over her shoulder.

“You doing some cooking?”

“I thought I’d make something nice for the birbs,” she said. 

“You’re cooking for them?”

“Well, no, I’m kinda just cutting up a bunch of vegetables,” said Holly.

Sean was sitting on the floor, pulling his shoes on. 

“Give us a kiss?”

Holly kissed Sean, and he tried not to ogle the way her breasts pressed against the front of her shirt.

She wasn’t wearing a bra.

She looked up at Dan, rubbing her hands together nervously.

Dan opened his long arms up, and Holly hugged him.

He rested his chin on top of her head, and he seemed to be relaxing.

His hand was resting on her lower back, where her shirt was riding up in the back.

Skin to skin contact - it sure was a thing.

Their heartbeats were syncing up.

“Ready to go,” Sean said, his shoes tied firmly to his feet.

“Me too,” said Dan, into Holly’s hair.

“I’ll see you guys later,” Holly said, and there was something almost… watery about her face, as it wobbled.

She looked like she was going to start crying.

Her anxiety was through the goddamn roof.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

Dan was speaking into her hair, but he was also talking to Sean. 

“Yeah,” said Holly. “It’s been… a while. I need to start getting over this stuff.”

“If you’re sure,” Dan said, and his expression was worried. 

“I am,” Holly said, her voice firm.

She stood on tiptoe, and she kissed Dan nervously on the cheek.

Dan was blushing.

“Shall we?”

“Let’s do it,” said Sean.

He offered Dan a hand.

Dan looked at the hand, looked at Sean’s face, and looked back at Sean’s hand.

Holly let go of Dan, and she kissed Sean again.

Her breath was soft against his.

“Have fun,” she said. “Just come back to me.”

“Always,” said Sean. 

“I promise,” said Dan.

“Okay,” said Sean, and he shoved his hands into his pockets.

Holly stood by the door, and she waved at them, as they made their way to Dan’s van.

The door closed when they opened their car doors.

“So do you feel like a total monster?” 

Sean kept his voice cheerful.

“Yep,” Dan said, his voice morose.

“But she said that she was okay with us doing this,” said Sean, determination in his voice. “So we’re gonna do it.”

“She doesn’t _feel_ good about it, though,” said Dan.

“We need to listen to what she says,” said Sean, slowly. 

He was trying to get his thoughts out in a way that made sense.

“Yeah?”

“I mean,” said Sean, “we know how she feels, but sometimes… sometimes you feel a certain way, but at the same time you know that you have to do it, you know?”

“I suppose,” said Dan. 

“Like, I hate going to the dentist,” said Sean, and he leaned back into his seat, buckling up. “You’d feel the dread - I guess you’ll _feel_ the dread, since I figure that we’re gonna have to deal with that at some point….”

“... oh god,” said Dan, and he shuddered. “But I get your point. Sometimes you do shit that you don’t necessarily want to do, but you still do it.”

“So shall we go get some Mexican food?”

“Let’s do it!”

* * * 

So far, going on a date with a dude seemed like any other time he’d hung out with a dude.

He, admittedly, didn’t usually go out to get food with dudes, one on one.

But still.

He and Sean just… got on.

Sean was easy to read, easy to talk with.

He was so much _fun_ \- he had Dan laughing, clapping his hands, doubled over.

They ate food.

It was even food that he could eat, without his stomach complaining too much.

It was so normal, except occasionally they would make eye contact, and then both of them would blush, looking away.

They were both awkward as hell, but at least it’s nice to be awkward _with_ someone, versus being awkward _at_ someone.

And their hands would brush, and there would be a tingle, but was that from Dan’s own nerves, or from Sean’s, or both?

… this soulmate stuff was complicated.

Holly’s anxiety was ebbing - maybe because she could feel their feelings, where they were calm, relaxing. 

It was a bit weird, truth be told - he’d never been on a date with someone, with someone else in his head.

“You ever gone on a date with a dude before?”

Sean was eating a taco, rather sloppily.

“Nope,” said Dan. 

He was still blushing.

“Have you ever… like, been into a dude before?”

“I was into Arin,” said Dan. “But, like, how could I not be?”

“I mean,” said Sean, “he farts a lot, he’s got a sophomoric sense of humor….”

“He’s still good looking, though.”

“I think you’re a bit biased,” said Sean, but he was grinning.

“Like you’ve never looked at someone with rose colored glasses,” Dan glowered, but it wasn’t much of a glower.

Sean’s smile would have killed it anyway.

He had such a bright smile - you could light up a room with it.

“Oh, I have,” said Sean. “I got razzed about it all the time, especially in my family.”

“Well, yeah, you’ve got a big family,” said Dan. “Isn’t part of the point of having a big family to be razzed in the first place?”

“I didn’t exactly… plan to be born into a big family,” Sean said. “It wasn’t like I put it into my rolodex or something.”

“You’re too young to know what a rolodex is,” Dan said.

“They were a thing when I was young,” Sean said defensively.

“Still,” said Dan.

Sean snorted.

“Do you feel like you’re robbing the cradle or something like that?”

“A little bit,” said Dan, “but eh?”

“Dirty old man.”

“Yep!”

“I feel like, if you were a proper dirty old man, you would have grabbed my leg by now.” Sean waggled his eyebrows.

A shot of anxiety went through Dan, and Sean shuddered. 

“Oh, shit,” Sean said. “I’m so sorry.”

“Mmm?”

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” said Sean. “I’m sorry.”

A little bit of Dan’s heart opened up.

God, Sean was sweet.

“It’s okay,” said Dan. “I… I’m still getting used to it.”

“Do you want me to back off, maybe?”

“Nah,” said Dan. “It’s nice to be chased like this, honestly.” 

Which was… surprisingly similar.

“I feel like we’ve got, like, the opposite of lesbian sheep syndrome,” said Sean.

“... we’ve got gay ram problem?”

“I feel like that would be a queer IT person’s problem,” said Sean. 

“I can’t believe you just said that,” said Dan, and he flopped back onto his chair, covering his face with both hands.

“You know you love it,” said Sean. 

Dan prodded him in the side. 

“You do!”

Sean snorted.

“You’ve got a weird sense of humor,” said Dan.

“Well, yeah, but not so weird that the rest of the internet can’t relate to it,” said Sean.

“Well, yeah,” said Dan. “But there’s a lot of weird people like that out there.”

“You’d know, considering your fanbase.”

“Hey,” said Dan. “I like my fans!”

“I like my fans too,” said Sean. “But we’re all weird.”

Dan snorted. 

“You ready to head out?”

“Maybe we could get some, uh, some kind of dessert, to bring to Holly?”

“Oh yeah,” said Dan, and he looked a bit embarrassed. “I forgot.”

… he had.

He had been so into talking to Sean that he’d forgotten that he’d promised Holly some dessert.

That would most definitely not help her with her trust issues.

Hmmm.

Sean was looking at him, a little nervous.

“What do you think she’d like?”

“You can’t really go wrong with flourless chocolate cake,” Dan said, his tone thoughtful. ”Or some flan.”

“That’s not really a thing in Ireland,” said Sean, his expression thoughtful. “What differentiates it from regular chocolate cake?”

“It’s… heavier?” Dan made a thoughtful expression. “It is tasty, though.”

“I’ll feed it to her on a fancy plate,” said Sean, and then he cleared his throat. “We’ll feed it to her on a fancy plate.”

“Does Holly even own any fancy plates?”

“... she has to. Everyone owns some fancy plates.”

“I don’t own any fancy plates,” said Dan, his tone slightly defensive.

“Yeah, but you’re a fun and fancy free bachelor,” said Sean.

“... sort of,” said Dan. 

“Yeah, fair,” said Sean. “Sorry.”

Dan raised an eyebrow.

“What are you sorry for?”

“I’m not sure,” said Sean. “I feel like I said the wrong thing.”

“Nah,” said Dan. “I’m still kinda living the bachelor life.”

“Do you think you’ll want to… you know, move in with her?”

Sean’s expression was hard to read.

“I don’t know,” said Dan. “I mean, I’ve got my space, she’s got her space, and I don’t think she’s going to move, because her house is… well, her house.”

“She didn’t let Ross have it,” said Sean.

“Yeah, but that was partially because she was still really mad at Ross.”

“Is she still really mad at Ross?”

“I’m not sure,” said Dan. “I try not to bring it up.”

“... were they happy?”

That wasn’t a question that Dan had expected.

“They were,” said Dan. “They loved each other very much. I think that Ross is still in love with her.” He exhaled thoughtfully. “Hell, I think that they’re both still in love with each other.”

“So why’d she divorce him?”

They were waiting for the cake.

“She couldn’t keep doing it,” Dan said finally, after he’d done some thinking. “Tamar needed… you know, she needed to see Ross, it was important to her. And Holly was tired of having to answer to that. I think she said something along the lines of, if she was going to be so beholden to someone, she would at lesat be dating then, and she and Tamar weren’t into each other like that.”

“Oh,” said Sean. “I guess I understand that.”

Dan sighed. 

“It’s all complicated,” he said, and he signaled a waiter.

* * * 

“Hey, Sean?”

Sean glanced over at Dan from his spot in the passenger seat.

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask a really awkward question?”

Dan’s heart was beating very quickly.

Holly’s heart was calm - she was possibly having a nap. 

“Why are you so okay with all of this soulmate stuff?”  
“Okay with it?”

“Well,” said Dan, “Holly kicked me out of the house and had a panic attack. I… was kind of uncomfortable with it as well, and I kinda hid away from everything for a while. But you’re totally okay with being with me, and being with Holly.”

“I mean,” said Sean, “I can’t really do anything about it.” He shrugged. “I like you, but as strange as it sounds… well, I can’t change it. So why worry about it? I’ve accepted it, I need to figure out how we’re going to make it work, but I don’t think the world is going to end or anything.”

“Yeah?”

“I mean,” Sean said, and he was smiling now, as the joy bubbled out of him, just a little, “I’ve got _two_ soulmates. How lucky is that? How many people get that in their lives?”

“It is kind of rare,” Dan allowed. 

They were pulling up to Holly’s house now, and Sean’s hands were shaking, just a bit.

Dan had to feel it, because he was looking at Sean sidelong.

“Are you okay?”

“I’d like to kiss you,” Sean said. “If that’s okay.”

He was usually this direct, but it always made him nervous.

“Like… on the mouth?” 

Yeah, Dan’s eyes were going wide.

He looked a bit like a scared horse.

“Yeah,” said Sean. “Although if you don’t want to kiss me, that’s okay too.”

“Would Holly be okay with it?”

“I know that she’s expressed interest in it,” said Sean. “Or at least, that she’d be okay with it.”

“You could ask her,” said Dan.

“I don’t… if I’m gonna kiss you, I want to kiss you to kiss you,’ said Sean. “Not just for Holly

He was blushing, biting his lip. 

“That’s fair,” said Dan. “Can we wait… can we wait until we’ve gotten the official all clear from Holly, before we plan anything like that?”

“Okay,” said Sean, and he smiled, a bit sheepish. “I’ve never done the polyamory thing before either. This is all so… weird to me.”

“You mean you didn’t get into this whole scenario as a bisexual polyamorist?”

“Would polyamorist be the proper noun for it?”

Sean got out of the car carefully, holding the little container of chocolate cake.

“I have no fucking idea,” said Sean. 

Dan offered his hand, and Sean took it without thinking - the alien/familiar jolt of skin on skin left him a little weak in the knees, and he blushed.

Then he knocked on the front door.

* * * 

Holly answered the door, and she was wearing a pair of pajama pants, with a cat over her shoulder.

They were holding hands, and she tried to ignore the way her stomach clenched anxiously - she just smiled at them.

“Hi,” she said. “Did you guys have fun?”

“Yeah,” said Sean. “You lot do Mexican food a lot better than we do!” 

“It kinda helps that we’re a lot closer to Mexico,” Holly said.

She leaned forward, and she kissed Sean on the mouth. 

Then she paused, looking up at Dan, and she smiled nervously. 

“Would you like a kiss?” 

She licked her lips. 

“I mean,” Dan said, and he shoved his hands in his pockets, “if you're offering?”

She glanced over at him, her eyes wide, and he looked as terrified as she was.

They both looked at Sean, and he grinned.

He looked equally terrified. 

“Far be it from me to keep you guys apart,” he said. 

Holly made a frustrated noise. 

“It’s not like that,” she said. 

“No, I get you,” said Sean. 

And then Holly got tired of the two of them back and forthing like they were at a tennis match.

She stood on tiptoe, and she took Dan's face between her hands, and she kissed him square on the mouth. 

She pulled back, and she looked up at him. 

He looked slightly shocked. 

She felt slightly shocked.

“I'll, uh, be right,” she said, and she went to the bathroom. 

Orph, tired of being manhandled, jumped down, and she made a face.

Those were claws, right in her shoulder, then down her back. 

Ow. 

The joys of cat ownership.

But the bathroom gave her a chance to cool her overheated cheeks, putting a cold washcloth on her face.

Okay.

She’d just kissed Dan.

Holy shit.

Okay.

She needed to stop repeating herself.

She had to calm down.

She had to go back out there.

In a way, it was the hardest thing she’d ever done.

She didn’t want to disappoint them, or to set some kind of… precedent.

But then again, they had the rest of their lives together.

If she screwed anything up, they could be adults and talk about it.

If she had learned nothing from the fiasco with Ross, it was that keeping her mouth shut and enduring just brought about more misery.

So.

She could do this.

She squared her shoulders up, and she walked out of the bathroom.

* * * 

Dan and Sean were sitting close enough that their knees were talking.

Dan and Holly’s hearts were both beating very fast, and the mix of emotions that they were feeling were such that Sean couldn’t untangle them.

It was like a particularly snarled ball of yarn.

He just had to find the right end, and start pulling.

Alternately, he could just let them sort them out themselves, since they’d been doing it in the years before they all shared a head.

Hell, they’d only been sharing a head for the past few days.

Surely they could manage without it.

Holly sat down next to him, between him and Dan, and she smiled at both of them, snuggling into Sean’s lap, her feet in Dan’s lap.

“So,” said Holly, “movie?”

“Sure,” said Sean. “Although one of you is going to have to get the remote.”

“Why can’t you get the remote?”

“Because it’s all the way over there,” Sean said, because, well, duh.

He rested his hands on Holly’s belly, his fingers spread out, and he felt the rise and fall of her breathing, the warmth of her skin.

Dan rolled his eyes, but he still leaned forward, grabbing for the remote and turning on the television, putting on Netflix.

“There’s that weird documentary about the people who want to have sex with robots,” Sean suggested.

“I’ve seen it already,” said Holly, and her voice was drowsy.

The anxiety she had been carrying, about Dan and him going out together, seemed to be draining away.

Thank god.

It had been putting Sean on edge.

He was finally relaxing now, stretching out languidly, and okay, his foot might have been touching Dan’s foot, through the complicated configuration of getting comfortable on the couch. 

He kissed the back of her head, more because he could than out of some great need (although he always needed to kiss her head!) and he rubbed her belly, gently.

“You’re cute,” he told Holly.

“Am I not cute?” 

Dan was pouting.

Sean reached over, and he gave Dan a conciliatory pat on the shoulder.

“You’re totally cute,” Sean promised him.

“Okay, good,” said Dan, and he grinned.

“So robot sex?”

“I thought i said I saw that already,” Holly mumbled.

“That isn’t a no,” Sean pointed out.

“I didn’t say no, you’re right,” said Holly, and she yawned. “You guys put on whatever. I’m probably gonna fall asleep.”

She had sunk down, until her ear was right up on his heartbeat.

She always seemed to find that especially comforting, even before they had become soulmates.

Her fingers were tracing over the bits of her name that were showing under the collar of her shirt.

Dan was watching the two of them with something like envy.

Until Holly rolled onto her back, and she opened her arms up.

“Cuddle up,” she told Dan.

More like ordered, truth be told.

“What, really? I don’t want to ruin your -” 

“C’mere,” Sean said, and he beckoned as well.

Dan made a vaguely apologetic noise, but he snuggled in, his head on Holly’s chest, now half draped over Sean’s lap as well.

They were all kind of squashed together, truth be told - even on the largeish couch, things were a tight squeeze.

But really, who was going to complain too much about snuggling up to their soulmate?

Holly didn’t seem to have it in her - by the time they were ten minutes into the movie, she was already out like a light and starting to snore.

“She sounds a little bit like a vibrator,” Sean said quietly.

“You mean the one that gave her, like, nine orgasms in a row?” 

Dan looked up at him, almost upside down, his expression sardonic.

“Yeah,” Sean said. “That one. I am sorry for that.”

“Hey man, it was an experience,” said Dan. “I like new experiences!” He paused. “I prefer that I can walk after them, though.”

“Even though the act of not being able to walk post orgasm might, in itself, be a new experience?”

Sean was being a bit of a brat, but he couldn’t exactly help it.

It was too satisfying not to at least try it.

He had been described once as the eternal little brother, and he supposed that in certain ways, he really did embody that.

“How about you use the thing on her now and see how you like it,” Dan said, his tone halfway between teasing and challenging.

“I’ve got one better,” said Sean, and he shook Holly awake, gently.

“Mmm?”

“Hols?”

“Yeah?”

“Would you wanna use that magic wand I used on you?”

“What, right now?”

“Yeah,” said Sean. “Since, uh, Dan was talking about it.”

She blushed.

“If you guys are okay with being… you know, sexual around each other,” she said slowly.

Sean made eye contact with Dan.

Dan looked a little nervous, then he paused.

“Can I kiss him first?”

He was talking directly to Holly.

“I dunno,” said Holly. “Why don’t you ask him?”

“Can I kiss you?” 

Dan’s big brown eyes were anxious, as they stared over at Sean, across Holly’s prone body.

“... sure,” said Sean, because hey, new experiences.

His heart was beating very fast, but so was Dan’s, so that made it better, somehow.

Not being the only ono who’s scared shitless always brightens the heart up, somewhat.

And then Holly was wriggling upright, so that they could get closer together, and she was leaning back, her arms across her chest, then letting them fall, one hand on each of their waists.

And Dan was leaning forward, his expression nervous.

Sean leaned forward too.

“The only other time I kissed a guy I was kind of having a panic attack,” he told Sean. 

“Yeah I remember,” Sean said. “I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t give me the panic attack,” said Dan. “I mean, you kinda did, but that wasn’t your intention.”

“Still,” said Sean, “I can still be sorry.”

“Could you guys just kiss already?”

Sean and Dan both turned their heads to stare Holly, who was looking at them with an expression caught somewhere between hunger and terror.

“Someone is impatient,” Dan said, and there was a layer of amusement under his own terror.

“I can’t help it,” Holly said. “I’ve been watching the two of you flirt like that, but you just _keep going_ , without doing anything with it, and I end up going a little crazy, because I know you both want to kiss each other, I can feel it. You’re just nervous.”

“Do you have no respect for the dance of seduction?”

Dan did a silly hand gesture.

Holly snorted.

So did Sean.

“I came pre-seduced,” Sean said. “Get with the kissing.”

“It _is_ like gay ram syndrome,” Dan said, in a tone of surprise. 

“... what?”

Holly was shooting Dan a confused look.

Sean lost patience, and he leaned forward, kissing Dan on the mouth, one of his hands on Dan’s shoulder, the other on Holly’s.

It was a pretty quick kiss - a peck on the lips, and then he was pulling back.

Dan blinked at him, clearly slightly stunned, and then he leaned forward again, and he grabbed Sean by the cheeks, leaning in and kissing him with his whole mouth.

Soul kissing, the way Sean’s sister used to call it.

It was an intense kiss - Dan’s tongue was in it, Dan’s warm hands were on Sean’s face, in his hair.

Dan’s hair was dry and soft against his own hands, and then there was Holly’s heart in his head, beating very fast.

He was shaking.  
“Oh,” Dan mumbled, when they pulled apart.

“Are you okay?” Sean’s own heart was beating very fast.

Dan turned, and he looked at Holly with his wide brown eyes.

“I want to kiss you. Please, can I kiss you?”

* * * 

Dan hadn’t expected Holly to say yes.

Well, he’d hoped she would say yes.

But now she had nodded, and she was leaning forward for him, as they were kissing each other, and Holly’s mouth was soft and warm against his own.

She tasted faintly like her dinner, and like herself - her skin was soft against his own, and he was hit with guilt, over the scratchiness of his own face.

When he pulled back from her, her skin was still a little pink.

He needed to shave more, before he kissed her again.

Except she was leaning over awkwardly, and now she was kissing Sean, right on the mouth, more deep kissing, and he wasn’t jealous.

He was… he was envious, but he wasn’t sure who he was envious of. 

He wanted someone to kiss him. 

He wanted both of them to kiss him.

How was he supposed to deal with that?

Maybe they caught his discontent or something, because they broke apart.

Holly was looking at him with her big green eyes, and her heart was beating nervously.

Her anxiety was already beginning to cloud his vision. 

“Are you okay?” 

Sean’s voice broke.

“I’m okay,” said Dan. “I… I want to keep kissing you both.”

“Yeah?” 

Holly was shaking, ever so slightly, and he held her to him, his hands around her waist. 

“I’m just kinda… shocked,” Dan said, trying to sort his thoughts out. “I just want to… I don’t know what I want, exactly, but I… I want to keep doing it.”

“She should get in your lap,” said Sean, unexpectedly. 

“What?”

Holly looked over at Sean. 

“I want to see it,” Sean said, and he was blushing, “I’m sorry, I’m treating this as some… bawdy thing.” He cleared his throat, and now he was looking straight at Dan. “She’s… she feels good, if she’s in your lap.”

“Why are you talking about me like I’m not here?” 

Holly gave Sean a Look, but she was climbing into Dan’s lap, straddling him.

Dan put a hand on her waist, to steady her, but some small part of her was still gibbering about the fact that _Holly was sitting in his lap_.

Holy shit.

And Sean was scooting closer, until they were thigh to thigh, and his hand was on her back, his hand spread out.

“Do you want me to kiss you again?” 

Holly’s voice was low.

There was arousal in Dan’s head.

Was it his own?

Was it Sean’s?

Was it Holly’s?

It was all mixing up, braiding together, leaving Dan light headed, almost giddy.

“I’d like to kiss you,” said Dan. “If you’d like me to kiss you?”

“I’d like to kiss you,” said Holly. “It’s why I asked in the first place.”

“I just wanted to, you know, to check. You know.”

She cleared her throat, and she was blushing.

She leaned in, to kiss him, and he leaned forward, kissing her back.

She was holding his face, and her palms were soft against the scruff of his face.

He kissed her back, his hands on her hips, pulling her closer, and they were kissing each other gently, softly.

Her mouth was so soft - she was so soft, pressing closer to him, her breasts against his chest, her knees digging into his sides.

A full wave of arousal crashed down onto Dan’s head, and he pulled back from Holly’s kiss, so that he could look at each of them.

Sean’s eyes were dark, and Sean’s mouth was wide open, gasping like he was running a race.

His color was high, and he was shaking. 

“Holy shit,” Sean mumbled.

“Mmm?”

“Seriously,” Holly said, and they were looking at each other, as if they were waiting for the other shoe to drop.

And then Holly was kissing Sean, and Dan’s hand was on the back of her head, the two of them kissing each other, and their arousal was leaving him weak in the knees.

He was shaking, and he clung to Holly, holding on to her ass, as she squirmed, grinding and panting.

Holly didn't seem to realize that she was grinding.

“You’re so hard,” Holly mumbled.

“Of course I am,” said Dan. “How could I not be?”

“I dunno,” Holly said. “Maybe… it’s too something or… other.” She shrugged. “I dunno.”

“I really want you guys to fuck,” Sean said, and then he was blushing, as they both looked at him.

“... sorry,” said Sean. “That sounded less crude in my head.”

“Don’t you want anything?”

Holly’s voice was… plaintive. 

“I want… I want to see you guys doing it,” Sean said, and he licked his lips. “And I want to… I know that Dan’s had to feel us fucking. So it’d be fair.”

“I guess you’re right,” said Holly.

Dan’s heart was beating so fast that he could barely hear anything.

“Can I… Holly, can I touch you? Please?”

“Yes,” said Holly, and she grabbed Dan’s hands.

She squeezed his hands, and then she was putting them on her breasts. 

He froze.

She squeezed his hands, making him squeeze her, and she shuddered. 

He could almost feel it. 

The intensity of her heartbeat, and the flush of arousal that was washing through him….

It was almost too much.

Almost.

He kneaded her breasts with both hands, and he squeezed, his thumbs against her nipples.

She shuddered, her hands in his hair, and he could feel the pleasure of it, which just spurred him on.

He pushed her shirt up, over her breasts, and he pressed his face into them, nuzzling them, mouthing along the side of one breast.

“You’re so… god, Holly,” Dan said, and his voice was full of something like reverence. 

“I want you in me,” Holly said, and then she was blushing, looking down, avoiding his eyes.

“Right here and now?”

“Yeah,” Holly said, her voice thick. “Please?”

“Well,” said Dan, “when you’ve asked for it so nicely….”

* * * 

Holly was sitting in Dan’s lap.

Holly was sitting in Dan’s lap, and she wasn’t wearing pants.

He was still wearing pants.

Sean had shoved his own pants down, and he was stroking his cock - the little bits of his pleasure was worming its way through Holly, and Holly was up on her knees now, and she was kissing Dan again, her hands in his hair.

Sean was touching her with his other hand, and then it was in Dan’s hair, pulling Dan’s head back, and Dan was shuddering against her, little roots of pain, and she was on her way to over stimulated.

But god….

She was fucking… holy fuck.

There was so much of this.

So much arousal, so much intensity, so much… everything.

He kissed her, and Sean’s hand had gone to her hair, tugging on it, as she kissed Dan, and there was the feedback from Dan, feedback from Sean, feedback from her own nerves.

One of Dan’s long, clever fingers was worming its way between her legs, stroking along the seam of her labia, and she shuddered, breaking their kiss to rest her forehead against his.

“I’ve wanted this so badly,” Dan told her. “I didn’t… I didn’t think we were gonna do this. Do this tonight.”

“Do you not want to do it tonight?”

She was panting in his face.

“No, no, I don’t want to… ever stop this,” said Dan. 

“We’d have to stop sometime,” Sean said. “We’ve got other shit we need to do.”

And now Sean was reaching down too, running his fingers along the names on her hips, and she sobbed, her pussy shuddering around nothing.

Her hips seemed to be some kind of new hot spot, and she didn’t know why.

But oh, Dan’s finger was inside of her, and he was looking at her with his big brown eyes, his expression anxious.

“Is that good?”

“Yes,” Holly said. “Yes, please….”

She was riding his hand. 

She was riding Dan’s hand, and that was a trip in and of itself, as Sean leaned forward and kissed Dan, a long, deep kiss.

The sweetness of it was singing through her own veins, and then she was leaning over to kiss Sean, when they broke apart.

Dan crooked his finger, and she didn't know what to do with herself, except shudder, her hips wriggling, her face pressed into Dan’s.

His stubble was rough against her face.

His finger was sweet, pressing right against her g-spot.

Sean cried out, and his hips were jerking forward, as he squeezed his cock, and she felt his orgasm as it was staved off.

“Holly,” Sean mumbled. “Holly, you’re gonna… you’re gonna cum, I can feel it, please….”

“Please?” Holly laughed, awkwardly, as she held on tight to Dan’s shoulders, as Dan nuzzled along her neck, then lower, kissing along her breasts again, taking a nipple into his mouth. “You’re… begging me for me to… cum, oh _fuck_!”

Sean shuddered, and his cock was twitching like a tuning fork.

“Please,” he begged.

Holly pressed her forehead against Dan’s, then she leaned over, and she kissed Sean.

And then Holly came. 

She didn’t mean to cum - she wanted to hold on to it, really ride the orgasm until she was shaking, drawing her own pleasure out.

But no - she was cumming. 

She was cumming all over Dan’s hand, and she was squirting, as it gushed out of her like a faucet had been turned.

“Just like that,” Dan mumbled, and even through his own rgasm, he was touching her, he was making soothing noises, holding her, as she trembled around him.

“Did you… you know, ejaculate?”

Sean licked his lips, and he was looking at both of them.

He reached over, holding Holly’s breast in his hand, squeezing it, then thumbing her nipple, pinching it in his fingers. 

She sighed, and she closed her eyes, still shaking.

“Dan, take your dick out,” she told him.

“Real romantic, you are,” Dan said, his voice flat, as he withdrew his fingers, and he was shoving his pants down.

And there was his cock.

It was… it was longer than Sean’s.

Sean was looking at it too, his eyes wide.

“Dude,” Sean said, in a tone that bordered on reverence.

“Sorry,” Dan said, although he certainly wasn’t feeling it.

The main emotion Holly was getting was something like an embarrassed pride.

“No, it’s, uh, it’s fine,” said Sean. “Can I touch it?”

“I thought you were a straight guy,” said Dan, raising an eyebrow. 

“Didn’t we already have this conversation?”

Holly tried to keep the whine out of her voice.

She wanted it in her.

Sooner rather than later.

“We did, but, like, people usually don’t go from “I’m a straight guy” to “can I touch your dick,”” said Dan.

“I did,” Sean said. “I just work that way, I guess.” He grinned. “Have I ever angsted about anything, as long as either of you have known me?”

“... well, no,” said Dan. “I guess… yeah, you can touch it.”

Holly made an annoyed noise, and Dan grinned, twisting her nipple.

She sobbed, and then she sobbed again, as Dan made some indistinct pleasure noise, as Sean’s fingers closed around Dan’s cock.

“I’ve never seen a cut one before,” said Sean, his voice rough. “I’ve never touched a cut one either.”

He stroked Dan’s cock in one long stroke, and Dan moaned, and Holly moaned, and even Sean moaned.

It was all… it was a feedback loop that fed onto itself, like some sort of ouroborus, until Holly was sobbing, Dan was shaking, and Sean was panting, his face red.

A little bit of it felt… almost like she was going too fast. 

Because she’d been so nervous with Dan, and now here she was, about to ride his cock. 

How much of her own arousal was the result of Dan’s arousal, from Sean’s?

But her stomach was tying itself in knots, as she ground her hips against him, and his cock was so hard, it was wet and it was pressed against her clit, as she ground against it, digging her knees into his sides.

“I want to… please, Dan….”

“You wanna please Dan?”

Sean was grinning at her.

Holly gave him the finger.

Sean leaned forward, and he kissed the tip of her finger.

Holly giggled. 

Her heart was beating very fast, and she was going to drown in lust - in her own, in Sean’s, in Dan’s.

Oh god.

She shuddered, and she licked her lips.

“Please,” Holly said, and she meant it, from the souls of her feet.

Dan’s arousal, the joy of Sean’s hand on him, it was infecting her like a drop of ink in a bottle of water.

“Dan,” Holly sighed. “Please?”

“Right,” said Holly. “Okay.”

* * * 

Sean gasped when she slid onto him.

So did Dan.

So did Holly.

It was a feedback loop.

An endless feedback loop.

It was Holly being penetrated, it was Dan penetrating, it was Sean watching, and feeling it, and all of them feeling the other ones feeling it, until it was nothing but feeling, three sets of nerve maps firing off at the same time, three different bodies that were connected enough to set each other off.

Holly was squeezing Dan, and Sean could feel the pleasure of being squeezed, while also the sensation of squeezing, and his own cock was throbbing in his hand, and he was stroking it, as they stared into each other’s eyes, barely moving, just… feeling.

“Hols?”

Dan’s voice was strained.

“Mmm?”

“It’s been, like, a really long time since I’ve had sex. Would you, uh… be willing to… that is….”

“Just spit it out, Dan,” said Sean. 

“I’m gonna cum in like two minutes,” said Dan. 

“I know,” said Holly. “I can _feel_ it.”

It was crouching on the back of Sean’s mind, and Sean was shaking, breathing hard as he held on tightly to his own orgasm.

If he came now, they would cum, and then it would all be over, and he didn’t want anything to go wrong with all of this, because it was just… so intense, it was enough that he was shaking, and he never wanted it to stop.

It kept going, it kept riding him like a horse, it left him limp, completely helpless to whatever was going to happen. 

And then they were moving, and Sean was pressing closer, her forehead against his side, and she was breathing so hard, she was sweating.

It was… it was quiet.

There wasn’t any banter, there wasn’t any snark, there wasn’t any talk like they usually were, it was just the three of them, feeling each other’s feelings, being overwhelmed by the sensations, the whole of it just enough that they were all this close to… something.

It wasn’t like in the romance novels that Sean had “borrowed” from his mom’s bedside table.

It wasn’t some… life affirming, glorious thing.

It was overwhelming, and it was kinda scary.

He didn’t know how he felt about this. 

Except for the fact that Holly was grabbing his hair, and he was kissing her, her mouth, his hands tangled in her hair, and Sean was shuddering.

Dan came. 

He was the first one to come, and it set off a cascade, and he was still cumming, but it set off Holly’s orgasm, and that set off Sean’s, and they were all cumming.

For the first time, Sean felt the sensation of cumming into, and being cum into.

And also the sensation of cumming across his own belly, which was incredibly familiar, but hey, you hold on to what you can.

But they were all shaking - Holly was slumped forward, and Dan had his head thrown back.

… and then Holly fainted. 

* * * 

Dan was still inside of her - his cock was pulsing in her, and her pussy was pulsing around him, and they were both shaking, and Sean was crowding close, and he wasn’t sweaty.

“She fainted,” Sean said, his tone nervous. 

“I know,” Dan said, and he was aware that he was being terse.

“What do we…?”

“I think she was, uh… I think she was overstimulated.”

“Can you pass out from being overstimulated?”

“I think so,” said Dan.

“So what do we do?”  
“Well,” Dan said carefully, “I think that… I think that she’s getting stimulus from us.”

“So we should be… what, under stimulated?”

“Something like that,” said Dan. “Can you go turn the television off? I want to give her some, you know.. Lack of stimulus.”

“Right,” said Sean and he stood up. “Okay.”

There was quiet, as Holly lay cuddled up to Dan, as Dan was carefully pulling her off of his cock, as Dan was carefully laying her on the couch, then lying down next to her.

Sean looked at the two of them, and a little shiver of jealousy shot through him.

Except then Holly started awake, and she was looking over at them.

“Sean?”

“Mmm?”

Holly was looking at him with wide eyes. 

“”Sean, I’m cold,” she said. 

Dan wrapped around her, but she was still holding her arms out for him.

“I’ll have to lie on top of you,” he warned her.

“Do it,” she said, firm enough that he hopped to it, right away.

He lay himself on her, his head resting on her breast, and she rubbed his back, as he nuzzled into her breasts, relaxing. 

“I’m being squished,” Dan said, his voice a bit choked.

“Sorry,” said Holly. “I’m sorry for, uh, for passing out.”

“It’s fine,” said Dan. “I know what it can be like.”

“You do?”

Holly raised an eyebrow.

“... I was a virgin for a really long time,” Dan said, and he was blushing. “There was, uh… there was a time when basically touching a girl’s leg would make me cum.”

Holly snorted, and Sean snuggled in closer.

He had taken his shirt off at some point, and she had shoved hers up, so they were skin to skin.

“Dan, take your damn shirt off,” Holly mumbled.

“Can we do this on the bed, maybe?”

Dan’s voice was plaintive.

“Are you that squished?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m getting squished,” said Dan. “Like, important part of me are getting squished. Compressed in ways that they shouldn’t be.”

“What important parts of you are you talking about?”

“I was thinking maybe my kidneys,” Dan said.

Holly made an amused noise.

“Let’s go to bed,” Dan said. “We can sleep.”

“I don’t know if we’ll all fit,” said Sean, but he got off of her, stretching, shirtless.

Both of their eyes were on him, and he didn’t need to feel their feelings to know exactly what they were looking at.

There was something nice about being ogled like that.

Especially by good looking people.

“You need a bigger bed,” said Dan, as he stood up carefully.

He stretched as well, his back arching.

And wow, but he was very white, but also very… long.

Lean.

There was a rawboned beauty to him, and Sean wanted to wrap his arms around Dan, hold him, press his face into that sparse chest. 

… and then he did it, because fuck it.

They had each other’s names on each other’s skin.

He wrapped his arms around Dan’s sides, and he pressed his face into Dan’s shoulder.

Dan made a surprised noise, but he closed his arms around Sean, holding Sean.

They stood there like that for a few minutes, as Dan took in the smokey, cinnamon scent of Dan’s skin, relaxing into the warmth of Dan’s body.

“You’re so bony,” Dan said, and he squeezed Sean’s sides.

Sean made an indignant noise.

“You’re one to fucking talk,” he told Dan.

“Boys,” Holly said. “C’mon.”

She was standing in the doorway to her bedroom, naked.

It made Sean’s heart beat very fast.

“Okay,” said Dan, his tone meek.

* * * 

Holly slept on the outside, and Sean slept on the other side.

Dan slept in the middle.

He would never get tired of the warmth on both sides of his body, keeping him framed in, keeping him grounded.

They were squeezed in tightly, and if it was anyone else, he might have felt like he couldn’t breathe.

But right now, it was just… it was what he needed.

And Sean mumbled in his sleep, and Holly snored like a vibrator, and both of them were kickers.

He woke up in the middle of the night, and he was curved around Sean, his face in Sean’s neck.

Holly was clinging to him, her face in his back, and she was talking in her sleep.

“Ross,” she was mumbling. “Ross….”

“Shhh,” Dan said, and he reached out behind him awkwardly, trying to pat her shoulder.

She made a soft, sad noise, and there was wetness against the skin of his back.

She was crying.

She was crying, and his own heart was breaking from it.

Sean was making sad noises - he was shaking, and he held Sean to his chest. 

“Shhh,” Dan said, fighting off the anguish that was eating his own soul.

Sean came awake, and he rolled over, looking at Dan, his blue eyes surprisingly vibrant in the dimness.

“Hi,” Sean mumbled. 

“Hey,” said Dan. 

Dan leaned forward, and he kissed Sean on the mouth. 

Sean pulled back, looking a little startled, and then he was leaning in again, one hand on the side of Dan’s head.

He kissed Dan again, and his tongue was tentative and warm in Dan’s mouth, his fingers surprisingly thin in Dan’s hair.

“Oh,” Holly mumbled, and then she was awake, and she was scrambling on top of Dan, clinging to him.

She was still naked.

There was a little bit of him that took notice - her nipples were soft against his chest, her pubic hair was ticklish against his thigh. 

He could see the shape of her, and then Sean was cuddling closer, his hand on her back.

“Sometimes I think that I never should have married him,” Holly said, right into Dan’s chest.

She was draped across him like a blanket. 

“You’re so warm,” said Holly. “You’re… you’re so warm, and I want to kiss you.”

“So kiss ‘im,” Sean said, and he yawned.

“I used to wake up Ross like this,” said Holly. “I’d wake him up. Sometimes I’d blow  as a wake up thing. He liked that.”

“Yeah? I’m sure you give good blow jobs.”

“She does,” Sean supplied.

“I was… I was lying here, and I realized I forgot what he smelled like.”

Holly’s voice was getting choked off.

“You can… you can still see him,” Dan said, aware of how awkward he sounded. “You can always… you know, you can visit him, you could try being friends….”

“No,” said Holly. “I mean… maybe someday. But if we’re friends… you don’t know what your friends smell like, do you?”

“... I’m a bad example,” said Dan, and he sighed. “I’m kinda still in love with Arin.”

Holly froze on top of him, and he wrapped his arms around her.

“I’m never… I’m here,” he told her. “I’m here as long as you’ll have me.”

“You know what I was thinking, when we were getting ready for bed?”

Holly’s voice was sleepy, rough, and there was something like heartbreak in the back of her voice. 

“What?”

Sean’s legs were tangled in Dan’s, and they were hairy. 

So very different from the smooth legs he was so used to. 

But he wasn’t… he wasn’t afraid.

“I was thinking that I’d need a new bed. A bigger bed. Since… since I like being able to stretch out. I got spoiled, when it was just me.”

“Would you rather not sleep with us?”

Sean’s tone was sleepy, but his heart was beating faster.

“No, it’s… it’s nice to have you here,” Holly said. “I don’t know what I'm gonna do when you go back to Ireland.”

“We’ll manage,” Sean said shortly, and yeah, now his heart was beating faster, and he was avoiding Dan’s gaze.

“But it feels like I’m just… jumping into this,” said Holly. “Getting a new bed for you guys. Like it means that I’m going from being married to being soul bonded, and I didn’t have any chance to figure out who I am in between.”

“I don’t think you’re being too hasty,” said Dan, aware that he was being awkward, but fuck it, he was going to be emotionally honest. “I mean… I’m the most commitment phobic person in the world.”

“I just… I don’t want to be known as your soulmate,” said Holly. ‘Or your girlfriend. If I’m your girlfriend. Am I your girlfriend?”

“If you wanna be,” said Dan. 

There was a lump in his throat.

“If she’s your girlfriend,” Sean said, “then I’d want to be your boyfriend.”

Sean sounded very nervous, and his anxiety was enough that it was making Dan antsy.

 _I don’t want a boyfriend_ , was at the edge of Dan’s tongue, but was that true?

He wanted to be Arin’s boyfriend.

In the secret chambers of his heart, he wanted it.

But… fuck it. 

“That’s fair,” said Dan. “I could… I could live with that.”

“I don’t want you to just live with it,” Sean said. “I want you to… you know, actually want to have me. As a partner.”

“I do want you,” Dan said. “I just… you know. I want to get used to it. I barely know how to do the dating thing with girls. Especially now that I’ve got the whole… fame thing.”

“Fair enough,” said Sean. “But… things are gonna get weird, when we come out with this.”

“... come out with this?”

“Well,” Sean said, and his voice was flat, “as much as I’d like to be able to keep this stuff secret, I’m not consigning myself to a life of turtlenecks. Partially because I just look stupid in them.”

“... I don’t want to deal with that,” Holly said. “Can we figure that out when we’ve sorted out what we’re gonna be doing in the future?”

“What _are_ we gonna do?”

Dan was anxious.

It was complicated - he didn’t know what he was feeling, he didn’t know what was his own feelings, what were theirs?

“I don’t want to worry about it right now,” said Holly. “We’re taking the chance to enjoy each other. And… then we can grow up and deal with it all.”

“You promise?”

There was a lot of anxiety coming off of Sean.

Dan pulled him closer without thinking, and he had his chin on Sean’s shoulder.

Holly draped herself across him, awkwardly.

“I promise,” Holly said, her voice soft. “Forever ‘n a day.”

“Okay,” said Sean. “Okay.”

And then he closed his eyes, evened his breathing out, and he fell asleep.

Just like that.

Lucky bastard.

Dan needed to sleep as well, but… well, Holly was very warm, and she was on top of him, and he couldn’t exactly sleep on his back to begin with.

But she was so comfortable - her contentment was soaking into his very bones, even as Sean’s anxiety finally ebbed away.

Dan closed his own eyes. 

Maybe he wouldn’t get any nightmares this time.

* * * 

Sean was woken up by Dan thrashing.

Holly had crawled off of Dan at some point, and he was whining, shaking. 

Sean wrapped an arm around Dan, holding on to him, his ear on Dan’s shoulder.

“Shhh,” he mumbled. “Shh… it’s okay.”

Dan curled onto his side, clutching at Sean like a barnacle.

“Okay,” Sean said quietly. 

This was a thing that was happening.

He was being clung to.

He could live with that.

He reached out, wrapping his arms around Dan, and the back of his hand brushed against Holly’s bare side.

She made a quiet little noise, and snuggled closer to Dan.

So Sean couldn’t really… move.

But he could live with this for a bit.

Worst case scenario, he could get out of the bed, if he needed a breath. 

It was solidifying things in his head.

Some scary things, but still.

It was nice, to know what he was going to do.

* * * 

The rest of the week passed in a blur.

Sean and Holly spent all their time together, with Dan dropping in whenever he had a chance.

It was agreed that Sean was going to get to spend the most time with whoever he pleased, because he was leaving soon.

They had a lot of sex.

They filmed a crossover, where Sean sweltered away in his hoodie.

And some part of Holly… she never wanted him to go.

She wanted him to stay, and she had a feeling that he knew that she felt like that.

Because she wasn’t ready for that commitment. 

She knew she wasn’t.

She was still so mad at Ross, she still resented being lumped in with being someone’s girlfriend. 

But….

But she wasn’t going to run away from her own happiness, just because it resembled a past happiness that went sour.

That wasn’t fair.

It was all complicated, confusing, and she was going to be beating her head into a wall when it was time to deal with it.

But now wasn’t the time to deal with it.

Now was the time to enjoy her time with Sean.

* * * 

And just like that, it was Sean’s last night.

Holly cooked him a ridiculously huge meal - full on mushroom lasagna, with extra cheese, and ice cream, and cake.

Dan somehow managed to find a way to clear his schedule, and the three of them sat at the table together, one on each side.

“So,” Sean said, when Holly had plopped a big piece of lasagna on the plate. “I’m gonna move to California.”

He felt their hearts speed up - he was already so used to it, what was he going to do when he couldn’t see their faces, what was he going to do when he couldn’t smell their skin?

What he was going to do when it was just him, in his own home?

… that was why he was going to do it.

Because, as much as he loved his home, loved his family….

He needed to be here.

He could already tell.

Somehow. 

Or maybe he was being hasty, but… fuck it, what’s the point of being in your twenties, if not to be impulsive.

“You can’t do that,” said Holly. “You’ll be… you’ll be losing your health care, and... how can you do that?”

Dan wasn’t saying anything - he was just staring at Sean, his brown eyes wide, shimmering.

“I… I don’t want to be apart from you,” he told Holly. “Or you,” he added, indicating Dan. “I want to live near you. With you, if you’ll have me.”

“But… but I can’t move,” Holly said.

“I’m not asking you to move,” Sean said, and he tried to keep his voice patient.

The panic was coming off of Holly in waves.

It was starting to infect him.

“I’m not saying I want to move in with you,” he continued. “I am saying that I want to live nearby, so I can see you more often than every four or five months.” 

“Oh,” said Holly, her voice quiet.

“I’ve been… I’ve been wanting to leave Ireland for a while,” Sean said. “I don’t want to… I mean, you’re not the only reason. But you’re the reason why I’m moving here. Instead of to somewhere in England, or maybe the East coast.”

“Would you… would you want to live with one of us?”

Holly was shaking so hard that her lasagna went “splat,” as it hit the plate from where it had fallen off of her fork.

“I’d like to,” said Sean, and he was keeping his voice very careful, “but.. I know that it might not be entirely what you want to do. So if you’d just… just have me here. I want to live near you. In LA.”

“Okay,” said Holly. “Okay.”

“Hols, talk to me,” said Sean. “Please?”

Dan’s hand was on Holly’s leg, and Sean reached out for her, his hand on hers.

She squeezed his fingers, and she was still shaking.

“I’m… this is a big thing,” she said slowly, quietly. “I’m afraid that we’re moving too fast.”

“In fairness,” said Sean, “we’ve been dating for almost six months.”

“Sort of,” said Holly.

“And… and I have feelings for you,” Sean plunged on, because fuck it.

If he was going to dig this grave, he might as well dig it as deep as he could.

Or something.

Either he was panicking as well, or else Holly’s panic was rubbing off on him.

“Guys,” Dan said, and Sean could tell that he was keeping his voice calm, even, “guys, you need to breathe.”

“I am breathing,” Holly said, and her voice was harsh.

“It’s okay,” Dan said. “It’s... I’m scared too, okay?”

“I’m not afraid,” Holly snapped, and then she was standing up, pushing her chair back, making her way back towards the backyard.

The door slammed, and then a wave of terror washed over Sean, followed by the sensation of crying - the stuffed head, the runny nose, all of it.

“Well,” Sean said, “I cocked that one up.”

“A little bit, yeah,” said Dan, although he looked sympathetic.

“What do I need… I mean, like… what should I have said?” 

“I have no idea,” said Dan. “This is all complicated. She’s afraid of committing herself to something, or someone.”

“I’m already connected to her, though,” said Sean. “She was saying how she missed me, how she was going to miss me. How she didn’t want to be away from me.”

“There’s a difference between wanting to be with someone after you’ve spent a week with them, and someone saying they’d move to a different country for them,” said Dan.

“You’re being too reasonable about this,” Sean said.

“I can’t help it,” said Dan. “I’ve got you freaking out on one side and her freaking out on the other. If I start freaking out this whole house will be nothing but freak out, and I feel like that would bother the cats.”

“God forbid we bother the cats,” said Sean.

“Exactly,” said Dan. “Do you want me to go out and talk to her for you?”

“I think so,” said Sean, and he sighed, flopping back into his chair. “I’m a fucking idiot.”

“You’re not,” said Dan, and he stood up, kissing the top of Sean’s head. 

It was tentative, nervous, but it was appreciated. 

* * * 

Holly was sitting on a lawn chair in front of the pigeon loft.

Nobody was awake right now - she could see the various pigeons roosting, with the occasionally quiet noise as someone resettled themselves on their nest.

She had her knees drawn up to her chest, her chin resting on them. 

“Hi,” said Dan, and he was a shape in the dark, coming over from the lighted house. 

Holly looked up at him.

“Hi,” she said quietly.

“You okay?” 

Dan came up behind her, reaching his hands out to rest on her shoulders, then drawing them back, shoving his hands in his pockets.

She looked over her shoulder at him, and he was looking… nervous.

“Sean is, uh… feeling pretty dumb,” said Dan.

A spark of irritation came up her throat, and she bit back the urge to let it come out of her mouth.

“I know, Dan,” said Holly. “I can feel it. He’s in my head, too.”

“He… he cares about you. A lot.”

“I _know_ ,” Holly said, and oh god, now she was yelling. And she didn’t seem to be able to stop. “I know what he’s feeling, I know what he wants, I almost know what he’s thinking! I only had you in my head, and now it’s… now it’s two of you, there’s three of us in this, and we’re gonna get found out, and then I’m gonna have to live as Jacksepticeye’s girlfriend, or else I’m gonna have to -”

Holly was crying.

She was crying so hard that she couldn’t breathe, and she was clutching at herself.

Dan was crouching in front of her, and his hands were on either side of her head, pressing their foreheads together.

“I know you’re afraid,” Dan said quietly, “but I think he’s afraid too.”

“I know he’s afraid,” Holly said, her voice rough. “I kinda miss when I just took him on his word that he was feeling like crap, and not actually feeling everything he felt.”

Her head was already stuffed up, her nose running. 

“I know it’s scary,” said Dan. “I’m scared too.”

“What are you scared of?”

“Of being sublimated,” said Dan. “Of the fact that I had so many plans for my life, and now they’re not gonna go to fruition.”

“Like what?”

“I wanted to get married. To my soulmate, I mean,” Dan said, and okay, that felt a little bit like a slap in the face, although she didn’t know how to explain that to him. 

He must have felt the conflicted mix of pain and anger, though, because he looked at her, his eyes wide.

“You know I can’t do that,” Holly said, her voice rough.

“I know,” said Dan. “And you wanted to be with Ross, and then you wanted to be by yourself, and now… well, I mean, theoretically you could be by yourself.”

“I’ll never be by myself,” Holly said, and she rubbed her eyes with both hands, until Dan was offering her a crumpled up napkin from the pocket of her jacket.

She blotted her eyes, and blew her nose.

“I’m being selfish,” she said, as the panic started to subside.

“A little bit,” said Dan. “But I think… I think you’ve earned it, at least a little.”

“Yeah?”

“But only a little bit,” Dan added. “I mean… Sean is gonna be leaving his whole family.”

“I know,” Holly said, and she wiped her nose. “I’m sorry.”

“Uh, guys?” 

Sean was poking his head out from the sliding door. “Can I come out?”

Holly gestured for him to come closer.

The panic had more or less subsided - she was calm. 

For a given value of calm.

And then Sean was crouching in front of her as well, his elbows on her thighs.

“Hi,” Sean said. 

“Hi,” said Holly. “I’m sorry I just kinda… ran off.”

“It’s okay,” said Sean. ‘I can understand why you were kinda freaked out.”

“So… would you want to move in with me?”

Her hands were shaking, as they caressed along his hair.

“Ideally?” He was avoiding eye contact, and he was blushing. “I would, uh, I’d like to live with you. I like being around you. But there’d be… there’d be a lot of life rearranging, between your animals and my… shouting.”

“Right,” said Holly.

“And if Sean was living with you, I’d want to live with you,” said Dan. “I mean… since we’re being brutally honest. I want to be with both of you”

“Why do you guys wanna live with me?” Her heart was beating very, very fast. 

“Because… because when I’m around you, I feel like… I feel like whatever is missing in me isn’t missing. Maybe it’s because we’re soulmates, or maybe because it’s just… it’s just us being ourselves, and us being ourselves makes me feel more like _my_ self.”

“Oh,” said Holly.

“... I don’t want to be away from you,” said Sean. “I… I love you. And I’m not supposed to say that, I’m sorry,” he added, no doubt feeling the new dose of panic that was flooding Holly’s mind, “but… you already know that, don’t you?”

“Why do we even bother to speak?” 

Holly almost wished that she didn’t have to, as stuffed up and panicky as she sounded.

“Because our feelings are what we feel,” said Dan, “but our actions and our… choices are the important part. Okay?” 

Sean took Holly’s hands in his, and he looked her in the eyes. 

“If you tell me you don’t want me to move here… I’m still gonna move to California, unless Dan asks me not to as well.”

He was looking nervously at Dan.

Dan was looking equally nervous.

“I… I don’t know how I feel about that level of….” And then he sighed. “Okay.” He seemed to be coming to some kind of decision. 

He pressed his hand against Sean’s chest, then moved his hand up, so that his fingers were resting on his own name.

“We’re about as committed as we can get,” Dan said, his tone resigned. “You wanna live in California - you wanna be my fucking… roommate, you go ahead.”

“Roommates,” Dan said, “Or… I dunno. Boyfriends. Whatever.”

And then his face… it did something.

It opened, or it… something.

Holly kept her eyes on both of them.

Something was about to… happen.

Her emotions were a mess, her face was sticky from crying, her nose was running.

She just watched her two soulmates, as something changed in the fundamental landscape of Dan’s heart.

* * * 

Dan’s heart was beating very fast. 

He was aware of it, on a distant level.

“Sean,” Dan said, “are you… are you sure that you want to live here? Like… be soulmates, be partners, do the whole shebang?”

“The whole shebang,” Sean echoed.

Sean’s heart was beating in Dan’s head. 

So was Holly’s.

They were beating in sync.

“And… you’d wanna be with me?” He was speaking from a long way off.

“Well, yeah,” said Sean, and he was laughing, although he was also crying, just a little bit. “I’m gonna move to fucking California.”

“How’d you decide on this, in just this one week?”

“I just… I wanted to….” Sean sighed. “I’m leaving behind, like… everything. But also my everything else is here. If I’m not gonna… if I’m gonna have soul mates, and you guys both live here, then it’d be only fair to move here. And it’s not like I can ask Holly to move all of her birds, and I don’t know if she’s… ready to move.”

“I am right here, ya know,” Holly mumbled, and she wiped her nose, snuffling.

“Would you be okay with Sean moving in with me? Or with… I guess us moving in with you.”

Dan was giving Holly the biggest puppy dog eyes.

“I… I think I need some time. But I think I can be okay with it. As long as, uh, as long as he isn’t just coming here next week or something.”

She was crying again, but the anxiety in her mind was lessening, with each beat of her heart.

“Fuck it,” she said, to the universe at large. “Sure. Move in.” She prodded Dan in the side. “If you move in… you’re not getting another recording studio. And I want to have… you know, I want to have my own room.” 

“Of course,” said Sean. “I’d need… I’d need a room to record in. For my videos. Or I guess… I can talk to Mark about it. I can… I can figure something out.” Then he groaned, covering his face with both hands. “Immigration is gonna be a nightmare.”

“It’d probably be easier if you were married to an American citizen,” said Dan. 

He was aware that his hands were sweating.

He was aware that his mouth was very dry.

Holly’s heart was beating very fast, and there was another jerk of adrenaline, anxiety and panic roiling in her head like a witch’s cauldron. 

“I can’t get married again,” Holly said. “I’m sorry. I just… I can’t. I can’t do that, I can’t… I’m sorry.” She wiped her eyes on the back of her hand. “I hate saying sorry,” she mumbled, and she sniffed, crying harder. “I’m ruining it, and I’m… I’m sorry!”

Sean pulled her down onto the ground next to her, next to the pigeon loft, and they were sitting on the concrete, clinging to each other. 

“You don’t have to,” said Dan. 

“But you just - oh.” 

Sean stared at Dan, his eyes wide. 

“Are you seriously…?”

“I mean,” Dan said, “I can get on one knee if you want me to?”

“But… we didn’t even know we were soulmates a week ago!”

“So do you not want to do it?”

“... what’s going on here?”

“I think that Dan is asking me to marry him,” Sean said, in a slightly choked off voice. 

“Yep,” said Dan, and he grinned. “I mean… I did want to marry my soulmate. Do want to marry my soulmate. I want to marry them. Him. You?”

“... so is this a marriage of convenience or because you actually want to marry me?”

Sean looked a little green around the gills in the dim light coming in from the house.

“I mean,” Dan said, “we’re both… we’re both soulmates. But the two of us are gonna be… I mean, this shit is for life. You and me are gonna be stuck together.”

“We’re gonna have to tell the fans,” said Sean. “And… shit. Oh god.”

“... would you still want to be with me?”

Holly’s voice sounded anxious.

Dan took Holly’s fingers, and he kissed the back of her hand. 

He took Sean’s hand in his other hand, kissing the back of it. 

“I’m here for both of you,” he told them. “I promise. And I don’t want you to think that… I don’t want you to think that I don’t want to marry you, Holly. I totally would. But….”

“Bigamy is illegal, and I’m never doing that again,” Holly supplied. 

She was smiling at them. 

“So you wanna do it?” Dan smiled nervously at Sean. 

“Fuck it,” Sean said. “Let’s do it. Let’s get married.” 

Holly squeezed Dan’s fingers, squeezed Sean’s. 

And they squeezed hers back. 

* * * 

It was some time later.

A good long time later.

And Holly was standing next to Sean, as he signed an official looking piece of paper, initialing it in all the right places.

And now Dan was signing it as well, and his hand was only shaking a little bit. 

The justice of the peace smiled at them both. 

“I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss the groom.”

Holly stood on tiptoe to kiss Dan on the mouth.

They’d been living together for three months now.

It was complicated, and it was weird, and sometimes it was uncomfortable, but he was there, even in her horrible moods, and he wasn’t there when she needed her space.

And Sean wouldn’t be moving to the states for a few months, but, well… having a marriage certificate helped.

They’d hold the actual wedding at… some point.

In the future.

When they were ready to tell the fans.

For now, Sean wore scarves a lot, hoodies, turtlenecks.

The fans had started to notice, make silly drawings about it.

And now Sean was pouting, as Holly leaned forward and she kissed him too. 

Her heart sped up, just a little bit.

And when she pulled back, Dan was kissing Sean, and when they pulled apart, Dan’s eyes might have been glistening a little bit. 

“Sorry,” Dan mumbled, and he wiped his eyes on the back of his eyes.

Holly grabbed their hands, squeezing each set of fingers in her own.

“I don’t like it when people say sorry,” said Holly. “You have nothing to say sorry for.”

And they both just smiled at her, as their three hearts beat in unison.

**Author's Note:**

> Like this fic? 
> 
> Want me to write something like it, or completely different?
> 
> Come talk to me on Tumblr! 
> 
> theseusinthemaze.tumblr.com!


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